Diversis Mundi Magia Actum
by 3-13 Sniper
Summary: Waking up as the opposite gender? Uncomfortable, but not all that hard to deal with. Surviving in the Madoka Magica universe? Difficult, but not impossible. But handling both of the above while scrambling to complete a no-deaths run of the main show under the threat of erasure from the multiverse? Oh, suuuure, and I might as well get Kyubey to empathize with humanity, too.
1. Why Me, of All People?

My head hurt.

So did my chest. And my arms, too. And my legs… actually, I think my _everything _hurt.

Why did my everything hurt?

And for that matter, why was I lying on the ground and not in my bed? Why was I outside, next to a huge white building? Why was I even out of my room in the first place?

_What the hell happened last night?_

Rubbing my eyes to clear away any lingering tiredness, I managed to get my feet under me and rise up on unsteady legs. Spotting a convenient bench nearby, I stumbled over to it, nearly falling to the ground a few times in the process.

Everything still hurt. _Why?_

Collapsing onto vanilla bench wood, I rested my forehead in my hands and my elbows on my upper legs, and began to think.

How did I get here? Why was every inch of my body in pain? Where was I in the first place?

Lifting my eyes up, I decided that a quick scan of my surroundings would probably be a smart course of action. And as it turns out, that ended up being a pretty good idea.

Because it made me realize that none of the signs displayed around here were in English. Instead, smooth, mechanical strokes indicating digitally-produced Japanese text was what all of the tiny, single-subject information boards displayed.

That fact alone was enough cause to let out a small "oh, shit."

But with that done, I decided it was probably time to turn my attention to myself, to make sure nothing else was wrong.

_Okay… black zip-up hoodie, good, at least I still have that. Black shoes, classic white socks, good. Not having foot protection would be a real pain. On that note, black sweatpants, great, check those off the list. Uhhh… alright, black shirt under the hoodie, so I'm good on casual wear._

I then noticed that yes, something _was_, in fact different,

_...hold up, wait. Is… is my chest larger than normal? Yeah, it definitely is. And why can't I feel my…_

I felt one of my hands drift down towards my pelvic regions, before it froze when I began connecting the dots.

_Oh. I think I'm starting to understand what's going on here._

I probably would have started trying to repress a freakout right then and there, if my jittery motions hadn't notified me that I also had a few things in my pants pockets. In my left…

_Hey, it's my phone! That's… sort of a relief? Assuming someplace around here has an unlocked router, I can probably use google maps or something to find out where I ended up. If it actually works, that is._

In my right, however…

_A folded piece of paper?_

It looked pretty unprofessional - the paper itself seemed to be a standard issue 8.5" by 11" white sheet, folded in half twice to make it more compact. Nothing was written on the outside, so I decided to open it up to see if there was anything useful inside. And what I found…

_**Hello. I'm sure you have a lot of questions at the moment, but I don't have much space on this sheet, so I won't be able to answer all of them. Rest assured, though, despite what you may think, I'm here to help.**_

_Well, okay, Mysterious Benefactor. Asking me to trust you like that without even knowing who you are is a bit much, but I'll bear with it._

_**First up - where you are. You've probably noticed that you're not in California anymore, huh? Allow me to clear things up for you. If nothing has gone wrong by this point, you're probably reading this letter on May 16th, 2046, right next to Mitakihara City's General Hospital.**_

The last line stopped me cold.

_...wait, run that by me again. Mitakihara City? They don't possibly mean __**that **__Mitakihara, do they?_

_**And just in case you're not sure of the implications of that - which I can understand - then yes, you're in THAT Mitakihara City. Right at the beginning of a certain person's time loop, actually. Speaking of which, keep an eye on the front door. She'll probably be coming out soon.**_

My urge to freak out was once again overpowered by my curiosity, and I chanced a look at the entrance to the hospital. And as if on cue, a girl with long, silky black hair, purple eyes, and the expression of a total hardass on her face walked through the door, her driven stride indicating that she had a purpose and knew it.

_...that was impeccably timed. But hel-looo anyway, Hameru._

I unconsciously snickered a little when that nickname brought up memories of a certain parody series.

_Ah, 4chan humor. What a wonderful distraction from my crumbling worldview. Not to mention sanity._

That was enough sidetracking, though. Back to the letter.

_**You may also be wondering 'why?' to a lot of things. Concerning the reasons you were brought here, all I can really say is that it was random chance. Of course, whether or not said 'random chance' was rigged is another matter altogether. **_

_That's… not very comforting. If it was rigged, then, well, I'm flattered, but... why me, of all people? Why not any other person that's better than me? Seriously, around seven billion humans to choose from, and you pick the high-functioning autistic 17-year-old nerd who may or may not have ADHD? What the fuck were they thinking?_

_**As for the sudden sex swap, that was justified with the argument of 'giving you more options,' so to speak.**_

_Okay, I can understand that. Can't exactly do much in this world if you're not a girl, if you catch my drift. But… what am I actually supposed to do here?_

_**And now for the million-dollar question - why you're here at all. There's really no easy way to say this, so I'm just going to give it to you straight.**_

I involuntarily gulped, and took a deep breath to prepare myself for what I dreaded would be my death sentence.

_**You've been tasked with completing a perfect, no-deaths run of 'Timeline 5,' a.k.a. the main Madoka Magica story. Failure to do so will result in your existence across the multiverse being erased entirely. Before you ask, that also means you won't be able to return home. You know what that means, right?**_

My eyes widened.

_Oh…_

My hands began to shake a little more.

_Oh, __**shit.**_

I felt myself break out into a cold sweat.

_Failure means… oh, __**damn. **__I guess I better give this my actual best, otherwise… ooohh, mom and dad are gonna be __**pissed **__that they spent all that money for nothing. Not to mention all the game releases I'll never get to experience if I do bite the dust. I'd find a way to bring myself back just to erase myself again if I ended up missing those because of some stupid mistake. Jesus… whoever did this really knows how to motivate a guy, huh?_

_**Assuming you haven't snapped yet (good on you if so), you're likely thinking that you need some help. While I can't give you any in the traditional sense, I can tell you that Kyubey's probably your best bet, loathe as I am to say that. But for now, you've got more immediate things to worry about, like a place to stay. Thankfully, that's one of the few areas your 'boss' has decided to help you out with. Use what you can to find your way to the address below - it's not much, but what you need is a safe place to sleep in, not a pad full of swag, so you'll just have to deal with it.**_

I made sure to take note of the address, and reminded myself not to burn the letter until I reached the spot.

_**By the way, something else you should know - while I can confirm that most of the side-story content is intact in this timeline, the chances of it actually interfering with your efforts are so astronomically low that they might as well be considered zero. Rest assured, you won't have to deal with Oriko or anything concerning Kamihama City in general. While I'm on that, you'll likely be happy to know that you're only here for the show's timeline. Anything past that - like Rebellion, if it could even still happen at the end of whatever new sequence of events you create - is something that you won't have to deal with, because by that point you'll either be wiped from existence, or back home.**_

I unconsciously let out a relieved breath.

_I didn't know I needed to hear that, but now that I have, god __**damn **__is that a load off my shoulders. Silver lining, I don't have to worry about things I haven't seen or read up on!_

_**Oh, before I run out of space, I should probably tell you this.**_

_**Your name is Audrey Erryn. As of two days ago, your parents have been occupied with work-related matters, and all signs point to that occupation lasting for at least another month. You've been hit hard with a bad case of senioritis, and have gone on a personal 'vacation' to Japan to clear your head and regain your motivation. You arrived yesterday and have already set yourself up at your designated hotel. You did take a few Japanese classes, but have mostly forgotten the material, and have taken a handy-dandy (albeit old-fashioned by today's standards) translation book along with you to help out - although you forgot it at your hotel when you left earlier, along with your wallet. Your parents also managed to hook you up with a limited-time phone plan that gives you unlimited mobile data for two months.**_

I closed my eyes, tilted my head up, and pulled as much of a satisfied fist-pump as my fracturing emotional state would allow.

_Thank Godoka, I actually exist here! That's gonna let me bypass __**so **__much easily-avoidable shit. Even better, they already came up with a Rule 63 name for me, so props for that. Plus some other quality-of-life features, woo! Feeling pretty good about the fact that I'm not starting from square zero… like a certain other isekai protagonist. I did leave some stuff behind, but that's practically par for the course with a memory as crapshooty as mine._

_**I'd love to tell you more, but that seems to be all I have room for. Sorry about that.**_

_**Good luck, Audrey. And never forget:**_

_**Being meguca is suffering.**_

Despite myself, I stifled a short laugh.

_Wouldn't have it any other way, bro._

With its usefulness mostly expired, I folded the paper back up and returned it to my pocket.

Then my head fell back into my hands as the weight of the undertaking I was just forced into actually hit me.

_Oh, jeez… I can already tell this is gonna go to hell in a handbasket real fast. What to do…_

I stood up after a while, the shaking having died down to the point that I experienced minimal difficulty doing so.

_Okay. First task, find my hotel. After that… big 300-IQ brainstorm time._

I pulled my phone back out, quickly navigating through a familiar interface and punching in the address of my future residence in no time at all. It wasn't too far - if I moved quickly, I could get there in around half an hour. With my destination set and a route calculated, I set off.

_I don't have the slightest idea of why it was me that they brought here, or what the hell I'm gonna do to fix this mess… but I've got no choice. _

My empty hand balled itself up, and my eyes narrowed.

_I've only got one shot at this, and it's do or die. Right now, I have nothing to lose, and everything to gain. So you know what? Game on, Brazilian Night. Let's see if you can handle the full force of my nerd rage._

* * *

**A/N: For those of you wondering where I've been these last few months... well, this isn't quite it, but it counts for one of them.**

**In any case, hello. I got the idea for this story about a month ago, around when I first started playing Magia Record. From the limited experience I've had with this fandom, it seems that it's not really a stranger to the Self-Insert genre, but it is a bit of a stranger to one that's also a gender-bender. So I went 'hey, why not? It might be just what I need to replenish my motivation to work on my other stories.' Then it spiraled wildly out of control, and suddenly I found myself over 15,000 words deep into a project that was never meant to get this big over the course of thirty days. So then I just thought 'well, hell, I've done this much, might as well go all-in,' and here we are at the introductory chapter of 'Diversis Mundi Magia Actum,' Latin for 'Different World Magic Chronicles' (or technically 'Acts,' but there's not really a word in the Latin dictionary that directly translates to 'Chronicles,' so I had to settle for this). Truthfully speaking, it was probably a mistake to use a title produced by google translate, but I'm not very well-versed in Latin myself, so sue me.**

**Anyway, there you have it. I have a rough timeline of events for this whole organized mess, but it's very subject to change, so I can guarantee that there will be at least one unexpected occurrence on both sides before the ride's over.**

**And with that said, I'll now take my leave. Feedback of all kinds is appreciated, and if you have any issues with anything, feel free to let me know (as long as it's not 'self-insert, reeee!' or some other silly and purely subjective complaint).**

**See y'all in chapter 2!**


	2. Is This Even Possible?

**EDIT, 10/13/20 - New introductory scene added.**

* * *

_Huh. _

The note had said that my new residence was modest. Arriving at it revealed that it was exactly as advertised. Well, for my standards anyway. I'd heard all manner of stories about how compact Japan's apartments were, so finding that it was exactly how I'd expect a western hotel room to look like was a bit of a surprise, but a very welcome one.

The hotel itself seemed fairly well-off, to my mild satisfaction. It wasn't anywhere as glamorous as the stereotypical five-star joint you'd see on billboards and the like, but from what I'd seen while I walked through, practically nothing in the place could be described as 'shabby' in any sense of the word, merely 'simple'. Perhaps even 'minimalist', though that might be stretching it. The floors were squeaky clean, the customer service was competent despite my near total inability to communicate in the native language (mostly because it was digital, but still), and from what peeks I'd managed to sneak, the kitchen certainly seemed nowhere near a bust. For all intents and purposes, it was perfect.

_Guess my 'boss' really knows their hotels. I can't think of anything to complain about that doesn't boil down to personal preference._

The room itself, like I said, was exactly what I'd expected. A bed, a TV on the opposite wall, a desk and chair off to the side, and a single window. From my inexperienced eyeballing, about…10, 12 by 24. Or 28. Whatever. Point is, not too cramped, not too big.

That also included the bathroom, too. Which contained a neat shower tub combo. Not that I'd be taking any baths with it, but having options was never a bad thing.

It also had a mirror. Which I was currently using to examine myself. Or… my new self.

Perpetually tired yet paradoxically sharp grey eyes stared at the reflection in the glass, stuck on an angular face with an unremarkable nose and lips that always felt a little fatter than everyone else's. Eyebrows that could be considered bushy furrowed themselves, inadvertently calling attention to the oh-so-slightly darker skin extending a tiny bit past the lower eyelids that never quite seemed to go away. Topping it off was a heap of darkish brown hair that only knew the touch of a brush once every six months, if not an entire year. I never did pay much attention to my hair, save for how I always made sure the wild bangs in the front never got long enough to start obscuring my vision. Really, an extra inch or two longer and it could probably be called an untamed natural mullet, were it not also for the two framing locks on both sides of my head that went about as far as my chin. Those, however, I could say with confidence did not exist before.

_Weird. Actually, it almost looks like an alternate representation of my attempt at sideburns. Hm… y'know, I like it, they look neat. Kinda like Sayaka's, only… messier…_

I would later find out from a fit of curiosity that the new 'cushions' on my chest, if you could even call them that, were… average. Nowhere close to a certain blonde's rack, but big enough to put me ahead of the rest of the cast, which to my clueless ass meant that I'd be classing myself as high B to low C. I honestly didn't really know what to think about that. I mean, most animes had healthy doses of A-cup angst and D-cup distress and what-have-you, but nobody ever seemed to notice the B-cup blandness. When I really looked at it, it ended up feeling like I'd been given the one size that really doesn't have anything special to go with it just so something out there could have a laugh and go 'yeah, screw you, you ain't shit'. Which just seemed redundant, since I already knew I was trash-tier. Tell me something I don't know, why don't ya.

That was then, though. Right now, I was trying to come to grips with the ramifications of my new existence.

"...shit."

The operative word there being 'trying'.

_Fucking hell… it's happening. This is really happening._

Discovering that my voice now sounded like a tenor Cindy Robinson did nothing to help the fact that I felt like I was walking around in someone else's skin - which I technically was. For all that my face looked like my previous one, it had enough tiny differences to make it obvious that it wasn't the same.

_Man, I just… god. __**Fuck.**_

One of my hands absently lifted itself up to mess with one of the new additions to my hairstyle, twirling it around and giving it a few tugs. It felt like the last yank nearly tore the lock from my head.

_That shit's real. It's all real._

The hand dropped to the new curve in my chest, deciding that was to be its next text subject. It gripped, then moved, in all directions. Like with the hair, it pulled, and pulled again. I felt everything.

_Flesh. Actual, fucking __**flesh**__._

Looking at that hand called my attention to how it felt just a little smaller, which ended up bringing a number of smaller realizations along with it. My center of gravity was off, which had nearly caused me to fall over more than a few times on the way here, there was much less hair in general except on the top of my head, my bone structure was different… and this wasn't even touching on the extremities. The only thing I could take any sort of solace in was the fact that for all the changes I'd gone through, I didn't feel any taller or shorter.

_That shouldn't be me. It __**can't **__be me._

But it was.

_Because if it is, then..._

The bottom of my vision started becoming fuzzy. The girl in the mirror's eyes had taken on a watery shine at the edges.

_Jesus bloody Christ._

I'd always wondered what it would be like to be the protagonist of an isekai story. Whenever I'd entertained the thought, I'd always jokingly hoped that whoever would end up writing it wasn't a quote-unquote 'healing type'.

So of _fucking _course Murphy's Law dictated that I had to get stuck in one of Gen "Urobutcher" Urobuchi's famous works of suffering. What better way to screw over a hapless nerd who'd never gone through some honest tragedy in his life?

_I'm going to die._

_I'm going to die._

_**I'm already dead.**_

Tears were now streaming down the face of the person staring back at me. But my breathing was stable. I wasn't shaking. No sounds left my mouth.

_Wow. I can't even break down properly. Piece of shit brain._

The only other thing I had left to offer my reflection was a broken smile.

* * *

Aside from arriving at the hotel and finally experiencing the repressed freak-out, the rest of the day wasn't really all that eventful.

A small victory came in the form of the cash in my wallet being already exchanged for local currency. Not to mention the fact that I had _substantially _more capital than I could remember before I was booted to Mitakihara. My reaction to the fact that I had suddenly gained over **twenty thousand dollars'** worth of Yen was… certainly appropriate.

By which I mean that I laughed like a madman drunk on power for a solid two minutes. I counted my lucky stars when I ended up receiving absolutely zero noise complaints after I was done.

I didn't really understand why my benefactors had given me so much money when I was only going to be here for around a month and a half at most, but I resolved to not look a gift horse in the mouth. If I had it, it stood to reason that I was going to need it at some point, and I would know when the time came. Or something like that, at least. Whether or not it was actually a Chekhov's Gun disguised as a cheap (ha) handwave was still up in the air.

The tourist's translation book wasn't really anything special, but it did its job as well as an item of its nature could be expected to. In my hands, I assumed the effect would only be slightly more noticeable than if it was in the possession of a completely green newbie, but I was content to take whatever advantage I could.

Anyway, besides that, the only thing I did worth taking note of would be brainstorming possible actions for screwing up the storyline. In an incredible stroke of fortune, I had just finished experiencing the show's English dub for the first time right before my inter-universal transportation, so all the major events were fresh in my mind. A general timeline with events in chronological order was easy enough to construct, even with a memory as hilariously unreliable as mine.

Time-stamps, on the other hand, were a complete mystery. Aside from a few explicitly stated instances - the start of the loop happening on the 16th, Homura transferring on the 25th, and Sayaka's funeral being held around one month after that - the exact dates of most of the show's events were completely up to fan interpretation. Though, some events could be given relative points of occurrence via the context and dialogue of related events, such as the beginning of Sayaka's personal crusade against witches beginning around a week or so before her death. But even that was limited to a scant few things, and could hardly be applied to the majority of Timeline 5's story beats.

As you can probably expect, not knowing the dates of almost every single event that I would have to meddle in would remain a major source of the immense amount of stress I would experience throughout this bizarre adventure (heh).

Nonetheless, I transcribed everything I could remember onto a flowchart created with the help of my phone (thanks, Google Drive). I took care to make the descriptions of each event as detailed as possible, and while I was sure it wasn't the best, I was also certain that it wasn't the worst, either.

But things got a little more complicated when I moved onto the 'big master keikaku creation' item on my agenda. And by that, I mean I ran headfirst into a brick wall.

I was completely lost as to how I was supposed to go about actually pulling off something as insane as this. To even have a smidgen of a chance at succeeding, I was going to have to step into the big twist moments this story contained. And by doing so, I would functionally render all my foreknowledge worthless. The simple fact that I was restricted to a no-deaths run basically meant that I'd have to throw everything I knew about all of Timeline 5's events past episode 3 out the window entirely. And therein lied the problem - how was I supposed to alter the ending of a completely new story?

I had to wonder…

_Is this even possible?_

Walpurgisnacht was… an endgame boss, to put it simply. Although it felt more like a post-game superboss - an enemy you would face only when you had prepared everything beforehand down to the last possible minute detail. Although it _had _been beaten on a few special occasions, those had all been timelines where Madoka had contracted, and it didn't take a genius to figure out that by now, Homura was dead-set on ensuring that could never come to pass. When I thought about it, I realized that my benefactor had implied that if I did end up completing my mission, said mission being 'make sure nobody dies before Walpurgisnacht is slain,' that would be it and I would go home. Whatever happened to them immediately afterward, say… becoming witches themselves, would be of no concern to me.

But my damned Boy Scout of a conscience wasn't having any of that pragmatic shit. All the fans back home, including me, had wanted a golden ending for years. And by Godoka, I was going to make it happen.

There was just one problem. Or… more of an amalgamation of quite a few smaller-scale problems.

One, Homura's broken pedestal of teamwork and single-minded obsession on preventing Madoka from contracting.

Two, Mami's fragile mental state and self-worth issues that would cause her to self-destruct with just one wrong move.

Three, Sayaka's unrequited love for Kyosuke and eventual issues with Hitomi capitalizing on her own love for the guy.

Four, Kyoko's issues with basically everything Sayaka and Mami stood for regarding the ideals of magical girls, plus her rocky history with Mami. (I counted my blessings that The Different Story had been recommended to me before this nightmare started.)

And five… basically Kyubey in general. The Incubator whose entire Modus Operandi was based on three words, those being "you never asked." The emotionless contractor who inked the fine print in a font so small it took a magnifying glass to even notice it, much less read it.

Wrap all that together and you basically have the Mahou Shoujo 'Serious Edition' of _A Series of Unfortunate Events_. There is no hope, only despair. There is no pleasure, only suffering. Because as any Madoka fan would know, being meguca is suffering. Speaking of which…

Now that I was a girl myself, the avenue of actually _becoming _a magical girl was on the table. But that came with its own cans of worms, none of which were too pleasant to consider.

The main problem with that idea could be summed up with one item: Grief Seeds. No matter how I looked at it, there was only a limited number of them, and not all witches carried one. If I did decide to contract with Kyubey, would there be enough seeds to go around to keep us all a safe distance away from witching out? And for that matter, what would happen if _I _ended up witching out? And if I did somehow manage to survive all this and get home safely, would I end up introducing witches to my own world once my Soul Gem went black?

Something else for me to consider was what my actual wish would be. Wishing to solve every single problem was an option, but something told me that to actually push such a wish onto reality, I'd need to have a _hell _of a lot of Karmic Destiny in stock. And while I had no idea how to calculate mine, I could reasonably guess that my own stores of it were around average. Given that the note clearly implied that I only had one chance at this, as I would be fucking _erased from existence entirely_ if I failed, I could reasonably assume that I likely hadn't been here in any previous reset - and the sheer amount of those was the key to Madoka's unreal amount of potential. On the other hand, the fact that I had come here from an entirely different world, had my gender bent, and basically became a fanfiction protagonist could make up for my lack of presence in the preceding time loops. I concluded that for now, it would be better to assume that my amount of Karmic Destiny was 'slightly noteworthy' at best. Which meant that the cop-out deus-ex-machina of instantly solving every problem with one wish was off the table, because of _fucking course _it was never going to be that easy.

_Ha, and I bet you thought this was gonna be one of __**those **__stories for a second there, huh? Well, too bad. This is a Mary Sue-free zone, so y'all can go take your middle-school DeviantArt accounts and shove 'em._

But still… selling my soul for one thing of my choosing also brought with it a lot of advantages. The primary argument there was that if I did contract, I would be guaranteed at least a fighting chance against any witches (or any _other _MGs) I might happen to run into. It wasn't hard to guess that as I was now, I'd hardly be able to last a minute against even a familiar. I wasn't particularly athletic, and while spending way too much time staring at a screen and reading a few tons' worth of literature had given me a _slight _idea on how to properly defend myself, it wasn't going to be worth shit against a vastly more capable opponent.

The debate, in a basic sense, boiled down to two 'difficulty settings.' Staying as a squishy ol' regular Homo sapiens was the 'Hard' mode that gave me a better reward upon the game's completion, while becoming a Magical Girl and taking the front lines myself was the 'Normal,' or perhaps even 'Easy' mode that would eventually penalize me after finishing the game.

_...well, that's a little damning. I never was one to torture myself with harder-than-normal difficulties. Wonderful… I really shouldn't, but I still feel like I'm letting Kyubey win. And that sucks, because… well, as much as I understand his methods and why it uses them, he's still kind of a dick about them. But even then, it's not intentionally trying to be an ass… grrh, thinking about this is just a waste of time._

By the time I called it quits on the big brain session, it was dark. My ignored hunger hit me right then, and I suddenly felt like I was starving. Because I was.

_Alright, alright, I hear ya, I'm going. Let's get you filled up._

* * *

_You know, for a hotel, that breakfast wasn't all that bad. Who knew they could make chocolate chip pancakes on demand? I'd almost forgotten how amazing they were when they're fresh off the griddle._

I leisurely strolled up to my room, my spirits raised at the frankly great service I'd just been provided. Slotting my key into the lock, I twisted the knob and pulled the door open.

_You'd probably expect there to be bio-scanners or something in this sorta-futuristic setting, but I guess this one decided to stick with regular old keys. I suppose it's nice to have some degree of familiarity, at least._

"Hello, Audrey Erryn. I've come to talk."

When I heard those words reverberate in my skull, instantly killing my good mood, I felt my palm slowly rise up to meet my face.

_Oh, you've __**got **__to be __**fucking kidding me**__._

I knew I was probably going to contract with it sooner or later, but being visited by the thing literally _the morning after _I had deduced as such was just a _liiiitle _bit ridiculous. I tried, but the cross between a sigh and a groan that escaped me wouldn't be stopped for anything. Uncovering my eyes, I spotted the little white devil sitting on the one desk the place contained.

"Hey, Coobers. How the hell did you get into my hotel room?"

Those beady red eyes of his still refused to blink, as expected. "The window was unlocked."

I glanced at the one window my room had, and discovered that yes, it was unlocked, and was currently wide open. "Huh. Well shit, then."

In the silence that followed, I somewhat awkwardly walked over to the desk chair, pulled it out, and sat down. After a mini-staring contest (which it won, because he _never, ever blinks_), I decided to get to the point.

"So, what does an alien like you want to talk about with an outlier like me?"

"Exactly that," Kyubey replied. "By all accounts, you should not exist in this moment, and yet you do. I wanted to find out why that is."

It should come as no surprise to you to know that right then, I was mentally scrambling to find a way to properly handle this conversation. I hadn't expected to be tracked down by the Incubator not even 24 full hours after my arrival, and was frantically trying to decide on what I should or shouldn't tell it. Of course, his response to the question I had just asked essentially gave away its motives for being here, and I could infer a few things from that.

One, it already knew I wasn't supposed to be here. Two, he didn't know why or how I got here. Three, those two factors apparently put me high enough on its priority list to get him to check me out in a relatively speedy manner.

Leaning back in the chair and draping my arm over the backrest, I decided to approach this with the Homura angle. "And what makes you think I'm going to tell you anything?"

He just kept staring. "The idea that if you do, I can provide you with guidance."

I was silent for a time.

_Hm… it's got a bit of a point there. As far as he knows, I have almost no knowledge of where I am right now. But it was probably a bad idea to name-drop him right off the bat, since now he can guess that I know it in some capacity. At the moment though, I still have a degree of control over how much it knows about me and my circumstances. What to do with this…_

"All right, but I'd rather you give me something to work with first before I go spilling my guts to you. What exactly do you know about me right now?"

He still refused to blink, and I started to wonder if those drone bodies even had eyelids in the first place. "Well… for one, when you arrived here, you caused a very noteworthy surge of energy to occur at your drop point. The type of energy, however, was one that only a specialized set of instruments could detect, and caused you to fly completely under the radar of the rest of the planet."

_That explains why Homura didn't immediately single me out, then… I don't think I need to know what type of energy brought me here, so I won't ask._

"Looking at you now, it seems that your body was recently subjected to a large amount of energy, and is currently still adjusting itself to that. Has part of your body changed, by any chance?"

I folded my arms. "I will neither confirm nor deny that."

It nodded. "That's fine. Aside from that, your appearance suggests that your nationality is not of this country, and your phone isn't a model I've ever seen before. That leads me to conclude that you are not supposed to be here by any means whatsoever."

In the silence that followed, a thought came to me.

_Wait… why am I being so tight-lipped about this? Do I really have a valid reason to keep information from it? I mean, it's not like he'll actively try to get in my way if I reveal my intentions to him. Well, it could try to turn everyone else against me, but if I manage to build a good rapport with them beforehand, I doubt I'll need to worry about such a thing._

But it was then that I had the idea to let the thing have a bit of a taste of his own medicine. It didn't really _need _to know what I was actually here for, so why should I tell it? After all, what he didn't know couldn't hurt him, right?

My arms came apart, returning to their previous relaxed position. "Okay, you got me. Can't exactly win against the phone argument if you're willing to go for that level of detail. You're right - by all accounts, I shouldn't exist in this world. And yet, here I am. But if you want to know how or why I'm here… all I can say is that you have to earn it, and even then, I might decide that explaining myself to you isn't worth my time."

The little white drone made a motion that could be discerned as a sigh. "That's a shame. I would love to know more about your unique situation."

I chuckled at that, and then leaned forward, laying my right forearm on the desk to support my body and placing my left hand on my hip. "No. No, you don't." My expression swapped to an unamused frown. "Cut the shit, Kyubey. What are you _really _here for?"

The camera-baubles that served as its eyes peered into my own. "Why, to form a contract with you, Audrey Erryn."

_Yup. I fuckin' called it. He wants me as a test subject._

I raised an eyebrow. "And why would you want to do that?"

"To grant you any one wish of your choosing…" he responded, in a voice that indicated that he was building up to something. Then, it revealed that it did in fact have eyelids, closing them and looking for all the world like a smiling, cutesy plush toy.

"And to have you become a Magical Girl!"

* * *

**A/N: ****Heeeeeeere's COOBIE!**

**Before you ask - yes, Audrey's inconsistent use of pronouns when referring to Kyubey is intentional. I may or may not bring this up in-universe at a later date to explain why, but in the event that I don't, well, I'll just tell you when I feel like it. But part of it is because incubators don't actually have a gender that I'm aware of. Technically Kyubey should be referred to as an 'it' or 'them,' but most characters typically refer to Kyubey as a 'he' for… no real reason? I mean, it doesn't exactly have genitals and its voice is androgynous, so why is it never referred to as a 'she' or something? (I could put an obvious 'patriarchy, reeee' joke here, but after what happened to the last person who did it, I'm just gonna leave it there. Besides, it's probably explained by the Japanese pronouns it uses when referring to itself.)**

**Anyway, these earlier chapters are mostly going to serve as setup. There will be a couple of action scenes, but they'll be spaced out and it'll mostly be light-hearted character interaction and Audrey settling into her new role, much like the early PMMM episodes. Don't you worry - the suffering will come. Eventually. When it decides to get around to it.**

**Byeee.**


	3. You're Too Good For This Cruel World

I sluggishly lifted myself out of bed the next morning, contemplating the ultimate question and the ultimate answer of life, the universe, and everything.

Not really. I already knew that they were 'what do you get when you multiply 6 by 7' and '42,' respectively. (Or was it 'how many roads must a man walk down' and '42?' Eh, whatever.) But I like to keep a nice touch of dramatism when appropriate, so sue me.

Yesterday had been… ugh. I had been left feeling utterly drained after Kyubey finally decided to fuck off, the little bastard. His visit hadn't been entirely worthless, though. I had managed to ask it all the right questions about the magical girl system to get it to reveal everything it usually neglected to mention, hopefully in a natural manner that didn't bring on any more suspicion than he already had on me, though the jury was still out on that one.

Although, when I had him reveal his motives regarding entropy and whatnot, I remembered an old blog post I had read one day on that topic. Why my brain had arbitrarily decided to keep that piece of relatively useless information and not something like, say, my old social security number was beyond me, but that wasn't important. Anyway, the conversation that followed went a little something like this:

"That… makes no sense, and you fail physics forever?"

"I don't see how it doesn't make sense."

"Entropy doesn't work like that, though? Or- well, it does, but you're basically saying that the first law of thermodynamics doesn't actually exist? I mean, as far as we know, this universe is an isolated system, and because of that, none of the energy inside can actually be 'lost.' When you say that eventually the world will lose all of its energy, that's factually incorrect. Not to mention that the second law doesn't actually say that energy _disappears_ when used, it just becomes _less useful_. Your entire motivation for creating this system is a bunch of bullshit!"

"You misunderstand. The only reason that I'm explaining it to you in this way is because I've found that this is the only way for the explanation to make sense to any human being. Trying to explain how it actually works would result in you completely failing to comprehend the actual meaning of what's really happening."

"...you still fail physics forever."

Needless to say, it didn't budge and I was left frustrated. I immediately labeled the exchange pointless and filed it away in my brain's 'filler' drawer.

On the question of whether or not I would actually become a magical girl myself, I gave a tentative 8-Ball answer of 'better not tell you now.' I knew that contracting was probably going to be an inevitability, but I wanted to wait a little to try to come to terms with what I would eventually have to do to make a difference here.

I also figured out that I could use Coobie's insistence on the contracting as leverage to make it cough up some goodies for me, and had successfully commissioned him to make me a portable two-way translator. I already had the book handy, sure, but that wasn't going to cut in in the event that I became trapped in a dangerous situation and had to give and receive complex instructions from another native with limited time to implement them. Something that could do the job perfectly, in seconds no less, would be a serious boon.

I determined that discretion was the better part of valor, and refrained from giving it any more dirt on me. What made that oh-so-satisfying was the fact that I could do it with impunity, as he really didn't have any way to force me to tell him anything. I could flex on it all I wanted, and it couldn't do a damn thing about it. That was a good feeling.

But what undeniably gave me the most amount of satisfaction was when I took him into an alleyway outside the hotel and stabbed the fucker to death with a knife I had snuck out of the cafeteria. I could almost feel the sheer vindication of millions of souls - both from this world and my own - rushing through me with each thrust of my weapon. Of course, it didn't seem very bothered by the fact that it had just lost a body when another drone quickly appeared and disposed of the corpse, but it did ask me a question that amounted to 'what the hell, hero?' My response was along the lines of 'I was obligated to by a lot of people, and you've got spares anyway so it's no big deal.'

Anyway, after I grabbed some breakfast, I decided that it would probably be a fine idea to explore the city a little, and see if I could mark down any important locations for later reference. Not to mention that I was lacking in necessities like clothes and whatnot, although in that regard, I would likely just end up buying a bunch of crap that could easily be mistaken for my current attire.

(Actually, I was just looking for an excuse to feel what it was like to have over $2,000 in spending cash, but nobody else needs to know that.)

I decided to leave the shopping for later though, as I didn't want to walk around too much while carrying around a bunch of bags. Nevertheless, I grabbed what little belongings I had, locked my room door, and exited the hotel.

A couple twists, turns, and roundabouts later, I found myself in downtown Mitakihara. The general look and feel was pretty much what you'd expect from a stereotypical Japanese city. Lots of skyscrapers, tall buildings, tiny corner stores and shops, all tightly packed together like huge concrete-and-steel sardines. Although, I will say I expected the sidewalks to be more crowded, like they had been when I had visited Tokyo for myself about two years prior. I reasoned that it must have been a slow day, or that this area didn't experience as much foot traffic.

While I was merrily making my way down a street, I decided to surf the web a little. And that action ended up giving me a surprising amount of helpful information. For one, language translation technology had actually become much more advanced in this world, allowing my phone to easily scan digital articles and provide a nigh-flawless English replica for me to peruse. Directly after discovering this, I immediately started abusing it on a Google Map of Mitakihara, and after ten minutes, thanked whatever divine beings had delivered this godsend unto me. Using the tool to its fullest extent allowed me to almost effortlessly pinpoint every location from the show I could recognize - the shop Sayaka frequented for CDs, the school itself, the abandoned building where Gertrud would be finished off, the arcade that Kyoko would eventually come to visit, and the bridge where the secret of the Soul Gems would be revealed.

It took a hell of a lot of restraint to not openly giggle evilly the entire time I was searching at how _easy_ everything seemed in that moment. Eventually though, the information high died down, and I slipped my phone back into my pocket to take a break for a bit.

Thank god for that decision, because if I hadn't, I wouldn't have been able to mess with what was about to happen.

I turned onto another street, and about ten seconds later, noticed a relatively small cat strolling along on the other side of the road, not giving a single damn.

A second later, I looked up and saw the car heading straight for it. If I had bothered to look closer, I would have noticed that the driver was tapping away at his phone.

It took another second to realize that the cat either hadn't noticed or didn't care, and wasn't turning away from its path, on a collision course with the oncoming vehicle.

Two more seconds, and my body was moving on its own, my mind scrambling to stop it and failing miserably.

_Bad idea, bad idea, stupid idea, god DAMN IT!_

Another, and I was holding out my arms to scoop up the little animal.

A half-second later, I heard the driver slam on the brakes when they registered that there was now a human in their path. It was accompanied by a scream from the other side. Short and high-pitched, marking it as a girl's.

A quarter-second later, and my hoodie's sleeves were met with fur.

_Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck oh SHIT!_

Another quarter-second, and I felt the displaced wind from the car buffet my back slightly.

Finally, three more full seconds later, I was crouching on the sidewalk, breathing heavily, and cradling a small cat in my arms.

Two seconds after, I was shouting at the rapidly-retreating car. "PAY ATTENTION TO THE ROAD YOU'RE DRIVING ON, YA BLIND DUMBASS!"

_And don't think I forgot about __**you**__, ya stupid fuckin' boy scout syndrome! I could've DIED right there! What do you have to say for yourself?!_

I already knew that my reactions were just venting, though. Letting out an aggravated breath, I set the cat down on the sidewalk. "Don't go doing that again, alright? I doubt someone like me'll be around to save you next time."

The animal apparently got the point, scampering off while staying away from the road.

"Huaaaa… sugoi!"

_Huh? Oh, right, the girl. She probably wants to-_

I turned around, and my eyes were instantly drawn to her very conspicuous head of pink hair. A natural reaction, emphasized by the fact that I practically towered over her. 179 centimeters versus only 152 was a very noticeable difference, after all.

_...__**fuuuuuuuck.**_

Sure, I'd ended up talking with the resident alien a lot sooner than I'd anticipated, but I had written that off as merely an understandable coincidence. I never expected to encounter the show's main heroine only two days after I'd arrived. In this instance, my reaction was...

_I can't believe this. I __**don't **__believe this! First Kyubey, now __**Madoka?!**_ _Is the universe intentionally trying to set me up with canon character meetings just so it can laugh at me?! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!_

Those were the thoughts rushing through my head in that moment. My brain then realized that I should probably say something myself so as to not look weird. What ended up coming out of my mouth was "ah-uhhh…" Very intellectual, I know. Sometimes I surprise even myself.

The girl then seemed to register what I had just yelled at the offensive car. "Ah…! Yuuu… aaaru… Amerika-jin?"

_...oh my god, that's… kinda cute actually, but __**really **__cringeworthy._

Nevertheless, I responded in an equally broken dialect, as it would be rude not to. "Eh-, hai… ah, watashi wa… America-jin desu…?"

_Did her eyes just start sparkling?_

"Uuoooh! Nihongo desu ka?!"

Recognizing that phrase, I waved my arms in a negative motion with an embarrassed laugh. "Ehaha, iie, iie iie iie."

"Ah, hai, hai hai…" she acknowledged in an understanding tone. In response, she pulled out her phone and fiddled with it for a bit, then spoke a phrase I didn't recognize. A moment later, she held up her phone to me, which displayed "can you understand this?" in perfect English.

_Whoa. Translation technology's __**really **__come a long way here if __**that's**_ _possible._

I nodded my head. She reciprocated the action, then spoke another phrase and held up her device. "Now you say something, if you want."

I responded with "that's a neat feature. Where did you find that?"

Another unrecognizable string of words. "My class uses this website for English practice. It's really great for holding conversations with foreigners like you, too!"

_Huh… I thought they didn't start learning English until their version of high school? Eh, whatever, probably just my memory crapping out again._

I hummed in acceptance. "You'll have to show me the link, then. But do you honestly think it's appropriate to hold a conversation here, on the sidewalk?"

She let out an embarrassed laugh of her own upon reading my translation. "Right, sorry! I know a place close by that has a nice atmosphere to talk in. Follow me!"

I gave her a thumbs-up when I finished reading, and we set off, blissfully unaware of the fact that doing so would totally derail the expectations of a certain black-haired girl.

* * *

Madoka ended up leading me to a very familiar-looking cafe, which I recognized as the one that she and her friends would visit a few times over the course of the show. Looking at it now in person, it seemed to be just another average-sized cafe, interchangeable with the thousands just like it all around the world. But, well, 'this is my rifle' and all that. It wasn't extraordinary by any means, but it did have that nice atmosphere native to all cafes, perfect for all number of conversation-related needs. It was simple to conclude that my new acquaintance intended to take full advantage of that.

Once we actually sat down to order, I asked Madoka what her opinion was on the food options here, and if she had any recommendations. Unfortunately, she happened to be the kind of girl who favored the crowd-pleasing non-answer of 'I like everything here,' and I got nowhere. I eventually decided on a simple plate of biscuits and nothing else, whereas my companion went for a classic cup of hot chocolate. After doing so, I made a mental note to not favor this location if I had a choice, as they didn't offer soft drinks of any kind for whatever reason. I may have been in a foreign world, but I still wanted my root beer, damn it!

"By the way," her phone read, "what you did back there was amazing! I thought for sure that I would have to call an ambulance, but nope!"

I felt my cheeks unwillingly heat up. "Oh, stop that. What I did was incredibly dangerous, and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone else."

She wouldn't be deterred, though. "That's why it was so cool, though! I don't think I've ever seen someone so fearless!"

I snorted at the absurdity of the thought of me being fearless. "Girl, the entire time I was running, my brain was screaming 'bad idea' with every step. I don't even know why I started moving in the first place. My body charged in on its own before I could stop it."

She could only smile that innocent, happy little smile of hers. "Well, maybe you don't give your body enough credit. And I think that says a lot about who you are as a person. You don't seem like one to stand on the sidelines when someone's in danger."

I laughed harder at how far off the mark she was. "I don't mean to be rude, but I think that's the biggest lie someone's ever told about me. Trust me, if you knew how I was back home, you'd be singing a different tune."

She just folded her arms and glared at me, though there wasn't any real heat behind it. "Then you'll have to excuse me for believing otherwise. You may think you're not a good person, but I say you are, and your actions back there are all the proof I need."

I leaned back in my chair and laid my upper left arm on the backrest, using my other arm to hold up a biscuit for closer inspection. "You'd make a terrible lawyer if you count _that_ as evidence." Finding the treat acceptable, I took a bite.

"Then I guess it's a good thing that I don't plan on becoming one," she shot back.

I stayed silent for a bit while I finished chewing. "Whatever assertions you make about me won't change my opinion of myself."

"Oh, really?" Madoka inquired. "That sounds like a challenge."

"And if it is?"

"Well, I'm not much of a competitive person, but that would be one challenge I'd gladly accept."

I stared hard into her resolute expression a little bit longer than what society would consider appropriate before letting out a closed-eyed sigh. "Heh. I haven't even known you for an hour yet, and you've already made one thing glaringly obvious."

She leaned forward slightly. "I have? What's that?"

A lazy grin found its way onto my face despite myself.

"You're too good for this cruel world."

Turning the tables resulted in Madoka being the one to blush this time, recoiling and unsuccessfully trying to cover up her reddening cheeks with her hands. "What? Nooo~! Don't say things like that!"

The sheer cliché nature and stereotypicality of the line almost gave me physical pain upon reading its translation. It took practically every fiber of my being to force down the groan that was attempting to rise out of my throat. Instead, it opened the way for a noise of disgust. "Bleh. If you're gonna react like a bland anime girl, I might as well take your advice and shut up."

She puffed out her cheeks. "That's not very nice!"

I threw out my arms towards her. "_That's the friggin' point! _I'm not a very nice person!"

She averted her gaze and attempted a comeback in a low voice after a fit of silence. "You don't _have _to be nice to be a good person…"

I raised my right pointer finger in preparation to argue further, but then thought better of it and lowered my hand. The groan I repressed earlier came back twice as strong, and easily steamrolled my efforts to stop it, aggressively leaving my mouth. "You know what, fine. I can already tell that you'll defend your point to the death, and frankly, I'm not willing to put in the effort to keep going. How about we just agree to disagree, and leave it at that?"

She looked like she still wanted to keep at it too, but also recognized that we were currently at a bit of a deadlock, and elected to follow my example and drop it… for now. It was clear to see that this particular conversation wasn't over.

The good news was that the end of that conversation paved the way for a new one, whose ending resulted in another one beginning, and so on and so forth. Before we knew it, half an hour had passed, as Madoka discovered when she checked the time.

"Oh, shoot!" She exclaimed, hurriedly lifting herself out of her seat. "I'm very sorry, but I really need to start heading home! It was great talking with you, er…" she trailed off as she realized something crucial.

"Oh…" I mumbled, coming to the same conclusion. "...we never actually introduced ourselves, did we?"

Red creeped onto her face. "No… we didn't."

I stood up. "We better fix that, then." I held out my hand. "Audrey Erryn. Been a pleasure."

She reached out and gave me a shake that was predictably on the gentler side, accompanying it with a polite customary bow. "Madoka Kaname, and likewise!"

A few moments later, and she was out the door. I grabbed the remains of my biscuit snack and trashed them before leaving myself. I still had things to do, after all, and quite a bit of time left to do them.

Unconcerned and unenhanced as I was, I completely failed to notice the cold, calculating purple eyes tracking my every move until I rounded a corner and left their range. (If I had, I probably would have muttered a stalker joke under my breath.)

And while I recognized it on a surface level, I refused to make the deeper connection that what had just happened qualified as a change, however minor, to the story itself. I had no way of knowing at the time, but that tiny shift would serve as a precursor for what would happen in the coming weeks.

* * *

**Don't text and drive, kids. You might cause someone to make a deal with a devil to save a cat you just ran over in some alternate timeline.**

**My most sincere apologies to anyone fluent in Japanese that I might have made cringe. It's been about two years since I last took a class on the subject, and like with Audrey, I've mostly forgotten the material. Key word being mostly. I do remember a few things, but not nearly enough to hold a proper conversation. Hence the introduction of the translator website. I mean, come on, it's 2046. Even Google Translate's probably at least **_**competent **_**by then.**

**Anyway, say hello to Madoka! Her characterization here might be a teensy bit off (I'm not sure), but I guess it can be excused by saying that this is before her self-confidence gets crushed by an oil tanker courtesy of Homura. And yes, I know it's a more gradual process, but I've gotta find some way to satisfy my Jojoke cravings until Audrey gets on Miss Dio's good side. They'll come, I can assure you of that, but I'd rather not trash the storyline in favor of cashing in on a couple of cheap references. I also keep hearing that our pink friend-shaped girl lived in America for a few years, but none of the official material I've seen contains even a passing mention of such a detail, so until proven otherwise, I will be assuming that she's lived in Japan her entire life. If anyone can tell me where that part of Madoka's backstory is revealed, it would be much appreciated.**

**Next chapter will feature a big step forward plot-wise. Watch out for it.**


	4. I Didn't Want to Do This So Soon, But

The week following my run-in with Madoka was surprisingly uneventful.

Sure, I was visited by Coobie a couple times, but after it set the bar high by contacting me early, subsequent meetings were devoid of that bit of shock factor and became more annoying than anything. That was exacerbated by the fact that said run-ins basically followed the same formula as the first. He would try to pry about my true nature, I would stonewall him, it would press me on contracting, I would give some excuse to put it off, and the meeting would eventually end when I found a way to kill off whatever body he was using at that time. Through those efforts, I found that while Kyubey was kind of durable in certain areas, he was also surprisingly squishy in others. For example, it could take regular punches most everywhere on its body and have nothing to show for it, but it was also very susceptible to death by neck snap (or complete head _removal_ to be more accurate, but that's neither here nor there).

Besides those meetings, I also spent some time checking out areas that I could deduce to be frequented by some of the main characters. A couple of my hunches were correct, as I spotted Sayaka entering and exiting the hospital on a few occasions, and I had the luck to catch Mami on patrol one time. All at a distance, of course - I didn't really want to deliberately mess with anything any more than I needed to. Homura, however, had eluded me entirely since my day of arrival, when I had seen her exit the hospital, but I was honestly more relieved about that than anything. The thought of encountering her without any warning or preparation beforehand sent chills up my spine.

But the undisputed champion of the locations I spent the most time at was the arcade. The absurd amount of cash that I had on-hand translated into a hell of a lot of quarters, if you catch my drift. Over the course of the week, I spent more than fifty hours at the place in total, wasting time the only way I knew how to do well. Sure, the games were all in Japanese, but the rules and controls were usually easy enough to figure out on my own, and in the event that they weren't, a quick google search cleared things up real quick.

Once I got a general feel for what was what in the place, I mostly found myself sticking to what I knew, but I also occasionally stepped out of my comfort zone on days when I was feeling particularly adventurous. What I found surprising, though, was the fact that all the franchises from my home world were alive and well here. Mortal Kombat, Tekken, Soul Calibur, and Street Fighter were all intact, and that was just the fighting games. I had a few goes at a Time Crisis setup they had, I found one of those game collection cabinets full of retro classics (hel-loo, Metal Slug), and I kid you not, there was an Initial D machine somewhere that I can't remember at the moment.

There was one game they had that sucked up more of my time than all the others, but you'll be hearing more about it at a later date. For now, all you need to know was that I had experience with it, and an affinity towards its genre, which I will explain when said game pops up again.

Oh, and for the record, I did manage to get myself on the leaderboards of the famed DDR knock-off they had. Rhythm games were never my forte (ha), but I did have a bit of experience with this specific type, since my mother used to be a fan of it, if you can believe that. (Although she always seemed like more of a Just Dance person, which made sense since she did work as an actual dance teacher.) Unsurprisingly, the top score for every single song on the thing was still an easily-recognizable portmanteau of Kyoko's name. To that, I fondly sighed and mused that some things never changed.

Anyway, bottom line, nothing else worth mentioning happened during the week of May 18th to May 25th. At least, for me. The 25th was a big day for quite a lot of people. I tossed around the idea of shadowing the resident cotton-candy duo after school let out, and I did end up spending the afternoon at the mall spying on them from a great distance, but eventually decided against doing more than that, as I didn't want to risk getting caught up in Gertrud's labyrinth. Or deal with Kyubey. Or Homura.

(Or get involved at all, but I didn't really have much of a choice in that respect, did I? I had the freedom to pick and choose when, but it didn't change the fact that stepping in was required, or else nothing would change.)

In any case though, I woke up on the morning of the 26th with a slight feeling of resignment.

_Here we go… our beloved MC's finally come into contact with the weird side of the world. And so it begins._

To tell the truth, at the time I felt it was shaping up to be a perfectly average day. Fairly sunny, with a few visible clouds populating the sky, not too terribly hot, and a barely noticeable degree of humidity. Exactly like the past two days or so had been.

_That's the sky of a filler episode. Hm… well, maybe another trip to the mall to actually experience what it's like to window shop would be nice. If that doesn't work, there's always the arcade. Not much else I can actually do anyhow - I've already visited and marked down all the hot spots for character activity. All that's left is to wait._

I then became aware of the emptiness in my stomach, and left for the cafeteria.

_Yep… just another ordinary day in the life of a world-hopping, gender-swapping teenager._

In retrospect, I really should have recognized that the line wearing the mask of that thought was in the Top 5 range on the list of 'Things People in Any Form of Media Should Never, Ever Say.'

I left the building soon after I'd finished the rest of my regular morning rounds. As much as I would love to stay inside, there wasn't really that much to actually do besides dink around on my phone. Sure, it had a bunch of stuff on it, but most of said stuff was things that I could only tolerate in relatively short bursts. The emulated games I had installed on it were also nice time-wasters, but I could only die so many times before I got frustrated with the lack of user-friendly controls that came with the territory of trying to play a console game with only a touch screen.

_Fuckin' shoulder buttons… this is why I'm part of the glorious PC Master Race._

In any case, I never took the same route twice, as I was always a bit of a fan of exploring whenever it was convenient (thanks, Metroid). Today's trail had me passing through an apartment complex, then a shopping center and a residential area, before reaching my first destination.

Window shopping was… not quite a new experience, but not really a familiar one, either. One could argue that I had done it many times before, but one could also say that none of those instances were when I was on my own. What did still feel new, even after a week, was the sense of power I had stemming from all the money I currently possessed. Of course, I also knew that I was now more susceptible to products that appealed to those who loved impulse buying, so I tried my best to keep a lid on it. Alas, my willpower was not unshakable, and I did make one or two unnecessary purchases. But I had to wonder if a can of root beer and a small wrapped-up burger for later that fit in my hoodie pocket really classified as 'impulse buys,' since it was food, and I needed food to survive. A debate for another time, I supposed… and another forum.

Nothing in all the different shops really 'caught my eye' despite being full of mid-21st century tech. Or at least what _should _have been mid-21st century tech. For all the stuff in this world that was so advanced compared to my home - practically every facet of the school, for one - there seemed to be an equal amount of products that hadn't changed a bit. Like headphones, although in that case, there's really not much more you can do with them after you achieve reliable wireless capability.

Things started to go downhill pretty fast when I was done.

About an hour and a half after I arrived at the place, I once again came into contact with my single most consistent source of migraines.

"Good to see you, Audrey Erryn."

_Do the world a favor and go fuck yourself, Sephiroth. No, wait, I retract that statement. You've got nothing in common with him._

As much as I wanted to say that to his face, it wasn't what actually came out of my mouth. "_So _nice to see you too, Coobster. Let me guess - your next line is 'have you decided whether or not you want to contract?'"

No outward reaction from it, as expected. "No, but that would be nice to know. I was actually wondering why you keep referring to me with those strange nicknames."

I snorted. "Because it's fun? Why should I tell you my reasons behind my every action? You're starting to sound like even more of a stalker than you already are, and I didn't even think that was possible."

"I fail to see how my methods relate to this topic."

My eyelids fell to the 'unamused' position. "Dude, if I were to describe how you operated to literally anyone else, they'd think you were a fuckin' pedophile. I'm just sayin', you might be able to fill your quota better if you stopped being such a creeper."

The drone made a motion that gave the impression of a sigh. "I did try that. Many times, on several occasions. The poor results spoke for themselves, so I stopped trying."

In hindsight, I really should have seen that answer coming.

"You know, you humans are impossible to figure out. I just can't understand how some of you think that attempting to make a wish with a success rate of less than 80% is viable in any way."

I could only stare at that statement. "It honestly boggles the mind to know that you've been doing this for however many years already, and you _still _can't wrap your squishy little head around the idea that emotions make us do stupid shit on principle. And no, don't give me that 'you would understand if you were devoid of emotions too' crap. The conclusion should be obvious just from the sheer amount of evidence alone."

It shook its head. "I suppose we'll have to agree to disagree, then. But I can already see that this visit won't do you or me any good. I might as well leave before you destroy _another _one of my bodies."

I laughed before grabbing him by the tail and yanking him off his perch. "Yeah-ha-ha, I don't think so. This is one trend I'd hate to break. Not to mention it proves my point."

It stopped struggling after that, resigning the drone to its fate. "This is entirely wasteful and completely unnecessary."

He got an evil smirk in return. "That's what makes it so fun, bro."

Ten minutes and another dead mascot later (bringing the recently-brainwaved Kyubey Owned Count up to 6), after I left the large structure behind, I decided to take a little detour. Canon dictated that Gertrud had been scared off by Mami yesterday, so it made sense that she would be coming out to finish it off sooner rather than later. With that in mind, I thought it might be prudent to have myself a little stakeout session of the witch's future - or perhaps current - lair, and set off for a specific dilapidated building in one of the few abandoned districts the city had.

Now, I know you might be asking why my stance on getting close to Gertrud did a 180 within the span of a day, so I'll try to give a quick explanation. It basically boils down to this: there's a difference between getting sucked into a labyrinth alone, against your will with no backup, and entering one of your own volition to shadow a group that is guaranteed to beat the witch at the center. One kills you if you make a single misstep, while the other grants you a front-row, or I suppose back-row seat to an eye-catching spectacle of combat as long as you're careful enough to not draw too much attention to yourself.

Unfortunately for me, Murphy and that damned law of his had their own plans for how the rest of my day would go.

Needless to say, that involved liberal usage of scenario 1. I was just about to enter the abandoned section of Mitakihara when it happened.

Let me tell you - actually witnessing the results of a dramatic in-universe art shift was one of the weirdest experiences of my life. For the first few seconds after I caught sight of the mustachioed cotton ball on top of a stalk with butterfly wings for roots, I thought that I was either finally losing it or someone had slipped some slow-acting LSD into my breakfast.

_Huh… y'know, with how choppy its movements look, I'd swear it was moving at 12 frames per sec-_

One of my brain's workers whacked the gears with a Buster Sword-sized monkey wrench in that moment, jump-starting my thought process and causing me to realize the implications of the thing's appearance.

Fittingly enough, right when I did, the illusion depicting the real world around me shattered, revealing the twisted garden-esque landscape of Gertrud's maze.

_...ooooohhhh, __**shit.**_

I quickly turned around to beat a hasty retreat, only to discover that a dead end had replaced my entry point.

_**FUCK!**_

About-facing again, I started to run forward, concluding that I would have to find a different way out. More familiars began to appear, causing my adrenaline to start pumping.

_Damn it, DAMN IT! I can't believe I let her pull me in! I need to get the hell outta here before those things kill me, or worse!_

A right turn, then a left, then right again, and another right, and yet another dead end. Backpedal, continue right, dodge familiars, left turn, right again, run, _run_, _RUN!_

No use. Wall after wall after wall was what every path ended in. Soon, my body started to warn me that it was reaching its limits. My lungs began to burn after the eighth dead end. My legs followed suit after number eleven. Even my arms were getting heavy by number fifteen, pumping as they were.

_Come on, __**come on! **__There's gotta be another way out…_

That thought alone kept me moving past my expected capabilities. Looking back, I should have known better than to draw strength from such an optimistic notion.

With a horde of familiars now on my tail, I dashed around another corner, nearly tripping in the process from how spent I was. My body felt damp from all the sweat it was frantically pumping out to keep me going, and my out-of-practice muscles were screaming for relief. When I looked forward again, I bore witness to the one thing I wanted to see the least.

_Another_ wall of cottonheads, charging directly towards me in a pincer maneuver.

However, I noticed one last resort - a pathway leading off to the right. With my strength, ideas, and options running on empty, I had no choice but to take the gamble, and made another sharp turn.

It didn't pay out.

By the time I noticed the wall in front of me, I was almost touching it.

"Oh, no…"

Breathing heavily, panic setting in even further, I searched the wall with my sight and my hands, fruitlessly trying to find a weakness, a hidden door, a crack, _anything _I could use to get out.

_Shit, shit, shit, __**damn it, FUCK!**_

I came up with nothing, slamming my fist on the otherworldly structure in defeat.

My head whipped back around when I heard the familiars coming closer, and I saw them crowd around the entrance to the pathway, bouncing and flitting around as they were wont to do.

_Ah, crap!_

Instinctively, I flattened myself against the wall in a futile attempt to move further away from Gertrud's lackeys. Fear eagerly chowed down on my mind, and I could hear my heart jackhammering away in my chest as though it was sitting right next to my eardrums. Unwilling to see what was going on anymore, my eyes squeezed themselves shut, and my brain went into overdrive.

It didn't take long to reach the only solution I had for this problem.

_Rrrgh… I didn't want to do this so soon, but… what choice do I have?_

Finding no answer to my rhetorical question, I growled before yelling out the name I constantly hoped I would never need to say again.

"_Kyubey!_"

About three seconds later…

"You called?"

There the bastard was, right in front of the encroaching rabble.

Swallowing my pride, I told him what he wanted to hear. "You win. I'll give you your fuckin' contract."

I could have sworn that the little cat-smile perpetually plastered on its face widened slightly, heedless of the army of enemies behind it. "Excellent. What is your wish, Audrey Erryn?"

Despite the extremely dire circumstances, the unimaginably loaded question still made me hesitate. Was this really my only option? Was contracting an inevitability, like I had predicted? Was this the right choice?

Would this really change anything?

Then the remnants of my willpower flared up again. My eyes narrowed, my hands clenched into fists, and I cemented my decision.

"_**I wish to be able to change the future for the better**_."

Remember when I said that seeing a familiar for the first time was one of the weirdest things I'd ever experienced? Well, that kinda pales in comparison to having a cutesy wolf-in-sheep's-clothing mascot literally turn my soul into a perfectly cut jewel and physically rip it out of my body.

Oh, and did I mention that it was painful? Because it was. Very much so.

_SPIRIT PAIN! SPIRIT FUCKIN' PAIN, GOD DAMN IT! I'M GONNA TEAR THAT LITTLE SHIT TO PIECES WHEN THIS IS OVER, GRAAAAH!_

Not fun. Not fun at all.

Were it not for the wall behind me, I probably would have fallen on my back. Thankfully, the structure supported me and let me keep my feet when the process was finished.

The proof of signature slowly floated down for me to take. Curiously enough, the gem's color was a strange-looking off-white, which actually gave me comfort because I would've suspected foul play if it was a pure white, what with symbolism and everything.

"Your wish has been granted," Kyubey stated. "The contract is now complete."

"And about damn time, too." In that moment, it almost felt like I was relinquishing control to some outside source, enabling it to draw from the sudden influx of energy that I could feel emanating from my newly-acquired Soul Gem. "Let's do this."

That first transformation… honestly felt like a milestone of sorts. A blinding flash emanated from my body, brightly illuminating my surroundings. The fatigue that had been building up for the entire chase all but dissipated, leaving me feeling completely fresh and ready for action. I also felt something appear in my hand, my fingers closing around it in something approaching a death grip.

I opened my eyes, directing them to look at the new object in my possession, and discovered my new weapon.

_What the - is that the Falchion? Or the Monado? No, it's... neither of them, and yet… both?_

It was conventional, and yet not. The most eye-catching aspect of the sword's design was the large hole in the middle of what I guessed was the crossguard, wide enough to fit my closed hand through. The blade itself extended out from the large circle around the hole, going for about three feet before tapering off to a point. The center of the actual blade was thinner than the edges, which themselves appeared to enclose the entirety of the blade, a feature shared with the crossguard. When I checked the grip, I discovered that the large circle was actually what I recalled as the rainguard, and the real crossguard flared upward, clipping over the circle before stopping at the halfway point of it. The pommel sported another hole, though not even my finger could fit through it.

The weapon's base color was undeniably red, coating the majority of it. This was accentuated by what could be mistaken for veins of silver, running from every aspect of the sword except for the edges. The design was finished off with bits of gold trim here and there - along the edges of the blade and the crossguard.

_Huh… neat. Of course, it'd be even better if it was packing a laser bla-WHOA!_

The instant the thought crossed my mind, the sword reacted. The crossguard rotated down, taking a more conventional appearance, and the edges split from the center, still attached via small bars. A kanji character appeared in the hole, and an ethereal white blade edged with gold extended outward, with two outward-pointing spikes emerging near the grip acting as a secondary crossguard.

_...alright, add the Aegis Sword to the list of weapons this thing rips off. Still awesome, though. Now, then…_

I turned my attention to the horde of familiars, who were beginning to advance again, and gripped my new sword in my hands.

"Alright, which of you weeds wanna be yanked out first?"

Before anything else could happen though, a platinum light appeared in front of my eyes, receding to the edges of my vision to reveal the ability my wish had granted me as time slowed to a crawl.

* * *

I saw myself get blindsided by an enemy appearing from a nearby corridor in my haste, knocking me down and leaving my Soul Gem open to be shattered by another foe.

Then my regular vision returned, and I swiped at the corridor as I passed, bisecting my would-be ambusher before it had a chance to do much of anything. I continued running, checking every side path I came across, continually trying to find another exit. So far, no luck, just like all my previous attempts.

_This is becoming ridiculous! I've checked over thirty of 'em by now! Where the hell is it?!_

At the rate I was going, I was starting to wonder if I would eventually find the center of the labyrinth by simply exhausting every other option. A silly notion, yes, but it was becoming more and more believable with every dead end I encountered.

_That's the last thing I need right now. Preemptively killing Gertrud doesn't really change much in the grand scheme of things, so I'd rather leave her alone. Now if only she would return the damn favor…!_

I slashed behind myself again, sending yet another crescent wave of energy into the veritable tidal wave of familiars chasing me. Whatever impact it had went unseen, as I was keeping my eyes focused on the path ahead.

This went on for a little while longer until I came to a certain entryway that I felt I had seen somewhere before. When I looked closer, I suddenly found out why.

_...you've gotta be kidding me. Did I seriously just fucking jinx myself? DAMN IT, UNIVERSE, THIS ISN'T FUNNY! FIND SOME OTHER COSMIC PUNCHING BAG TO GET YOUR KICKS FROM!_

Anyone else watching my situation from behind a screen would probably be laughing their heads off upon realizing that yes, I had in fact exhausted enough options to walk straight up to the front door leading to the center of the labyrinth. I had no such compulsions. Rather, I probably would have started cursing a blue streak if the oncoming horde hadn't forced me to start running again.

Finally, after reaching dead end number fifty, I snapped.

_Okay, you know what? That's it. Fuck conventionality, I'll make my __**own **__exit. Assuming this works..._

I held up my weapon, curious to see if the idea I had in mind wasn't just wishful thinking. Lo and behold, responding once again to my thoughts, the laser blade extended several times over, becoming much longer than what any normal person would consider practical.

But in this case, practicality was irrelevant.

Satisfied with the length, I gripped the weapon with both hands and swung it down on the wall. It obviously wouldn't go down without a fight, resisting my enhanced strength every step of the way, but soon enough, its resolve gave out and allowed my sword to create a massive, gaping tear in the obstruction. Through the large hole, the real world shone in all its glory.

As a final 'fuck you,' I turned around and used my elongated BFS to utterly decimate the familiars behind me, slicing through packs of persistent cotton weeds with every swing, before booking it to my alternate escape route. Sprinting through the opening in short order, I briefly looked back and caught the tear shrinking quickly, before the fabric of reality stitched itself up and removed the supernatural gap.

Finally recognizing that the danger had passed, I desummoned my sword and let my body return itself to its previous state of dress. I wandered over to the nearest sidewalk before hunching over and placing my hands on my knees to catch my breath.

_Man, what a rush… I'm gonna need to prepare myself before I ever think about doing that again. Oop- and goodbye goes the adrenaline. Oohhhg…_

The tiredness that started hitting me like a truck was only accentuated by what happened next.

"Impressive. A shame you didn't go for the witch, but I can overlook that in favor of your overall performance."

_FUCK. OFF._

"Fornication has nothing to do with this."

_I said that out loud, didn't I…_

Kyubey strolled on up, completely unbothered by my less-than-presentable state. "In any case, I'm not just here to evaluate your performance. Here." The hatch on its back opened up, and its ear-tentacles grabbed a pair of small objects to showcase.

I blinked. "I thought that spot was for processing Grief Seeds?"

"Not important," he brushed off. "Take a look at these."

I did so, peering down at what the appendages were holding. They were relatively small, and looked highly technical, which was to be expected of a Kyubey-brand product.

"They kinda look like earpieces…" I mused, before I recalled a request I had made about a week ago. "Wait, is this the translator I commissioned you for?"

"Yes," it replied. "I visited you at the mall to deliver them, but you side-tracked my thought process - which I'm still vexed over how you achieved, by the way - and then destroyed the body I was using before I could do so. And by the time this drone caught up to you, you weren't exactly in a position to receive a gift of this nature."

I thought back to the earlier mall visit when he mentioned it, and ran through my already-spotty memories of our time together there.

_...wait, was __**that **__what it was trying to tell me right before I stuck it on those fence spikes? Oh wow, nice going, dumbass! Excellent job killing the NPC that was gonna give you your fuckin' quest reward! __**God**__, I'm such an impulsive idiot..._

I sighed before making a mental note to ask Kyubey if he had anything immediately important to tell me _before _I brutally murdered him in any future encounters.

Anyway, I took the two little things, inspecting them from various angles. "Huh… that's really neat." I paused for a second. "Uh, how do I put 'em on?"

The golden-ringed tentacles stretched up again. "Allow me." Moments later, the devices were snugly fitted in my ears, feeling surprisingly comfortable for a product of their type. "There. I've already programmed in all the languages you'll likely ever need, so I doubt you'll require a replacement for at least a long while."

I lightly tapped the one in my right ear in wonder. "...well, thanks. I guess I owe you now."

He shook his head. "You don't owe me anything. Your contract took care of that."

"No, I insist." I felt myself transform again and my weapon summon itself to my hand.

The flash clued Kyubey in on what was about to happen. "Ah. You mean _that _kind of payback."

"Yep. Gotta continue the pattern." I moved the sword under his belly, then flicked it upwards, launching him helplessly into the air. Upon lining it up perfectly, the sword split and the energy blade shot out, piercing through the incubator, the width of the thing nearly cleaving its body in half. I held it there for a few seconds, staring into its optics as they faded to a dull crimson before closing the weapon, dropping the cauterized (_huh, so it's heat-based_) carcass on the street like an unfortunate piece of roadkill.

"Displeasure doing business with you, ya fuckin' parasite."

_**Ding! **__Kyubey Owned Count: 7._

And with that, my body changed back to normal, and I turned my back on the fried corpse, beginning my journey back home.

* * *

**A/N: Told y'all there would be a big step forward plot-wise. And just in case you're dying to know, yes, the Kyubey Owned Count will be a constant. Also, yes, Kyubey **_**will **_**die at some point every time it comes into contact with Audrey. (Well, unless the plot demands otherwise, but you don't need to worry about that.)**

**I'd say this is the moment you've all been waiting for, but in hindsight, that doesn't make sense if it happens after only four chapters. Uncertain as Audrey may be, a Madoka she is not. I'd say she's actually more of a Sayaka than anything, seeing as it also took her less than six episodes to contract. Speaking of which, for those of you well-versed in pop culture (or have simply played the last two Smash Bros. entries), I bet you know now why I decided to translate the 'Actum' in the title to 'Chronicles.' Rest assured, this **_**will **_**be poked fun at even more once Audrey gets a good look at herself.**

**The translator's also a thing now. It'll never be this important again (probably, we'll see), but it's there. Doing… translator things. 'N stuff. **

**Aaaanyway… up next, a major player makes her reappearance, much to the stress of Audrey. Who said player is, well, you'll just have to wait to find out.**


	5. I'm Only Doing What's Right

I woke up on the morning of the 27th with a start, shooting up to a straight sitting position while feeling like I was starting to crash from an adrenaline rush. I reasoned that I must have had a nightmare, which seemed to be becoming an increasingly (and worryingly) common occurrence. Not that I would ever know for certain, as I could never remember any of my dreams for the life of me. Although that was probably more of a bad thing than a good thing, since, y'know, anime-style prophetic dreams and whatnot.

Against my better judgement, I had returned to the abandoned district later that day to check if that was the correct date of Gertrud's demise, and it was. I'd seen everything from a fair distance away, as in from a window inside the neighboring building of the target spot. From my perspective, everything seemed to proceed as usual, which shouldn't have relieved me as much as it did since I hadn't actually gone and murdered the witch beforehand, only her familiars. But it was still nice to see that I hadn't screwed things up yet.

My self-confidence took a bit of a hit when I realized that I'd backed myself into a corner and was forced to contract just because I'd been overeager and checked the site a day too early. Unfortunately, this would not be the first time my impulsiveness ended up getting me into trouble over the course of my time here, as much as I supposedly prided myself on smart and logical decisions.

When I got home, I finally decided to check out my new form. My first thought upon looking in the mirror after transforming was '_Shulk?_'

I wondered when this mess had become an out-of-nowhere crossover with Xenoblade, before I realized that it was the instant I had first seen my weapon. The large, unmissable hole in the middle and red color base was an obvious rip-off of the iconic Monado, so it would naturally stand to reason that I would take on aspects of its original owner in appearance, albeit with some noticeable differences. For one, my outfit was much, _much _less detailed. No crazy circle attachment-patterns on the solid red hooded vest lined with silver, no necklace, no jagged lines or weirdly-shaped bracers on the black turtleneck sweater, only silver front and back lines on the shorts which now kept a dull red body, the knee guards now looked like more of a cross between a skater's and a knight's with actual metal plates instead of a mass of belts, and the little belt-things on the faded red shoes were actually tightened above the ankle instead of just hanging around.

The color scheme in general was also slightly altered. There was no longer any trace of blue or purple to be found anywhere - only red, black, brown, silver, and gold. Though, the gold was mainly relegated to trim and edging and the like, and the brown was limited to supplementary materials, such as the totally-not-leather material used in the knee guards. Silver would have been dealt the same hand, were it not for the new additions to the outfit. Two shoulder guards coated in a platinum sheen now adorned my shoulders, along with a breastplate over my chest, all lined with gold. The turtleneck also sported sewn-in elbow pads, still retaining full range of movement. The final extra bell-and-whistle was a pair of white fingerless gloves, because of _course _they had to be fingerless.

Lastly, my Soul Gem took the appearance of what looked like a shining off-white Catholic cross, although its wingspan was much more comparable to that of a lower-case T. It was situated right above my breastplate, around the collarbone area. My thoughts on that?

_Uh… okay, I guess the laser blade wasn't the only thing I stole from the Aegis. Hope they don't find out that I also duped their Core Crystal._

The rest of that day was also spent deliberating the ability I'd received from my wish - the power to glimpse into the future. The idea that I'd essentially undercut Oriko's monopoly on oracles would have made me laugh, were it not for the fact that her existence in this timeline was inconsequential. It was still funny, though. So was the fact that I'd not only ripped off the Monado, but also the primary ability it granted to its chosen wielder.

_Eat your heart out, Zanza. Oh, uh, spoilers. I guess?_

On a different note, this new ability just so happened to be the perfect excuse that I could use to justify my existing foreknowledge. Of course, that wouldn't last much longer, as we were now past episode 2, and quickly approaching the Cerebus Syndrome catalyst that was episode 3. The exact date of Mami's original death was unclear, but the events surrounding it likely weren't a very quiet affair, and it took place at the hospital, so that was a shoe-in for a stakeout spot.

An idea did come to me at that point - the entire situation with Charlotte could actually be avoided if the Grief Seed that spawned her was properly disposed of beforehand. Then again, Homura hadn't tried doing so, which probably meant that either nothing changed or something worse would happen if the new witch wasn't born. In short, I concluded that the ideal time to step in would be right before the decapitation - hopefully with a freed Homura in tow for a quick and easy curb-stomp - before retiring to bed.

I designated the twenty-eighth as the 'translator test' day. Perhaps unsurprisingly, it worked like a charm, though I did have to make sure to avoid incidental phrases that would fail to translate very well, and the same went for things that I occasionally heard that would only work in the context of the Japanese language, like puns. My opinion on being locked out of a lot of cheap jokes fluctuated depending on my mood, but my initial reaction was 'ah, man' and generally averaged out as that.

The way it worked was both simple, and absurdly complicated, so I didn't bother myself with every little aspect of its inner machinations, only what it did in a general sense. From what I could tell, the two nodes in my ears would scan my brain regularly, and when they detected that I was about to speak, they would read the message I would say before I said it, then translate it and output the result, while also blocking out the regular English words I was speaking and producing an advanced hologram over my face to give the illusion that I was speaking fluent Japanese instead of my native tongue, so as to not create an unnerving dissonance between my mouth movements and my speech. You might ask why the process was so convoluted, and the answer to that was because the basic grammatical structures of both languages were very different from each other. If the thing just translated what I said as I was talking, the result would just be a jumbled mess of words instead of a coherent sentence. It was either this way or the highway, and all I wanted was something that worked, so this was fine by me.

The one issue I could gripe about was the fact that it was forced to use that method when translating Japanese to English, as it couldn't pre-translate anything without an easy connection to the brain, and since it could only do that with me, I was the only one who got the benefits from that. Thankfully, it wasn't as bad as it could've been, as its computational speed was so absurdly fast that I only experienced a slight conversation delay while the translator parsed everything and delivered an accurate sentence.

On a completely unrelated note, it also doubled as a bangin' set of earbuds. I discovered that function completely on accident when I misclicked to the connections menu on my phone and saw it there, under the label 'M4G1-UN17-2011.' After extensive testing, I determined that yes, it could be used to play songs directly into my ears, and boy howdy was that something I didn't know I needed. YouTube's not only the internet's prime video sharing service, it's also an amazing platform for music if you've got the bandwidth for it. I had unlimited mobile data, so… you see where this is going, right?

Anyway, bottom line: yay tech. Moving right along…

Here we are on the 29th. At the moment, it was late in the afternoon, and I was stalking what was currently the main trio while they were returning from another witch hunt, which had been successful. I shadowed them to Mami's place, then marked it on my phone. After getting a closer look at the room number of her apartment, I began making my own way home.

I only made it halfway through the neighboring alleyway before I heard someone call out my name from behind.

"Audrey Erryn," a cold, detached voice intoned. "We need to talk."

_Oh, for fuck's sake… __**now **__you notice me?_

I swiveled my head around, turning to focus on the head of long black hair attached do a body adorned with white, black, and faded purple. "No, I don't think we do. Not unless you ask nicely."

Homura Akemi's expression hardly changed from my all but blatant refusal, although close inspection would reveal that a bit of annoyance had creeped into it. "I do not believe you are supposed to be here."

The complete disregard for my statement had me equally annoyed. "Did you not hear what I just said? I'm not giving you jack shit unless you politely request a conversation like a normal, civilized person. You can do that, right? Because if you can't, we're going to have even more problems than we apparently already do."

"I fail to see how this is an issue," she replied. "The only problem here is your refusal to cooperate."

I gave her a flat stare for a good few moments. "...seriously? You're seriously gonna be like that?" Getting no response, I began to move forward. "You just walk up to me out of nowhere, demand that we talk, flat-out _ignore_ my reasonable question, and then _you _tell _me _that _I'm _the one being uncooperative here?!" I was standing right in front of her by now, calling attention to the vast 20-plus centimeter difference in height. "That _I'm _the villain, and not the bitch that's trying to force me to do something for no good reason whatsoever?! _What the bloody hell is your fuckin' problem?!_"

The only thing I got in return was a blink. No flinch, no rebuttal, no nothing.

I threw my hands up and turned my back on her. "You know what? Fine. Be a dick. I'm leaving."

"No." I blinked for myself, and there she was in front of me. "No, you're not."

I stopped for a second, then simply turned around again. "Oh, yes I am."

"What part of 'no' do you not understand?" There she was again.

"Hey, I understand what 'no' means. Despite outward appearances, I'm not an idiot." Once again, I turned around. "But that doesn't mean I have to follow your every command."

Homura obviously thought otherwise, blocking my path for the third time, now with folded arms. "You say you're not an idiot, yet your actions suggest otherwise. I will not tolerate further resistance. If you value your well-being in any capacity, you will come with me."

"Yeah, that's not happening." A bright flash accompanied my statement. "Honestly, I'd really rather not have us do this, but if you're that dead-set on treating me like a mindless resource, then I guess it's only fair that I give you a few lessons about respecting your peers in return."

On the inside, though…

_Shit, shit, shit… how do I handle this? Future sight's all well and good, but how exactly am I supposed to counter her time-stop other than finding some way to restrict her movement? Even if I can predict her every move, I can't stop her from just changing tactics on the fly after she activates Za Warudo. _

Figuring out a way to beat Homura in a straight one-on-one was nigh-impossible. From my perspective, the only way I could at least force a draw was if I could last long enough for her to drain herself of magic to the point where stopping time became unsafe. If I pulled that off, the win was much more manageable, but I also didn't know if she was carrying any spare Grief Seeds on her. If she was, then she'd already won, as I had none of my own and wouldn't be able to keep going much longer if she refilled her tank and started spamming bullets again.

That brought up another disparity in our abilities - namely, my lack of reliable ranged options versus her hyperspace arsenal. My blade beams may have been pretty quick by themselves, but they were snails compared to even a standard pistol round. If Homura's reaction speed was up to par, she could just freeze time and move out of the way before they hit her, and then fire an entire clip back at me before I even had a chance to do anything.

To sum things up, the ability to stop time is broken as hell and DIO's a fucking idiot for not doing Jotaro like he did Kakyoin.

The silver lining, though, was that she most likely wouldn't start abusing it right from the word 'go.' If the interaction that just took place was any indication, she didn't seem to be taking me all that seriously. In her eyes, I wagered I was only worthy of a passing glance (read: low-caliber bullet to the Soul Gem), so I could expect to mainly go up against some of her relatively light weaponry, as in submachine guns and pistols and such. Note that her spamming of the chronoshield to intimidate me was discounted in this instance.

My train of thought careened off the rails when I saw her actually pull out what looked like a classic Beretta 92 with an attached suppressor. It was then I decided that if she thought I was an idiot, I might as well keep having her underestimate me, and did something stupid. In this case, something stupid took the definition of 'bum-rush her with hand-to-hand.'

To both our surprise, however, it actually worked. My unexpected course of action caught Homura off guard, causing her to reflexively raise her weapon and fire off a hip-shot that barely missed my head when I ducked, having seen the attack coming. She didn't get a chance to fire another, as one of my fists was already buried in her face, and the other was shooting towards her gun. While she was disoriented, I managed to rip the pistol out of her hand with a brute-forced disarming technique I'd seen a few times online, striking at her wrist to weaken her grip to the point that I was able to wrest the thing away. While I was grabbing it for myself, I took care to keep her on the back foot, bashing her in the face again, this time with my elbow, and when I finished pulling the pistol from her hand, I raised my foot and spartan-kicked her away.

_Okay, time to violate every single rule of gun safety I've been taught so far!_

I had to keep up the pressure, or else she would trigger her shield and start curb-stomping me. With that in mind, I lifted the stolen Beretta up and began squeezing the trigger as quickly as I could pull it, using my other hand to support my aim and manage the recoil better. While I had been able to participate in handgun shooting once or twice in my home world, that had been a while ago, and with how quickly I was firing rounds off with almost no regard for accuracy besides the two-handed grip, quite a few of them went wide. But just as many hit their target. By the time the gun clicked empty, there were a few holes in her legs, a couple in her arms, and a small selection in her torso and chest area. My ears were also ringing, as the thing was still loud as hell even with the suppressor on. (I'd say that Hollywood had lied to me again, were it not for the fact that I already knew that 'movie silencers' didn't exist.)

Upon realizing that I was out of ammo, I simply grabbed the pistol by the barrel and charged forward again, intending to use it as a bludgeoning weapon.

That was about as far as I got, though. Another vision of what was to come hit me, and I held up my hand, summoning my sword to it to block a small and tightly-grouped cloud of bullets.

_Damn it… there goes my advantage. And here comes the beatdown._

Thankfully, in a frankly unreal stroke of fortune, it never came. The sound of a black powder rifle firing blasted out from behind me, and a fraction of a second later, the Glock 19 Homura had just pulled from her shield was shot right out of her hand.

"My, my. Not even a week since your last attempted transgression, and you're already causing trouble again? I thought you had more restraint than that, miss Akemi."

I hid a sigh of relief as I glanced behind me towards the entrance of the alley, taking in the visage of the one and only…

"Mami Tomoe…" I heard Homura mutter. "Leave. This matter does not concern you."

The blonde clearly thought otherwise. "It concerned me the moment you decided to start a fight right next to my home. Quite the inconsiderate thing to do, wouldn't you say?"

The time-looper had no verbal counter for that. Mami continued on in light of her silence. "You're outnumbered, not to mention injured. For your own safety, I suggest you go someplace else and treat those wounds."

Homura glared at us for a little longer, then shut her eyes in defeat. "...fine." She then turned around, but kept her eyes on me as she gave some parting words. "But mark my words, Audrey Erryn. This is _not_ the last we will see of each other."

My response to that was a not-at-all apologetic shrug and a shake of the head. "Hey, I'm all for a friendly conversation over drinks and a meal, but you have to meet me halfway unless you're looking for a whole load of nothing."

I thought I heard her grumble something under her breath before she fully turned her back and walked away like she hadn't just been peppered with 9x19mm Parabellum rounds. Soon enough, she reached the other end of the alleyway and was out of sight.

A few seconds later, I released the breath I'd unconsciously been holding and slumped onto the nearest wall, dropping the empty pistol I'd confiscated. A bright flare saw my body return to normal.

One hand came up to rest on my forehead, while the other flipped a thumbs-up towards my savior. "Thanks. Really. She would've pumped me full of lead if you hadn't stepped in when you did."

"It's no trouble at all," she brushed off with a smile, flashing back to her casual outfit. "I'm just doing my duty as a Magical Girl."

I huffed a laugh. "Duty, huh. Seems to me like everyone's got a different idea of what that means nowadays."

She sighed in return. "Yes, I suppose they do. But that's life, isn't it? Just because someone decides to use their power to serve the people doesn't mean everyone else will follow suit."

"True enough," I replied.

"Miss Mamiiiiii!" a familiar voice suddenly called out from a fair distance behind the girl in question. Moments later, two heads with hair the combined color of cotton candy came into view.

The blue one glanced around before looking at the veteran in the area. "Hey, where's that transfer student?"

I took over. "If you mean the black-haired girl that just tried to take me hostage, she's gone. Your friend there scared her off." A thought came to me then. "Speaking of which, how'd you even know we were here?"

Mami gestured over to the furball perched on the shoulder of the approaching pink-haired girl. "Kyubey notified me that there was a confrontation happening between miss Akemi and a rookie Magical Girl that he 'would prefer didn't perish.' I thought it would be prudent to make sure that nobody got too excited."

Said pink-haired girl then recognized who her senpai was talking to. "Wait… Audrey?! Is that you?"

"Well, if it isn't little miss Madoka!" I called back. "I'm kinda surprised you still remember me. What've you been getting yourself into this past week or so?"

"Oh, uh, you know…" she stumbled a bit. "School… homework… going on witch hunts… normal things?" She finished with an awkward laugh.

"'Normal things,'" I parroted. "Right. And I'm shorter than you. But it is nice to see you again, the fact that you got yourself tangled up in this kinda stuff notwithstanding."

She shrunk in on herself a little bit more. "Ahaha… sorry?"

I waved it off. "Eh, it's fine. Long as you haven't contracted yet, we're cool." I waited a second for comedic effect, then leaned in her direction. "...you haven't, have you?"

"No," she admitted. "It sounds amazing, but… I have no idea what to wish for. Nothing I can come up with seems… worthy."

"I hate to interrupt," Mami interjected, "but this isn't a very suitable place for a conversation. Why don't we go back to my apartment? I was going to bring out some of my homemade cake before miss Akemi so rudely interrupted us."

Noises of excited assent were heard amongst the rest of us.

"Wonderful. Let's get going, then."

* * *

"Uh…" I scratched the back of my head in slight shame. "I don't mean to be culturally insensitive, but… could I not do the whole seiza thing? Would be murder on my legs."

"That's quite alright," Mami laughed. "I will say, it does require a bit of getting used to. It took me a few years before I could stay in it longer than ten minutes before my knees started protesting." She got up and began moving away. "I should have a low stool somewhere in the back, let me just…"

I cut her off. "Nah, I can get it myself. Can't let you do everything for me - would leave a bad taste in my mouth."

She unsuredly began veering off to the kitchen, before letting it go and committing to her destination. "If you're sure… I suppose I'll go get the food."

My new chair didn't take too long to find. It was a simple-looking thing, perfectly serviceable by my standards. I snatched it up and brought it over to the glass table, occupying the side of the triangle that was usually empty. Soon after, our host brought out the grub, and we dug in.

I'm gonna say this now - that cake still ranks among the best I've ever tasted. The tea less so, but I was always more of a soda person anyway. Drowning the chef in compliments wasn't the point of this little get-together, though.

"So you're stuck on the wish, huh?" I continued from earlier. Madoka nodded. "Yeah, so was I. After Kyubey and I met for the first time, I started workshopping up one that I thought might work, just in case, but it was just a rough idea that I didn't think I'd ever need to put into practice. Honestly, the only reason I actually went through with it was because I was an idiot and stupidly got myself cornered in a labyrinth, and would have died if I didn't contract."

The brain inside that head of pink suddenly caught a detail that had gone unnoticed until now. "Oh, by the way, how did you manage to become so fluent in Japanese in only 11 days? The last time I saw you, we needed the website to talk, but now it's like you've lived here your whole life."

"That would be my doing," Kyubey cut in. "She asked me to make her a universal translator on the grounds that it might sway her stance towards making a contract. Of course, by the time it got to her, she'd already become a Magical Girl, but she clearly appreciates it regardless."

The person in the room who was yet to speak finally couldn't take staying silent anymore. "Okay, Madoka, what's up? Just who _is _this girl? You're acting like you know her, but I've never seen her before in my life!"

"Ah, that reminds me!" Mami suddenly perked up. "I don't think we ever properly introduced ourselves, did we? My sincerest apologies, friend."

"No big deal," I replied. "With all the excitement, I totally forgot, too. Anyway, my name's Audrey Erryn. High school senior at seventeen years old, five foot ten-and-a-half, (that's a hundred seventy-nine centimeters for you metric system weirdos,) and representing the Golden State as a born-and-bred Californian of the good ol' US of A. Pleased to meet you all."

Miss blue-hair folded up her arms. "So you're American, huh? Guess that explains just how freaking tall you are."

"Yup," I confirmed. "Puberty sure didn't pull any punches. Have fun with that, by the way - you look to be around the age where it starts kicking in."

Her hands rose up to cover her eyes. "Please don't remind me. My parents are already telling me about what's gonna start happening, and I don't even wanna think about how awful it'll be."

An uncharacteristically sly smile suddenly appeared on Madoka's face. "Right... and I'm sure Kyosuke isn't helping with that, either."

"You shut your mouth!" Sayaka shot back. "He's got absolutely nothing to do with this!"

I had to laugh at the banter. "Well, if your body's woes ever get you down, you can take comfort in knowing that I'll always be there… standing in the corner, laughing at you."

She started wailing out. "You two are so crueeel!"

Mami decided she couldn't deal with any further craziness by that point and broke things up. "Okay, okay, that's enough of that. Why don't you go ahead and introduce yourself, Sayaka?"

"All right, fine." She said with a huff. "I'm Sayaka Miki. Second-year middle school student and fourteen years old. Certified best buddy of Madoka here, and the way things are now, filling in the role of her personal bodyguard. Good to meet you!"

"Bodyguard, eh? You a contractor yourself?"

"Nope," she bluntly stated. "I've actually got your very same problem. I have a bit of an idea, but when I start thinking about what might happen to me if I go through with it, I totally lose my nerve."

I squinted at her for a moment. "...the subject of the wish wouldn't happen to be related to this 'Kyosuke' I just heard Madoka mention, would it?"

I could almost see the stylized shock lines shoot off her head. "W-what?"

"And judging by how the name sounds…" I went for the kill. "This person wouldn't happen to be a _boy_, would they?"

Her eyes began darting around nervously, refusing to make contact with mine. Red began creeping up her face despite her efforts to remain calm. "Uhh… umm… no?" She tried to plaster on a grin to sell the illusion, but it only ended up working against her.

"Weak denial, check. Blush, check. Jittery eyes, check." Every point I listed caused her smile to become more and more strained. "I'd say the real answer is clear as day."

A cheekily innocent smile appeared on her best friend's face. "Sayaka, how many times have I told you that it's not very nice to lie? If you're going to go through with this, don't you think it would be better to practice what you preach? Besides, lying to yourself about who your crush is never ends well."

"_Would you two just cut it out?!_" The girl in question raged. "This is supposed to be a friendly set of introductions between fellow Magical Girls, right?! So leave my love life out of it! Seriously!"

Madoka calmed down, but was still chuckling when she said her piece. "Well, you already know me. Madoka Kaname, also a second year middle school student, and fourteen years old. Compared to everyone else, I'm as average as can be. Average grades, average skills, average life… you name it, I'm the mean."

Her self-description gave me an idea. "Huh. So, let me get this straight. You're a young schoolgirl, ordinary in every way, with an all-loving personality and a pink color scheme."

She sheepishly rubbed the back of her head. "Aha, I wouldn't say 'all-loving,' but that's pretty much me in a nutshell."

"Okay." I smirked. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't label you as the protagonist of the group, then."

She was left speechless once she processed what I just said. Sayaka laughed for a few seconds, before she actually thought the idea through and came to a shocking realization. "...wait. Madoka, she… I think she's **right**. You ARE the protagonist out of the four of us!"

"Sayakaaaa, noooo!" She tried to make herself as small as she could, then turned to our host. "You don't think I'm the protagonist, do you, Mami?"

Alas, all she did was shrug helplessly. "Sincere apologies, but as much as I want to agree with you, I'm afraid Audrey has too many good points to argue against. If it's any consolation, I think you would make a great lead character."

Madoka's head fell, and she fixed the floor with a dead-eyed stare. "I've been betrayed…" The classical dark blue gloom lines would be an obvious special effect choice here. "I've been backstabbed…"

"And quite possibly bamboozled," I finished with a laugh. "But that's enough of the meta humor. Your turn, blondie."

"Yes, I suppose it is," went the second-oldest girl in the room. "Mami Tomoe. I'm a third year middle school student at fifteen years of age. At the moment, I'm acting as a gatekeeper and guide to the world of Magical Girls for these two young ladies, as well as their guardian against all witch-related phenomena."

I lifted a hand up to my chin. "You're on initiation duty, then. Well, from what I've seen, I guess if anybody had to do it, you'd probably be the best fit for the job. You seem to fill the veteran teacher role quite nicely."

"The praise is appreciated, but not necessary." Naturally, she must've had a fair amount of practice deflecting it. "It's like I told you before. I'm only doing what's right."

And with the introductions out of the way, we segued into talking about more 'shooting the breeze' type topics, interspersed with the occasional quality-of-life tip from Mami about things like witch hotspots, energy conservation techniques, and other little things.

"So it's actually possible to change the shape of a dormant Soul Gem?" I asked.

"Yes," Mami replied, "although there isn't much of a reason for anyone to do so. Most, if not all Magical Girls simply accept that it's a ring, and are content to have it stay as such. The only reason I even know it can be done is because I got curious one day and asked Kyubey about it."

"That so…" I filed away that bit of information for later, right next to the "why so much money" folder under the "possible Chekhov's Gun" drawer… before I decided that wasn't appropriate and moved it to the newly-created "possible Chekhov's Skill" drawer.

Then the mention of Kyubey had me remember a topic that had been giving me a bit of confusion lately. "That reminds me, actually. How exactly does the whole telepathy thing work? Is it only when the furball's around, or can it be initiated without him? And what about range? How far can you go until you're disconnected?"

"Ah, yes, I believe I can cover that, too." The veteran cleared her throat. "Well, experience has taught me a few things. For one, normal people obviously can't start a telepathic conversation. But they can be on the receiving end of one, although Kyubey is required for that. For Magical Girls, on their own they can only initiate conversations with other Magical Girls."

She turned to the devil on the table. "Regarding Kyubey himself, you can think of him like a… mobile beacon tower, of sorts. His range surpasses that of all Magical Girls, and he can also act as a signal booster for long-distance calls. While I've never needed that myself, I've heard tell of it being quite useful for those in need of a distress call."

"Actually, speaking of calls…" Sayaka piped up, pulling out her phone. "We should probably exchange numbers with you." She paused as something clicked. "And I just remembered that we've been forgetting to do that with Mami, too. Sorry!" She got an "it's fine" for her trouble. "But you seem like a pretty cool girl, nothing at all like that transfer student."

I reciprocated the action, but saw a bit of an opportunity while doing so. "Ehh… I won't say you're wrong to think about her like that. Kinda hard to after she tried to pull a gun on me. But what I will say is that I'm sure she has her reasons. Everyone does. Contrary to what most Saturday morning cartoons would have you believe, nobody's ever evil for the sake of being evil. Though, whether or not said reasons are actually good is a different matter, but with the way she acted… hm. If I hadn't openly defied her, I don't think she'd be as hostile as she was, so I guess I did kinda bring that upon myself."

I scratched the back of my head with a little bit of embarrassment. "In hindsight, I probably could've learned more if I followed her order. But as obedient as I may seem, I actually don't like being told what to do very much, especially when it's something I have no desire or willingness to do. Going with the bi-" I stumbled, barely catching myself before I swore, reminding myself that I was talking with pure, innocent girls that probably (_probably_) hadn't been exposed to profanity yet. "-Ehh, jerk and spilling the beans was a no-sell for me. Add in my, ah… more impulsive tendencies, and that was a recipe for disaster."

I turned to Mami. "I really can't thank you enough for stepping in when you did. From what little of a read I was able to get of the girl… well, in all honesty, I probably would have either died or been beaten into the ground if you arrived even just a minute later. Someone like her, a person who can whip out two real pistols like it's an average Tuesday, and treats others like they're just objects for her to use is obviously someone you want to stay far away from."

I suddenly trailed off, realizing what I'd done. "Oh, uh, am I ranting? Sorry… ah, point, point… where was I going with this? Umm…"

Three sets of eyes and one set of camera-optic lenses bored into me as I tried to salvage my misplaced argument. "...right, right, reasons. Anyway, point is, keep an open mind. The girl may seem evil now, but who's to say she won't eventually have a change of heart? Lots of people do the wrong thing for the right reasons. You've just gotta find out what those are - and I should stress here that you should _never _assume with this kind of thing, either get it from the horse's mouth or a certified reliable source - then prep a counterargument and slap her in the face with it. If that doesn't work… well, I don't think there's much more you can do. When you get to that point, there's pretty much one option left, and I'm sure you don't need me to tell you what that is."

A heavy silence passed before Madoka nervously smiled and attempted to lift the somber mood. "Well, uh… let's just hope it doesn't come to that? I'd rather not have anyone, ah… do _that_. I'm sure that nobody here wants to be on the wrong side of the law."

Sayaka and I both started chuckling at that last sentence. "Madoka, come on, really? Didn't all those stories, anime series, and movies teach you anything? Think back to all those old Magical Girl shows we watched. Now, tell me: did the cops ever manage to do something even _remotely _helpful when dealing with this kind of thing?"

"Sayaka!" She pouted. "Don't say that! This isn't a cartoon, it's real life! You don't know if the justice system can't handle Magical Girls!"

That got a flat stare out of me. "Madoka. Think. Really _think_. Mami said her fighting style revolves around mass-producing a whole lot of muskets, right? And you've seen it in action. Think about that, and say to my face that a bunch of civilian-trained blue suits with peashooters can take her down."

She had no response, and I nodded approvingly. "Good. The last thing any Magical Girl cadet needs is a lack of common sense." I turned my eyes to the girl sitting next to her. "That goes for you, too."

"Yeah, yeah, I hear you." She rolled her eyes. "Police are useless, what else is new?"

"Uh-huh." I confirmed. "In other news, people still die when they're killed, fun things are still fun, and the floor is in fact still made out of floor."

I heard Mami choke back a laugh at that one, much to Madoka's chagrin. Sayaka was under no such self-imposed reservism, and openly giggled at the (admittedly kinda stupid) joke.

When everyone calmed down, Mami took a look at the time. "Madoka, Sayaka, you said your parents didn't want you coming home too late, right?"

They checked their own clocks. "Yeah, you're right. We should probably get going soon." "Your cake was delicious as always, Mami!"

"I'll have to agree on that one," I commented. "I've had lots of cakes in my life, but I don't think many can compete with yours. You ever think of becoming a… confectioner, or whatever kinda profession making cakes fits into? You could probably make a pretty decent living off of these."

That only got a sigh out of her. "I'll admit, the idea is very tempting. But it's really more of a hobby of mine. The hard work, time, and investment needed to get a business like that up and running is usually more than one person can handle on their own. Add in that I already have to spend the majority of my time hunting down witches, and the idea of running a shop on the side simply becomes unrealistic."

She went about collecting the empty plates, before turning back to me. "Oh, and the term you're looking for is 'baker,' though I prefer 'Pâtissiére.' Confectioners are primarily candy makers."

I blinked. "...huh. You've… certainly done your homework on this one, haven't you… I'm actually impressed. Usually, you wouldn't expect a fifteen-year-old to think that far ahead and do their research. I thought most people only started doing that when they're around my age."

"Heh heh," Sayaka chuckled while standing up. "That's the reliable miss Mami for you, Audrey. Let that be a lesson to you - never underestimate a veteran Magical Girl!"

"Alright, okay, point taken," I huffed out. "Now go grab your stuff and get outta here."

Not my best comeback, but it did serve to wrap up the conversation nicely. The pink and blue duo said their goodbyes and left in short order. I, on the other hand, stuck around a little bit longer.

"So, how do you want to do this?" I posed the question. "Do we just agree to stay out of each other's hair, or…?"

Mami adopted a thinking pose. "In all honesty, I would prefer it if we could team up, but… I would rather hear your opinion on anything before we reach a decision."

I raised up a hand to scratch my head, when a bit of an idea happened upon me. "Hey, how about this - you take me with you on your next couple of witch hunts, and we can decide where to go from there once I get used to how all this works. Besides, there's still that Akemi girl that we have to worry about. I'd rather not get caught by her alone in a dark alley… again."

She considered it for a bit, then nodded. "Yes, that sounds doable. Truthfully, I'm not sure how I'd fare in a one-on-one match against her. I have next to no information on her, whereas she already seems to know exactly who I am, and perhaps even what I can do. Not to mention her apparent strength as a Magical Girl. In a straight fight between us, I think she could very well come out on top. But with you as my backup, that dramatically shifts the odds in our favor. I daresay this arrangement could be very mutually beneficial."

"All right, then." I held out my hand. "Looking forward to working with you, Mami."

She reached out and firmly shook it. "I trust that this is the start of a wonderful partnership, Miss Erryn."

"Please." I shook my head. "Call me Audrey."

A minute or so later, I caught Kyubey's eye and shot him a message.

'_Hey. Furball. C'mere, I need to talk to you._'

The sucker took it hook, line, and sinker. Leading him about a block away, I stopped.

"What would you like to know?" It asked, completely oblivious.

"Oh, nothing, really…" I snapped him up by the midsection. "Just how much _this _is going to **hurt**."

_**Ding! **__Kyubey Owned Count: 8._

* * *

**You thought the labyrinth would be what Mami would be saving Audrey from, BUT IT WAS HER, **_**HOMURA!**_

**Sheesh, around 7,000 words. This is the kind of length you'd usually be getting in chapters from my other stories, but this isn't one of my other stories. Aaaand I just realized I wrote myself into a shameless plug, so… if you like Fire Emblem, Epic Battle Fantasy, or Konosuba, check those other stories out! (But if you're a fan of RWBY… well, actually, go ahead. You'll probably like **_**that **_**one.)**

**Anyway, say hello to the rest of the main cast! Er, minus Kyoko, obviously, but don't worry, she'll get her time in the limelight. Or she might not, I dunno. My plans are very subject to change. She probably will, though. But moving right along, I hope I got them all… not **_**right**_**, 'cause I don't wanna get too big of a head, but **_**close enough**_**. Speech patterns and vocabulary in particular were aspects I had to keep a close eye on to keep everyone in-character. Sayaka in particular was fun to tease, especially since there's so much to tease her about. I guess being Sayaka really **_**is**_ **suffering, huh? (Not if Audrey has anything to say about it of course, but she'll probably be laughing at the poor idiot every step of the way, so maybe nothing will change.)**

**Side note: don't actually try to rush a person holding a gun. It almost never works as well as it's advertised here, and if it does, it probably wasn't needed anyway. Speaking of which, the fact that nobody ever covers their ears when watching Homura fight is kinda bullshit. Guns are noisy little bastards. Why else do you think everyone wears ear protection at the range? (Then again, for the sake of plot, I'll probably end up doing the same thing at some point in the future.)**

**Oh, and yes, in case you forgot, the Kyubey Owned Count is still a thing. Aside from that though, I think we're done for now. Next time, I get to flex my creative muscles a bit and build a labyrinth for a witch that currently only has a few concept art pieces and some production notes to her name. **

**See y'all on Tuesday, I guess!**


	6. For Their Sake, I'll Pretend I'm Ready

We slated the 31st as the date where we would embark on our first joint witch hunt. I'd say it was considerate of Mami to give me a day to recover from Homura's attempted kidnapping, but that was really just how she was.

The 30th was spent actually experimenting with what I could do with my newfound power. While I couldn't really test my future sight on anything as it required me to be in danger to consciously trigger (and it preferred to activate on its own anyway), what I could do was see what exactly my sword was capable of.

The thing was pretty long, all things considered. I determined that the blade itself was around three and a half feet, with the circle and the hilt portions totaling out to about two. The energy blade added an additional two and a half feet in its natural state, for a complete length of approximately eight feet. In short, BFS.

One thing I noticed right away when scrutinizing it was that the large hole in the middle wasn't actually a hole, but was rather composed of an incredibly dense and durable glass-like material that it used to project the symbols that appeared inside whenever the energy blade was activated. Nothing I could get my hands on could even scratch the stuff, so I concluded that I could use it to catch opponents by surprise by blocking with it, then countering before they could process the fact that their weapon had supposedly been stopped by an invisible wall.

The dormant edges were also perfectly capable of cutting by themselves. Upon realizing this, I found that I could use that aspect to invoke a little "I Am Not Left-Handed" trickery by starting out with just the edges, then triggering the laser blade in the event that I needed to get serious.

While I was on that, there was also some merit in using the transformative motions of the blade to my advantage. The ability to quickly turn the laser off and on again would do wonders for my combat mix-up potential, allowing me to slip out of blade locks and even get in a cheap impalement by triggering the blade extension in the middle of a swing. Range was a very powerful aspect of battle, and being able to change mine at will would let me force my opponents to keep guessing as to where I would attempt to hit them from next.

Some of the techniques I had innately discovered during trials by fire were practiced, too. The blade beams I could shoot while the energy blade was out were fairly tall, covering a few feet more than my total body height. They could be launched at any angle - diagonal, horizontal, you name it, I could fire it like that. And not just as arcs, but also as sharp spikes that could pierce through tougher objects in exchange for AoE width. When testing just how far the blade could extend, however, I found out that if there _was _an upper ceiling, it wasn't in the range of realism. In layman's terms, I had no idea where the extension limit was because I was never able to reach it before it became too big to use properly. For all I knew, I could make it go all the way past Earth's atmosphere and keep going into outer space.

I also used my time to watch a couple of tutorial videos on proper swordplay. While obviously none of them covered techniques for Zweihander-type weapons like the one I was using as they were centuries out-of-style, they were nonetheless helpful in pointing out common general mistakes beginners made and how to rectify them.

On an unrelated note, I found myself unable to stop speaking in GLaDOS quotes until the day ended for some weird reason. But that's enough pop-culture references (for now, anyways).

I concluded that it would be wise for me to stay as a melee fighter. The blade beams were all well and good, but simply doing nothing but spam them wouldn't get me anywhere. They were a pressuring tool, used to lock down opponents and allow me to chase them down and get in close. The blade extension was nifty, but was to be used sparingly as it sucked up a lot of power. As such, I determined it to be ideal for finishing blow purposes.

Regarding the finishing blow, I briefly thought of nicking the 'Monado Buster' moniker for what I had in mind, because that was basically what it was - elongating the blade to the point of absurdity for a crushing two-handed overhead slash. However, I decided not to stick with it, both for copyright and symbolic reasons, though I did resolve to use it at least once for the hilarity factor. Therefore, because I was a little shit, I spurned the tired Italian conventions for finisher names in favor of the series title's use of Latin, and after a quick translation session, came up with the name of "Alba Vulnus," or "White Slash." Likely to never be used since I wasn't much of a fan of shouting attack names (that weren't references, at least), but hey, it was fun to come up with. And if you can't have fun with something, what's the point of doing it?

All told, the day proved fruitful. I gained valuable knowledge about my given skillset without giving up _too _much magic for my trouble. Not enough to put me in danger, anyway, or at least from what I could determine. A reserve quantification system that ran off such an arbitrary concept as the luster of a jewel obviously wasn't going to be the most user-friendly thing in the world, after all. But there wasn't much use in complaining about a system that nobody had really ever bothered to properly criticize for at least a thousand or so years.

The morning of May 31st was filled with an anticipatory apprehension. Sure, I'd already experienced a couple combat situations by this point, but all of them fell under the blanket of self-defense. This would be the first instance of me actively going 'cruisin' for a bruisin',' as an 80s (or maybe 90s) kid might have put it. I wasn't excited in the conventional sense - rather, you could say that I had more of a feeling of dread, but it was the kind of dread that gets the blood pumping and psychs you up for when the event inevitably arrives.

(Or maybe I was just waxing poetic about feelings I was supposed to be having, but wasn't, and perhaps my actual thoughts on the matter could be summed up with "aw shit, here we go again," but that's neither here nor there.)

I had a bit of free time before the hunt, and spent it reviewing some important things like my plot flowchart and what I knew of my new business partner's fighting style, and thinking up rudimentary plans for synergy and what-not. I didn't really need to do it, but I'd put up with most anything that could take my mind off just how nervous I was.

At 2:30 PM on the dot, the call to action came. I got a text from Mami telling me to head out to our specified meeting point. I walked up to my apartment door, and took a few deep breaths.

_Okay… okay. Whatever gods are out there, if you're listening, could you please do me a huge favor and distract Murphy 'till tomorrow morning? Great, thanks. Alright… it's go time._

I twisted the knob and walked out.

* * *

"This is it?"

"Yes," Mami replied. "There's no doubt about it. We've found ourselves a labyrinth."

The four of us (yes, four, the incubator bastard doesn't make five because it's NOT A PERSON, DAMN IT-... ahem) gazed up to the barrier marker, which as you'd expect, did not look ordinary in any sense of the word.

Sayaka sucked in an unsure lungful of air. "Sheesh… I don't know if I'll ever get used to those things."

"Well, studies show that enough exposure to concentrated weirdness usually lets you build up a tolerance towards it," I stated. "I suggest watching or reading Jojo."

"Hey!" She protested. "Watching a guy with purple skin beat the tar out of a blonde vampire that can stop time and actually walking through a different plane of existence are two completely different things!"

I shrugged. "Death 13 begs to differ, but whatever." Then I smirked. "Alright, chums. Time's up, _let's do this_." A flash heralded my transformation, and I charged ahead, sword held high and screaming my head off. "LEEROOOOOOOOOOY JEEEEEEENKIIIIIIINS!"

If I'd turned my head back before crossing into the maze, I would have seen Mami blankly staring at my out-of-nowhere action, Madoka letting out a fond sigh… and Sayaka's palm slapping itself onto her face, accompanied with an exclamation that (apparently) translated to "god damn it, Audrey!" I also could've sworn that I heard Kyubey telepathically mutter something that sounded like "why do the ones who play computer games keep shouting that name? It makes no sense."

When I actually did step in, though, I immediately screeched to a halt on account of the fact that I could hardly see anything. I don't know if you've ever experienced a complete 180 on the natural day-night cycle, but take it from me - going from afternoon sunlight directly to near-pitch-black midnight is one hell of a jarring transition.

I say 'near' pitch-black because I wasn't _completely _blind. There was still a tiny bit of ambient light in the air, provided by a starry but moonless sky, and what appeared to be a couple of lonely warped-looking streetlights a fair distance away. But the streets they were on… well, judging by how some of the lights were placed at frankly mind-boggling angles, I'd say it was like some Inception-esque or Doctor Strange-like version of Speed Highway. The roads twisted and turned and split off in a bunch of different directions, up and down and all around. I could already tell that the further we went in, the more difficult it would be to tell which way was really 'up.' Adding to the confusion were hundreds of slides and monkey bar sets, turning all the possible routes we could take into one interconnected and nigh-incomprehensible mess.

_Huh. Who knew all those games of Chutes and Ladders I played when I was a kid would come in handy __**now**__, of all times?_

I heard footsteps behind me, signaling that the others had also crossed through.

"Waah! Dark! So dark!"

"Hey, hey! Don't panic, we're fine!"

"No, we're not! Where are you?!"

"I'm right here!"

"Stay calm, you two!"

"Right where?!"

"Right he-!" _**WHUMP! **_"_-oof!_"

"Ah-! Are you two okay?!"

"Wait, was that you?!"

"_Yes_!"

"Oh, shoot! Sorry!"

"It's fine, I'm okay!"

This sequence of events left me slowly dragging my palm down my face in exasperation while simultaneously trying to muffle my laughter at the hilarity of the situation. But eventually, I hit my breaking point.

"Alright, enough of the comedy routine." I fished out my phone from wherever it 'ported off to, then found the flashlight function and switched it on. A bit of searching revealed Madoka and Sayaka scrambling on the ground, with Mami standing near them and trying to get them to calm down. Upon being illuminated, their panic dissipated and they collected themselves with a blushing "thank you" before standing back up.

"Torches out, everyone," I instructed. "Mami, would you be so kind as to provide us with some headlamp straps?"

"My pleasure." She reached into her sleeve and pulled out a ribbon that segmented itself into four strips, three of which she held out for us to take. "When you're ready, hold it up to your head and it'll tie itself up."

The passage of a few minutes saw us all kitted out with makeshift flashlight headgear and walking down one of the many winding-in-more-ways-than-one roads. Soon enough, we came into contact with our first familiar. It was around the size of a large dog, but had the body of a jet black cat and a long tail, with the head appearing to be a spikeball. It was outlined by what looked like white chalk, which was fitting, as it rose up from the street we were walking on to block our path.

I briefly glanced back at the designated ranged supporter. "I can trust you to not hit me, right?"

"Have no fear," she assured, summoning a rifle to rest on her shoulder. "This isn't the first time I've fought with a melee-focused partner. I have a lot of practice shooting through gaps."

"Alright." I nodded and turned my focus back, before her wording made me think of something I ought to mention. "Oh, but just so you know, don't try to shoot through this big hole." I motioned to said hole on my sword. "It's not actually hollow."

"What about the smaller one?"

I stopped, and slowly looked at the comparatively much tinier gap in the weapon's pommel, then back to her with an incredulous expression on my face. "...you're kidding."

"Um…" Madoka piped up. "I don't mean to interrupt, but… it's coming closer."

I returned my attention back to my foe, and hefted my sword up to my side… right before a tiny yellow projectile squeezed through the opening we had just been discussing and hit the approaching familiar right in its spiky head, accompanied with the sound of a musket going off. Glowing threads began growing from the newly made hole, stabbing into the nearby ground and immobilizing the enemy for the time being.

My head slowly creaked back in the opposite direction, my lips set in a thin line and my eyes flatly narrowed. Into my field of vision came Mami, holding a smoking rifle with an almost smug grin plastered smack dab on that confident face of hers.

"Well, you're a right cheeky little bugger, aren'tcha?"

She tilted her head and I swear the grin stretched a little further. "What? You handed me the opportunity on a silver platter. All I did was take it."

I held the miffed stare for a little longer, before I groaned and brought my free hand up to my head, my other one lifting my sword up to point it at the helpless familiar. "You know what, just- just kill the stupid thing. Frickin' show-off..."

Another blast obliterated the familiar, and we marched onward. Our typical battle strategy from then on was to let Mami lock down any familiars we came across (which would also occasionally drop down from above like falling stars), whereupon I would move in and quickly dispose of them. Thankfully, this allowed me to conserve magic, or MP as I had slowly begun to call it (I'm a gamer partial to RPGs, it was inevitable), as I had no need of my weapon's energy blade - simply using the already sharp edges was enough, and that cost me nothing. This was becoming more and more important, as I hadn't been able to cleanse my Soul Gem since I'd contracted five days ago, and in that time I'd had to escape from Gertrud's labyrinth _and _come to blows against Homura, although the first was responsible for most of my usage as the whole kidnapping incident wasn't actually much of a fight. Point is, though, my little egg jewel was definitely looking duller than it had been when I'd first received it, and if I didn't do something about that soon, it'd be game over.

After about a half hour of strolling along the gravity-defying twisted streets and traversing sets of monkey bars, with copious amounts of sliding, we started walking through a tunnel. When he hit the midpoint, however, my future sight triggered itself, and I saw our group get jumped out of nowhere by a metric shit-ton of familiars. When I came back to the present, I directed my headlight to the tunnel walls, revealing they were covered in chalk drawings of the labyrinth's mooks.

This was obviously cause for alarm. "Crap, the walls! Watch out!"

When the others' attention was called to the sides, they immediately braced themselves. Just in time, too, as the ambushing army jumped out of their two-dimensional hiding places.

Mami was as quick on the draw as ever, summoning a garden of rifles in an instant and firing them as fast as she could pick them up. I judged that now was as good a time as ever to bring out my lightsaber, and quickly employed it to fire off silver arcs edged with gold to slice through the oncoming horde.

Fortunately, thanks to the warning I'd received, we were able to deal with the surprise mob fairly quickly, and without injury.

"Phew…" I sighed in relief. "Thank god for those visions. We'd be in a pretty terrible spot right now if they'd caught us napping."

"I'm a little shocked that none of us thought to look to the side until you got your warning," the blonde vocalized with a somewhat downcast look. "I was sure we had more spatial awareness than that."

_Wuh-oh. Self-confidence alert! Can't have that - the only person allowed to needlessly demean themselves is me! _

"No biggie." I brushed it off. "Just means we'll have to pay more attention in the future."

She nodded, but I had a feeling she wasn't over it quite yet. I thought of a few ways to take her mind off it, before Sayaka's enhanced bat caught my eye and I got curious.

"Oi, Sailor Mercury," I called out to grab her attention. "Mind if I take a look at that for a quick second?"

The out-of-nowhere request made her fumble a bit. "Uh… sure, I guess?" Nonetheless, she let me take the bludgeoning instrument off her hands.

_Now, how did Mami say this worked again…? _

About two minutes of failure and an improvised hands-on coaching session later, I got what I wanted.

_Ah, here we go!_

The bat was encased in a bright aura and its silhouette changed, becoming a bit longer and more streamlined. When the white faded, it revealed a black covering lined with glowing yellow highlights right where the 'sweet spot' was located, accompanied by a red handle.

_Ha HA! Success!_

Madoka looked at the thing in wonder before she made a connection. "Wait, is that a Home-Run Bat?"

I snapped my gaze to her in surprise. "You know what this is?"

Sayaka shrugged. "Smash Bros. is the only fighting game she's comfortable playing. She refuses to try anything traditional."

I stared a bit longer. "That… doesn't tell me much of anything, but okay." I glanced at my creation again, then brandished it. "Wanna see if it's true-to-function?"

They looked at each other, then back to me with matching excited grins. "Heck yeah!"

I then heard a skittering noise from behind. Turning around, I saw a lone familiar approaching us, completely oblivious of its impending demise.

I smirked. "Well, lookie here! A test subject! Hey, why don't you come a little closer?"

Of course, it couldn't understand me, but it saw no reason not to keep moving forward. It wasn't very fast, so I used the extra time to lower myself into a batting stance.

_Alright, here we go. Just like in Little League. Wait for it…_

When it got close enough, it stopped, and I saw it tense up. I responded in kind, readying myself for when it would charge.

After a few seconds that dragged on longer than they should have, it exploded into motion, briefly crouching before leaping right at me. In return, I wound up, and _swung._

_**KREEEEEEEEING!**_

I could have sworn that time stopped at that moment, and my vision zoomed in on the point of impact, with the background suddenly turning dark blue and black-and-red sparks shooting out of the victim. And then the moment was over.

The signature sound of the weapon heralded a direct hit, sending the thing flying off almost too fast for me to track. The almost chrome-colored smoke trail it left behind, however, helped in that regard, allowing me to catch a brief glimpse of it before it actually _broke through _the ceiling of the labyrinth, smashing a star-shaped hole in whatever passed as the roof to let a solitary ray of sunshine seep in.

The sheer absurdity of the act got disbelieving laughs all around. Not even Mami could keep her giggles in after witnessing the poor evil creation fly off into the stratosphere.

Once we got ourselves back in check, I handed the bat over to its original wielder. "All righty, then. Make sure to, uh, keep the business end of that thing _away_ from us, m'kay? I'm not sure if friendly fire's on, but if it is, I'd rather not have any accidental team-killing."

"Roger that," she affirmed while trying to hide a gulp.

"Oh, you don't need to worry about that," Kyubey cut in. "Enchanted items like that bat lose a majority of their power when not in the possession of the enchanter. In Sayaka's hands, it might launch familiars a little farther than normal, but she won't be hitting levels anywhere near what you just showcased."

Said wielder let out a breath. "That's a relief. I'd like to not be a danger to anyone who might accidentally step into the strike zone."

I was more than a little skeptical of that explanation, but resolved to save the questions for later on the grounds of 'it's magic, it doesn't have to make sense.'

A little while after that, I decided I should probably check my Soul Gem to make sure I'd be okay. Removing it from its place on my outfit, I held it up to my eyes and looked closely.

_Yeah, definitely a noticeable difference from when I got it. Egh, look at that black crap… almost like mold. _

That reminded me of an alternate-universe manga I'd once read that featured the Holy Quintet all as adults, who used actual cleaning utensils to cleanse their Soul Gems instead of Grief Seeds.

_It's probably a lost cause, but maybe I could give it a try when I get home…?_

I briefly entertained the thought of that working, and covered up a laugh.

_Yeah, no way. Meguca cannot simply be meguca without suffering, and that Mundane Utility shit sure as hell ain't helping the Coobmeister hit his quota. I do hope we finish up soon here, though… no such thing as being too careful with this stuff._

Thankfully, it didn't take much longer for us to reach the center of the labyrinth. The last tunnel we passed through opened up to what looked like the end of a neighborhood cul-de-sac, with houses ringing a center street arena with a massive jungle gym on top. Said center street's large circular design was also the perfect home of a very large chalk drawing that took the spikeball head of the familiars we'd faced thus far, stuck a bunch of arms on it and called it a dungeon boss. Looking up, I also happened to notice that this room was where the moon had been spirited off to, overlooking the battleground from on high.

As expected, when we approached, the drawing rose up out of the ground and grabbed onto the bars, shrieking out as witches often did when their territory was invaded.

Mami and I glanced at each other. "Here we are. Your first real battle against a witch. Are you prepared?"

My gaze swapped to the foe and back, before I leaned in conspiratorially and shook my head, keeping my voice low. "Honestly? No. Not in the slightest. But..." I then snuck a peek at our other two companions. "For their sake, I'll pretend I'm ready."

I was lucky enough to score a glimpse of her face falling for a split second, before she caught herself and projected a reassuring smile. "Well, don't worry. You have me to back you up. Just don't do anything too reckless, and we'll be just fine." She then turned fully toward the two cadets. "All right. Madoka, Sayaka, we're moving in. Make sure to stay well away, and find cover if you can."

They snapped off matching salutes and a synchronized "yes, ma'am!" before running off to the side, leaving us to deal with the primary threat.

"Okay…" I took a breath. "Plan?"

"Hmm…" The veteran analyzed the battleground, taking everything in. "I think our basic strategy should work just as well here. At least until proven otherwise. But I would recommend focusing on those arms. It doesn't seem very hardy, so if we cut off its mobility, that should give us an easy win."

I nodded, then began to advance, starting out with a relaxed walk as I drew my sword, going up to a jog, then finally capping out at a sprint as the energy blade emerged.

Immediately after, I was forced to perform evasive maneuvers to avoid the hail of star-shaped projectiles the thing shot at me. A storm of yellow bullets quickly began countering the attack, blasting away the hand-drawn spikeballs. I also retaliated with a couple ranged attacks of my own, canceling out what few stars the bullets missed and occasionally hitting the witch directly.

An extra-large star was what I received for pissing it off, but Mami's firepower was more than enough to blow it to bits before it had a chance of hitting me. I used the opening to leap up with the intention of climbing onto the bars to get a more equal footing against the enemy. And although I did end up succeeding, I had also slightly miscalculated my jump, with the bar I had intended to land on instead nailing me right in the stomach before I managed to get a good grip on it and pull myself up. The bars themselves thankfully weren't entirely cylindrical, taking on more of a squarish shape with rounded edges, giving me a steadier footing than I otherwise would have.

My vantage point gave me a better offensive angle, but I had to be careful so as to not fall off or get knocked off. Multitasking was never my strongest suit, but I'd like to say the adrenaline helped out here, as I was able to stay on the bars for the most part while taking potshots at the very mobile witch. It was so mobile, in fact, that I found myself unable to get close to it. So I called for assistance.

'_Hey!_' I broadcasted to Mami. '_This one's not letting me in. Can you do anything about that?_'

'_Probably,_' came the response. '_What do you suggest?_'

The answer was simple. '_Well, you've got ribbons, and there's a whole bunch of poles around here just begging to be used as anchor points. I'm sure you can figure something out._'

Her smile bled through her dialogue. '_Yes, I believe I can._'

She made good on her word the next time the black blob decided to sit still for a moment. A barrage of bright yellow bullets bombarded one of its hands, quickly extending out as strings and wrapping around the bar it was grabbing in a flash.

'_It's all yours! Go!_'

I was already in motion, jumping towards the restricted limb with my blade at the ready. The witch was frantically scrambling to free itself, scrabbling against the other bars to try and force its bound hand out of the knot, and consequently had no idea I was flying right at it.

It paid the price for its failure to pay attention when my weapon cleanly sliced the tied hand off in a flash of golden-edged silver. The body suddenly recoiled, snapping back as the force it was exerting on the now-removed appendage suddenly lost all resistance.

It also screamed like a little bitch. Only about… say, three or four orders of magnitude greater. The sound disrupted my focus, briefly sending me into a tumble. I recovered an instant before I hit the street again, just barely managing to turn my landing into something resembling professional. The botching didn't do my legs, arms, or back any favors, though.

_**Ooh-hoof**__! Agh… ah man, I'm gonna be really feeling __**that **__one tomorrow morning… should probably think about working on sticking those landings. God knows it'll save me a hell of a lot of unnecessary discomfort._

Nevertheless, I got right back up and leapt onto the oversized jungle gym again.

Mami and I repeated the same strategy four more times. With each successful severance of a hand, the witch became more and more desperate. It started attacking me during my jumps, and I had to destroy the projectiles it fired before they knocked me off my path and back down to the street. All the while, my Soul Gem's progressing corruption lurked in the back of my mind, steadily eating away at my composure. Thankfully, with each arm that was rendered useless, the witch also suffered impairments to its movement speed, making it easier for Mami to lock it down for me to whale away on.

Finally, when I cut through its last limb, the monster let out another ear-piercing shriek and crashed down onto the street below, helplessly lashing out with its stumps in a futile attempt to physically ward away any dangers.

Paranoid, pissed, and altogether done with its shit as I was, I signaled Mami that I was going to break things off. '_All right, I'd advise you to take a step back. I'm about to end this thing's whole career._'

Not really necessary by any means as she was already camping out in the back lines, but I figured I might as well let her know.

But with the immediate area cleared, I commenced the deliverance of the cinematic game-winning kill. Slowly walking towards the big ball of spikes, I lifted my sword up, and elongated the laser blade to a degree that even a standard shonen anime protagonist would balk at. Once I was done, I swung it back behind my head, then brought it down in a massive overhead slash.

I couldn't resist mentally screaming the copyright-infringing name as I did so.

_**Monadoooo BUSTER!**_

The giant laser effortlessly split the witch in half, separating it into two blobs of black as it gave one last scream before fading away. The labyrinth itself followed suit soon after, depositing us back in the real world.

Lo and behold, our efforts had indeed rewarded us with a Grief Seed. I quickly moved up to it, flaring back to casual wear, and swiped it up to inspect it. The pattern on the black orb took the appearance of a bunch of hand-drawn stars, with the symbol on top being a much more professional-looking star shape.

I heard the others approaching, and turned to face them and showcase the spoils of war. "Check it out. Score one for the dynamic duo, eh?"

"Indeed," my battle partner agreed. "And I must say, that was quite the finishing move. As awe-inspiring as it was deadly."

I pulled the classic embarrassed head-scratch. "Oh, that? Nothing special, really. Just another thing I ripped from some video game or another."

"That doesn't make it any less awesome!" Sayaka crowed.

"Yeah, that was one of the coolest things I've ever seen!" Madoka was quick to back her up.

As much as I wanted not to, my body betrayed me and forced my cheeks to heat up. "C'mon, you guys… cut it out with the undue praise. I mean, did you _see_ that atrocity of a superhero landing I tried to pull after the fourth arm?"

That elicited a wince out of the three of them. It also caused a twinge of pain to flare up around my leg area. Deadpool was right - those stunts are _murder_ on the knees.

"W-well, uh…" Sayaka fumbled, trying to regain her momentum. "Besides that, you were great! And so were you, Mami! I gotta say, you two make an amazing team!"

"She's not wrong there," I admitted. "If you hadn't covered me, I probably would have been stuck there long enough to run out of MP-eh, magic. You're a real lifesaver, you know that?"

She was evidently far more used to praise as I was, given how her only reaction was a shake of the head. "All I did was provide supportive fire. You were the real star of the show here, Audrey. Go ahead and take your reward."

I checked the Grief Seed again, and pulled out my Soul Gem in my other hand, which was now dull to a concerning degree. "...you know, normally I'd argue with that, but I'm a little freaked at how low I am, so… gladly." I held the two together, and watched as the corruption was drained away into the seed. It eventually stopped on its own, and my jewel was fully restored, shining as though it had never been contaminated.

I flipped the seed over to Mami, who caught it, but instead tossed it to the hatch on Kyubey's back, which swallowed it up.

I blinked. "Wait, did I use it all up?" She nodded, and I slapped a palm to my forehead. "Oh, damn it. Sorry, I really should have saved some for you."

"It's fine," she consoled. "You had more need of it than I did. It wouldn't be very sporting of me to deduct an unreasonable finder's fee from your hard-earned paycheck, now would it?"

I gave her a hard stare, then sighed. "...if you say so."

We spent the next few minutes going over the journey, giving out feedback on what was good and what could've been done better while we walked off. Once we finished that, I bowed out.

"All right, I think I've had enough excitement for one day." I stretched my arms above my head. "I'm gonna head home. You guys have fun with the rest of your day, yeah?"

"Okay!" Madoka smiled. "We'll see you soon, then!"

"Oh, and Mami," I remembered. "I'll contact you later so we can figure out our next hunting date."

"Sounds good." She nodded. "Now go rest up."

We waved goodbye and parted ways. Before doing so however, I gave a pointed glare at the incubator on Madoka's shoulder, and sent a private message. '_You get to live __**this **__time, you little shit. But make no mistake - sticking with those girls won't protect you from my wrath forever. I may not be able to pay you back for everything you've done, but you can be damn sure you're gonna get at least a portion of what you've got coming to you._'

Some time later, I found myself walking through the residential area once again. I decided to cut through the park for a change of pace.

That was when I was stopped yet again.

_...shit. No escape, she'll just catch me if I try to run. And I'm out of telepathy range. There goes the last of my luck._

"Oooohh, _wonderful_," I ground out when I saw the time-traveling girl approach me with a signature hair flip. "So, what'll it be this time? Another kidnapping? Extortion? Simple verbal demeaning? Or are you just gonna try and shoot me again?"

Par for the course, no visible reaction. "I didn't come here to fight you."

"Oh, _really?_" I drawled. "Pray tell, then - what exactly made you approach me on this otherwise fine day?"

She paused for a second. "...I was hoping that we might have a discussion."

My eyebrows shot up, and I swore I heard the sound of a record scratch. "Uh… come again?"

_Bullshit. That's BULLSHIT! This is __**not **__what the consequences of a terrible first impression should look like! What the hell is she smoking?!_

"I would like to talk," Homura restated. "Please."

I picked up my jaw off the floor and clicked it back into place before attempting and failing to respond, unable to come up with anything witty.

_...fuck it, I can roll with this. If she's decided she doesn't want to exploit me without considering my feelings, I owe it to her to stop treating her like a monster._

So instead, I flipped my mouth into the shape of a smile, and threw my arms out in a welcoming gesture. The out-of-nowhere shift in attitude, coupled with my suddenly cheerful next words, actually succeeded in putting an expression of mild surprise on her face. "Well, why didn't you say so before?! C'mon, then! I've got the perfect place in mind!"

* * *

**A/N: As Mister Torgue would put it: **_**PLOT TWIST!**_

**For anyone wondering, the witch showcased here is officially named 'Suleika.' Fun fact: I actually had no idea that production notes for her existed until I was almost done with the chapter, so I had to go back and modify some things to accurately reflect what little info I had to go off with her. Anyway, when I first saw her, I thought that she looked an awful lot like a chalk drawing you'd see on the sidewalk or the street, so I took that idea and combined it with the 'Darkness Witch' moniker that her familiars' Memoria cards refer to her as in Magia Record, and built the labyrinth from there. The reason I picked this particular witch to construct a maze for is because one of her familiars actually does appear during episode 3, and is used as the catalyst for the conversation that explains how only witches can drop Grief Seeds, and not their minions. **

**Also: Mami is a cheeki breeki and Sayaka watches Jojo. And you can't tell me that it **_**wouldn't **_**still be relevant in 2046. Because Jojo is **_**timeless**_**. (Oh, and I guess Madoka likes Smash too. With items on, because how else would she know about the Home-Run Bat?)**

**But anyhow… Homu's back, but she doesn't seem to be hostile anymore for some reason. Why is that? Well, you'll just have to wait to find out. Or you could try and figure it out for yourself if you're that impatient. I doubt you will, but if you think you've got it, leave a review. We authors subside on feedback, y'know.**

**See y'all next time!**


	7. You Would Do Well to Not Disappoint

**EDIT, 11/19/19 - Slight tweaks to dialogue in Charlotte's labyrinth.**

* * *

"So, Miss Akemi…" I popped off the cap of the authentic-looking bottle of root beer I'd ordered. "What exactly were you hoping to talk about?"

"You, to begin with," she answered, setting down her cup of tea. "There's something about you that marks you as an outsider, and I don't just mean your nationality."

I took a swig. "The incubator tell you that?"

I feel like she would have raised an eyebrow were she not dead inside. "You know Kyubey's real purpose, then?"

My bottle hit the table with a dull clink. "Well, Homu- can I call you Homu?"

"How you address me is irrelevant."

"I'll take that as a resounding 'yes,' then. Anyway, I know a lot of things."

She didn't budge. "Such as?"

_Oh, boy, loaded question right off the bat… how do I answer this?_

I felt like if I said the wrong thing, I would waste this one-in-a-million chance to make an invaluable ally. If I went with a troll-like answer, she would probably stop taking me seriously entirely. On the other hand, if I went too far in the other direction, that might also make her just cut things short and find a way to put a bullet in my head as soon as possible.

Unfortunately, however, my brain defaulted to 'stupid gag mode' and opened my mouth while I was distracted. "You've got both Za Warudo and Bites Za Dusto under your belt, which is frankly bullshit and completely unfair on so many different levels."

When I registered what I'd said, I inwardly panicked.

_Oh, shit. Oh, SHIT! OH GOD OH FUCK OH-_

"...excuse me?"

My jaw hit the floor for a moment before I caught myself and snapped it shut.

_...she didn't get it. What the fuck? __**Why?!**_ _Sayaka got my reference earlier, so why doesn't this girl follow suit?! That makes no sense!_

Leave it to me to prioritize the fact that Homura didn't know Jojo instead of how I'd been handed a free verbal backspace coupon. "Well, now I know you're not a girl of culture. But what I mean is that I have it on good authority that you can put me in the dirt in less than a second if I ever try anything funny again."

"That would be correct." I had to wonder if this was bragging, but she wasn't exactly wrong. "Unpredictable though you may be, my experience overshadows yours by a large margin. But something tells me that you know more than that."

_To reveal, or not to reveal…? Actually, I think I should probably try to build some kind of alliance with her, if only to stop her from possibly screwing me over when Charlotte arrives. Reveal it is. Crossing my fingers she doesn't treat me like another Oriko..._

"Right you are." I paused to take another gulp and prepare myself. "For example, I also know that sometime in the near future, Mami's gonna lose her head. Literally."

That was enough to widen her eyes. "_What?_"

"Hard to believe, I know." I shrugged, then leaned back and stared at the ceiling. "But it's true. And it's been bugging me a lot."

Homura fixed me with a piercing gaze. "How do you know that?"

I pointed to my eyes. "Future vision. I thought that was obvious."

She looked seconds away from pulling a Phoenix Wright-brand Desk Slam. "_What else have you seen?_"

_Here's the coin flip. Fifty-fifty chance that she either lets me keep talking, or kills me._

I made a flippant gesture with a deadpan expression. "Oh, nothing much. Only the complete destruction of Mitakihara, along with pretty much everyone in it at the hands of a big-ass Victorian dress hanging upside-down from a giant cog. You know, normal shit that happens every day. Why do you wanna know?"

Homura was silent for a time. It seemed like she was debating with herself over something. When she was done, she spoke again. "Because in approximately one month, I'm going to try and stop it."

It took a lot of effort not to let my massive mental sigh of relief bleed into my outward expression.

_**Whoof. **__Okay... okay, you're good! Now play dumb!_

Instead, I gave her a look. "You _know _when it's gonna happen?"

"Yes."

"...can I ask how?"

"No."

I let the sigh through this time, even if the denial was to be expected. I wasn't done yet, though. "All right… and I don't suppose you also know when blondie's gonna get axed?"

Something told me that I wasn't the only one trying to stop the underlying emotions from leaking into the mask. "June 4th. Four days from now."

"Okay…" I hid the immense satisfaction with suspicion. "But if you're wrong about this, I'm gonna be _really _pissed at you."

"And if I'm right?"

Another draught of carbonation was needed. "Then you can consider me enlisted for the final fight against the flying circus. I know, not much of a reward considering that I'm planning on going up against it anyway, but good coordination's never a bad thing. Besides, even if you are wrong about Mami, there's really not much I can do to you besides be pissed."

She nodded. "Good. I need all the help I can get against Walpurgisnacht."

"That the thing's name?"

"Yes," she confirmed. "One of the most powerful witches in existence. Strong enough that it doesn't need a labyrinth."

I propped my forehead up with my free hand. "Yeah, kinda figured that for myself when I saw the ruined city background. Great… if that doesn't scream 'Final Boss,' I don't know what does." A thought came to me then, and I lifted my gaze back up. "By the way - you weren't seriously thinking of taking that thing on by _yourself_, were you? Because if you were, then I very much doubt that you're mentally stable."

I felt like she would have scoffed if she cared more. "Mental stability is insignificant for Magical Girls. What you really need to watch is your emotional stability. Terrible things happen if you leave your feelings unchecked."

That got an eye roll from me. "Well, duh, I know that. Trust me, becoming a witch myself is the absolute last thing I want to do."

"So you also know of our curse?"

I snorted. "'Curse?' Seriously? Is that what people call it? I mean, I can kinda see why, but it's really more of a case of 'forgot to read the fine print.' If anything, it's a negative externality."

She seemed lost. "...a what?"

I blankly stared for a moment, before it hit me, and my hand smacked into my forehead. "Right, I'm a dumbass, of course they don't teach Econ in middle school. Basically, it's an unintended consequence of a deal between two parties that negatively affects a third. Although in this case, the consequence instead hits one of the two dealing parties. But that's semantics - any way you slice it, it's still a market failure."

Another chuckle slipped out of my mouth. "You'd think the rat bastard would've refined its craft to the point where those things didn't happen by now, but then again, it's basically built its entire career off showing an extremely sanitized abridged version of the actual contract to potential buyers instead of the real thing. If he and his business practices were exposed to the rest of the world, he'd be sued for false advertising and a million and one other offenses before you could even say 'capitalism.' And once the government got its hands on it… hoo boy, that wouldn't be a pretty scene at all."

"If only it could be that simple," Homura lamented. "A world where Kyubey and witches could be seen by anyone would be a world without either. Modern firearms may be mundane compared to most things Magical Girls wield, but they work just as well. Once the governments organized their armies, that would be the death knell for every supernatural threat to humanity."

A solitary laugh was squeezed out of my lungs as I set my drink down again. "Figures the girl who pulled both a Beretta _and _a Glock on me would be the one to say that. I take it you know from personal experience?"

"When all you're given is a shield, you will soon find that creativity, resourcefulness, and improvisation can be just as lethal as any bullet," she sagely advised. "I started with only a golf club, but quickly realized that it was far from enough. So I researched how to create homemade explosives, and worked my way up from there."

I would have whistled if I could, but sadly, that skill has forever eluded me. "Wow. Smart, deadly, quite the looker, and strong as hell." And for some reason, that called up a particular set of lyrics. "Ha. _Gunpowder, gelatine, dynamite with a laser beam, guaranteed to blow your mind, anytiiime~. _You're a real Killer Queen, eh?"

Her flat glare prompted my next words. "Y'know, I bet if you just lightened up a bit, you'd make everyone swoon."

She flipped her hair in disinterest. "I have no desire for a relationship. Such things are unnecessary for a Magical Girl."

"Huh… you sure about that?" I lifted an eyebrow. "'Cause from what Madoka's told me about you, it seems like you've got a bit of an interest in her. You went out of your way to warn her about this stuff before she even met Coobers, then you actively tried to prevent it from coming into contact with her, and to top it off, you've apparently been following her around during her trial witch hunts. Now, I could just be seeing things that aren't there, but I don't think that's the behavior of someone who just wants to keep competition to a minimum."

I could've sworn I saw her eyes narrow slightly. "And to go a bit further... I don't know about you, but I can't be the only one who notices that Mado ticks almost every box for a standard Magical Girl story protagonist, right? So when she also let slip that she first met you in a _dream_, of all things… well, I couldn't help but imagine you as a bit of a Tuxedo Mask character, heh."

She wasn't amused. "I would appreciate it if you stopped with the obscure references."

My mouth hung open again, and I fixed her with the most affronted bewildered stare I'd ever given. When she neglected to respond, my palm hit my face, before I indignantly flung my arms outward. "Oh, my _god- SAILOR MOON! _For _fuck's_ sake, Homu! Jojo I can understand, but the quintessential Magical Girl show that pretty much single-handedly launched the genre into mainstream media?! Honestly, you should be ashamed of yourself!"

Thankfully, the subsequent stonewalling of my outburst allowed me to quickly return to the previous point. "No, wait, you're not changing the subject here. Anyway, you've been busy raising quite a few flags with that little pink-haired girl, so tell me… is that relationship purely professional, or is there something a little more _personal _behind it?"

Homura kept staring for a few seconds before she abruptly stood up. "It's clear to me now that further conversation will serve no real purpose. Thank you for your cooperation, and goodbye." With that said, she began walking off.

_Ah, crap! I still haven't had all my questions answered!_

"Homura, wait!" I called out, causing her to stop while I got out of my own seat. "I… egh, yeah, that might have been a little too nosy, sorry. But could I ask you about one more thing before you go? Please?"

It took a moment for her to respond. "Fine. What is it?" She sounded more than a little exasperated, so I tried to keep it concise.

"Why?"

She fully turned to me, which I took as a cue to elaborate. "Why did you do this? I mean, after what happened the last time we met - what with me being a suicidally impulsive dumbass and you being a bitch - I didn't think we'd be on speaking terms for at least a good while. So… what made you decide that extending an olive branch was the best course of action instead of just trying to kidnap me again?"

She folded her arms and looked off to the side for a long moment. "...you're an anomaly. A new, unpredictable variable in a sea of constants. After witnessing your willingness to cooperate with Mami Tomoe, I found myself thinking that if we worked with one another rather than against each other, we could minimize the potential sabotaging of each other's goals, whatever they may be. So long as the completion of those goals are not mutually exclusive, that is."

I accepted her reasoning… a lot faster than I thought I would. Looking at it from an objective angle, it actually made a lot of sense, especially when I considered that everything she'd experienced had likely taught her to hold first impressions in a low regard.

_Whaddaya know - the little devil's Chronic Truth Omittance Disorder actually saved my bacon. Guess his next death's gonna be a quick and easy one._

"Goals, huh…" I muttered. "And what's yours?"

Her steely gaze bored into mine to drive the point home. "To prevent Madoka Kaname from suffering a fate worse than death."

"Well, how 'bout that." I chuckled. "Mine just so happens to be the survival of everyone in the city through the final assault on ol' Walpy."

"We are in agreement, then." She nodded. "Audrey Erryn, you and I now choose to shoulder the burden of stopping the complete destruction of the city of Mitakihara. In choosing this path, we condemn ourselves to an existence outside the annals of history, to accept the task of solving an impossible problem. In the unlikely event that we survive, we will receive no fame, fortune, or anything that would make such an undertaking worthwhile. The only prize this journey has to offer is unprecedented pain, loneliness, and suffering."

A small, extremely unsettling smile appeared on her face. "Welcome to Hell, Audrey Erryn. I wish you luck in your future endeavors. And when the time comes…" She held out her hand. "You would do well to not disappoint."

_...could've gone without the speech, but okay._

A smile of my own matched hers, though mine was much more resigned in comparison. "Right. As if I even had a choice here." I shook my head. "I make no promises. But what I will say is that I'll try my best to live up to your expectations, even if they're unreachable."

I grasped the outstretched hand, firmly shaking it. "You've got yourself a deal, Homu."

With that, she turned on her heel and left, leaving me at the table to finish my root beer. Which I proceeded to drain completely, because I'd be damned if I didn't get my money's worth out of it. I noticed that she'd also left her tea unfinished.

_Heh… Mami'd be pissed if she saw that. Kinda wish she didn't waste that myself, but hey, it's her money, not mine. She probably stole it anyways._

I dumped the rest of the liquid into the nearest trash bin while I disposed of my bottle, then left the empty cup at our table and exited the place myself.

_...there's no way this is gonna pan out as well as I hope it will, is there? Wonderful…_

It took the rest of the walk home for me to realize something crucial.

_Wait a second… __**fuckin' hell, I forgot to get her number!**_

* * *

The next three days were spent agonizing over what to do for the major event that was approaching and going hunting.

The main objective here was ensuring that Mami survived - which might not be as hard as it could be, since all I really needed to do was make sure Homura either didn't get chained up at all, or got set free after the fact. A convenient late arrival could do the trick, but if I couldn't sell it, that might be a problem. There was also the possibility that we could go overboard and arrive too late, but I wagered that wouldn't be an issue, given how quickly Homu got to the center in canon.

Eventually, I realized that this kind of planning was pointless, as minuscule details and other such things were impossible to predict. So I went 'eh, screw this, I'll just wing it.' I mean, it'd been working out fine so far, so why stop now?

The morning of June 4th was preceded by another forgotten nightmare. I woke up with a fading sense of crushing defeat, and reasoned that the subject must have been a failed attempt at saving Mami.

_And already, we're off to a bloody __**amazing **__start. Man, this is gonna __**suuuuuuuck…**_

A trial raged inside my head the entire time I was eating breakfast, with Objections, Hold Its, and Take Thats mentally ringing out every so often. But despite the valiant efforts of my Defense Attorney, Prosecutor, and Judge brain cells, they failed to reach a verdict for the third and last day of debate, and the doors of the cranial courtroom slammed shut for the final time, waiting until some new issue came along that required its use.

_Rrgh, this isn't working. I need to distract myself before I start bashing my head against the wall._

Returning to my room, I checked the map and located the city's General Hospital. It hadn't moved an inch since I arrived - the travel time was still a good 30 minutes from where I was right now. In relation to the arcade, the time grew to 45 minutes.

_Mmm… stay close, or go further… close, or further…_

A minute later, I went "fuck it" and pulled out a coin. Flipping it up, I caught it in my palm and slammed it down on my other arm, peeking at the result.

_Arcade it is. RNJesus, you better not have screwed me over._

For the most part, my idea worked. Losing myself in the virtual world was a great way to forget all about the trials and tribulations of reality. But I would have said that it worked a little too well, if I hadn't caught the incoming call that I nearly missed.

_It's Madoka… right, we did end up exchanging numbers. Does this mean Mami might arrive early?_

I hit the 'accept call' button and lifted my phone up to my ear. "Yeah, what's up?"

"Audrey?! Oh, thank goodness!" She certainly sounded like she'd gotten a load off her chest. "We've got big trouble! There's a Grief Seed lodged in the wall of the hospital, and it's about to hatch!"

So far, no change. "Mami's not with you, is she?"

"No," came the strained reply. "I tried calling her, but she's not picking up. I don't know if anything might have happened, but I'm heading to her house now to see if she's there. I left Sayaka and Kyubey to watch the seed."

It occurred to me then just how unrealistically hopeful that seemed, and even if it could simply be excused by virtue of storytelling, I couldn't help myself from commenting on it. "You left an unenhanced girl to stand guard against a ticking time bomb while you went to find someone who may or may not be where you expect them to?"

"Well, if you have a better idea, I would love to hear it!" The stress in her voice was unmistakable, even with electronic interference.

"Telling Saya to get out of the danger zone would be a good start," I bluntly answered. "But point taken regardless. Unfortunately, I'm at the arcade right now, so it'll be a while before I get there, even if I put pedal to the metal. And that's not counting any unexpected interruptions that I might run into. I'll see what I can do, though."

It was hard to tell if the breath she let out was from relief or exertion. "Thanks so much. Here's hoping this ends up working out okay."

I stopped her right there. "Watch that mouth of yours, pinko. The last thing we want is to have you tempt fate and attract Murphy's attention. Bad things always happen when you do that."

"I'll keep that in mind. Be careful!"

"Back atcha." I ended the call and plotted an express route to the hospital, heading out to the streets at a light run.

One thing I greatly appreciated from my body no longer being entirely human was that my stamina had increased exponentially from what it used to be. In fact, all of my physical capabilities had made leaps and bounds from the transformation. Whereas before I would have been practically out of energy by the time I reached the hospital, now I could cut my travel time by a noticeable margin while hardly being out of breath.

While I was moving, I checked the distance of Mami's home in relation to the hospital, and found it to be relatively close - only around 20 minutes away. But Madoka still had to make a round-trip, meaning she would arrive at around the same time as I would, assuming I didn't go as fast as I could.

_If I keep going like this, I'll get there in… 25 more minutes. Sayaka was gone by the time Madoka came back, but I don't know if she'll still be there when I arrive. If she is… that's gonna need some improv to make sure events stay their course as much as possible. But if she isn't, I can probably- wait, stop! Don't think about it! Remember the law of the Unspoken Plan Guarantee!_

I spent the remainder of my time in transit vaguely determining my strategy so as to not guarantee its failure because of said law. And when I did finally run up to the entrance of the hospital…

_Her bag's there, but no human to be found… thank god. I've done enough flying by the seat of my pants for now._

I heaved a sigh of relief, before revealing the labyrinth and stepping inside.

The lair of the Cheesecake witch looked just as twistedly delicious as it always had. I couldn't see any familiars at the moment, but they could be hiding anywhere, so the last thing on my priority list was dropping my guard.

After a few steps forward, I was contacted.

'_Audrey? That's you, isn't it?_'

I made a show of mentally sighing. '_Nice to hear you're not dead yet, ya reckless idiot. I'm starting to think that Leeroy Jenkins moment I pulled a few days ago may have been a worse influence than I expected._'

'_Well, what was I supposed to do?!_' It was hard to tell if this was just her personality that was talking, or her growing anxiety at the situation. '_You're not seriously thinking that Madoka would've been a better choice for this job, are you?!_'

A derisive snort conveyed itself over the connection. '_Of course not. What I'm trying to say is that the idea of you, a regular girl, sticking around to watch what's basically a pack of TNT with a lit fuse is one of the most needlessly stupid things I've ever heard._ _I mean, come on, do the words 'common sense' mean nothing to you?_'

'_Gaah, you-!_' Another, louder noise of frustration hit my brain. '_You know what, let's just save this for when we don't have bigger things to worry about, okay?_'

'_Fine by me._' Seeing her back off was a surprise, but not an unwelcome one. '_Where are you?_'

Kyubey took over. '_We're right next to the Grief Seed. It's very unstable at the moment - a sufficient surge of magic could cause the witch to hatch prematurely. You're going to have to make your way to us in your normal state if you don't want this to become any more dangerous than it already is._'

I groaned as I remembered this part of the story. '_Great. A stealth mission. Now I'm really starting to regret that I never got the chance to play Metal Gear. And I don't even get a freakin' cardboard box! Who designed this stupid thing?!_'

'_Actually, I doubt it'll be as hard as you think,_' it interjected. '_The familiars should be relatively docile, short-sighted, and slow to react since the witch technically hasn't been spawned yet. It won't be the end of the world if one of them sees you for only a second. Just get out of its way, and it should forget you were ever there._'

I thought that description sounded familiar, and my palm once again met my face when I made the connection.

_Oh, for… it's Payday 2's weird-ass detection system all over again. The one where you could sprint right through the lobby of a bank toting an assault rifle and nobody would bat an eye so long as you didn't bump into anyone or stay still for too long. Well, this just got a whole lot easi-FUCK!_

The action turned into a double facepalm when I realized too late what I had just done.

_Perfect. PERFECT! And if all this shit wasn't enough, I just had to go and tempt fate to top it all off! Fan-__**fucking**__-tastic job playing yourself, dumbass!_

I slumped over with a whining moan, before accepting my sealed fate and marching forward.

_Nothing I can do about it now. All that's left is to just sit back, let it happen, and deal with it then._

As if on cue, I heard an assortment of otherworldly noises emanating from a little ways directly in front of me. Lifting my head and allowing my vision to focus itself revealed a fairly large group of Charlotte's minions.

"Oh…"

Despite the fact that it came out as a murmur, the vocalization still inexplicably managed to draw the attention of every single familiar ahead of me, causing them to fall silent while they turned to stare at me.

Since the cat was out of the bag, I figured I might as well finish the line. "...you mother_fuckers._"

I didn't stick around long after that, bolting away down one of the branching paths I'd noticed near the entrance and leaving behind two simple words for the charging horde hot on my heels to eat up.

"_NOT AGAAAAAAAAIN!_"

Thankfully, this Benny Hill sequence didn't last as long as the last one did. I was able to lose the mob by ducking behind what looked like a giant cookie after turning a corner, letting the mass of… whatever they were supposed to be motor right past me. That doesn't mean I wasn't still pissed off about how I'd had to go through such a thing a _second _time, though. Quite the opposite, in fact.

"_Fuck _Kyubey, _fuck _this lousy god damn stupid labyrinth, _fuck _whatever pulled me into this, _fuck _this shitty timeline, _fuck _the witch in that damned seed, _FUCK IT ALL! __**NYRAA-**_"

I'm pretty sure you get the idea. And to add insult to injury, I'd found myself even more hopelessly lost than I already had been at the start. And THEN…

'_Uh… Audrey?_' Sayaka popped back in. '_Is it just me, or did I just hear a faint scream that sounded a lot like you?_'

'_I HATE THIS PLAAAAACE!_'

'_Holy-! Jeez, are you okay?!_'

I felt like I was a few moments away from snapping. '_NO! OF FRICKIN' COURSE I'M NOT OKAY! I literally just narrowly escaped being torn apart by a rabid pack of familiars for the second time since I came to this god-forsaken city! And I'm starting to think that the labyrinth itself is actively trying to make me get lost!_'

'_I wouldn't be surprised,_' the incubator piped up. '_Labyrinths that are preparing for their witches to appear are usually still under construction until the Grief Seed hatches, so I would fully expect one like this to have paths that are constantly changing, opening, and closing. Has Mami taught you how to use telepathy to track others yet?_'

I stopped. '_...no, she didn't. Wonderful… I really shouldn't, but at this point, I'm actually starting to get morbidly curious as to how things could keep going wrong past this point._'

I bumped into another dead end right after saying that, and let the crocodile tears and overexaggerated sobs stream out. "_Nnoooooo-ho-ho-hoooooo!_"

It took a while to calm down, but thankfully, some good news came when I did. Two new players joined the lobby.

'_Kyubey, what's the situation?_'

'_We're fine, Mami,_' he responded. '_At least for now._'

I heaved a sigh of relief before I began moving again. '_Oh, thank god you're here. I was starting to think I'd go insane if I had to put up with this on my own for much longer._'

'_Good to hear from you, Audrey. I assume this labyrinth has been giving you trouble?_' From anyone else, that would have sounded patronizing, but it wasn't as bad coming from her for some reason.

I groaned again. '_Like you wouldn't believe. Apparently we can't use too much magic or we'll wake up the witch, so I've just been blindly stumbling around for the past fifteen-something minutes, trying to find the center while hiding from any familiars I see since I can't fight 'em._'

'_That does sound very annoying,_' I heard back. '_How close do you think you are to the seed?_'

'_No clue whatsoever._' I swore as the corridor I was walking down suddenly closed itself up behind me, locking me onto my current course. '_And I can't retrace my steps because the paths keep changing themselves.__ That reminds me - when we get out of here, you're teaching me telepathy tracking._'

'_Oh, dear. I see this has turned into a fine mess, hasn't it?_' A sigh floated over. '_Well, I'm here now, so just keep moving forward and you should eventually reach the seed. If you don't, I should be able to find it in your place and dispose of it._'

My reply was uneasy. '_Ehh, I dunno… my magi-sense is telling me that there's something off about this particular witch. I can't recommend you take it on alone in good conscience, veteran though you may be._' I paused so I could take cover behind a warped-looking giant cherry. '_If it puts Saya in danger, then that's a different story, but if you have the option, try to avoid engaging it until I get there._'

''_Magi-sense?'_' Sayaka barged in, sounding like she was holding in a mental giggle. '_Is that, like, the Magical Girl's spidey-sense or something?_'

'_Yeah, exactly like the spidey-sense!_' Validation was sweet. '_You see, this is why I'm really starting to like you. You're pretty much the only person here who actually gets my references. Now, if only you took the time to think through your actions more..._'

I heard a huff while I left my hiding spot and continued on. '_Man, I thought we were making real progress there, but nope. You just had to go and ruin it._'

'_Uh-huh, right._' I took extra care to let the deadpan bleed through my message. '_Remind me again - who's the idiot that decided to charge ahead right into the incredibly dangerous maze full of… whatever those gumdrop-things are?_'

'_Hey, it worked, didn't it?!_' She shot back instantly.

'_Yeah, once,_' I countered. '_Lady Luck must be smiling on you today. In any other instance, you'd be a stain on the wall right about now. C'mon, didn't your parents ever tell you to look before you leap?_'

'_Way too many times._' Madoka finally broke her silence. '_She never listens, though. I think it just started becoming a habit around… a year ago? No, wait, two years. Especially because of the bully incident._'

'_Wha- __**Madoka!**_' I could almost see the cartoonish speech bubble with her panicked face on it pop up. '_I thought we agreed to never talk about that again!_'

The girl in question then realized what she'd unintentionally said. '_AAH! Sorry, I'm sorry I'm sorry! I didn't mean to say that! It just sort of… slipped out…_'

The reaction caused our scout to backpedal slightly. '_No, no, it's… it's fine. You didn't say anything else, so it's no big deal._'

_I smell a Noodle Incident… eh, whatever. Those never get revealed to the audience, so it's pointless to ask. Instead…_

'_Well, uh, in any case…' _I awkwardly began. '_Mami, just make sure you don't attract any attention and try to get over to Saya at a relatively fast pace. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine._'

'_Right,_' she affirmed. '_Kyubey, how much time do we have until the witch hatches?_'

'_Enough to give you some leeway on how you_ _approach_,' was his report. '_If you're in a tight spot, you can sacrifice a bit of travel speed to avoid using magic and we'll still be okay._'

That seemed to satisfy her. '_Roger that. Audrey, do try to find your way to the center in a timely manner, all right?_'

'_I'll do my best._' I grumbled as I found myself at another dead end. '_I make no promises, though._'

More of the same followed after that. But unlike before, I started to get worried. If I didn't find my way to the center soon, there would be no stopping The Chomp. The more time passed, the worse my anxiety got, and some of the near-misses I had with the patrolling familiars didn't help matters.

The tension ramped up drastically when I heard the warning.

'_Mami! Audrey! The Grief Seed's started moving! It's about to hatch! Hurry!_'

The response was quick. '_We're on it! Today just became a special occasion, so I plan to make short work of this witch!_'

I figured I should probably say something, too. '_No need for stealth anymore, huh? Thank god. I was getting tired of all this tedious sneaking around. Cover your ears, 'cause things are about to get loud!_'

_Shit! I'm running out of time! If I don't get there fast enough, we're all screwed!_

I flared up, drawing my sword and blasting forward. The familiars, suddenly riled up as they were, attempted to block my path, but every last one fell in flashes of gold-tipped silver. I made sure to pay them back twofold for all the misery they'd been causing me since I got here.

The dead ends still caused me no end of frustration, though. But there was a silver lining - the pathways had stopped rearranging themselves, finalizing the design as the witch was hatching. This allowed me to finally backtrack properly, and find a better route.

And wouldn't you know it, that silver lining ended up giving me a shining ray of hope.

_Wait a minute. Up ahead, is that-?_

A set of glowing red and yellow ribbons came into view, acting as the prison of a certain girl who was ensnared a few feet above the ground.

_HOLY SHIT, YES! All is not lost!_

I sprinted towards the bindings, then got impatient enough to simply send a few blade beams at the strands anchoring them to the walls. The girl fell to the ground, black hair splaying itself across the multicolored floor. While she was lifting herself up, I knelt down next to her and brought my dormant sword up, pointing it at the lock that secured the ribbons.

"Hold still for a sec. I don't wanna burn you." Triggering the laser blade caused it to pierce right through the magical metal, destroying the lock and causing the ribbons to go slack and fall away. "There we go!"

Homura got to her feet and turned to me, presumably about to speak, before she was interrupted by a transmission that caused the tension to go from 100 to over 9,000. '_Audrey, we made it to the center, but the witch has locked us all in. I know you said I should wait for you, but the way things are, I don't see any other option but to fight it. My apologies!_'

I reflexively threw out a "fuck!" in response. I then felt Homura grab my shoulder, and my attention.

"In any other circumstances, I wouldn't do this, but there's no time left, so I must ask that you keep this a secret from everyone. Now, take my hand and _do_ _not _let go."

I did as she told, clasping the limb in an iron grip and preparing for what would come next. A second later, and the instant that would have followed was halted in its tracks as time suddenly stopped. When it did, she shot forward, and I was pulled along for the ride as we desperately raced to prevent the turning point that would send the plot spiraling into despair.

Time would stutter at regular intervals, going back into motion for an instant before the chronoshield twisted again and re-froze the world. I likely would've been disoriented as all hell if I had the mind to focus on it, but the pumping adrenaline and single-minded pursuit of my current objective kept my sight sharp and my stomach undisturbed.

Eventually though, we at last made it to the entrance to the center. Drawing my sword, I stabbed it forward, letting loose a spike of energy that blew the door locking its occupants inside to pieces. With no further obstacles, we accelerated through the smoking remains and emerged into the antechamber.

Just in time to see Charlotte's giant worm-fly mouth preparing to close itself on Mami's neck.

A scream built up in my throat as the jaws came down. When the teeth were centimeters from her flesh, I heard a whirring click, and felt a sharp pain in my wrist, causing my hand to recoil.

I blinked, and all of a sudden, Mami was gone, replaced by a brief flash of gray before the witch's lips met. Two seconds later, a massive fireball erupted from its mouth, causing its head to cartoonishly balloon outward and cough out a plume of smoke.

The pounding in my head kept me from paying attention to anything else, sending out a stream of curved energy arcs at its dazed face before extending my blade and bringing it down on what I guessed to be its back. Unsurprisingly, I encountered a lot of resistance, but in the end, it wasn't able to hold up to the sheer force I was outputting, powered by overloading amounts of rage and fear. The chrome beam split the witch in half, severing its head from its tail, which fell to the ground and were subsequently hit by an unrelenting barrage of explosions, becoming subjected to several tons' worth of TNT before finally succumbing to the onslaught.

It took a few moments to realize that the danger was gone. I was breathing heavily, practically dead on my feet, hearing my unbearably noisy pulse easily and feeling the adrenaline beginning to drain away. My arms fell to my sides and I slumped over slightly, my sword disappearing as I flashed back to my normal state.

_Wait- MAMI! Where is she?!_

My head swiveled around a few times, before I caught sight of my partner. She was lying flat on the floor, unmoving, mouth and eyes wide and pupils dilated. Her chest was rising up and down, so it was clear that she wasn't dead. Just… in shock, likely, judging by how small the expansions were. I dashed over, nearly bumping into the cotton candy duo when they did the same.

_Uhh, treat for shock, treat for shock, __**remember the fuckin' treatment, damn it! **__Ummm… ah! Reassurance, right? Yeah! Positive encouragement! Do that!_

I lifted the blonde up to a sitting position, lightly shaking her in hopes of snapping her back to awareness. "Hey! Hey, Mami! You're not dead! You're still alive! It's over! You're fine! The witch is gone! You're safe!" Words streamed out of my mouth, going so fast that I tripped over several of them in my frantic ad hoc attempts at a half-remembered emergency procedure.

All of a sudden, she shrieked and summoned a musket, raising it up and firing it forward towards nothing and sending the other three of us jerking back. Her breathing sped up, sounding uncomfortably close to hyperventilating, before her arm dropped and the weapon disappeared. Her respiratory speed slowed back down, and tears began to stream from her eyes as she returned to her school uniform. Back up the arms went, hands covering her face as broken sobs left her mouth.

We crowded back around her, holding her tightly in hopes of conveying that everything was going to be okay. I then finally recognized that footsteps were approaching us, and looked up to find Homura carrying Charlotte's Grief Seed. She stared for a moment, then chucked the seed towards us. It bounced and rolled along, coming to a stop at Mami's feet. The clinking noises it made attracted the attention of the other two, who directed their focus towards the new object, and from there, the transfer student.

"Let this serve as a reminder to you all," she gravely stated. "Death can strike from nowhere and claim you when you least expect. I cannot stress enough how extraordinarily lucky you were today. An instant later, and Mami Tomoe would've been lost to the world, and soon after, you along with her. _That _is what it means to be a Magical Girl."

She turned away as the labyrinth fizzled out, the background changing back to late afternoon sunlight on white hospital walls. "Never forget what you have seen here today. And know that this is what you will face, should you make the mistake of contracting." She left those parting words to echo in our minds as she left, walking off to who knew where.

I left Madoka and Sayaka to support the cracked veteran while I went to grab the Grief Seed. I gazed at it, then at Homura's retreating form, before turning back to the group and kneeling over Mami, whose Soul Gem was darker than it should've been.

* * *

**A/N: Sometimes, trying to get ahead in life isn't the best option. You might find yourself losing your head if you do it too much. Thankfully, it seems Mami still has her head screwed on straight. (For now, at least.) ...okay, I'll stop.**

**Hoo, boy. What a rollercoaster that was, huh? First Homura, then this. Crossing my fingers that I didn't just give the blonde PTSD, but I'm sure you med-nerds out there can figure out if I did. (Spoiler alert: I totally did. **_**OR DID I?!**_**)**

**On a lighter note, more banter! And Homu is actually a supremely uncultured swine. I mean, sure, everything Audrey referenced is 50-plus years old, but that's still no excuse, damn it! Then again though, the failure to recognize Jojo **_**did **_**end up saving her from a supremely awkward conversation, so… yay, I guess? And I'm **_**absolutely sure **_**that there is **_**no possible way **_**for that comment to come back and bite her in the ass at some point in the future! (Not really. Still deciding what I want to do with that, if I want to do anything with it in the first place.)**

**By the way - what the hell are those familiars even supposed to be? They're like gumdrops, but with the coloration of a fruit fly or something. Eh, whatever, it's not like it really matters. They're all dead now.**

**But speaking of references, there's… Jesus, five-something of 'em in this chapter alone? Wow. I mean, pop culture was integral to Audrey's upbringing, but I have no idea whether or not this counts as Reference Overdosed. I suppose you'll have to be the judge of that, eh?**

**Let's see, next time… I think Sayaka might get a bit more priority. Well, obviously, considering that her arc is the focus for most of episodes four through… eight or something? Sheesh, that's like a whole third of the show. Then after that, I get the feeling someone's gonna start painting the town red. And they also happen to have baggage, because of course they do.**

**T-T-T-T-Th-T-Th-T-Th-That's all, folks!**


	8. I Don't Even Wanna Think About It

Mami ended up falling unconscious pretty soon after Homura left. I assumed she just couldn't take it anymore, and shut down from the stress.

Madoka, Sayaka, and I discussed amongst ourselves what to do with her. I eventually volunteered to take her home with me since she'd probably need some support when she eventually woke up, and neither of the other two could house her without attracting unnecessary attention. We decided that we would talk about today's events after we'd had a bit of time to digest everything that had happened, and resolved to get in touch sometime tomorrow, before I slung Mami's arm around my neck and we split up.

I didn't even get a block away before the weight of what I'd just gone through hit me like a truck, and I suddenly became a walking corpse. I was _exhausted, _plain and simple. The emotional rollercoaster had been quite the ride on its own, but having its effects magnified exponentially after coming a fraction of a fraction of a second away from complete and total failure was tiring beyond belief. I nearly collapsed when it slammed into me, but held fast for my charge's sake. Letting her fall at this point would just be a dick move.

I thanked my lucky stars for the physical enhancements for the second time today. Without them, I doubt I would have made it past the first intersection. Let me remind you - teenagers may not be fully grown, but most of them still clock in at 100 pounds or more, and I don't think I need to tell you what carrying them entails. Remember, the next time you see an action hero or someone like that pulling a bridal carry for extended periods of time, make sure to call them out on their bullshit, because their arms should be dead after 30 seconds.

It was dark by the time we got back to my apartment. The receptionist was dissuaded with a simple excuse, something like "oh, someone just spiked the punch bowl and she got a little excited." I stumbled my way up to my room, sluggishly lifting the key up to unlock the door, falling inside and barely remembering to take our shoes off before I carelessly dragged Mami across the room and dropped her on the bed. Modesty went out the window as I collapsed after her, pulling her up and facing her away from me before I tried to get comfortable and hit my own power button. Key word being 'tried.'

My blue light screen-induced insomnia decided to make today the day it would troll me, and I found myself unable to slip off into dreamland. Although, that did allow me to take notice of what happened next.

At some point later in the night, I began to hear distressed noises coming from Mami. She was fidgeting in her sleep, and it was pretty clear to me that she wasn't having a very pleasant time in her apparent nightmares. Being me, I slipped an arm over to her, and the second she felt it, her hands snapped up and wrapped around it with a death grip.

The 'hug toy' dampened the effects, but didn't make them dissipate entirely. Little whines emitting from her mouth and the barely-noticeable shivering indicated that she was still having an overall shitty experience. Unfortunately, there wasn't really anything more I could do with that, besides more reassurances that I was too tired to make and probably wouldn't have helped anyway. I resolved that this was better left handled in the morning, although that might require an early up since it was a school night.

_No, wait, I could just have her call in sick. Lord knows she could really sell it at the moment. Then again, there's a lot of potential classwork she could miss, as I know very well… bah, that's a problem for future me._

A little while after, I at last felt my mind drift off into unconsciousness.

When I opened my eyes next, Mami was not in the position I remembered her being in. She was now facing towards me, and had somehow ended up trying to hold me like some sort of security blanket. Her grip was just as strong as it was last night, and I found myself unable to move for the most part.

_Oh, great. And here I was, thinking I'd never have to deal with this stupid trope. Are you happy, universe? You 'avin a lil' giggle there, mate? Good for you. Now quit it._

I quietly groaned, and then attempted to escape. When wiggling didn't work, I attempted to use my arms and legs to shake my captor. This found success, as I heard her begin to make groggy noises as her eyes started to crack open.

After blinking a few times, her vision seemed to focus as she came to awareness. Shortly after that, she realized her situation, and inhaled sharply, eyes widening.

The tired expression on my face didn't budge. "If you scream, I'm shoving you off the bed."

The response was a squeak and a scramble to extricate herself from the position she'd unconsciously pulled herself into. Turns out she didn't even need to hear what I said - she fell off the bed all on her own, the impact knocking out an "oof!"

Mami bolted to her feet after recovering, while I sluggishly lifted myself up to a sitting position and attempted to rub the exhaustion from my eyes. She backed away a few steps before she began turning around and surveying the setting with a look of confusion. "This… isn't my apartment."

"Nope," I confirmed, drawing her attention back to me. "It's mine. After what happened yesterday, we thought you might need a shoulder to lean on… or cry into. But, regrettably, Madoka and Sayaka both live with their families, and I'm sure you know how much of a scandal it would cause if they just showed up on their doorstep dragging you behind them." I paused, then added "besides, they don't lift like we do, and humans are heavy" as an afterthought.

She gave the single room another once-over, likely taking notice of its barebones state. "You live here?"

I made a noncommittal motion with my hand. "Ehh, kinda, but not really. You know how I'm here on vacation? This was where my parents paid for me to stay in. Not much to look at, I know, but it does its job just as well as any other temporary residence. But we're not here to talk about me."

I had lifted myself out of the covers while talking, and now stood up to my full height, still easily dwarfing her relatively small frame. "What we're here for now is you. Since it's glaringly obvious that you've got… _issues_, I've decided that starting today, you, Mami Tomoe, will be the first patient of my jury-rigged therapy service."

Anticipating the refusal she was already preparing, I pressed further. "And before you say anything - no, this is non-negotiable. I'm gonna treat the _hell _outta you, whether you like it or not."

The look she gave me conveyed a severe lack of faith which I would have found disturbing were it not entirely justified. "Are you even qualified for this?"

"Well, uh…" My eyes drifted off to the side. "I… took a psych class in my junior year. That's gotta count for something, right?"

The following seconds of awkward silence and soul-piercing stare made me come clean. "Okay, yeah, I fully admit that I'm _waaay _out of my depth here." I took a step forward, and placed my hands on her shoulders. "But that still doesn't mean that you don't need help, and I'm gonna try my damndest to give it to you if it's the last thing I do."

The tears began to fill up in her eyes as she tried to move herself away from my grip. "No. No, you won't." I let go, and she turned her back to me, head bowed. "You shouldn't waste your time on a lost cause like me. Please, don't force yourself to do this for someone who can't even keep a single promise. You're better off without me. Everyone is."

I blinked, and scratched my head. "Wow. Is that what my thoughts sound like to everyone else? Weird. It's like looking in a warped funhouse mirror."

"What?" A single eye revealed itself to me, leaking out water.

"You're not the only one with low self-esteem, y'know." I chuckled, then leaned on the wall and looked up to the ceiling for a bit. Figuring out what to say had been an impossible task thus far, so I decided to just go ahead and keep winging it.

"Hey…" I began, still unsure on how to handle this, but committing anyway. "You wanna know something?"

My gaze came back down to focus on Mami, who hesitantly turned towards me a little more. "If I thought that there was _anyone _out there who could reasonably come here and provide a better therapy treatment than a high school student with no experience whatsoever, I would've gone out and brought them here as soon as I could."

I suddenly found my socks to be a supremely interesting object to focus my vision on. "But… as much as I want there to be, nobody like that exists. All we have are Mado, Saya, and Homu. All of which are… not exactly the best fit for this kind of thing."

A sigh left my lips. "And… me. Probably the single worst person out of all of them for the job. Autistic, introverted, hardly anybody I can really call 'friends' back home… if I were in your shoes, I'd take one look at that and say 'hell no.'" I heard a sniff from the room's other occupant. "But this stupid little thing called the Scout Law that was beaten into me as a kid is stopping me from walking out on this."

Back up my gaze went to the sad girl. "So… here I am, trying to fill a role I'm both unqualified for and not expected to do." The look intensified. "But I'm not gonna deprive you of what you need just because I'm not supposed to be the one giving it to you. If there's nobody else around who can support you, then I have no choice but to step up and do it myself."

My vision rose up higher, to the singular light fixture in the room. "And if Murphy and his stupid law happen to ruin everything, well…" I let out a resigned laugh. "At least we'll have something in common then, huh?" Another set of lyrics popped into my head as I looked back at Mami's tear-streaked face, albeit they had to be modified to get my point across. "We may share a little drink called failure, but hell - it's better than drinking alone. Am I right?"

Alas, if nothing else, she was a stubborn thing. "No. If you lower yourself to help me, you're not going to help anyone. I've already failed more than I needed to. If I dragged someone else down with me again… I wouldn't be able to live with myself." She made a pleading gesture. "Please. For the good of everyone, forget about me. Only terrible things will come if you try and give me hope again."

You know the look you give someone when they do something that you really shouldn't be surprised by, but you're surprised anyway, and you think 'wow, it's idiotic of me to be surprised about this?' That was the look I shot at her. Then I shoved off the wall, turned away, and tilted my head upward. A moment after, I let it fall and shook it, releasing another sigh as I did so, and turned back around. "You're really not making this any easier for me, y'know?"

Her face fell again. "My apo-"

"No." I cut her off. "If anything, I should be the one apologizing." My fingers came up to pinch the bridge of my nose in frustration. "Look. I know that forcing this on you isn't really the best way to go about this, but you're not exactly giving me any other options here. Like I said, if I knew about a way that could make this go smoother, I'd take it. But with things as they are now, you're stuck with me."

A single sad laugh came out of my mouth. "To tell the truth, I'm shaking in my boots. I've never really… gotten people and how they feel. Hell, half the time I can't even tell what _I'm _feeling. I haven't really cried in years because I'm too busy laughing at the world to feel bad for it."

Another memory floated up. "You know that old saying? 'If we couldn't laugh, we'd all go insane?' That's me in a nutshell. If I didn't spend every second of every day, searching for something that made me giggle, be it schadenfreude, irony, or even shitty internet memes… I probably would've given up a long time ago."

However, I quickly recognized that what I just said wasn't entirely true. "Or, at least I would have, if I also didn't know what it would do to my family." I began to feel something well up behind my eyes. "Especially my poor old granny."

I may have caught her interest with that line, but she stayed silent, so I continued. "Funny how that works - you read enough stories that feature depression as part of a character arc, or see enough news stories covering it, and you start to notice a pattern with how people react." I gestured towards her. "If the victim's someone like you - a girl that just happened to be dealt a shitty hand by life, but who manages to smile through it all - nothing ever stops people from wishing they could've helped ease your pain."

I walked over to the single desk in the room. "That's just a fact. No matter how many times pessimistic nihilists say that people don't care anymore, there's always gonna be at least one person whose heart'll go out to you." I pulled out the chair and sat down, hunching over and propping my elbows up on my upper legs. "I may be an impulsive dumbass who thinks she's not worth shit, but I'm not so wrapped up in my own misery that I can't see what's real and what's a product of my own imagination."

The floor became the object of my interest. "If I decided to just go and end it someday… my granny'd be crushed." I could feel my voice becoming more choked up with each word. "And the idea of breaking her heart just… I don't even wanna think about it."

I was silent for a bit, before Mami decided to speak up again. "...I don't have a family, though. You know that. So why are you telling me this?"

My gaze lifted back up to hers.

_What… fuck, am I crying?_

I absently lifted a finger to brush just beneath my right eye, and discovered that yes, tears were in fact beginning to leak out. "...you still don't get it. Figures. Guess I'll have to spell it out for you, then."

I futilely wiped at my eyes, trying to stop the flow. The streams didn't stop. "If you went and locked yourself away, you'd do to Madoka and Sayaka - not to mention _me_ \- what I'd do to my gran if I did the same."

She shook her head, breathing out a denial. "You don't know that…"

"False," I rebuffed. "And you know it. You knew it since Madoka convinced you that you weren't alone anymore." I shot her a poor excuse for a smile, my expression marred by wet clear streaks. "Y'know, for someone who doesn't want people to care about her, you're doing a pretty shit job of making us."

She turned her head away again in a token effort to shut me out, but I wasn't stopping. "I mean, you don't seriously expect people _not _to care when you save their fuckin' _life_, right? And you did that to all three of us. It'd practically be the biggest dick move we could ever pull if we decided not to give a shit about that sorta thing."

"And what if I can't do it again?" She twisted back around with the expression of someone desperately trying to convince themselves that what they were doing was best. "What if I go back, only to fail again? What if I get them killed next time? What if I get _you _killed next time?!"

I could only shrug helplessly. "That's just how life is, Mami. It's sad, it's brutal, and it can cut you off prematurely, but it doesn't take no for an answer, so you just have to learn to accept it and move on." I stood up and straightened myself a bit. "Like what Rocky famously said - it ain't about how hard you hit, it's about how hard you can _get _hit and keep moving forward."

I took a few steps forward. "What you're trying to do, though? That's not moving forward. Hell, I'd go so far as to say that if you can't convince yourself not to do it, you might as well just put one of your muskets to your head, pull the trigger and save yourself the trouble of starting from square one. Because as it stands, you're in _way _too deep to ever make it back to this point."

I stopped in front of her, emphasizing the height difference as I looked down upon her. "The way I see it, you've got two options. Either you give up, run off, and isolate yourself till the day you die…" I placed my hands on her shoulders, leaning in for extra effect. "Or you get back up, grab your gun, and shoot life in the god damn _face _for daring to think that it could keep you down."

If I had to pick one word to describe her expression in that moment, I would choose 'conflicted' in a heartbeat. She was standing on the precipice of a major decision, but as much as I wanted to, I couldn't influence her choice any more than I already had. If she wasn't willing to take the first step, no amount of help would be able to save her. I hated leaving things as fate-shaping as these to coin flips, but I didn't have much more of a say in the matter. The only thing I could do was step back, and let her decide the future.

I stepped past Mami, patting her on the back as I did so. "For your sake, I hope you don't choose poorly." I kept going, right up to the door. "Now, I'm off to grab breakfast. The next time we see each other, I expect you to have made your decision." Wiping my eyes again, I put my shoes back on and pulled the door open, briefly looking back. "That doesn't mean you can't take your time, though. Feel free to go home, go to school, or do whatever you want. I won't stop you. Laters!"

And with that, I left the room.

_That's it. I've done all I can for now. Fate of the city's in your hands, Mami - I hope to god that you don't screw it up._

When I returned to my room about a half hour later, the window was open, and the blonde was gone.

_...I __**so **__wish I could board that stupid thing up. Staff would give me hell if I did, though. Oh, well._

* * *

**A/N: Remember when I said that the next chapter was likely going to focus on Sayaka?**

**Yeah, I might've lied about that a little.**

**I'm gonna say this now - that was probably the single hardest scene I've ever written up to this point in my career. Not just because of the heaviness, but also how delicate the subject matter was. This was magnified by how pivotal to the plot this conversation is, meaning I had to check and double-check everything I wrote to make sure it was at least passable. Speaking of which, this chapter probably contains the highest number of scrapped words out of all of them. **

**Shoutouts to DestructionDragon360, LowerBlack, and Narwhal Lord for their feedback on this chapter's content, by the way. It wouldn't be what it is without them. Go check 'em out if you have the time. **

**Anyway, next time, I'll be writing a flashback sequence because I forgot to include a specific scene in the last chapter that's gonna become important real soon. It won't take up the entire chapter, but it will provide a starting point and some clues for y'all to figure out a noteworthy change to the canon timeline.**

**Until then!**


	9. Sounds Like A Pretty Crappy Deal to Me

I planned to spend most of the rest of the 5th wandering around town.

I needed a way to distract myself from the anxiety over Mami's choice and kill time until school let out, so I figured that going on a walk was probably the most efficient way to do that. And if I happened to run into a few nasties along the way, well… more experience points and extra valuable items was never a bad thing, if you know what I mean.

While I was doing that, I reviewed current events in an attempt to discern my next move, assuming that I wouldn't be wiped off the face of the multiverse within the next few days.

_Okay, so if memory serves… Saya's supposed to contract today, which allows her to go and beat the TV witch into the ground, saving Mado and Hito in the process. That also means that Kyoko's gonna arrive before tomorrow. That is, if she decides to come here in the first place, considering Mami didn't end up biting it this time. Then again, Different Story had her return to Mitakihara despite Mami surviving in that timeline… was that ever explained? _

I grabbed my head with both hands and groaned in frustration.

_This is why I hate having such a crappy memory. What the hell do I even pay you incompetent brain cells for?! Because it's pretty damn clear that it's not to do your fuckin' job right!_

I stopped myself when my mind drifted back to the subject of Sayaka's wish.

_Wait… let me reconsider that. You did manage to do __**one **__assignment correctly._

I called up the one memory that my brain had decided not to mess with, for good reason…

* * *

June 2nd. Three days earlier. We'd just finished off a stray familiar that had somehow escaped the results of Mami and I's first joint venture, and were heading home.

(If I'd looked closer, I may have noticed a large, suspiciously-shaped dent on the minion's chest, but that's not important.)

"Have either of you decided what to wish for yet?"

Mami got two negative indications in response. "I can't say I'm surprised. I also don't doubt that the pressure may be making it difficult for you to choose."

Madoka thought for a moment, then turned to the blonde. "Maybe it would help if you told us what you wished for?"

The girl in question stopped all of a sudden, her smile failing to reach her eyes. The rest of the party halted along with her, with Madoka attempting to hit the 'undo' key. "O-oh, I didn't mean to be so nosy! If you don't want to say, that's totally fine!"

Mami briefly glanced at her, then quietly let out a resigned but fond sigh. She tilted her head up slightly, and answered "for me, it was different." Her eyes closed, and the smile faded completely. "I didn't have the luxury of thinking about it first." She paused, presumably reminiscing. "Don't misunderstand, however - I don't regret my decision. After all, I'm still alive because of it. And in my opinion, the life I have right now is preferable to being dead."

Another pause. "But, if you have the chance to step back, consider all your options, and really think about what you want… then feel free to take as much time as you need." She began walking again, causing us to follow once more. "I may not have gotten that opportunity myself, but if I can offer it to others, I can feel better about their odds of success."

"Hrmph." I folded my arms. "I probably should've found a way to meet up with you sooner, then. If I had, then maybe I wouldn't have been forced to rush my wish to save myself from my own stupid mistake."

"That's right," she remembered. "You did say that you were trapped in a labyrinth. My apologies for not being able to assist you."

I waved it off. "Ahh, it's fine. You had no way of knowing. Besides, the whole mess was entirely my fault." I sighed, looking off the bridge we were crossing. "Sadly, there's no cure for impulse-driven idiocy, but at least now I have a way to defend myself from any disproportionate consequences my actions might cause." My hands came up in a shrug. "Silver lining, I guess."

"Hey, um... Mami?" Sayaka had been thinking for the majority of the conversation, and at last decided to say her piece, causing everyone to stop again. "I was wondering… if you make a wish, does it have to be for yourself?"

I'd had a nagging feeling for the past few minutes, and those words revealed why.

_Wait a second… I remember this conversation! _

With that in mind, I focused entirely on the upcoming exchange when Mami urged her to elaborate.

"Let's say that - and this is just an example, okay?" Sayaka briefly averted her gaze, before going back with a slight, but noticeable blush. "Say that there was someone who was way worse off than I was. Would it be a bad thing if I used my wish on them?"

Madoka, having known her best friend for a long time, quickly picked out the question she was trying to mask. "Are you talking about Kyosuke?"

The red on the bat-carrier's face quickly spread and intensified as she turned to the speaker. "Didn't I _just _say that it was only an example?! I'm not 'talking' about anyone!"

Kyubey, being itself, disregarded the digression. "You can wish for whatever you want. There's no rule stating that _you _have to be the one who reaps the benefits. It certainly wouldn't be the first time I've seen it happen."

_Now!_

I attempted to grab the inch I was given and extend it to a yard. "_Buuut_… there's _also_ no rule that says that only one person can profit off a single wish." I thought for a second, then came up with a (hopefully) suitable piece of evidence. "Take me, for example. My wish gave me the power to see the future, which also lets me change it. Not just for myself, but for others, too. Like, if I see someone get killed by something, I have the chance to find them and prevent whatever kills them from doing the deed."

"Audrey is correct," he confirmed. "A lot of wishes focus on the greater good. I'm sure you've heard of a few sudden advances in specific technological fields, right? I don't doubt that at least a few of those were the result of a wish."

The two cadets put on their thinking caps, likely remembering when they had seen some of the news stories covering said advances.

But with that subject explored, I held up an informative pointer finger and diverted onto a different path. "Anyway, there's something else you should probably keep in mind. In the event that you do decide on a wish, stop for a moment and see if that wish is the best method you have of getting what you actually want." My mind incidentally drifted to the 'Not In My Contract' trope. "Horror stories about people who didn't word the terms of their agreements correctly and got screwed over as a result exist for a reason, after all."

Madoka actually seemed to catch my drift. "So what you're saying is… just deciding on what we want isn't enough, because once we do, we still have to find out how to make the most of the wish we use to get it?"

"Exactly." I snapped my fingers at her, seamlessly transitioning it into a finger gun pointing at the perceptive girl. "Simply wishing for what you want isn't enough. You've gotta think bigger - look at it from every angle, and see if there's anything else you can swing in your favor." A sly smile directed at Sayaka slipped onto my face. "Sometimes, you might even discover a completely different way to get what you're after, and find that way to be better than what you'd originally envisioned."

"You do make some good points," Mami admitted. "However, I will also say that using your own wish to grant someone else's may not be the best idea."

Sayaka most definitely took notice of how that sounded. "What do you mean…?"

The veteran pointedly stared at the potential rookie. "When becoming a Magical Girl, you have to carefully consider not only the wish you make itself, but your reasons behind it as well. If you do plan to use it purely for the benefit of someone else, then why? Is helping that person achieve their dream really so important that you would give up such a valuable opportunity for self-improvement?"

She briefly paused to give the following armor-piercing question even more weight. "Or... are you just hoping for their everlasting gratitude?"

When all she got was a vocalization of her name from Madoka, she pressed further. "And not only that - you also need to be absolutely, completely one-hundred-percent sure that what you're wishing for is exactly what that person wants." I thought I saw something flash behind her eyes for a moment. "Sometimes, if you rush ahead and give someone what you think they want before you truly understand what it is... they end up hating it because it wasn't what they really wanted. And by extension... they might even start hating _you_ along with it. Then..." She trailed off, unable (or perhaps unwilling) to continue.

_...she's referring to Kyoko, isn't she… oh, damn, that's right. I'm also gonna have to deal with __**her**_ _baggage, too. Great. Why couldn't I have been pulled into a universe like… I dunno, Cardcaptor Sakura or something a little more lighthearted and less high-stakes? Oh, yeah, because 'fuck you, Murphy's Law. And suffering. Lots of suffering.' Damned random omnipotent bastards…_

Mami came back to reality, and shook her head. "In any case, I would argue that the motive behind your wish is its most important aspect. It doesn't make much sense to fight for something that you don't fully understand, does it?"

Sayaka could only drop her gaze to the floor, downcast. "...no, I guess it doesn't…"

The blonde put up an apologetic smile. "I am sorry for telling you like this, but I had to say it now, before it was too late. I'm only trying to help you avoid the major pitfalls that come with the territory of this kind of decision. One of them being that if you're not entirely certain of why you're making your wish, you'll likely end up regretting it later, and that's the last thing you want as a Magical Girl."

The girl in question was silent for a brief moment, before looking up again with a sheepish grin. "...yeah, you're right. Sorry… I probably sounded pretty naïve there, didn't I?"

"Don't worry about it, you're cool." I leaned down slightly and laid a hand on her shoulder. "We don't want to make you feel like it's something you _have_ to do, anyways. Mami's been handling herself for years now, and what with me being here, I don't think we have a whole lot to worry about in terms of serious threats." That was a bit of a painful lie to tell, but I had to keep my cards close to my chest, otherwise we could have problems. "If you did decide to contract, that might just be a little overkill. So feel free to take your time - it's not like any of us will be going anywhere, after all." This one, though… I sincerely hoped I was telling the truth.

Kyubey obviously thought otherwise. "As far as I'm concerned, the sooner you choose what you want to do, the better."

"Oh, please." Mami good-naturedly rolled her eyes. "Haven't you heard? Girls don't like pushy boys!" That kicked off a round of laughter from her and Sayaka, and a snort from me despite myself as we began moving again.

It was then that I thought of a way to fire off some shots. "Well, then again, he _is _pretty much a businessman, and I'm sure that you've all heard how 'time is money' and all that." I made a show of considering something. "But wait… lawyers are usually the kind of people who do contracts, right? And they're almost universally hated because exploiting anything and everything is practically part of their job description…" I leaned in slightly, giving the white devil a plastered-on evil eye. "Could there possibly be something you're not telling us, Coobs…?"

At the same time, I shot it a private message. '_Don't answer that. They don't need to know… yet._' Likely unneeded since revealing that would most definitely jeopardize Madoka's chances of contracting, and that was the last thing it wanted, but it never hurt to be careful.

Nevertheless, it followed my advice. "I object to that statement on the grounds that I'm not officially sanctioned by any of this world's governments as a proper contractor or lawyer."

The response left me (and the other three, I'm sure) more than a little nonplussed. "Did… did you just crack a joke?"

"No," he denied. "I only state facts."

I probably would have laughed, were I not glancing at the sky to check if the apocalypse had come, or hell had frozen over, or if the world was ending in general. "...okay, then."

* * *

I broke out of my reverie when I felt my Soul Gem pick up the trail of a witch. It was faint - searching for it could take a while. But I did have time.

_Oh, jeez, what to do now… on one hand, it's a good practice opportunity, not to mention it'll be a good confidence booster if I pull it off, and I'll get a seed out of it. But on the other hand… do I really want to risk possibly killing myself for something I can just wait for a safer opportunity on? I have to keep the fact that I'm still a rookie in mind..._

Brain courtroom no. 4 took charge of the issue. One trial later, a verdict was reached, and I began following the magic traces.

_I need to be sure. If I can kill it all on my own… that'll be a very good sign. Alright, let's do this!_

My predictions were correct - it took a sizable amount of time to track down the witch. And with my travel speed, that meant a lot of ground covered. So much ground, in fact, that I found myself exiting the city entirely well before even getting close. When I did finally find the entrance to the labyrinth, the sun had made sizable progress in its routine westward descent. Checking my phone revealed that it was already 1:30 PM.

_Ah, damn it. There go my plans to get Homu's number - there's no way I'll be making it back before nightfall now. Oh, well. I can always try to find her later. For now…_

I approached the gate, suiting up and drawing my weapon.

_Lock and load._

Preparations complete, I stepped through.

Like all locations of its kind, the labyrinth was an exceptionally odd-looking place. In this specific one, it was as if nothing inside had any real depth or volume. Shadows of any kind were completely nonexistent, making everything look flat and two-dimensional, causing no small amount of disorientation. The sky was a bright, solid lime green, which while definitely loud, wasn't quite that hard on the eyes. It was made easier by the various poorly-drawn objects populating it, taking the form of simple stars, clouds, planets, and other things and shapes that wouldn't seem out of place in a young child's sketchbook. They all looked to be done in crayon, further selling the 'kid's art project' aesthetic.

There were a few additions to the backdrop, too. What looked like buildings of deep blue and bright red dotted the landscape, significantly scaled down to give an amateur impression of distance. Against the green sky, I got the distinct feeling that they were low-quality paper cutouts.

Finally, I could already see a few familiars flying around. They too were in crayon, aimlessly twisting and looping their way through the not-quite-neon sky. They took the appearance of a smiling head with braided hair attached to a body that regularly cycled between a car, a boat, and an airplane.

When I finished the survey of my surroundings, I sighed.

_Can't these things ever make sense for once?_

The answer to that came in the form of a hastily-organized attack squadron heading towards my position.

_Right, stupid question. Forget I asked._

If anything, the little buggers were fast. Blade beams were easily dodged, at least the first few times, before they got too close to react. Even then, it took a few shots to take one down, and after the first few kills, I decided to simply stick with the dormant blade to save MP. It slowed down the process, sure, but I'd trade time for survivability any day of the week.

Progress from there followed the same trend - slow, but steady. The flat perspective of everything led to a lot of confusion over where I could or couldn't go, but a little scrutiny was a great asset when telling walls from hallways. Most of the time.

It took hours to make it to the center, but I made it nonetheless. Like all the other labyrinths, the final arena was in the shape of a giant circle, with the door leading to it slamming shut behind me and locking everything inside once I entered.

The witch was already up and moving by the time I arrived, kneeling over the floor and scribbling away. It looked disturbingly similar to a stylistically terrible depiction of a young girl. Or, not _terrible _per se, just… exceedingly disturbing. Frizzy blonde hair tied up in poofy twintails sat atop its head, while the body was covered with red overall shorts over a green short-sleeved shirt. Everything below the waist was mismatched - one leg was completely covered in a blue stocking adorned with green stars, while the other leg was left half-bare, with only a black-and-varying-shades-of-red striped sock to its name. The witch had no shoes that I could see.

A box of crayons spilled out on the floor next to it, and the thing was currently holding one itself. Funnily enough, it didn't even seem to register that I'd just come in. It just kept scribbling away, in complete ignorance of the world around it.

That ignorance lasted all the way up to the point where I casually strolled over and sliced its dominant arm off in a flash of silver.

In retrospect, I _really _should've anticipated the thing's reaction to that and immediately backed off after doing the deed. Regrettably, I didn't think that far ahead, and soon found myself flung into the nearest wall.

_...owwww…_

I couldn't decide which had higher priority on my feelings list - the sheer stupidity of what I'd just done, or the pain. So instead, I said 'neither' and pulled myself up for round two.

Surprisingly (or perhaps unsurprisingly), the battle didn't follow the turtle-like trend of the labyrinth proper. It was quick, fast-paced, and a whole load of unpredictable. All of the witch's attacks took the form of drawings and drawing utensils, and it would occasionally whip up another set of familiars for me to deal with while it tried to snipe me from afar. Future sight was invaluable here, turning what would otherwise be a slog of a Flunky Boss into quite the exciting match.

The fact that I had the witch on the ropes before the ten minute mark was one of the best omens I'd had in a while. So you can probably guess that how pissed off I became when my fun was ruined by an unwelcome new arrival.

Right when I was preparing to finish the thing off, a large, pointed projectile slammed into its chest and tore straight through, brutally eviscerating it when the chain the object was attached to was stretched taut and ripped it back out.

Noticing the spearhead appearance of the intrusive projectile and the chain it was stuck on, my mind instantly came to a conclusion.

_Oh, you've gotta be __**shitting **__me… you couldn't just leave me to my business, could you?_

"Heh. Not too bad, I'll admit." A cocky, self-confident voice rang out, before a figure draped in red dropped in, landing next to the witch with their back facing me. "Fer a rookie, that is." The newcomer held out their hand, allowing the Grief Seed that they'd ripped out of the witch to fall right into their grasp.

In my nettled state, a little snark was a given. "Nobody likes a kill-stealer, y'know."

"Pay more attention, then." She turned towards me, revealing competitive red eyes and a taunting smirk as the labyrinth faded. "I was tailin' ya fer a good hour or so, and ya didn't even bat an eye."

I shot her a flat, unamused glare. "Wow. A kill-stealer _and _a camper? You must be fun at LAN parties."

She just rolled her eyes. "Yeah, like those totally didn't go outta style forty years ago."

Shaking my head, I decided to hit the skip button. "So, how 'bout we cut to the part where you tell me what exactly you want with me and maybe why you're here in the first place?" I gestured to our surroundings. "We're kinda in the middle of nowhere after all."

"Weeeell…" The redhead stabbed her spear into the ground, casually leaning on it while tossing the seed up and down. "I was mindin' my own business over in Kazamino, doin' what I usually do, when Kyubey happened to show up. Said that old Mami'd gone and gotten herself knocked outta commission fer a while." She tried something different with the seed, spinning it on her finger not unlike one would do with a basketball. "So, I figured this'd be as good a chance as any to move in myself."

She let the seed fall back into her hand so she could point at me. "'Course, he also told me about you, but I can't really be assed to give two shits about some newbie yank on an international joyride."

A disbelieving snort left my mouth. "Uhhh, bullshit? Why'd you go and ninja-loot my drops, then?"

"Eh, I was bored." A not-at-all apologetic shrug accompanied the statement. "Ya took yer sweet time gettin' here, and watchin' ya run into walls headfirst stopped bein' funny after the first few times." She pulled her weapon out of the ground, hefting it up to her shoulder. "What I want right now is some real excitement, and that little pissin' match ya just had with that thing ain't enough fer me. So, here's what's gonna happen."

She held out the seed, dangling it in front of her. "If ya want this Grief Seed, yer gonna hafta prove to me that yer worthy of it. Yer gonna do that by tryin' to take it from me by force."

My next question was a pointless one, but let it never be said that all my options weren't on the table. "And if I don't want to?"

The answer in turn was simple. "Ya go home without a paycheck after puttin' in all that hard work, and I don't get my daily dose 'a dope. Sounds like a pretty crappy deal to me." She made a dismissive motion with her hand. "But then again, I also make bank without any muss or fuss, so what do I care? I still win."

I sighed in acceptance. "Oh, fine. I'll play your game." I lowered myself into a combat stance, bringing my blade up. "But don't get pissy if I give you more than you bargained for."

She belted out an arrogant laugh, then pointed her spear at me. "Why dontcha come over here and try it, then?"

From this point on, words were unneeded. Of course, that wouldn't stop either of us from speaking, but our weapons would be doing the majority of the negotiating for the time being.

Neither one of us moved for the opening moments. After a bit, I made an expectant gesture. "Aren't you gonna make the first move?"

"Why should I?" She jabbed at the air in my direction a few times. "Yer the one who's got the most on the line here."

She was correct, and I knew that, but I didn't have to like it. Nevertheless, I began slowly approaching my opponent with overly cautious steps. The girl faked a yawn in response. "Ya gonna get on with it, or can I go take a nap?"

_Seems infuriation tactics don't work at the moment… all right, then._

I quickened my pace to a brisk walk, but stopped a step short of entering my weapon's effective range.

The lancer raised an eyebrow. "What? Havin' second tho-"

She didn't get a chance to finish her line as she was suddenly occupied with blocking a sequence of slashes from my oversized weapon. The cocky expression never left her face however, betraying the amount of effort she was putting in. A few more clashes, and she'd had enough, going on the offensive and launching me backward with one powerful blocked thrust of her own.

"If that's all ya have, I might as well take that nap now!" It was easy to tell that she was enjoying this. "Step it up! It's no fun if I can do it in my sleep!"

I rolled my neck and shoulders, and brought my weapon up again. "Okay, but remember, you brought this on yourself!" The edges split, the energy blade emerging from the center, and I charged. Another set of clashes occurred, and I found that with the added length, my weapon actually outranged hers. Once I realized that, I began exploiting it every chance I got, spacing myself away a good distance to make sure I stayed outside of her effective range while still swinging away.

However, that didn't exactly matter to my foe. In turn, she exploited her greater strength and experience, anticipating the direction of my strikes and batting each and every one away. I found myself unable to land any good hits on her, and was constantly forced into a defensive position as she continued to dominate the pace of the fight.

Soon, she once again sent me flying back to square one with another oppressive swipe. A flash of future sight enabled me to block it, as it would have come out too fast for me to react to on my own.

"Better," she conceded. "But not good enough!"

_She outclasses me in direct combat… time for a different approach._

It was time for a bit of sniping. I sent out a stream of energy arcs at the redhead, and followed up with a few spikes. Even still, their effectiveness was minimal, as most were dodged, and the ones that did hit were guarded against. The last one I sent off kicked up a cloud of debris upon impact, obscuring my target from view.

Seconds later, the haze was blown away when she broke out the whip function of her weapon, swinging the business end towards me. A vision of the future allowed me to roll under the first swipe, and hop over the second, but the third forced me to hold up my blade to soften the blow. Unfortunately, it was still strong enough to rip the sword right out of my hands, sending it spinning away to clatter to the floor.

The lancer collapsed her weapon back into its compact form with a mocking laugh. "Sorry, but it's game over fer ya!"

Silver flashed in front of my eyes once more, and I foresaw the finishing blow. When the vision ended, my opponent once again extended her weapon, and sent it straight towards me.

And once again, I decided to do something stupid. Twisting out of the way of the initial spearhead, I turned back towards the weapon and snatched one of the shaft segments out of the air, then bolted for where my blade had landed. The instant I felt the slightest hint of resistance on the chain, I gripped it with both hands and _yanked_.

"_GET OVER HERE!_"

She clearly hadn't been expecting such an outrageous move, and was therefore helpless against it, allowing herself to get dragged along for the ride while her weapon attempted to pull itself together. While she was in transit, I snatched my sword up and brought it to bear.

She wouldn't go down that easy, though. She hefted her now-collapsed lance and thrust it out towards me, planning to let her momentum do the work.

Unfortunately for her, I had already seen her do that, and was ready for it. At the very last moment, I stepped to the side, out of the path of the attack, and swung the flat of my blade out.

The result was a very meaty sound as sword and opponent collided. She was lucky enough to keep her grip on the spear as she flew back the way she came. The Grief Seed, on the other hand, was torn out of her grasp and sent spinning through the air to stab itself into the ground next to my feet.

I heard the sound of my foe bouncing off the dirt while I bent down to grab my spoils. A few moments later, I turned to see her peeling herself off the floor.

"Heh… heh ha ha… ah, man…" She stood back up to her full height, wiping some sweat off her brow. "I knew you rednecks were nuts, but I didn't think ya were _that _crazy!" Despite the large hit she'd taken, she didn't seem to be very injured.

I chuckled in return, still riding the adrenaline high. "Well, I like to believe I'm certifiably insane, so as far as I'm concerned, that's just my thing. Not all of us cowboys belong in an asylum."

She only shrugged. "If ya say so. Either way, ya passed the test. The seed's all yers."

"Thank you." I flashed back to my casual wear, and pocketed the seed. While I was at it though, I decided proper procedure was in order. With that in mind, I walked up to my former enemy, who had reverted to her base form herself, and extended my hand. "Audrey Erryn. I wouldn't say it's a _pleasure _to make your acquaintance, but I figured I should introduce myself anyway, as this probably won't be the last time we'll see each other."

I got a bemused stare from my troubles, and that let me realize that I towered over her like I did with everyone else. "Christ, ya really _are _insane…" However, the smile quickly found its way back to her face. "Heh. I think I'm startin' to like ya." She took the offered hand and shook it. "Kyoko Sakura. Not nice to meetcha too."

We broke the handshake and stepped away. I turned to glance towards the direction I'd come from, then back to the redhead. "So, how exactly is this whole thing gonna go down?"

She fished her trademark box of pocky out from one of her pockets and stuck a stick in her mouth. The way she went about it reminded me of a chainsmoker. "I was thinkin' I'd just set up shop and take over. If Mami decides she doesn't like that at some point, I'll beat her idealist ass back into the ground, but I'd rather not deal with her 'till then." She put a hand up to her chin after sticking the box back in its place. "As for you 'n me… how 'bout we just agree not to screw with each other and leave it at that? Yer not gonna be here forever, and I don't see no reason to pick a fight with ya outside 'a havin' some fun."

I considered it for a bit, and concluded that this was probably the best I was going to get out of her. "Sounds okay to me."

Silence settled in for a few seconds, before another thought came to me. "Wanna head to the city together? I doubt getting the chance to talk about witches and stuff with someone who isn't trying to kill you is a common thing."

Surprisingly, she didn't outright refuse my request. In fact, she did the opposite. "...y'know what, why not? It's been a hot minute since I last had someone to bounce offa." She took the box of snacks back out, offering it to me. "Want some?"

My traitorous stomach chose that exact moment to make its displeasure with my choices today known. Kyoko started cackling as I pulled out my phone, and discovered that it was now 4:30 PM. The labyrinth had taken _three hours_. Which meant that it had officially been _way _too long since I last had something to eat. With that in mind, I held my hand out for a stick, the other rising to my head while I let out a "_please_."

Two hours later, and we found ourselves at the edge of Mitakihara.

I heard my travel partner scoff. "Seems this dump didn't change one bit while I was gone."

"You've been here before?" I continued to act ignorant.

"Yep," she confirmed. "Used to be my stompin' grounds. But that was a long time ago. Wonder if the old arcade's still there…"

"Arcade? Wait a minute…" I made a show of having a revelation. "Kyoko Sakura… KyoSaku… are you telling me that the name on the top of every leaderboard in the DDR machine is _yours_?!"

"Hell yeah it is!" She brought up her fists, pumping herself up. "Man, I haven't crushed fresh meat at that thing in _ages_! I can't wait to get back to it!"

"We might have to schedule some game days," I remarked. "Of course, there's really only one machine that I actually know how to play in that entire building, but I'll kick your ass on it any day."

She smirked. "That sounds like a challenge. Call me whenever ya feel like gettin' owned, and I'll hit ya up if I got time."

"You better, ya little shit." I made a shooing motion. "Now get lost. I need to go stuff my face with some steak or a burger or something."

A derisive snort left her mouth. "Figures you'd want that crap." She then pointed towards a side street. "I remember there bein' a Burger King about a block thataway. That work for ya, ya damn yankee?"

I was already moving. "That'll do. Be seeing you, camper."

"Back atcha, newbie!"

Kyoko was correct - there was a Burger King down the road. Hungry as I was, I decided to keep it simple and ordered two burgers with a root beer on the side, which I quickly went to town on when they arrived.

I was just finishing my meal when my phone happened to ring. I checked the caller ID, and found that it was Madoka again.

_Huh… awful nice of this to happen after I'm done eating. I guess it's the little things that Murphy cares about._

Propping my head on the table, I hit the accept button. "Would it be too much to hope that nothing bad's happening right now?"

The response was hesitant. "_Um… yes?_"

I sighed. "Thought so. What is it this time?"

"_It's Hitomi,_" she answered. "_She has a witch's kiss, and there's a bunch of other people with them, too. We're in the abandoned section of the city, and I think we're heading towards one of the warehouses. I don't know what's going on, but I'm sure that it's nothing good!_"

I left my seat, and the building soon after. "Well, shoot. If you're in the abandoned section, you might be screwed. I'm kinda-sorta pretty far away right now."

"_You are?!_" She obviously wasn't pleased with that. "_Oh, no…!_"

"I can try to pull out all the stops and go full speed, but even then, it'll be a while before I get to you." At least twenty minutes, if not a half hour or more, and that was at a dead sprint. "I dunno, just… hold on, or something. I'm coming."

"_Thank you. Please, go as fast as you can!_" The call ended, and I started running.

Fortunately, however, the haste was unnecessary. By the time I arrived, everything had been wrapped up, and Madoka and Sayaka were walking out.

"What took you so long?" The new blood lifted a hand to her hip. "If I hadn't been here, Madoka wouldn't have made it! What gives, Audrey?"

"Nice to see you both in one piece," I huffed. "And you try sprinting a whole load of miles in under thirty minutes."

This left the pinker as the voice of reason, like always. "Come on, you two, don't do this. It's been a hard few days for all of us. We don't need to add more things to worry about to the pile."

In a strange twist of fate, Sayaka backed down, and her face fell. "...yeah, Madoka. You're right. Sorry, Audrey."

I waved it off. "No big deal. But I think what we all need right now is some rest. I know we said we'd talk about things today, but we can do that tomorrow. I dunno about you, but I'm already feeling like I'm about to crash, and it's not even my bedtime yet."

"I hear that," she agreed. "Adrenaline's nice and all, but I feel like a slug now that it's gone. What about you, Madoka?"

The girl smiled. "I won't say no. All in favor of going home and talking tomorrow?"

We all raised our hands. "Great. Let's go, then."

* * *

**A/N: I **_**was **_**going to have this one focus on Sayaka, but then I had an idea on how to introduce the new arrival, and… well, this happened. I won't say I'm not proud of it, though.**

**This chapter's witch goes by the name of Albertine. If the description of her minions sounded familiar to you, it's probably because one of them appears in episode 5, acting as the catalyst for the back alley brawl between Sayaka and Kyoko. (Speaking of minions, one made a return in the flashback. Three guesses as to what caused that dent in its chest.)**

**Speaking of Kyoko, I had a whole load of fun writing her. Most of it stems from how much I played around with her word choice, particularly the various contractions and abbreviations. She's feisty, she knows it, and she'll be damned if she doesn't let everyone else know it too. She's also got the bite to back up her bark, as shown in her little bout today. But I doubt she's ever had to deal with a Scorpion-brand Uno Reverse card before. Audrey does have a bit of a reputation for being unpredictable, if nothing else.**

**But with the conflict over and done with, they now have a nonaggression agreement going on between them. I doubt Sayaka will take that very well if she finds out, but her view of Kyoko is heavily based on their first encounter, so if she introduces herself in a more positive light, she might give off a better impression of herself…**

**Ah, who am I kidding? Nothing's gonna stop her from unapologetically beating the naïveté out of Saya.**

**...which you might actually get to see in the next chapter. Or you might not, considering this is told entirely from the MC's point of view, and there's a chance she won't find the spot before everything's over and done with. Like what just happened. But just because we don't see it doesn't mean it doesn't happen.**

**But that'll be next week. Which is when I'll be seeing you all next. Hopefully. Probably.**

**Ciao.**


	10. It'll Be Over In A Flash

Sayaka stretched her arms up with a grunt, then let them fall back to the grass with a noise of relief. "Man, it's almost scary how great I feel right now!"

A snort and a roll of the eyes was my response. "Enjoy it while you can. Now that you've acknowledged it, the other shoe's gonna drop soon."

"Shut up, don't ruin this for me," she shot back without missing a beat.

"Sayaka…" Madoka hesitantly began. "You're really sure that this is what you want? Aren't you scared?"

The new swordie puffed out her cheeks. "Jeez, I just can't catch a break with you two! Why is it that you keep ganging up on me, huh?" The lack of a reply convinced her to drop the pretenses, and the irritation dissipated, replaced by solemnity. "...of course I'm scared. When all this started, I'd never even seen a real fight to the death before, let alone been in one. And after what almost happened to Mami… I didn't think I was cut out for this at all."

"But that's just it," she continued. "The thought of actually _losing _Mami? Or Hitomi, or you two? Of being completely unable to help when some witch decides that it wants you guys as its next meal?" She paused, collecting herself. "That's what really keeps me up at night." One of her hands came up above her head and balled itself into a fist. "Besides, that one last night wasn't so hard to beat… it was actually kinda easy."

She lifted herself up to a sitting position on the slanted ground, a smile back on her face. "But if you wanna know how I really feel…" Pulling out her Soul Gem and showcasing it to us was her next action. "If I had to put it into words, I'd say I'm sort of… confident. More at ease. I might even go so far as to say that I kinda wanna pat myself on the back, too!"

"Whoa there, spitfire," I cut in. "Check that ego. 'Pride comes before a fall,' remember?"

She must've been in a real good mood, as the grin didn't leave her expression. "Audrey, come on. This isn't a stage drama, this is real life." She stood up, unconsciously pushing out her chest a little more. "But anyway, I'm excited to finally be able to do this! Seriously!" A hand rose to thump into her left breast. "From now on, I promise that I, Magical Girl Sayaka, will do my best to protect the ones I hold dear, and keep the peace of Mitakihara City!" She finished by thrusting her fist up towards the sky, as if to pierce the heavens with her resolve.

I couldn't decide whether to gag or bust out laughing, so I decided to do both. "So you say that this is real life, and not ten seconds later, you turn around and deliver a line straight out of a shonen anime? Why don't you do us a favor and make up your mind about which reality you wanna live in, huh?" A quick "oh, and tone down the cheese levels by about five hundred percent, please and thank you" was added as an afterthought a moment later.

That finally broke her tolerance, and she slowly turned to me with the smile still plastered on her face, but with a much more menacing air about her. "Remind me again - who's the one that keeps treating this whole thing like a VR game? How about _you _do _us _a favor and practice what you preach for once?"

_...wow. Uh… damn. That… not gonna lie, that actually kinda stung. Ouch._

The call-out hit closer to home than I was expecting, and I was left blankly staring, unable to think up any kind of comeback. "...where the hell did you learn to roast like that?"

Her smile turned smug. "Believe it or not, you. I'm not the fastest learner, I'll admit, but it _is_ still something I can do."

Madoka decided to speak up again. "And you're completely sure that you don't have any regrets?"

The sudden return to heavy subjects wiped the smile right off the rookie's face. "...I guess if I think on it, there is one small thing I regret." She turned to look at the water bordering the bottom of the hill we were on. "I can't help but wonder if these last few days could've gone over better if I hadn't decided to wait on making my wish." Her gaze fell to the floor. "I mean, in the end, I went through with it anyway, so if I hadn't dragged my feet… then maybe Mami wouldn't have had to go through what she did, and maybe she'd still be here with us right now, instead of doing… whatever it is she's doing to convince herself that she deserves to be here."

"Maybe…" The only normal girl of the group (what a lie) suddenly found the grass to be of supreme interest as well.

A sigh was squeezed out of my lungs. "Well, if nothing else, maybe I won't have to deal with as many headaches if you're filling in for miss M.I.A." My own off-white egg jewel came out, and I held it up to block the sun with two fingers, turning it over. "On my own, I doubt I could keep up her pace, even without having school as a huge time-sink. But once you get going, you could probably make up the rest of the difference until she comes back." I let the hand holding the gem fall back down. "...if she comes back at all…"

"She'll come back," Sayaka affirmed. I had to wonder which of us she was really trying to convince. "She has to."

_You and me both, buddy. You and me both._

She then seemed to notice that somebody was moping, and extended an arm out to playfully poke Madoka's cheek. "Heeeey… you're not thinking what I think you're thinking, are you?"

"I just…" She didn't seem to know where to start. "Maybe I could've-"

Sayaka cut her off. "Oh, don't you start going could've-should've. Hindsight's 20-20, y'know?" Her Soul Gem became the center of her focus again. "I feel like I was fated to do this, if that makes sense. It's just, looking back… I knew what I wanted from the start, so I can't help but think what would've happened if I hadn't pushed it off for so long. A lifetime of witch-fighting is nothing next to what I wished for. Although, it is kinda frustrating that it took so much time for me to realize how much it really meant to me."

She then unexpectedly swiveled in my direction. "But then again, if I hadn't decided to wait, I never would've gotten the chance to take your advice, Audrey. Because of you and Mami, I was able to find out that what I wanted at first wasn't… well, enough. Your guidance helped me keep my eyes on what's most important to me, and make a wish that I couldn't regret in a million years." A hand came up to rub the back of her head. "I know we don't always see eye to eye, but… I wanted to say thanks for that. Really. If you hadn't told me to go big or go home, something tells me that I would've ended up someplace that I'd never want to be."

Try as I might, I couldn't stop the tinge of red my face reacted with. "Oh, uh… you don't have to thank me. I was just… doing what anyone else oughta do. I mean, someone's gotta keep you on the straight-and-narrow when your bestie can't, right?"

"Whatever you say, Tsun-drey," she replied with a knowing smile that would've severely infuriated me were I not preoccupied with trying (and failing) to take the compliment. "Anyway…" She flipped back around. "I guess what I'm trying to say is, you shouldn't feel guilty, Madoka. If you don't wanna be a Magical Girl, that's totally fine! Maybe it's just not meant to be."

Silence fell for a bit, before Sayaka pulled out her phone to check the time. "Oh, looks like I better get going, or I'll be late." Standing up, she stretched her arms out again.

Madoka became curious, and asked "do you have something important to do?"

"You could say that," was the response.

I found this to be a perfect revenge-teasing opportunity, and a trolling grin stretched across my expression. "Off to visit a special someone, are we?"

"Audrey, for the third time today, stop trying to spoil everything."

I folded my arms and 'hmphed' at the rejection, turning my head to the side, my grin replaced by a disappointed frown.

_Damn it. Fuckin' dopamine rush._

Suddenly, my phone notified me that I had a message. I pulled it out while simultaneously slipping my ring-ified Soul Gem back on my finger.

**Messages - 1 (Kyaku)**

I suppressed a giggle at the nickname I'd listed Kyoko as and navigated to my texts, translating it in a flash.

'**Headin' to the observation tower now. Gonna be real pissed if ya ain't there.**'

I exasperatedly rolled my eyes as I shot her a reply.

'**Oh, don't get your panties twisted in a knot. I'll be there, don't you worry.**'

Slipping the device back into a pocket, I turned to Madoka. "I've also got somewhere to be, sorry. If it's not too much trouble, could you try to not get yourself mixed up in any supernatural nonsense until tomorrow? I think we'd both appreciate that."

An embarrassed blush was my reward for the shot. "I-I'll do my best."

"Great. See ya." I waved goodbye and left.

A fair bit of time later, I arrived at the entrance of the fourth tallest building in Mitakihara. This was one of the few spots in the city that had a publicly accessible area for use of binoculars, and had a few coin-op models installed to capitalize on that. Great for all manner of long-distance surveillance types.

I heard the electric doors shut behind me as I proceeded to navigate the ground floor, going up a set of stairs, then following some helpful map stands placed around a few key areas in order to locate the elevator that would take me to the observation deck. Once inside, I set the destination to the top floor, and waited. Soon enough, I found myself in a dome-shaped area, with pay-to-view sets of binary spyglasses placed at regular intervals around the outer ring. Checking my phone again, I located the hospital and calculated it's direction relative to my position, and found the set that would provide the best view. When that was done, I turned around and started leaning on the wall next to it, waiting patiently for my expected guest.

Eventually, the doors slid open again, and Kyoko strolled in, casual wear on full display and a snack in hand. She paused after approaching me, taking a quick moment to give me a once-over. "Y'know, now that I look at ya, I'm startin' to wonder if ya ever grew outta yer 8th-grader syndrome phase. I don't know shit about fashion, but even I can tell that's a bit too much black."

_I'd make a 'that's racist' comment, but I doubt that'd translate well. _

Regardless, I had no misgivings about the short laugh I let out. "Bitch, please. You say that like we ever had a chance of doing that. I mean, we _are _kinda the real deal now." My shoulders rose up in an uncaring shrug. "Besides, chuunibyou isn't really a thing in America, it's just called being hammy and over-the-top." I stopped, reconsidering that line. "Or being a thespian." Another stop. "Or insanity." At that point, I decided it was better to quit while I was ahead. "But that's semantics."

"I wouldn't say insanity," came a telepathic voice that instantly soured my mood. Kyubey appeared from the elevator, padding over to us. "That's a much more serious mental disorder. What you refer to as '8th grader Syndrome' is more of a cultural phenomenon than anything else."

I flipped it the bird. "Fuck off, ya stupid con artist. Nobody asked you."

"Well, that's a little harsh." The redhead cocked an eyebrow. "Which one 'a yer relatives did he end up killin'?"

I shot her an annoyed glare. "I'd prefer it if you kept that nose away from where it's not supposed to poke, thank you very little."

An irritated glance and holding her hands up in a surrendering motion was her reaction. "Sheesh, I was just wonderin'... don't need to get all pissy just 'cause 'a some tragic backstory or whatever."

"For the record, my backstory's actually pretty tame. The reason we're on bad terms is because of something else he did." My hand came up in a noncommittal motion. "I'm not one to kiss and tell, but I might let you know what went down at some point. Once you've earned it."

She only rolled her eyes. "Like I even care 'bout yer sob story. Won't mean shit when yer gone."

That was to be expected out of her at this point in the timeline. "Meh, fair. Anyway…" I checked the sky, and saw that it has turned to a nice afternoon shade of orange. "Should be happening right about now," I mumbled. I then motioned for Kyoko to get closer, and pointed at the set of binoculars next to me. "C'mere. Peep through these, and you'll get what you came here for."

"Heh. Finally." She sauntered over and tapped the pair, enchanting it in the process. "Where's my target?"

"General Hospital," I recited. "Check the roof."

She swiveled the binoculars around a bit, then settled down. "Huh…" she murmured after a little while. "So that's the new Magical Girl in town."

Kyubey seemed to already know where this was going. "You're not really going to pick a fight with her, are you?"

"Why shouldn't I?" She flippantly replied, taking a bite out of the dry waffle in her hand. "She looks like a pushover. It'll be over in a flash." The binoculars lost their enchantment as she called the energy back to her Soul Gem. "Why d'you care, anyway? Got a problem with that or somethin'?"

"Not at all," was its reply. "But it might not be as easy as you think."

"Yeah," I cut in. "If I know anything about that girl, it's that she's bullheaded as all get-out and tenacious to a fault. Which tells me that she'll give you a hell of a time regardless of how big the power gap between you two is."

She barked out a laugh. "I thought ya were tryin' to discourage me, not fire me up! That sounds like all kinds 'a fun!"

I leaned back on the wall and shrugged. "Well, far be it from me to try and stop you if you're that excited. Besides, she may be a friend of mine, but I'm not afraid to say that she needs a reality check now, before she gets to the point where it could do something irreversible to her."

"All righty!" She stuck the waffle in her mouth to crack her knuckles. "Been a while since I got the chance to knock some sense into an idiot like her."

I pointed a finger up. "However, I hope you know that if you end up actually killing her, intentionally or not…" I strode over to her and emphasized my height advantage to give her the coldest death stare I'd ever pulled. "I will hunt you down and stick your head on your _own damn spear_. Got that?"

She didn't even blink, returning fire with a smirk. "I'd like to see ya try, yankee."

We held our ground for a few moments, before a small smile of my own crept onto my face. "Gutsy little shit, aren'tcha?" I stepped back, returning to my leaning position. "Just try not to give her anything severe, and we'll be cool. If people start asking questions, I'm finding a way to screw you over, pronto."

The smirk turned impish as another bite disappeared down her throat. "No promises on that end, sorry, not sorry."

"Head on your own spear, Kyoka-Cola."

"Try it 'n see what happens."

"If I may…" Kyubey interjected in an attempt to move things along. "You should also know that there is another Magical Girl in this city."

That tidbit pulled her focus to the incubator. "_Another _one? Seriously? That's… what, four Magical Girls runnin' around in the same city?"

"Five, counting Mami Tomoe," he corrected.

"Right, yeah…" Another chomp while she processed that. "Sheesh. I knew this country had a rep fer bein' packed, but I didn't think it was this bad." Down the hatch the wad went. "Eh, whatever. She'll get hers if she wants it. So what's this other girl's story?"

The drone paused. "I'm not entirely sure about that."

Kyoko blinked. "Wait, what?" A few seconds of silence proved it wasn't lying. "Bullshit! If she's a Magical Girl, then that means she made a contract with ya at some point, right?"

"You could say yes," he responded. "You could also say no."

"Cut it out, Coobster," I called. "Nobody wants to hear that cryptic crap. Just give it to her straight."

"Yeah, what she said." Kyoko folded her arms. "Quit beatin' around the bush. What _do _ya know 'bout her?"

Kyubey considered the question for a moment before answering. "She's an abnormality in this world. I hardly know anything about her, outside the fact that she doesn't like me very much. Her capabilities are a complete mystery."

I decided it was high time to have some fun of my own. "Not to me." When their attention swapped to me, I plastered on a wide trollish grin. "But why would I tell you that? All it does for me is ruin the fun of watching you squirm. Besides, you'll find out for yourself in time."

Kyoko grumbled at the sudden power dynamic flip and took another bite before turning away. "Feh. Not like it matters, anyway. She ain't the one I got beef with."

"About that, actually," I interrupted. "You know your target? She's best friends with a girl who our mystery contractor seems to have a bit of an obsession for. Now I don't know this for sure, but I feel like if anything goes seriously wrong in your little duel, you could end up painting two separate targets on your back - one for me, and one for her." I turned my head to the side, looking at the distant hospital through my peripheral vision. "And what I _am _sure of, is that that's the _last_ thing you want. If you were to try and fight her… you'd be dead before you even knew what hit you."

She didn't seem fazed at all, confidently smiling at the veiled threat. "Just 'cause ya lost to her doesn't mean I will."

I snorted. "Right. We'll see who's laughing after she hands your ass to you in the time it takes you to blink."

It was easy to tell that she thought I was bluffing as she chowed down again. "Whatever ya say, Audie. Just don't be too surprised when I send her packin'."

"Uh-huh, sure you will. Well, in any case, my work here is done." I pushed off the wall and started for the elevator, before I remembered something. "Actually, wait. One more thing." I changed my course, beelining for Kyubey, and snatched him off the ground when I got close enough.

It sighed. "_Again _with this?"

"Hey, if you don't want it to keep happening, then stop coming to see me." I approached the nearest wall.

"Uh…" Kyoko vocalized, obviously lost. "Mind tellin' me what the hell yer doin'?"

"This." I wound up, aiming for the glassless gap between the roof and the wall. "Bon voyage, dirtbag!" Off the body went, flying out of the tower to what would surely be a messy death at the hands of hard asphalt and terminal velocity.

_**Ding! **__Kyubey Owned Count: 11._

"What the-?!" The redhead dashed up to the wall, trying to spot the drone. A few seconds later, she was pointing her lance at me. "Audrey, what the fuck was that for?!"

I dusted my hands off, then turned back towards the elevator, completely ignoring her. "Oh, chill out, dickwad. He's got spares."

"_What?_"

"How many times have I told you to refrain from destroying my bodies?" As expected, another body appeared out of the elevator, strolling on up.

"Clearly not enough," I responded. "You ask me, you should just give up trying. Unless you have a way to press the undo button on what you've done, I doubt anything will make me keep my hands off you."

This sequence of events left Kyoko completely off-guard. "The _fuck…_? What the _hell's _goin' on here?!"

"Nothing you need to worry your pretty little head over," I brushed off as I entered the elevator. "Remember, keep it above the belt, or else." I pushed the ground floor button and allowed the doors to slide shut, but not before getting in one last word to the white devil.

'_If she asks about anything… confidential, deflect it. Revealing the truth now won't do any good._'

The last thing I saw before descending down was Kyoko dumbfoundedly gripping her spear (and her waffle, to the surprise of nobody), utterly blindsided by what she'd just witnessed.

_...__**damn**__, seeing that look on her face is satisfying. Not so great being on the other side, is it, bitch? Heh._

* * *

**A/N: I think I'll call it here. I need time to make the next entry a suitably big bang.**

**I bet you're all dying to know what Sayaka changed her original wish to, eh? Well, that'll be revealed at a later date. Maybe. I've dropped small, subtle hints here and there, so if you think you have a bit of an idea of what it could be, leave a review and tell me your prediction. If you get it right… I actually can't think of anything to give as a reward, besides confirmation that you were correct. And maybe bragging rights or something.**

**Honestly, Kyoko is just a blast to write for, and her banter with Audrey has quickly become a highlight of my experience with this project. Their dispositions allow them to bounce off each other extremely well, and what results is gold more often than not. I'm looking forward to depicting more of their interactions in the future.**

**In any case, I hope the buildup to the alleyway brawl will be worth it. Now if you'll excuse me, I've gotta get back to the drafting board.**

'**Till next time, ya crazy kids!**


	11. We'll Wait For Her, Won't We?

Aside from the possibility of the fight between Kyoko and Sayaka happening today, I honestly wasn't expecting much out of the 7th day of June when I woke up in the morning. And I suppose that in a way, my hunch was correct. But you could also say it wasn't.

In essence, I'd learned nothing from the incident on the 26th of last month. Unfortunately, I wouldn't realize this until I was in too deep to take anything back.

It was a Thursday - and by extension, a school day. Which automatically ruled out the possibility of chatting with Madoka, Sayaka, and Homura until around mid-afternoon. I figured that I probably shouldn't speak to Kyoko anytime soon after what I pulled at the observation deck the previous day, and Mami was… well, you know. Away.

Which mean that it was prime time to go on patrol and wander the city to grind. With that in mind, I polished off breakfast quickly, and left the hotel. I hit the 'play' button on my phone as I made my exit, filling my head with the opening cowbell rings of Loverboy's "Working For the Weekend."

Now that I had been here for three full weeks, I found myself needing my digital map less and less, as I had begun to get used to the setting and the layout of the city. I suppose the uniformity of its construction helped with that, as everything was mostly straight roads keeping to a gridlike pattern. I still needed assistance finding more specific spots, of course, but that's the kind of thing that you only start to get down after a few months.

Anyway, it took surprisingly little time to pick up the trail of a witch. It wasn't very fresh, being about a few days old from what I could tell with my limited experience, but it was something, so I resolved to follow it.

A fair bit of time later, I found myself entering the local park. However, all of a sudden, the traces disappeared. Instead, a new magical signature replaced the previous one - and it felt very familiar.

_Wait a second, this is...!_

This one was much more recent. If I had to guess, I'd say it couldn't be more than a day old. I debated on whether or not I should follow it, and eventually decided that it couldn't hurt to do so, as long as I stayed a reasonable distance away. With that in mind, I started tracking this new source of magic.

The path led me to sites that I could only assume to be defunct battlegrounds. Of course, they had no physical signs of conflict, but that was a given considering that everything that happened in a labyrinth stayed in a labyrinth, for better or worse. What did remain were magic traces, and I picked up quite a few over the course of the journey.

When I finally decided to call things off and get something to eat, I determined that the signature I'd been following had come into contact with at least five different witches or familiars, all of which were evidently destroyed. Which was frankly insane.

_Sheesh. I know we like to have our stress toys, but don't you think this is taking it a bit too far?_

I resolved to save my judgement in the end, though. If that was how they wanted to deal with things, then I had to respect that.

_Just as long as you don't get yourself killed, 'kay? Cause, y'know, if you did, that'd kinda defeat the purpose of this whole thing._

I continued with my rounds after that.

For the next few hours, nothing of note happened, besides maybe that one familiar I killed. That one was easy mode though, so I don't think I'll go into detail on it.

Eventually, I checked my phone, and saw that school was out. Soon after, I felt the device vibrate.

**Messages - 1 (Meduka)**

_Huh… weird. She couldn't have gotten into trouble that fast. What could she want me for?_

'**Can you come to the cafe where we first met? There's something I want to talk about with you.**'

This was somewhat out of left field, but I sent an affirmative nonetheless and set out. Although, I did make it a point to snag a can of root beer from a vending machine before arriving to protest the spot's lack of soft drink options.

One scene transition later, I pulled open the doors to the establishment and stepped inside, quickly picking out the one head of pink hair in the crowd. When I got closer, however, I saw that she'd brought a plus-one.

"Oh, hey, Homu," I called out. "What're you in for?"

I heard Madoka confusedly mutter "Homu?" while she responded. "I don't know yet. I assume we are about to find out."

I nodded, but found myself unable to move. The place didn't use conventional chairs, and the only two seats offered were occupied, meaning I'd have to sit with one of them. One of my fingers hesitantly came up, unable to come to a decision on who to point at as an "uh…" slipped out of my mouth. "Where do I, ah…?"

"Oh," Madoka mouthed out as she got the message I was conveying. She quickly scooted farther inward, giving me enough room to sit beside her. I muttered a "thanks" as I slid in.

A few moments later, the girl sitting across from us directed her gaze towards the instigator of the meeting. "You wanted to talk?"

"Well…" she began unsurely. "I'm worried about Sayaka. She keeps telling me she's fine, but… I'm not so sure."

A dull clunk rang out as I set my can on the table. "Really? From what I can tell, she's been on top of the world ever since she made her wish."

She shook her head. "I don't think her wish is the problem… it feels more like she's afraid of something else."

"Perhaps bearing witness to Mami Tomoe's near-death experience could be the issue," Homura suggested. "Those kinds of memories have a penchant for staying around."

"That could be it," I agreed. "Lord knows that little fiasco's kept me up for hours these last few nights."

Madoka stared down at her order. "I think you may be right. And… to be honest, I'm also worried that the same thing might happen to her. I know she said she can handle it, but when I think about how Mami could've died just like that if you hadn't been there… I just get so scared."

She looked back up at us. "And that's why… I want you both to look after her. I know that she can be stubborn, and a bit hypersensitive at times, and maybe she likes to argue a little too much..." she trailed off for a moment, before getting back on track. "But she really is a great person! She's kind-hearted, and brave, and she's not afraid to help someone who needs it!"

"All fatal flaws for Magical Girls," Homura rebuffed.

"Oh, don't be such a Debbie Downer," I cut in. "You wanna try and emulate your childhood cartoon heroes, I say go right ahead. You've just gotta make sure it doesn't get to the point where you end up killing yourself for those values."

"And how will you know when to stop?" She countered. "Most don't know how far they've gone until they're staring death in the face, far past the point of no return."

I shrugged. "That's for them to decide. Or their friends. Whoever steps up."

"And if they're not qualified?"

I considered that for a moment, before shrugging again. "Too bad for them, I guess. I doubt nobody would be qualified anyhow. Stupidity and its derivatives are usually pretty easy to spot."

She raised an eyebrow. "So you're saying it's fine to let the fantasies of self-deluding Magical Girls get them killed if nobody can stop them?"

"Kindly refrain from putting words in my mouth, thanks," I bit back with a miffed frown, before pausing and digesting that. "But I suppose that's one way to take what I said. And sad as it is, I'm pretty sure that at least one girl in the world's had that happen to her. I certainly doubt I'd be able to blame them, especially in certain circumstances."

That last line killed that thread of conversation topics, leaving us to sink into silence for a short moment.

"Anyway…" Madoka attempted to pick up where she left off. "Homura, I know you and Sayaka aren't on the best of terms right now, but… I was hoping that you could look past that, and help Audrey protect her. Please, don't try and fight with her like you did with Mami." A hopeful smile crept onto her face as she continued speaking. "I'm sure that if you all joined forces and worked together, then no witch would be able to stop you, and things would be a lot safer for everyone!"

The hand that wasn't wrapped around my drink came up to my chin. "Y'know, she makes a good point, Homu. Strength in numbers is a popular tactic for a reason." My expression then fell a bit. "Then again, we'd also have to consider how to handle the whole Grief Seed issue. Right now, we have you, me, Mami, and now Sayaka running around the city fighting witches. That's four Magical Girls, and by extension, four Soul Gems in constant need of purification. Sure, seed sources aren't exactly in short supply, but at the same time, we don't have a surplus or anything…" My outlook on the prospects became dimmer the more I thought about it. "I mean, yeah, I'll only be here for around a month more, but… I'm kinda doubting that everyone can stay out of the danger zone in terms of gem corruption for very long…"

"What's done is done," Homura stated. "Even if Sayaka shouldn't have been allowed to make the contract, she did so regardless, and she, along with us, must now deal with the consequences of her actions." She solemnly closed her eyes. "I will admit that I am partly to blame for letting her make the mistake of contracting, and that I should have taken greater care in looking after her as I do you, Madoka."

She once again fixed us with a cold, calculating stare. "But this is something you need to understand - just as how the dead cannot be brought back to life, this is a mistake that Sayaka can neither undo, nor recover from. Once someone becomes a Magical Girl, there is _no _turning back. When we choose to form a contract, we give _everything _up in exchange for one, single wish. And no matter what we wish for, it always ends the same way - we are thrust into an endless battle filled with despair, regret, and broken pedestals, forced to fight until we inevitably perish or suffer an even crueler fate."

She let that hang in the air for a bit, before delivering her gut-punch of an answer. "I'm not fond of telling lies, and I prefer to avoid making promises that I can't keep. For these reasons, I cannot accept your request, and instead ask that you forget about Sayaka Miki."

"Homura…" I could almost see the tears Madoka was trying to hold back. "You say that like you've given up on all of them… and on yourself."

"I have," she bluntly confirmed. "But there's no use dwelling on it now. I won't make any excuses for myself, or others for our missteps. No matter what sins I must bear, I will continue to fight until the bitter end."

She scooted out of her seat, picking up her bag and slinging it over her shoulder. "If I've wasted your time, I'm sorry." With that, she turned on her heel and began to leave.

I stared at her leisurely retreating form for a moment, before glancing at Madoka while sliding out of my own seat. "Stay here for a second. Don't go anywhere."

Leaving my drink behind, I chased after the black-haired girl, and caught up with her as she was exiting the cafe. "Homura, wait."

She paused, and turned to me with that dead expression still on her face. "What is it?"

"I've been putting this off for long enough." I pulled my phone out, then showcased my contact information. "We should've exchanged numbers much sooner than this."

She quickly caught on, letting out a "right." The trade was soon completed, and she made to leave again.

"Oh, and before you go…" I stopped her, causing her head to swivel back in my direction. "There's a difference between something being impossible, and something being simply improbable. Don't convince yourself that something can't be done just because it doesn't seem doable on the surface." I turned back to the cafe doors, letting my gaze linger on her as I delivered my parting words. "I hope you remember that."

I walked back inside, letting the automatic doors slide shut behind me and leaving the time traveler to contemplate what I'd said.

_...ha. I wonder if I'll ever stop being such a huge hypocrite._

The exchange completed, I made my way back to Madoka's table. "Sorry 'bout that, had to do something real fast." I grabbed my can off the table, taking a sip. "So, is there anything else you wanted to say?"

"Oh, ah... yes, actually," she answered, as if her memory had been jogged by my question.

I took the seat that Homura had previously occupied, setting myself down opposite the girl and gestured for her to continue.

"It's about Mami." She reached over to her bag, snapping it open and rummaging around inside. "After we all met up yesterday, I decided to go over to her house to check if she was there." She stopped, apparently having found what she was looking for. "I ended up not seeing her, but I did manage to find this sitting on the table instead." She pulled her hand back up, revealing a folded slip of paper which she offered to me. "I thought you might want to see it."

I took the thing, turning over in my hands and inspecting it from every angle before unwrapping it, revealing what looked like a letter. The handwriting was noticeably elegant, with each character clearly penned with practiced ease and care, obviously written by someone who was fairly dexterous.

Not that I could understand any of it, however. An embarrassed smile spread across my face as I held the note out to Madoka. "Ah… could you read this for me, please? Translator doesn't really work on handwriting…"

Of course, I could've just used my phone, but I wanted to give the girl something to do. And I didn't feel like pulling it back out.

Regardless, she nodded and took it back, holding it up to her sight as she began reciting the contents.

"_To whom it may concern,_

_I deeply apologize for any inconvenience I may cause, but regrettably, this is something that cannot be avoided._

_Up to now, the majority of my life has been spent on the battlefield. I have had no time for socializing, or companionship, or anything most other girls would consider "normal." As such, ever since the incident that set me on this path, I have primarily been alone in my journey._

_Not for lack of trying, however. There was a time when I had someone that I could call a student. A relative newcomer to my line of work, and someone who could benefit from the guidance of one more experienced in the job. I remember feeling wonderful back then - finally, I had a friend, someone that I could connect with._

_Unfortunately, it didn't last. Her actions ended up causing the untimely death of her family, and she became bitter towards the world. Eventually, our ideologies drifted too far apart, and we mutually agreed to end our relationship. I tried to take the news as best I could, yet I couldn't help but feel responsible for letting her stray down the path she'd gone. These feelings culminated in me irrationally blaming myself for happenings that I now realize I had no control over, and I became miserable._

_However, I also recognized that it would do no good to let the rest of the world view my feelings, and so, I closed them up. I created the persona that you know as Mami - the cool, dependable, levelheaded senior with all the answers you could ever need. Someone that people could rely on without question, or fear of disappointment._

_But now, you know that everything was a lie. Everything from the attitude to the infallible prowess was all nothing more than a facade. A mask, born out of my inability to fully accept the truth, and my unwillingness to deal with the reality of my powerlessness. All because I couldn't handle the stress of nearly dying._

_And when I was finally confronted with my weakness without any hope of avoiding it, I shattered. I was completely unable to reconcile my feelings of uselessness, and shut down. I felt like I was utterly worthless, and deserved nothing. Neither pity, nor compassion, or any sort of empathy whatsoever. Once again, I convinced myself that a falsity was real._

_But someone changed that. Someone decided that enough was enough, and sat me down for a serious dialogue. Like a blinding ray of truth, they illuminated the darkness and burned away the lies, allowing me at last to see things for what they really were. _

_And what I saw, I admittedly found lacking. But not_ _unsalvageable._

_With their guidance, I was finally able to understand that I was not at all powerless. Yet at the same time, I was not infallible._

_However, I also knew that unless I was able to completely convince myself of the real truth beyond a shadow of a doubt, I was going to need a little more proof. Thus, we arrive at the present. Once I finish writing this letter, I will embark on a new journey. _

_At the moment, I am completely clueless as to how much time it will consume. It could take weeks, or months, or even years. Or it could only last a scant few days. But no matter the distance, I know in my heart where my destination lies. _

_And I am certain that I will either reach it, and cast away my shackles once and for all… or die trying._

_But until that time comes, and I am reunited with those I now know as my dearest friends, whether in the land of the living or the dead…_

_I implore you - wait for me._

_-Mami Tomoe_."

Madoka sniffed as she folded the paper back up, and I found myself holding in and blinking back a few tears of my own. Despite that, a smile found its way onto my face.

_...I almost can't believe it. It worked. It actually fucking __**worked**__. I changed the future! Blonde, if you were here right now, I could kiss you for taking my words to heart! I wouldn't of course, because that would be disgusting, but still! Holy shit!_

A giggle even slipped out of my mouth before I caught myself. "Well, whaddaya know? Looks like I actually got through to her." My head came down and my hand caught it, the attached elbow propping it up on the table. "I've been agonizing over how that conversation went these past couple days… you have no idea how good it feels to know it wasn't in vain."

She beamed, two thin clear streaks streaming from her eyes. "We'll wait for her, won't we, Audrey?"

I had to strain myself nearly to the limit to stop my liquid pride from escaping my tear ducts. "Do you even have to ask?"

This… this was a huge win, plain and simple.

Saving Mami from Charlotte could only be considered a pyrrhic victory at best, due to what the experience did to her. But this? This was pure, unadulterated success. And that was a very good sign.

Because it meant that I had an ironclad chance of making it out of this ordeal in one piece. It was tiny, sure, but it was something. And having something is always better than having nothing.

I knew I couldn't sit on my laurels, though. The preceding conversation was proof that Mami was only the beginning. I still had to keep everyone else alive and sane, throughout the rest of my time here. And it sure as hell wasn't going to be easy.

But now that I had confirmation that I'd done something right… this impossible task wasn't seeming so impossible anymore. Now, it was just improbable. And like I'd just told Homura, there was a difference between impossible and improbable.

One couldn't be done. But the other?

Well, it just needed a whole lot of blood, sweat, and tears. And luckily for me… I just happened to know four extremely willing donors.

I just had to get them all on board and keep them there.

* * *

**A/N: Remember when I implied that this chapter would be the big clash? **

**Yeaaah, I really need to stop lying about these kinds of things.**

**So sorry to keep you all waiting, by the way. I got hit with the flu about a week or so ago, and the symptoms combined with dealing with school completely killed any motivation I may have had to work on this. In fact, as I write this author's note, I'm still dealing with a nose that can keep pace with an Olympic sprinter and a throat about as dry as an average desert. But fear not! For I am now on a wonderful thing called winter break, and with that comes a whole lot of free time! Of course, most of it will inevitably be spent on things completely unrelated to this story, but I'll make sure not to forget about it! Besides, I like having an update schedule, and I don't want to lose it again. It gives me pleasure and a comforting sense of structure.**

**Anyway, as for why this chapter exists in the first place… well, I realized after finishing the last chapter that if I continued with my plan as I had it then, I would end up unintentionally giving Mami the Oscar Pine treatment, in the sense that she would get all her development off-screen. However, because of the terms she and Audrey parted on, I couldn't exactly show her going through the motions of character growth since the story is told entirely through Audrey's eyes, so I had to find a different way to show you, the audience that yes, Mami is making progress. And… I mean, technically the development **_**is **_**still happening off-screen, but at least this way, her eventual return won't come off as **_**that**_ **much of a deus ex-machina (and don't start screaming about spoilers, because you all **_**knew **_**she would be coming back, otherwise this would be a very unfulfilling and unsatisfying story). I won't say when she'll pop back in, though. You'll have to stew on that yourselves.**

**Audrey also finally makes up for the gaffe in chapter 7 and obtains Homu's number. Took her long enough, didn't it? (Y'all can go ahead and forget about how it actually only took four chapters.)**

**Alright, that looks like everything. Tune in next time, where we **_**finally **_**get to see the two red onis duke it out for the superior set of ideals!**

**I hope I don't keep you waiting!**


	12. Don't Hate the Player, Hate the Game

My awakening on the 8th of June was accompanied with a fading feeling of betrayal. It wasn't hard to put two and two together and realize that the nightmare I'd had last night must have focused on Kyoko killing Sayaka in their upcoming battle.

_Wonderful. The day hasn't even started yet and the TGIF feeling's already been ruined. Thanks, brain._

I groaned as I rolled out of bed, sluggishly rising to my full height and rubbing my eyes to clear away the sleep.

_Fuckin' hell, having to wait so long just to let the damn thing shut down's such a pain. Why can't we just flip a switch and conk out? Would save me the trouble of fretting over getting my eight hours._

Breakfast was more of the same, but it didn't taste any less great. Honestly speaking, the routine feeling of having the same thing to eat every morning gave me a nice sense of structure in a situation that by all means was a complete and utter mess.

_Praise the heavenly ambrosia that is chocolate chip pancakes, and screw anybody who believes that blueberry or whatever other added ingredient is superior. Y'all are a bunch of uncultured swines, and nothing will convince me otherwise. _

That line of thinking probably wouldn't do very much in terms of endearment to others, but this was one hill that I was comfortable dying on. Not literally, of course, but I'm sure you get the point.

A little while later, I left the hotel. Figuring that there was really no other productive things to do, I resolved to continue patrolling for witches until something happened. With that in mind, I hit the shuffle button on my playlist and set out to the tune of AC/DC's "T.N.T."

I ended up not finding much of interest, besides another couple old crime scenes, which I determined to be the work of the signature I'd been tracking yesterday. If nothing else, it certainly worked fast. I had to imagine it had built up a sizable hoard of Grief Seeds by now, what with all the witches that had fallen at its hand.

_Sheesh… if she's been doing this for as long as I think she has, she'd probably have over ten of 'em by now… I thought there weren't enough witches around here to support five contractors at once? Or was that just another lie brought about by one of them falling into despair on their own? _

I sighed, unable to find the proper answer to my question.

_Argh… I know the little shit doesn't outright say anything false, it just omits things. But it's not omnipotent, which means it could have been telling what it believed to be the truth without knowing it wasn't the real deal… damn it, this is getting me nowhere._

In the end, I filed that train of thought away for later, when I actually had a shot at putting the pieces together, and continued on my way.

I kept at it for hours, cycling through a few of my different playlists, listening to loads of different tracks. Most of them were from various video game and anime soundtracks, with occasional pieces from actual bands sprinkled in here and there. The vast majority of those bands were old ones that I had been introduced to by my parents, or through movies, with the scant few 21st-century tracks being the responsibility of licensed promotional material and other such things. I never did keep track of modern music trends and "hot new artists."

Eventually, I checked my phone again and saw that school had let out. A short time later, and the device buzzed with a notification.

**Messages - 1 (Seyiku)**

_Oh, boy… if this is what I think it is, I've got a trying few hours ahead of me._

'**Hey, I was thinking of going on my first hunt today. Do you think you could come with me and make sure I don't do anything stupid?**'

I involuntarily gulped at the confirmation the text gave me. I was right - today was going to suck. Nevertheless, I had to act like I was clueless as to what would be happening.

'**Sure. The more the merrier, plus I don't really have anything else worth doing.**'

She quickly replied with a meeting time and location, and my free hand came up to rest on and rub my forehead.

_Why'd this show have to have a plot full of suffering? Why couldn't it be what it was marketed as? Why, Urobutcher? I never wanted to do any of this side-playing bullshit… I have to keep track of so many damn moving parts…_

I let out a tired breath, squared myself up, and kept walking.

_Well, no sense crying over spilt milk. I did what I did, now I have to live with the consequences. It's probably not a good idea to keep this kinda secret from Sayaka, but I'm in too deep to stop now. All I can do is keep wearing the mask, and hope she doesn't do something irreversible when it slips._

When the hour arrived, I collected myself and changed course to the designated spot. I met up with my new colleague in short order.

"Heya," I called out to mark my entrance. I made my next comment after seeing the person next to her. "You sure it's a good idea to bring a plus-one?"

She let out an embarrassed laugh and raised one of her hands to the back of her head. "Well, uh… maybe not, but I'd rather have her here than anywhere else. Besides, she asked for it, and I couldn't really say no to her."

I narrowed my eyes and scrutinized them for a moment, then gave a dismissive shrug. "Alright, then. If you feel like you need to have a security blanket around, I won't judge. Just make sure to keep her outta the line of fire, or we're gonna have problems."

"I hear you," she nodded. She then pulled out her Soul Gem, and pumped her fist. "Let's go!"

We proceeded to stroll through town at a fairly relaxed walking pace, keeping watch for any traces of magic that might lead to any malevolent otherworldly beings. For the majority of our journey, silence was king, and we were left to stew in our own respective thoughts. And as much as I wanted to, I couldn't read the minds of my companions.

Sayaka looked quietly determined, but I had to wonder how much of that was false bravado. This obviously wasn't something fourteen-year-old girls were supposed to do, and outside of the living fantasy feeling it provided at first, it wasn't all that pleasant. Not to mention she'd almost seen someone die because of it, and I had a sneaking suspicion that she still wasn't over that experience, which honestly was to be expected. No child should have to deal with this kind of thing.

Madoka's expression was more transparent, openly displaying her solemn worry for her best friend. It was demure, longing, the kind of look you'd see on someone who believed they couldn't do anything to help. It felt familiar to me, almost as if I'd worn that same expression myself before, back in my old world, and what felt like a lifetime ago. You can probably imagine that I wasn't exactly pleased by that.

_...I swear, you can't take three steps in this business without finding someone with a crappy sense of self-worth. Hell, I bet even Kyoko suffers from it thanks to what her wish ended up doing. For god's sake, __**I **__don't even have self-esteem that's past below-average! What the fuck's wrong with those writers?! Do they get off on making teenage girls suffer or something?_

As for myself… if I had to guess, I likely had a neutral face tacked on. I often found myself defaulting to it whenever I wasn't conversing with anyone or doing any of the feely stuff. It worked fine as a cover to disguise my inner feelings, or at least, I thought it did. I couldn't exactly hold up a mirror at all times.

It didn't take long before I cracked. "Okay, I'm fed up with this mopey atmosphere. Where's the levity? The excitement? C'mon, I thought you were pumped for this!"

Sayaka turned her head towards me with an expression that I probably would have described as 'affronted' were it a bit more severe. "I thought you were the one always going on about how we should take this stuff seriously. That's what I'm doing."

"Well, yeah, but you're acting like you're going to a funeral or something," I replied. "We're not even in any danger right now. You can be serious about this all you want, but that doesn't mean that you can't have fun with it." I slapped a smile on my face to sell my argument. "Lighten up! And don't worry about getting caught up in your own fantasies and dropping your guard. I'll be here to pull you back down to earth if you need it."

Her face softened as she considered my words, before an unsure smile of her own spread across it. "...yeah, you're right. Thanks, Audrey." She directed her vision forwards again, before it dropped slightly. "I really am glad you decided to come with me, you know. Mami may have been able to do this on her own, but… I'm not her. I don't think I ever will be, honestly." Back to me her eyes went, this time accompanied by a noticeably brighter smile. "But with you by my side, I've got nothing to fear. If I have you and Madoka as my anchors, I don't need to worry about losing myself, and I can fight free of the weight of doubt. When we're together, nothing can stop us!"

My own expression turned into a genuine grin as I nodded in approval. "That's the shonen speech I like to hear. You're not you if you're not chomping at the bit, Saya."

She good-naturedly rolled her eyes at my playful jabs. "Oh, now I see what this is about. I'm no fun if I can't get fired up when you take shots at me, is that it?"

"You know me so well," I responded as my grin widened impishly.

A fond sigh left her mouth. "At least you're honest about it."

I chanced a look back, and caught Madoka giving me a relieved smile and a single nod, along with a private message. '_Thanks, Audrey. She might not show it, but that did wonders for her. I feel the same way, you know. If I'm by your sides, I know that I'm in the single safest place I can be._'

'_Well, what can I say?_' I shot her a wink before turning forward again. '_If you can't have a good time with it, why bother?_'

On the inside, like always, it was a different story.

_Haaaa… if I keep this up, it's only a matter of time until someone sticks me in the 'Stepford Smiler' category with practically everyone else in this damn show. What even is being happy, am I right? Does it taste good or something?_

Either way, my plan worked. They both became more talkative now that the oppressive atmosphere had been dispelled, allowing all three of us to relax a bit and temporarily forget that we would soon be risking our lives for a thankless job.

Key word there being "temporarily."

Inevitably, we picked up a signature that we identified as hostile. Believe it or not, though, this one in particular felt vaguely familiar, like I'd felt it somewhere before. That fact caused me a bit of confusion until I realized why.

_Wait a second… the familiar Saya should be about to fight… it's the one with the airplane body, right? The one that flipped between that, a car, and a boat? Yeah… oh, that's right. I killed the witch making them the day I met Kyoko. I wonder how this one got away… while I'm on that, did canon ever explain how familiars function after their witches die? Do they just do what comes natural and kill people until they become witches themselves? Or do they get kill-switched and die with the labyrinth?_

I decided to cut off that train of thought before I could spiral down another rabbit hole and space out. A few minutes later, we arrived at a certain alleyway.

"This should be it," Sayaka announced upon checking her Soul Gem, which was flashing like a strobe.

"Alright." I stepped forward. "I'll take point."

We advanced into the alley, the walls warping and twisting into an alien landscape that I'd seen once before.

"This signature I'm reading indicates that this labyrinth is likely the creation of a familiar, not a witch," Kyubey observed.

Sayaka glanced around, taking in the green sky and pseudo-2D look of our surroundings. "Doesn't mean we shouldn't be careful. I am still new at this, after all."

"Smart girl," I approved.

A few more steps, and I realized that giving her some tips would be an idea with more pros than cons. "Keep your eye in the sky for this one, by the way. This labyrinth reminds me of a witch I killed a few days ago, which makes me think that one of its minions escaped somehow and found its way here."

Madoka gasped all of a sudden, and thrust a pointer finger out. "There! I see it!"

Following her mark led to the discovery of our target, which happened to be the familiar I'd predicted it to be. Like its fellows before it, it was currently flitting about aimlessly, making incomprehensible noises as it did so.

Sayaka wasted no time, quickly transforming and making her intentions known to our foe. Spawning a garden of swords around herself, she set about tossing them right at the hapless thing. But like I had observed when I had fought them before, attacks at this range were all but useless, with each and every one either avoided or just poorly aimed.

"It's too fast," I advised. "You'll have to get up close and personal if you wanna land any hits."

She quickly swapped her gaze to me, before reverting to the enemy. "How am I supposed to do that?"

"No idea. I was only able to kill them because they had to get close so they could kill me." I finally suited up myself, and sent off a few token blade beams that ended up doing nothing as the vehicular enthusiast continued to run. "This one doesn't seem to want anything to do with us, though. I'd suggest trying to lead our targets, but that won't be much help if it has enough time to react."

"So, what?" Sayaka turned to me again, noticeably more irritated now. "You're saying we're stuck?"

I surveyed the scene again, then looked back at her. "Well, unless we can find a way to either lock it down or surprise it, it's gonna keep dodging. And I don't see any hiding spots or convenient nets lying around, so… yeah, we're stuck."

My admission made her flip between glaring at our opponent and glaring at me a few times before speaking again. "You've _gotta _be kidding me." A few seconds later, a storm of swords accompanied with a scream of frustration was hurled towards the familiar. A louder scream of frustration was released when none of the swords hit their intended target.

Sayaka was prepared to continue her ineffective rampage when a quiet voice cut in. "U-um… maybe you could try baiting it?"

This caused us both to turn to Madoka. "We're gonna need something more in-depth than that," I prodded. "And it doesn't seem interested in us anyway."

"Oh, no, I didn't mean that kind of bait." She shook her head. "I was just wondering if you could try making it dodge to a specific spot, and then attack it before it moves again."

I thought about that for a moment. "So… something like having Sayaka throw a sword at it to make it dodge, then having me shoot a beam at the spot it dodges to in order to hit it there?"

She nodded rapidly. "Yeah, exactly like that!"

"Hmm…" The blue-hair did some thinking of her own. "We'd have to be pretty fast to catch it. Not to mention that we need to predict where it'll move to, and our aim'll have to be spot-on."

I raised a hand. "I can try and use my future vision to see how it dodges. We'll still need to be the fastest deadeyes in the west, though."

"Well, Clint Eastwood, if you have a better idea, I'd love to hear it," she replied. "Now get ready to draw. It's high noon."

I blinked. "Didn't know you were a fan of old cowboy movies."

Madoka leaned in close. "Her dad's a huge American media nut. She's seen lots of classics. _Mr. Holland's Opus _is her favorite."

"...huh," was all I had to say to that.

A quick peek forward told me that the little bugger would attempt to strafe left in the event it was attacked again. I relayed this info to my battle partner, and prepared to fire off what would hopefully be a direct hit.

"And… _go!_"

The green light galvanized her into action, throwing another barrage of blades at the target. An instant after she did so, I let loose a projectile of my own.

Lo and behold, it actually worked. When the annoyance attempted to avoid the swords, it stepped right into the path of my arc of energy, and suffered an unpleasant impact. Unfortunately, it was a resilient little shit, and was still standing when the cinematic cloud of dust kicked up by the hit blew away.

"Oh, damn it, that's right," I groaned. "These guys are hardier than your average lackey. We'll have to nail it a few more times before it gives up the ghost."

I saw Sayaka slump over a bit. "You're killing me over here, Audrey."

That got an eyeroll out of me. "Winners don't whine, Saya. Now suck it up and get ready."

We managed to pull off a second success in the same manner. The familiar was now getting a bit more desperate as we prepared for a third strike.

"Now!"

Once again, Sayaka showcased her impressive throwing arm, chucking another group of swords at the hapless victim.

Unfortunately, none of them got the chance to land. A mass of metal sharpened into a triangular point attached to a chain lashed out, knocking every single projectile out of the air before they got close to our target.

"Now just wait a damn second!" A voice that I was anticipating rang out. "What the hell d'ya think yer doin', playin' tag?!"

One of the fallen swords planted itself in the ground, allowing the red-coated new arrival to briefly use it as a landing platform before it disappeared into blue motes of energy.

The familiar seized the chance it had been given, and bolted off.

Sayaka obviously wasn't a fan of that decision. "It's getting away!"

She made to rush after it, but was stopped dead in her tracks by the spearhead that was suddenly inches away from her throat, courtesy of the redhead. "Hey! Ya blind or somethin'?! That thing ain't a witch, it's a familiar! It ain't got any Grief Seeds!"

I ran up to the two as the labyrinth collapsed without the source of its being. "Whoa, there, let's not get murdery! Maybe pull the sharp object away from the neck, huh? Y'know, the thing everyone needs to survive?"

Kyoko turned to look at me, but refused to move the spear. "What's yer deal, yankee? I thought ya were one 'a the rare smart girls in this biz! The hell're ya doin', helpin' this bozo out?"

Sayaka's eyes flicked over to my direction. "Audrey… why is this girl talking like she knows you?"

My vision couldn't decide whether it wanted to focus on her or the lance. "That's because she does. She stole one of my kills a few days ago, and challenged me for seed rights. Luckily, I was able to pass her test, but only just barely." In the end, my anxiety won out, and I grabbed her shoulders to drag her away from the weapon. "I'd hoped we wouldn't run into her until later, but I guess fate decided it was time it screwed us over again." I let go once I felt we were far enough from the glorified pointy stick. "Point is, she's dangerous. Very much so. Whatever you do, _don't _drop your guard."

She either didn't listen or didn't care, and undid my hard work by stepping forward. "Whatever. Why'd you let that thing escape? For all we know, you just put a bystander in serious trouble!"

Kyoko just pulled out another snack from somewhere and took a bite. "Didn't ya hear what I just said? Ya kill it now, and ya don't get no spoils." She then decided that holding the spear up was no longer productive, and swapped to a resting position. "Here's some advice - they usually turn into witches after they eat four or five people. That's when ya hit it 'n swipe the Grief Seed. Ya don't wanna stick the pig before ya fatten it up, do ya, rookie?"

Sayaka couldn't believe what she was hearing. "You mean you're just gonna let those innocents die? What kinda monster are you?!"

Said girl made as much of an exasperated gesture with her hands full as she could. "The kind that knows how the world really works. Hate to say it, but ya gotta break a few eggs if ya wanna make an omelet." She started stalking towards Sayaka herself. "Didn't yer teachers ever tell ya 'bout a little somethin' called the food chain?" The swordie began backing away when Kyoko got too close, and kept going when she didn't stop. "Well, in case they didn't, here's a quick crash course: the witches go 'n eat weak humans, and then we hunt 'em down 'n eat the witches." The pair had passed Madoka and I by now, and went a little further before stopping.

While she was reciting her monologue, I was sending a quick message to Madoka. '_You should probably back up a bit. Something tells me this is about to get ugly._'

The redhead took a quick break to take another bite. "Love it or hate it, that's just the natural order 'a things. The weak gotta give up to the strong."

Upon the conclusion of that sentence, a wall of glowing red chains with links shaped like diamonds sprung up, separating Madoka and I from the red and blue onis. This elicited an "oh, no" from the pinker and a "crap" from me. But…

_Huh, this actually works in my favor. If I can convince them to stay here and focus on each other…_

Sayaka was probably grinding her teeth together by now. "Why, you…!"

I took this opportunity to put my idea into practice. First up, a private message to my partner. '_Saya, I'm gonna see if I can break away and catch the familiar. I __**really **__don't wanna leave you here with her, but as it stands, that's our only option. Just keep her attention on you, and try and hold out as long as you can. I'll see if I can't come back and try to do something once I track down and blast our target._'

I saw her eyes briefly flick to me before going back to her opponent. '_...all right. You better hurry, though._'

Now, for another message, this one directed at the red baroness. '_Okay, Kyoko, I'm bugging out. If you know what's good for you, you'll keep it light. Remember - head on your own spear._'

Since she was facing away from me, I missed the smile that appeared on her expression. '_Heh. Looks like ya ain't a lost cause after all. Go on, get yer ass outta here._'

That taken care of, I leaned in close to whisper to Madoka as I began to step away. "Keep an eye on them for me. I'm gonna go stop the familiar. If things look like they're getting out of hand, notify me immediately."

All she could do was nod mutely, which I returned. "Good girl. I'll be back."

But before I left, I sent one last message to the resident aggressor. '_Oh, and don't let slip that I had any involvement in this setup, all right? I just wanna knock off the rose-tinted glasses, not destroy my relationship with her._'

I heard a mental scoff as a response. '_Yeah, yeah, whatever. Piss off already._'

With that squared away, I made my exit. The moment I left the alleyway, I flashed back to casual wear and pulled out my Soul Gem to track the escaped familiar. I picked up its signature almost instantly, and sped down the sidewalk in the direction it had run off.

The entire time I was moving, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was making a very poor decision. Kyoko and I both knew that my ability to enforce the threats I'd made wasn't up to code, which meant that she could choose to ignore any one of my rules for the fight at any time. The one I feared the most was obviously the whole 'don't kill her' bit, because in the unlikely event that neither I, Homura, or Mami was there to save her, she could very well end up actually putting Sayaka down for good, and by extension, wipe me off the face of the multiverse.

That wasn't even getting into the fact that I was essentially going behind Sayaka's back in order to increase her chances of survival. I may have been doing it for a good cause, but I doubted she would be very understanding if she found out I set her up. Honestly, keeping it a secret was probably just making the potential fallout even worse, but I was pretty sure that the rookie already had enough problems to deal with at the moment. For all I knew, telling her that I'd kinda-sorta betrayed her trust (except not really) would be the straw that would break the camel's back and cause her to witch out.

In short, I was stressing the hell out. Which likely wasn't doing my emotional stability any favors, but I had better things to worry about. Like cornering the familiar.

As I'd expected, it didn't take very long to find. I found the labyrinth about a block away, inside another alleyway.

What I didn't expect, however, was the second magic signature I detected inside it.

_That's…!_

Before I could finish my thought, however, silver flashed in front of my eyes, and time hit the pause button on reality to give the vision my undivided attention.

"_Ya can't seem to pick up what I'm puttin' down, and it doesn't look like beatin' the lesson into ya's gonna work. Oh, well. Guess I'll just hafta kill ya!"_

As quickly as it began, the glimpse cut off, and I came back to the present.

_...can't say I didn't see this coming. She knows I have no power over her. It was only a matter of time until she decided to stop humoring me._

Just then, all of a sudden, I felt a surge of magic flare out of the labyrinth I was standing next to. A few seconds later, one of the signatures inside it disappeared, and it began to dissolve. In the process, it deposited the one thing it still contained back into the outside world.

Said thing happened to be a girl, with her back turned towards me. I heard her let out a breath, before she turned around. Two things happened in the next moment.

The word "Audrey…" left Mami Tomoe's lips, and my phone received a message.

I pulled it out, dreading the confirmation of my vision, and checked the text that Madoka had sent me.

'**Hurry up! Things just got dangerous here!**'

"..._shit._" Shoving the device back in my pocket, I jogged up to a confused Mami, grabbed her arm, and started pulling her in the direction I'd come from. "We'll talk later. Right now, we've got a serious problem."

Her expression went from lost to hardened instantly as she started running on her own, allowing me to relinquish my grip. "What's happening?"

"Sayaka's in trouble," I answered. "You know how she made a contract recently?"

She shook her head. "No, I didn't."

"Well, now you do. Anyway, she took me and Madoka along on her first hunt, and we found a familiar. But unfortunately, a new contractor in town stepped in and stopped us from killing it. Sorry for making you finish the job, by the way."

She smiled despite the situation. "It's no trouble. But what's this about a new Magical Girl?"

"Her name's Kyoko Sakura." It was hard to miss how her eyes widened and how her pupils shrunk when I said that. "I encountered her myself a few days ago. We parted on neutral terms with a mutual nonaggression agreement after I won her respect, but now she's out for blood. Saya's, to be exact."

We were quickly eating up the distance between us and the battle as I was speaking. "She blocked our path and started going on about how our ideals sucked or something like that. I was able to break away in order to track down and finish off the familiar, but I had to leave Saya behind in the process. I told Madoka to ping me if things got ugly, and it looks like they have."

It was only a minute or so away now. "I suggested the nonaggression agreement because I knew I couldn't beat her, so I can't do anything to help without marking myself for death. But you… you're a veteran. You know your way around your skills. And I'd bet dollars to donuts that you have more experience than her. If anyone can get her to back off, it's you."

Watching Mami basically go to war with herself and interpreting the course of events as conveyed through her expressions was… certainly an experience, I'll say. She went back and forth, back and forth, arguing for one side before switching to another over and over, before she finally came to a conclusion.

I could see the steel cooling behind her eyes as she delivered her answer. "You chose the right girl for the task, Audrey. Lead on."

Despite myself, I cracked a smile. "Thanks. I mean it." The sounds of fighting were beginning to come into earshot, and I returned my focus to the front. "The brawl should be up ahead. Get ready."

A cry of pain suddenly rang out, which I determined to be from Sayaka. Soon after, we heard some would-be parting words from her opponent. "Game over!"

Several things happened in the next few moments.

Mami and I skidded to a halt at the alleyway's entrance, just in time to see Kyoko leap up to deliver the coup de grace on her wide open foe. Mami transformed and summoned a musket, which she snapped upward to aim at the potential killer of Sayaka. While she was doing that, Madoka was saying the words "I wish-!" She was also interrupted by another new arrival.

"There's no need for that."

I blinked, and Sayaka was suddenly twenty feet closer to us, causing Kyoko's attack to instead split the concrete that the downed sword wielder had just been lying on. The shock of the impact caused Mami to reflexively squeeze the trigger, blasting off a round that pierced straight through Kyoko's side, the momentum of which sent her spinning away from her spear, leaving it to clatter to the floor. A few seconds afterward, Homura made her entrance proper, landing between the two combatants.

Her attention drawn by the gunshot, Sayaka's head swiveled over to us as we rushed over to her, the wall of chains that had blocked her off from Madoka having broken down by now. "Mami?! Is that really you?"

We knelt down and picked her up. "Yes. Don't worry, you're safe now. I won't let her hurt you anymore," was Mami's reply as we got Sayaka back to her feet.

When she looked steady enough, I gave her two hard pats on the back. "I told you I'd come back, didn't I?"

A weak smile spread across her face. "You actually said you'd try, but I guess Yoda decided you were worthy of the 'do or do not' line." My response to that was a derisive snort.

A low groan coming from the far side of the alley drew our attention to Kyoko, who was picking herself up. In time, she was standing on her own, retrieved spear in one hand and the other holding her injured side. It was actually kinda difficult to tell the blood from the fabric of her outfit due to how close they were in color. "What… the hell just happened?" Despite probably being in immense pain, she still managed to lift her weapon up and point it accusingly at Homura. "How the _fuck _didja do that?!"

Mami stepped forward, raising another loaded rifle and training it on the redhead. "My sincerest apologies, Kyoko, but I'm afraid I must ask you to stand down. Please, for the sake of your well-being, leave the area immediately."

The black-haired girl decided to join in. "I would advise you to listen to her, Kyoko Sakura. With these odds, I doubt you will be able to secure a victory." Her eyes narrowed dangerously. "Be warned, if you choose to continue fighting, I will not hesitate to remove you. I do not tolerate imbeciles with no sense of self-preservation."

The girl in question flipped her gaze between the two a few times, before finally lowering her weapon. "...damn it. Alright, fine." She instead slammed it into the ground, and directed a look of cold-blooded hate at the blonde. "I'll let ya have this round, _Tomoe_. I got no idea how ya healed up so fast, and frankly, I don't care. But ya better believe that this ain't over. Not by a long shot." Her next words were directed at the time traveler. "I dunno what yer angle is, Mystery Girl, but if ya try 'n pull this crap on me again, I'll kick yer ass six ways to Sunday. And that's a promise." After that, her glare bored into the newbie. "As for you, _rookie_… ya won't be so lucky next time. Bet on that."

The next few moments of staring context was spent directing a message at me. '_...ya had a hand in this, didn't ya, bitch?_'

I sent a glare of my own her way. '_I'd say you got off pretty light for almost breaking one of my rules. So, feel like taking me seriously now? Or am I gonna have to screw you over even more?_'

I could swear that she was just about to crack her teeth from how hard she was gritting them. '_Fuck you._'

'_No thanks, you're not my type,_' I shot back with a smug grin that made no effort to hide how satisfying this was for me. Bamboozling her at the observation deck was neat, but that paled in comparison to actually forcing her to retreat, and even better, rubbing it in her face.

Speaking of retreating, that was her next action. In an impressive display of willpower and acrobatics, she wall-jumped up to the top of the buildings composing the alleyway, and disappeared from sight when she leapt onto the roof of the left one.

Surprisingly, the first person to speak up was Madoka. "Homura… you saved Sayaka! But I thought you-"

She cut her off. "How many times have I told you? Is there no end to your idiocy?! I thought I made it clear that you were to avoid getting involved. And yet, at every turn, you ignore me." She wasn't done, turning to me. "And you! You didn't even try to convince her to stay behind! Do you not care that you could be putting her in harm's way?"

"Hey, don't hate the player, hate the game," I bit back. "And you're one to talk about not caring, Homu. Maybe if you actually gave two shits about anyone other than pinko over here, I'd consider listening to you." I shrugged. "But you don't, so… oh well, I guess."

That evidently wasn't what she wanted to hear. "Make no mistake, Audrey Erryn. If you continue to treat this situation in such a flippant manner, there will be severe consequences. Either by my hand, or otherwise." She looked back at Madoka. "I'll say it once more - do not continue to associate yourself with this life. If you keep resisting as you are, I will have no choice but to use more drastic measures."

And with that, she walked off.

"...sheesh," Sayaka piped up. "What's her problem?"

"I'm thinking one too many sticks shoved up the wrong hole," I replied jokingly. "But that's probably just me."

Madoka was too focused on Homura's last words to laugh. "She can't mean that… can she?"

Mami was looking a little frazzled, but was otherwise fine. "Whether or not she was telling the truth, we'll certainly need to tread carefully now. We have no idea what she could do next."

Silence fell for a bit while we took some time to process everything that had just happened. Eventually, I once again was rendered unable to handle the oppressive atmosphere.

"Well, I dunno about you guys, but that mess worked up my appetite. Anyone up for some fast food?"

* * *

**A/N: Letting y'all know now, that baiting tactic shouldn't have actually worked. A more logical way of doing that would have just been a 'checkmate' strategy, but that would have been a bit too much to explain for my liking.**

**Anyway, ho-lee SHIT was this thing a monster. We haven't gotten a chapter this long since Charlotte, which is kind of a travesty. But I guess that's how these things go when you try to adhere to a weird-as-hell 6 day update schedule. Of course, I wouldn't be surprised if that thing's been beaten to the point of unrecognizability by now with how much I've been breaking it. Basically, to make that long story short: fuck the flu. That damned virus ate up a whole week of productivity which I could've been using to write (and do homework, but who even gives a shit about that, am I right? Heh).**

**But aside from that, we've got a whole lot of things going on here. I decided to extend the familiar section, mostly because I'd described them as being quite tough the last time they appeared in the story. With that came the opportunity for more jokes to lighten the mood before things got serious, and I'd like to say I packed some pretty good stuff in there. I'm particularly proud of the Clint Eastwood bit, since that allowed me to explain a little further why Sayaka is the one person who can actually pick up most of Audrey's outdated references. Side note, the movie Madoka mentions is Sayaka's favorite is a real movie. I've never seen it, I only put it there because I was trying to find a classic American film with a focus on a classical band. (Y'all can also ignore the fact that it was done in the 90s, and not earlier like most classics.) Kinda sad how **_**The Red Violin**_ **isn't American, as that may or may not have been a better fit, but whatever.**

**After that, we have the big clash itself, and Mami's triumphant return. Betcha didn't think I'd bring her back so soon, eh? Well, **_**suhpraz, mothafockuh**_**. Here she is. I can already tell that dealing with her reservations regarding Kyoko is gonna be a trip and a half, but I made this mess, so I'm the one who has to clean it up. I hope this whole climax was worth the buildup, by the way. We've spent like, what, three chapters now setting this up to blow? But if you feel something wasn't up to code, don't hesitate to leave a review to tell me what you had issues with and, if possible, some advice or a tip or something on how to fix or mitigate said issue.**

**With that being said, I think that's everything. Now I gotta get back to my timeline and figure out where I'm gonna take this crazy ride next.**

**I can only hope it doesn't make y'all wait too long.**


	13. Not Very Cash Money of You

An exasperated sigh left the lips of someone clearly displeased with their current situation. "Of all the places to get a quick bite… you just _had _to pick the one spot that everyone knows is crap, didn't you?"

"Sayaka!" Madoka turned from her meal to admonish the offender. "You could at least wait until we're finished! What if the employees heard you?"

She folded her arms with a 'hmph.' "So what if they did? They deserve to know they're working for a scummy brand that treats 'em like dirt."

I removed a hand from my burger to lift up an interjecting finger. "Actually, I'm pretty sure that most of them do. You can tell by the obviously fake smiles pasted over the dead-inside look in their eyes." I briefly turned to check out the guy working the register, and resisted the urge to cringe when I saw the very same expression I'd just described sitting on his face.

_Yeesh. Note to self - avoid working in retail if possible. If unavoidable, apply for positions with as little customer interaction as possible._

I switched back to the group and shrugged. "But even if they know, they can't do anything about it. If they're working here, that means they've got nowhere else to go for a paycheck. They've either been rejected, laid off, or never got trained for a better job. So, they come here as a last resort." I set down my meal and laid back in my seat. "The business running the show knows that, which means that they can exploit their workers all they want so long as they don't draw too much attention. They'll cut as many corners as they can if they think they'll turn them a better profit, and make their employees' lives a living nightmare in the process."

I leaned forward, propping my head up with my elbows when I saw the lowered spirits of my companions. "I know this isn't an easy topic to stomach, but sadly, that's just how it is. It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, and everyone's always looking for the next chance to claw their way to their next big break, even if it's at the expense of someone else."

"Y'know, you're starting to sound an awful lot like that jerk who just tried to kill me." Sayaka narrowed her eyes. "Don't tell me she turned you into a double agent?"

I rolled my eyes at the notion. "Would I have come back for you if I was?"

"I dunno…" she leered. "You could just be waiting for a better time to do the deed."

Madoka stopped her. "Sayaka, cut it out. You know Audrey wouldn't do that."

She held the stare for a few more moments regardless, then backed off with another sigh. "...yeah, I know. Sorry. It's just that…" She briefly paused, trying to find a way to explain it. "She didn't care if people had to die just so she could get what she wanted. She even knew how many that familiar needed to eat before it could turn into a witch! It's fine if the world's turned her into a cynic, but that complete disregard she had for all the innocent lives she's condemned just pisses me off so much!"

I let out a noncommittal noise. "Even so, I can't say that her methods don't work. I'm not ashamed to admit that she kicked my ass the first time we met, and from what I saw, it seems she did the same to you. If Homura hadn't been there, you likely would've died." My eyes wandered and caught a head of blonde hair that had been uncomfortably silent thus far, causing me to realize something I'd just implied. "Oh, uh, no offense, Mami."

"None taken," she replied with a subdued voice. "Besides, it's true. You saw how I hesitated before I was shaken into taking the shot." Her face fell. "I thought I was prepared to face her again, but when the time came, I… I couldn't pull the trigger."

Madoka piped up. "U-um… what do you mean by 'again?' Did you also meet her before?"

The blonde was silent, contemplating what she wanted to say in response, before she gathered up the courage to speak. "She… used to be my apprentice, once upon a time."

"Wait, really?!" Evidently, Sayaka was caught flat-footed by the reveal. "You're kidding me! _She _used to take orders from _you_?"

"She did," Mami confirmed. "We met a few years ago, back when she was still a relatively new Magical Girl. I came to her aid and helped her defeat a witch, and after the battle was over, she asked me to train her." A faint smile tinged with sadness appeared on her face. "Kyoko was my very first student, and a talented one at that. She took to her duties like a fish to water, and it was abundantly clear to me that she had great potential."

Her head finally lifted up, and the smile stretched just a little wider. "Believe it or not, she used to be able to conjure illusions of herself to assist her in battle. I remember spending hours trying to think up a good name for it, and eventually coming up with 'Rosso Phantasma.' She always protested calling out her techniques, saying it was incredibly mortifying, but... that one was an exception."

She trailed off, the smile disappearing and her vision dropping again. Remembering her letter, it was simple to connect the dots. "...it didn't last, did it?"

She shook her head. "No. After a while, her father caught her in the act. You see, he was a pastor, but was excommunicated for preaching beliefs that were contrary towards what the church's Bible taught. He continued to hold sermons, but nobody would ever come to hear them, and by extension, he received no pay, causing Kyoko's family to fall upon hard times." Her eyes narrowed ever so slightly. "Kyoko wasn't very pleased about that, so she wished that people would start listening to her father. As you can imagine, it worked, and he suddenly found himself swarmed with believers. Everything seemed like it was going to be fine after that… but then her father found out."

Her mood continued to plummet. "When Kyoko explained what she'd done, he… he condemned her, and called her a witch. A demon. He was furious at the notion that all the people who came to his sermons were only there because of the wish his daughter made. He told her he could never accept a miracle that was brought about by the power of a devil." She briefly glanced at Kyubey, perched on Madoka's shoulder, before continuing. "Her father changed after that. He started drinking heavily, and became abusive towards the rest of his family. Things continued to spiral out of control from there, getting worse and worse before it all came to a head, and he snapped."

Her expression gained a haunted air. "When he decided he couldn't take it anymore, he… set fire to his house, and hung himself amidst the flames. Kyoko came home that day to a burning wreck, inside of which she found one last message of damnation from her father, laying the blame for his actions - including the death of her mother and younger sister - entirely upon her."

I took a moment to scan the reactions of the other two girls when Mami briefly stopped speaking. Predictably, they were horrified. I found myself muttering out a low "damn…" to keep up appearances.

"Kyoko was never the same," Mami continued. "The fire took not only her family and home, but also her innocence. She stopped using her illusions, claiming that she would rather rely solely on her raw abilities than depend on magic to win battles. She became colder, caring less and less about the people we were saving. At one point, she even asked me if we could stop hunting familiars altogether, saying that it wasn't worth the effort."

Our food was probably getting cold by now, but we were too enraptured to care. "I tried over and over to set her back on the right path, but she would have none of it. We became frustrated with each other, and our teamwork suffered for it. We had more than a few brushes with death, each one coming closer to claiming us."

Mami's expression hardened a bit. "Eventually, we realized that our drifting ideals had caused a rift in our partnership that couldn't be closed. I refused to admit it to myself, but I knew deep down that if we were to keep going as we were, one of us was inevitably going to die." I couldn't tell if the microscopic smile that appeared on her face was sad, sarcastic, or both. "Thankfully, Kyoko saved me from willingly confronting my failures by bringing it up herself. She told me it would be better if we split up and hunted witches on our own. Despite knowing that she was entirely correct, I couldn't help but ask her to stay, one last time. She responded by saying that from that point on, we were no longer teacher and student, and left."

We sat in silence for a few moments, before it was broken by Madoka. "W-what happened to her after that?"

"I don't really know," Mami answered. "Today was the first time I've seen her since we parted ways." Another small smile, this one a fusion of sadness and nostalgia. "...she hasn't changed at all."

Thinking on it a little, I realized this would likely be as good an opportunity as any to apologize for what I'd had her do. "Wow, uh… ooh. I could tell you knew each other, but… Christ, I didn't think you had _that _kind of history… shit. Um… well, for what it's worth, ah, sorry for making you… y'know, shoot your student and all. Even if she was kinda being a bitch."

She attempted to wave it off while heaving a sigh. "You had no way of knowing." That line gave me a brief stab of guilt thanks to my foreknowledge. "Besides, you were only trying to help Sayaka." Unwittingly twisting the knife, because I hadn't stopped the conflict from happening, even if letting it play out was my best course of action.

"In any case," Sayaka cut in. "We should probably figure out what to do next. Old student or not, that girl's still gonna be a big problem for us. And we can't forget about the transfer student. How do we deal with all this?"

We briefly fell silent to consider what we could do next. I decided to remind everyone of some info building blocks we had. "Well, for starters, I don't think Homura will actively try to antagonize us if Madoka doesn't make a wish. She seems laser-focused on keeping our pinko out of the contractor life, so if we don't do anything too reckless with her, we should be fine."

The head of blue hair bobbed down and up in a nod. "Okay… yeah, that sounds good." She smirked. "I mean, it's already a three-on-one against Kyoko, maybe even four if Homura decides to 'remove' her with us. Madoka would just be overkill by that point."

I saw Mami try and fail not to wince out of the corner of my eye, which turned to Madoka when she started talking. "Sayaka… are you really going to fight her again?"

For a moment, the girl was quiet, before turning to Madoka. "Yeah, I am. I'll admit she has good reasons for being like she is, but I can't just stand by and watch her let people die for her own gain."

"But, Sayaka…" She seemed unable to reconcile with the idea. "She's not a witch. She's a Magical Girl, just like you! You should be fighting together, not against each other!"

Her best friend kept the hardened gaze on her for a few more moments, before it softened. "...I can try to talk to her. I don't think she'll listen, given the way things are now, but… if you really want me to, I guess I can at least make an effort."

I doubted Madoka was completely satisfied, but it looked like she was taking what she could get with a smile. "Thank you."

We talked a bit more after that, discussing various potential battle strategies and other such things. Grief Seeds were also touched on, with Mami revealing that she had been building up a respectable stock during her personal crusade. We agreed to pool our resources, but also to divide the total hoard equally amongst ourselves to keep on hand since we couldn't just stick them into a multi-access pocket dimension like Homura could. With this plan, we could ensure that everyone had spare 'health kits,' and one could always request some from another if they were in need of an extra.

Once that was done, our food was finished, and we no longer had any real reason to stay. We exited as a group and walked for a bit, saying our goodbyes at an intersection before splitting up.

Well, Madoka and Sayaka did, anyway. (And Kyubey, riding on the pinker's shoulder.) But before the resident veteran could leave, I grabbed her shoulder. "Mami, hold on a second."

She wordlessly turned to me, an expression of confusion, anticipation, and very faint sadness meeting my own hardened, mutedly concerned gaze. I took a moment to psych myself up for the following interaction.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

When she failed to respond after a few seconds, I elaborated. "I know you said you were fine when we asked earlier, but… well, I don't need to tell you that you've been through a hell of a lot of shit recently." My hand came up, fingers individually extending while I listed the chain of events she'd experienced. "You almost died, lost your resolve, got it back not 24 hours later, had to confront your ex-apprentice, and ended up shooting her right after she nearly killed someone you care about. And that's not counting what you got up to in the time I haven't seen you."

She became more downcast the longer I went on. "I know you like to put on a brave face - trust me, I'm no stranger to wearing a mask - but we all know from Madoka and your letter that you're not as strong as you'd like to be on the inside." I leaned in a little. "I just can't help but wonder if all this pressure will cause you to snap again. I managed to re-set you once in a stroke of luck, but duct tape's not exactly a permanent solution if you catch my meaning, and I don't know if Miss Fortune will smile on me a second time."

I then realized that I was making less sense the more I talked, so I decided to wrap up quickly. "Eh- okay, look, the point is, I don't want you to go back to the state you were in when I brought you home. That doesn't help anyone, least of all you. And…" I paused for a second, finding myself at a sudden brick wall that I found myself quickly smashing through for fear of sounding weird. "If you ever need someone to talk to when you're feeling depressed, or useless, or like a failure…" My lips curled up into a stupid smile. "Then I'll be there to remind you that there's always someone who's worse. Like me!" I couldn't help letting out a short laugh. "I mean, you think you're bad? Wait 'till you see my elementary school records!"

"Audrey…" I stopped at the choked-up voice, finally noticing that there were tears in Mami's eyes. However, my question as to whether they were sad tears, happy tears, or something in between was quickly answered when she stepped forward, wrapped her arms tight around me and pulled herself in, the height difference sending her head right into my chest.

_Whoa, okay!_

"I… I'm not worthy of you..." her trembling voice spoke. "You deserve better than a burden like me…"

I snorted while I bent over and maneuvered my arms around her in turn. "Oh, please. If anything, it's the other way around. Even if the older sister figure routine's just an act, you can't deny that you've done far more good for this city than I ever have." A more subdued, self-deprecating short laugh left my lips. "All I do is try to plan, fail to come up with anything good, charge in, wing it, and hope everything works out. Really, the fact that I've somehow managed to not screw up horribly yet is nothing short of a miracle."

Her eyes came up to meet mine with a frown. "No. If you were dependent on luck, you wouldn't have been able to save me from myself. You are better than you think you are, Audrey. _So much better_."

"I could say the same for you," I returned. "If you really were what you think you are, you wouldn't be here now."

She only pulled me in tighter.

Eventually, I hit my maximum wholesomeness capacity. "Uh… okay, I think it's time we, ah, stopped. I think bystanders are starting to give us funny looks."

A block or so away, Sayaka had a sudden urge to dope-slap me.

* * *

Things had remained quiet after the alley clash. Kyoko needed to heal up, Mami needed to come to terms with what she would have to do, Sayaka had to prepare herself for the trials she would face while she was still a greenhorn, and I needed to get back to banging rocks together and cobbling up more half-baked plans.

As you can imagine, the constant stream of shaky-at-best to straight-up stupid ideas that came from my efforts didn't do my confidence any favors. When the afternoon of the 9th finally rolled around, I realized that trying to continue in my current state would be pointless and resolved to find myself a distraction. With that in mind, I set off for the arcade, as I hadn't paid it a visit in a little while.

One fast-travel session later, I walked through the doors, hitting the pause button on Cage the Elephant's "Ain't No Rest For The Wicked" as I did so. Immediately after, I beelined towards the back of the building, where most of the older machines were kept.

As I had already been to my target multiple times, I found it in no time. Soon, I came upon my home turf - Midway's classic 1992 _Addams Family _pinball machine. Pantomiming a good old knuckle crack, I whipped out a few 25-yen coins, got my game credit, and hit start.

About a minute later, the sudden feeling of detecting a magic signature only a few steps away nearly cost me my first ball. Waiting until the opportunity presented itself, I caught the ball in a flipper cradle and held it there, effectively pausing the game for a moment so I could look behind me.

"...huh. Didn't expect you to be out and about so soon. I thought that bullet went through one of your internal organs?"

Kyoko shook her head. "Hell if I know. Still hurts like a bitch, though. I came here to get my mind offa things, but yer here, so… so much fer that."

I glanced at the machine, then back at the redhead chomping on a stick of pocky like one would a cigarette. "Not necessarily. You got a few quarters, I can stick you in for player 2. If you want."

I received a disinterested stare that turned into a smirk after a few seconds. "Ya really think I'd fall fer that? C'mon. I know a trap when I see it." Instead, she moved to the cabinet two spaces over, the flashy _Street Fighter III: 3rd Strike _logo on full display. "I'd like somethin' a little more direct."

"Suit yourself," I shrugged, and went back to my game.

Another minute and a ball drain passed, and I decided it might be prudent to let her know something. "Mami spilled the beans, y'know. About what happened to you."

Kyoko's computerized opponent blocked a risky move, and caught her in a brief combo string, causing her to scowl. "Alright. And?"

"...that's it, really," I responded after a brief pause to catch the ball from a misaimed shot. "Though you can probably expect the rookie to give a token effort at talking with you now."

"We both know that ain't changin' shit." Guarding against an onslaught, she retaliated with a move that knocked her enemy backwards, giving her some breathing room.

I flipped the ball towards the opened bookcase and into the vault behind it, locking my second ball. "Yeah. She talks a big game, but I seriously doubt she really… gets it, let's say. The most she's experienced was seeing Mami almost lose her head right in front of her, and that's downright saccharine compared to what you went through."

She said nothing, focusing on the move string she was currently executing. It was enough to deplete her foe's health bar, winning her the round and allowing her to move on to the next one.

"...actually, there is something else," I started as I passed the ball to my left flipper. "Even if he'll probably go down in history as the world's biggest overreacter, I've gotta admit that your dad wasn't entirely wrong." I backhanded the silver orb into the electric chair, locking the third ball and therefore starting the Multiball sequence.

The lancer briefly lost her concentration, causing her to miss a button input and subsequently get punished by the A.I. character. "Oh, yeah? How d'ya figure?"

Keeping track of three balls at once was never not a handful, but I had years of practice behind my flips. "Kyubey's a bastard. Plain and simple. The one thing I can't dispute your dad about is the fact that the Coobmeister's a devil stuffed in a sentient doll." By this point, I was scoring jackpots left and right.

Kyoko managed to get her rhythm back, leaping over a projectile attack and capitalizing on the move's ending lag to start a combo. "Man, ya really have it out fer that thing, don'tcha? I'll admit he's a weirdo 'n shady as hell, but he ain't dangerous. All he does is grant wishes. It ain't his fault if they're crappy."

"That's just it, though." I managed to catch all three balls in flipper cradles, and began to wait. "Have you ever stopped for a moment and thought about _why _Kyubey does what he does? Or what actually happens when he turns someone into a contractor?"

The redhead finished her combo, launching the opponent backward and reverting to a probing strategy. "What're ya gettin' at?"

My patience paid off, as the "Power" magnets shut off due to my refusal to flip. With the path free of obstacles, I shot a ball up the Thing ramp, then took advantage of its resulting path and used the upper right flipper to send it up the staircase ramp, earning me the coveted Double Jackpot. "What I'm saying is that there's quite a bit of things that not even you _or _Mami know about this job. Big things. Important things." I paused to regain control of the ball. "Lethal things, even."

She managed to spot an opening and locked the A.I. in hitstun with a quick strike, transitioning into another string of moves. "Ya keep talkin' like there's some dark secret or whatever behind all this witch biz. What exactly didja go through that made ya that way?"

I cringed as a mistimed shot aimed at the staircase instead hit the trainwreck target, causing one of my balls to drain via the outlane and leaving me with two left on the playing field. "You expect me to tell that to the girl that damn near killed one of my buddies?"

"Nah." She continued her combo, reading the computer's attempts to escape like a book and countering them effortlessly. "I'm askin' ya to back up 'n prove yer point. Why exactly d'ya hate the little guy so much?"

I made a noise of dissatisfaction as a failed backhand up the bear ramp caused another ball to drain straight down the middle, ending the Multiball. "Hm… well, I guess I can tell you a few things. Not all of them, but some. You can ask Coobers about the rest the next time you see him. It's better if you hear that straight from the horse's mouth."

Kyoko stopped for a brief moment to cap off her combo with a level 3 super move, blasting the last remnants of her opponent's HP away and winning her the match. "Meh, guess that's fine. Go ahead." She fished out another stick of pocky to replace her previous one and left the cabinet, stopping at the one next to the game I was on.

_Hooo, boy. Time to see how big of a storm I can bullshit up when improvising._

I was silent for a bit as I considered what to say while keeping my last little sphere in play. Eventually, I decided on a story. "I used to have a friend back in California. And I'm gonna tell you right now - she was probably the single best person I've ever known. Straight A's, good athlete, always had a smile on her face and a compliment for everyone she saw… I doubt there was a single bad bone in her body."

I held back a curse as a horribly-aimed shot cost me my ball, sending me to ball 3, which I refrained from plunging into play. "Then a good few years back, we were introduced to this life. Not by choice, mind you, but through a couple of unfortunate events." The game, having been left idle, made a few checks to ensure everything was still running smoothly. "Stuff happened, we found ourselves split up, and then the little rat showed up. He got to my buddy first, gave her the typical 'explain later, wish now' thing. She didn't question it, and we busted out."

I finally decided to keep playing, carefully calculating how far back I needed to pull the plunger before releasing it for a skill shot reward. "Now, because I was - and still am - a cynical genre-savvy little shit, I had a few reservations about doing the whole contract thing for myself. Saint that she was, she accepted it easily, and resolved to take care of everything herself."

I was in the middle of shooting the bear ramp to light the electric chair again when Kyoko started putting the pieces together. "I think I already know where this is goin'. How'd it go down?"

Flipping the orb into the chair scoop triggered the start of the "Tour the Mansion" grand finale. "I started noticing things that didn't line up, and asked questions. Eventually, I happened upon a question that it couldn't deflect or give a non-answer to, and it told the real truth. Once I managed to find the crack, I widened it, and soon enough, the floodgates swung wide open."

Acting swiftly when the prompt appeared, I shot the Thing ramp again and was rewarded with a Quick Multiball, adding another ball to the playfield. "I got him to spill everything he knew. How the system really worked, it's goals, motives, species, all of it." I was really raking in points now. "When it finished… I grabbed the nearest knife I could find and drove it straight into one of its eyes. That was the first time I'd ever actually killed something, but it wouldn't be the last."

I found I was really going knee-deep into it now, and a rueful smile stretched across my face. "I gave my friend the news as soon as I could. As you might expect, she was heartbroken, and yet… even then, she couldn't find it within herself to hate the tiny con artist." I prepared myself for another set of high-scoring shots. "She'd admit any day that its methods and execution were dogshit, but she also couldn't deny that it wasn't intentionally being malicious, just… very pragmatic in trying to achieve its mission."

"One sec," she interrupted. "What's up with the pronoun swappin'?"

I gave the best all-shoulder shrug I could with my hands locked on the buttons. "Technically it doesn't really have a gender and 'it' is dehumanizing, but I also referred to Coobs as a 'he' for most of my introductory time into this life. Honestly though, I don't give enough of a shit about the little devil to stick with one. Not worth it."

Kyoko let out an affirmative hum. "Keep goin'."

"Anyway…" I continued. "Even with everything she knew now, my buddy figured she might as well see everything through to the bitter end. And she did. One fateful day, she got unlucky, pulled off a desperate move, and was left with a completely black Soul Gem when the dust settled." I aimed for the Thing ramp once again. "By that point, I'd been carrying around a firearm she'd somehow managed to nick off an unsavory guy for a good long while, just in case. I didn't have the heart to pull it out when I realized what I needed to do, so with what little time she had left, she grabbed it and aimed it for me."

I fired my shot off, hitting my target and once again segueing it into a staircase ramp flip for another Double Jackpot. "I told her she didn't deserve what was happening to her. She replied that nobody did, but someone had to do it, so it might as well be her. …I pulled the trigger after that." A loud popping noise signifying that I'd garnered a high enough score to win a free game caused Kyoko to flinch slightly, which she accompanied with a muttered "Christ!" "That was the first time I ever killed another person, and for the sake of my mental health, I'd like to keep it that way."

She took a few moments to digest everything I'd told her. Meanwhile, I was mentally wiping a gallon of sweat off my brow at successfully managing to improv a whole backstory that got my point across completely on the fly. "...so yer sayin' that what Kyubey told ya was somethin' that made death seem like a better option compared to… whatever it is that happens when ya run outta magic?"

My second-to-last ball drained after a session with the bumpers sent it off into the outlane. "That's it in a nutshell, yeah."

One of her eyebrows came up as she folded her arms while leaning on the cabinet. "And ya ain't gonna tell me what _does_ happen?"

"Nope," I confirmed. "Like I said earlier, you're better off hearing that and everything else important from the bastard himself. Makes it sink in faster."

She turned away, letting out a pensive 'hmph' as she further considered what I'd said. I ended up losing my last ball soon after, bringing my current game to a close. Stepping back from the machine, I stretched my arms over my head and about-faced to lean against the table.

A while later, I heard Kyoko let out a single subdued laugh. "Y'know, if that backstory's yer definition 'a 'tame,' then yer a lot more screwed-up than I thought."

I briefly gave her a confused look before I realized she'd been referring to something I'd told her during our meeting at the observation tower. "For the record, I was referring to the circumstances surrounding my own contract when I said that, not why I despise Coobie." A smirk of my own plastered itself on my face. "And if you think what you've seen of me so far's screwed-up, then you ain't seen _nothin' _yet, bitch."

"Whatever ya say, yank," she returned with a roll of the eyes. When she saw me cash in my free credit, however, she stepped forward. "Actually…" she held up her hand, fingers spread out, revealing four 25-yen coins held between each. "Put me up there. I ain't lettin' ya top any leaderboards on my turf without a fight."

* * *

"_Dirty pool, old man. I like it!"_

"Holy…" My jaw dropped when I heard the table play that voice clip as Kyoko snuck the silver orb behind the bookcase and into the secret vault before she opened it, sequence-breaking the game and locking her first ball. "I thought only dedicated pinball enthusiasts knew that feature even existed, let alone have the ability to actually pull that maneuver off!"

A smug grin was her natural response. "Eh, what can I say? Ya spend enough time here, ya eventually learn how to do well at every game this place has to offer."

I snorted in disbelief. "'Do well,' she says. Right, act like doing something that tournament-level players have difficulty achieving's only worthy of a 'good job.'" I threw my hand up to around shoulder-height. "We get it, you're a badass, now could you please stop rubbing it in everyone's faces every ten seconds?"

She actually had the audacity to remove one of her hands from the flipper buttons to hold it up to her ear. "Hey, anyone hear that? Sounded like a huge load 'a salt to me." She ended the jab with a mocking laugh.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, ya cocky little shit," I grumbled, turning away and folding my arms. "We'll see who's salty once I start the tour."

I continued to silently moan and groan for a while until I picked up yet another signature. While I hadn't encountered this one as many times as some others, I still knew very well who was emitting it.

'_Hey,' _I broadcast. '_You feel that just now?'_

If I'd looked behind me, I would've seen her nod her head slightly. '_Yeah. To the left, I think. Ya see 'er?'_

I scanned our immediate surroundings once. '_Not yet…' _I caught her on the second. '_Wait, there she is.'_

A pause. '_...think she'll go for it?"_

I was a little surprised that she was implying that, but it didn't stop me from responding. '_Doubt it. Even if she's got the kit for it, she doesn't act like an assassin. Not to mention I'm right here.'_

'_Why's she even here, then?'_

I took note of how she was in casual wear. '_Negotiations, if I had to guess.'_

'_Seriously?' _Kyoko sounded indignant over the connection. '_She cockblocks me, gives me a death threat for 'bein' reckless,' and __**now**_ _yer tellin' me she wants to talk? That's one fucked-up set 'a priorities she's got.'_

A humorless laugh left my lips. '_Don't ask me how her brain works. I barely even understand how my own noggin does things half the time. She is fairly reasonable when she wants to be, though. I say we hear her out.'_

I heard her aggressively breathe out a short sigh. '_Ah, fine, might as well. Don't think we had much of a choice anyhow. Let's see what she's after.'_

I called out to the purple-eyed girl when she came close enough. "Fancy seeing you here, Homu. I got the impression this wasn't your scene."

She didn't react, continuing to fix me and the back of Kyoko's head with her signature detached stare. The lack of response prompted my next words. "Sheesh. I swear, you're stiffer than a freakin' board. How many times have I told you to loosen up now?"

"This would be the third," she bluntly answered.

I raised a finger and opened my mouth, then thought better and lowered my hand. "Okay, fair. You've probably already got something to say, anyway. Go ahead."

She turned her head to the current player at the table. "Kyoko Sakura, I would like to tell you that you can have this city."

The stick of pocky in the redhead's mouth suddenly had enough pressure pushed on it to snap in half. "Now, what the hell's this about? Last time we talked, ya seemed pretty eager to slit my throat or somethin'. What made ya flip from that to this? Ya some kinda psycho?"

I frowned. "Oi, Kyoka-Cola. Ever hear of a little thing called tact? Look it up sometime." I switched back to Homura, ignoring the middle finger the big eater flashed me with. "She's got a point, though. Why _did _you go from threats of 'removal' to offering her the city?"

"She is a much better fit for the role of a Magical Girl. Sayaka Miki is ill-suited for the trials that our duties entail," was her factual response. She then narrowed her eyes slightly. "And I am beginning to suspect that you are also a poor choice for the position, Audrey Erryn."

My frown became more pronounced. "Now what brought that little criticism on? All things considered, I'd say I've been doing much better than I honestly thought I would." A notion popped into my head. "Is it because of my attitude towards everything? Because… well, I don't think you're changing that." My gaze turned knowing. "Not unless you wanna deal with me having a breakdown, which I can guarantee you is the farthest thing from pleasant you can imagine."

The transfer student said nothing, going back to Kyoko. "In any case, in exchange for giving you free reign over the city, I ask that you let me handle Sayaka Miki. I would rather things end peacefully than have anyone come to blows."

A derisive snort left my lips, and I cocked an eyebrow. "You sure about that? 'Cause from what I've seen so far, diplomacy isn't exactly your strong point. Whaddaya gonna do, sweep up from behind, put a gun up to her head and make it clear you're not looking for a fight?" I could've sworn I saw a hint of irritation flicker behind her eyes. "Come on. We both know that's just gonna do the opposite. She's well aware you're above her weight class, but do you really think she'll let a silly thing like logic stop her from trying to beat you?"

"I can back that up," Kyoko cut in. "From what I've seen, she's a lot like me. I don't care if I think someone might be better 'n me, I'll kick their ass all the same. Only difference 'tween me 'n her's that her bite ain't nearly as bad as her bark."

My thoughts led me to an alternative. "Unless you're talking about actually pummeling her into submission, in which case… one, you're just being a bully at that point, which is _not_ very cash money of you, and two, again, she's not gonna just roll over and accept defeat." I paused, then lifted a finger. "That is, if you don't just kill her outright. But if you do that, then _I _find you, tear your spine out through your ass, and beat _you_ to death with it. So…" The finger came down to rest on my chin along with an accompanying thumb. "Problem."

She closed her eyes, and I found myself disappointed when a sigh or huff failed to follow. "I see now that it was a mistake to discuss this matter with you." She began to turn away. "If you have no objections, I will be leaving."

"_Hold it!_" I muffled a laugh at the reference, and Homura's dead-inside reaction to it. "I'm gettin' tired 'a referrin' to ya as 'Mystery Girl.' So, do me a solid and tell me…" Kyoko briefly took her attention away from the playing field to give the black-haired girl a cocky head tilt look paired with a toothy smile. "Who are ya, really?"

The question's target gave what nine out of ten people would say was a correct answer. "Homura Akemi. Fourteen years old, second-year transfer student at Mitakihara Middle School. Magical Girl."

The smile lost its teeth while a 'heh' escaped the mouth it inhabited. "Not a big fan 'a bein' questioned, huh? Alright, keep yer secrets. See what I care." Her head turned back to the machine. "'Sides that, though… what's yer angle? Whaddaya get outta this?"

"Two weeks from today," Homura stated. "A witch called Walpurgisnacht will come to this city."

I cut off what Kyoko was about to say with "oh my god, finally! At long last, we get a fucking deadline for doomsday!" I threw my hands up, not-praising the sun for this not-divine gift.

The time traveler fixed me with a deadpan stare of disapproval. "You could have asked about it at any point in time earlier and I would have given you the date."

"Shut up and let me have my moment," I immediately shot back while continuing to milk the feeling.

The partial bit of Kyoko's face that I could see wasn't entirely buying it, however. "And how exactly _do _ya know when it's gonna pop up? Witches ain't really predictable if ya didn't know."

"That's entirely my business," Homura rebuffed with another one of her signature hair flips. "But in any case, if we manage to take it down, then once the battle is over, Mitakihara will be yours. You can do as you please with it then."

The smile was now back on the redhead's expression. "That right?" She seemed to consider something for a moment. "Walpurgisnacht, huh…" Then, she appeared to come to a conclusion. "Hey… whaddaya say we team up against her? Never a bad thing to get a helpin' hand every now 'n then, don'tcha think?"

She turned to face the transfer student, the ball having drained a few seconds ago, leaving her free to do so. A moment later, she offered her box of pocky. "Want some?"

* * *

About an hour or so later, after Homura left, Kyoko's brain apparently decided it was time to address something.

"By the way, what was that about 'cash money' earlier?"

I stared blankly for all of two seconds, before a too-wide trollish grin stretched across my face.

"Oh, that? Well, let's say some gangsta's dissin' your fly girl…"

For the second time in as many days, in her home a few miles away, Sayaka found herself with an out-of-nowhere compulsion to seek me out and dope-slap me.

* * *

**A/N: IT IZ GOOD DAY TO BE NOT DED!**

**So, uh… yeah, I kinda totally dropped the ball on the update schedule. I finally got my new PS4 working, steamrolled through the bundled Modern Warfare's campaign and sunk into the depths of its multiplayer, finally got around to finishing Doom 2016, had school start back up… lots of things happened. I can't promise the next update won't take as long, for a few reasons, but I'll try my best.**

**Anyway, here's another huge monster of a chapter! We got backstory, we got plans, we got banter, shipping(?!), and just generally something for everyone! Well, except actual fighting. You'll have to wait for that stuff. But we got street fighting! That's a suitable substitute, right?**

**Speaking of which, holy **_**shit**_ **did I have way too much fun with that scene. Using Kyoko and Audrey's respective game performances as mirrors of their conversation was a great opportunity to play around. Although, I'm sure you can tell which one I have more experience with. Although, I will say that it's very likely that Kyoko is a fan of Ken. But if you think you have a more accurate character pick for her, I'd love to hear it (since I have literally never played Street Fighter, much less Third Strike before in my entire life. And no, I'm not counting watching Evo Moment 37 as 'experience.')**

**Would y'all believe me if I said I had no intentions of coming off as shipping Audrey and Mami? 'Cause I actually don't. But I know some of you out there are just **_**dying **_**to get your next fix of fictional relationships, so here you go, ya freaks. I'm sure you'll also be willing to ignore the age difference and the fact that both of them are technically underaged. (...actually, considering at least some of you probably ship MadoHomu, that might be easier for you than I think.) But I'm not here to bash shipping. I like to believe I am above such baseborn antics.**

**For those of you who haven't read The Different Story, have a lore freebie on me! Thanks to Mami, you now have a general idea of what happened between her and Kyoko that caused them to split up. Of course, I wasn't able to actually check my version's accuracy to the original before I lost my ability to access it (R.I.P. MangaRock), so I may or may not have gotten one or two of the hyper-specific details incorrect. Then again, this is fanfiction, and as the author, I have the power to simply wave my hand and say "ehh, it's not the same timeline, maybe things just happened a tiny bit differently."**

**Speaking of differences, it seems Sayaka's feelings towards the current quote-unquote 'antagonists' have been shifted from what they were in canon. I mean, do you think she would've considered actually trying to talk with Kyoko if Mami was dead by now? (Well, possibly, but that's not important.) I wonder what this will change in the upcoming events, if it will even change anything…**

**Anyway, next time, we've got a wham of an episode. Soon, the Clash on the Big Bridge will commence! (Sadly, I can confirm that compared to every other instance of the event, this one has a 100% decrease in chances of Gilgamesh appearing. Disappointing, I know, but them's the breaks.)**

**Back to the typewriter for me!**


	14. I Don't Want Anyone to Die

I once again found myself waking up in a cold sweat on the morning of June 10th. This one, however… I guess I could say that it felt like a response to the overpowering dread of realizing that I'd somehow made a terrible mistake. Which obviously wasn't very comforting.

_The slightest misstep on my part could be the beginning of the end. It really __**is**_ _a miracle that nobody's bitten it yet, what with how I've been going about this._

However, from a different perspective, there was the possibility that it was _because _of the impulsive, head-on method I'd been using that everything was going relatively fine (as fine as the current situation could be, at least). So I was left at a stalemate. Did I plan for all possible outcomes that I thought could reasonably occur and risk getting hit by a curveball? Or did I stay my course and make everything up as I went along, with only my instincts to tell me what to do if shit went south?

What frustrated me about that question was that there was really no right answer. And with my extremely precarious circumstances, that practically left me a mess of indecisiveness. Versatility is a wonderful thing, but if you don't have the ability to properly determine the best option at any given point in time, it starts becoming a large source of anxiety.

_Bleh. Never treating Wisdom as a dump stat ever again. What good's having options if you can't pick the right one when you need to?_

The feeling stuck with me for most of the rest of my morning, hanging over my head not unlike a portable raincloud that you'd see in a typical western cartoon. It actively refused any attempts to dispel it, stubbornly standing its ground against my efforts to distract myself from paranoia.

Getting fed up with its antics, figured a walk might be in order to take my mind off things. Go see the sights again. I mean, how often did you get a chance to enjoy being a tourist in an entirely different world? Or I guess in this case it was more "twenty minutes into the future" than an actual isekai, but the point still stands.

_At least Urobutcher was smart enough not to go the Back to the Future route in terms of worldbuilding. I still kinda feel cheated that I didn't grow up in a world with commercially available hoverboards or flying cars._

Regardless, I was quickly out of the hotel and on my way, Jeff Williams' "When It Falls" blasting in my ears. Probably not the best choice for a morale boost given the looming feeling of imminent doom, but hey, riffs don't lie.

My route this time was randomized. I didn't have any particular destination in mind, so I ended up wandering all over. I hit up and lounged around the park, loitered next to the mall for a bit, and thought of taking the elevator to the observation deck, but decided against it.

Eventually, I found myself stepping up to the doors of the general hospital.

_Heh. You'd never be able to tell this place was the stage of so many important events. There's the spot I woke up at, the bench I sat on… that's the pillar that Charlotte's Grief Seed was lodged in… sheesh. For a place that's supposed to heal people, canon sure likes to kill things right next to it._

I was broken out of my thoughts when the auto-doors slid open, revealing a boy close to my height with a head of grey-colored hair and matching eyes. His gait wasn't exactly normal - it was close to it, but it had a certain quality I couldn't put a finger on that made it give off the impression that the person was still recovering from something.

_Wait a second, that guy looks familiar…_

I figured I might as well go for it since nothing big would be happening in the immediate future. He stopped when he noticed I was approaching him. "Hey there, uh… would your name happen to be Kyosuke?"

His eyes darted away from me at being caught flat-footed at the sudden question for a second before they moved back. "Yes, it would. Who are you?"

"Audrey Erryn. I'm a friend of Sayaka's. Nice to meet you." I held out my hand for a moment, then remembered something. "Oh, right, you guys don't do handshakes for greetings, do you?" The hand came up to rub the back of my head in shame as I let out an embarrassed chuckle. "Sorry, I'm not from around here, and I tend to fall back on old habits a lot."

"Ah, now I see," he nodded in understanding. "You're that traveling American that Sayaka told me about, aren't you?" A smile came to his face. "Well, it's fine if you forgot the proper procedures. It's just us here, so if you want to do a handshake, that's okay."

I blinked, then caught myself. "Uh- yeah, yeah, thanks." I held out my hand again, and he took it. His grip wasn't all that firm, but it also seemed like it could offer more, and was being held back. "Awful nice of you."

"Don't mention it. Any friend of Sayaka's is a friend of mine."

I once again checked out the building next to us before going back to Kyosuke. "So, ah, what exactly are you doing out of the hospital? From what Blue Bull told me, that injury of yours should have you bedridden for at least another few weeks. Did something happen?"

He lifted his left hand up to give it a once-over. "Yeah, actually. A few days ago, I woke up from a nap and it was completely healed. The doctors were totally blown away, especially since they'd already said that it was a lost cause. They've been calling it a miracle."

"A miracle, huh…" I adopted a thinking pose.

"And if that wasn't enough," he continued, "the nurses also found that a bunch of minor injuries that happened because of the main one were gone. They ran tests, and found that all the usual side-effects that would normally pop up from the time I spent in rehab were nowhere to be found." His eyes narrowed slightly. "Almost as if someone just waved a magic wand and cast a catch-all healing spell..."

I made a conflicted noise. "Hm. Y'know, one part of me says that you shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, but I dunno… it does seem a little too good to be true, doesn't it?"

"My thoughts exactly," he sighed. "But if even the hospital's best staff and equipment were stumped on what happened, I doubt we'll ever be able to figure it out. But anyway, that's why I've been discharged early. As strange as it is, there's nothing wrong with me anymore, and they've already run every test they can think of to find an explanation, so there's no point in me staying."

I glanced around to confirm that there was no human in the immediate vicinity and raised an eyebrow. "So they just… let you walk out without an escort? Doesn't that seem, uh, kinda negligent?"

He raised his hands in reassurance. "Oh, there's no need to worry. I still had to do PT while they were running the tests to make sure nobody was dreaming. They confirmed that I would be able to make it home without any problems. Plus, I figured it would be a good way to get back into the rhythm of everything."

I folded my arms. "Mmm… mind if I tag along, then? This whole insta-cure business is kinda setting off a few alarm bells for me. I think I'd feel better if I could make sure everything's okay with my own eyes instead of just word of mouth." The fold came undone, morphing into a shrug. "And I don't really have anything better to do at the moment, so this should be a nice distraction from my boredom."

The boy nodded again with a smile. "Please, feel free. My family's house isn't that far from here, so it shouldn't take up too much of your time."

A chuckle escaped my lips. "You really are a nice guy. I guess Sayaka was right to speak so highly of you."

"Well," he laughed. "I'd hope she hasn't been making me out as some kind of saint. I try my best, but nobody's perfect."

I laughed right back. "Oh, don't worry, she's told us plenty about your flaws, too." '_Like your shonen protagonist levels of denseness' _was left unsaid (primarily because it was excusable, since Sayaka didn't do a very good job broadcasting her feelings).

At any rate, we soon got a move on. Surprisingly enough, I found myself occasionally falling behind, as I had gotten used to slowing myself down in order to keep pace with my new group of shorter-legged buddies. Kyosuke, however, had a noticeably faster walking speed than the rest of the gang, owing to his larger height, allowing him to easily keep pace with my regular speed, even in his supposedly weakened state.

We kept going for about half an hour, and stopped at an intersection before he decided to point out something he'd noticed at some point.

"I have to say, that's a pretty ring you have there." He pointed to the object in question. "Do you remember where you got it, by any chance?"

I lifted my hand up and fixed my eyes on it. "Oh, this? Well, uh, not really. It was probably something I got at a corner store or whatever while it was on sale. I dunno. I've had it for a long time now." I slipped it off, and idly began tossing it up and down. "Honestly speaking, I think it's the only ring I'll ever wear."

Both of his eyebrows raised up a bit. "You're not planning on finding someone?"

"Nah," I shook my head. "The more I thought about it, the more it seemed like too much trouble. I mean, I have a hard time dealing with people as is. And asking me to find someone I'd actually be willing to do everything expected of a significant other with would be like asking me to find a needle in a haystack with over seven billion stalks." My free hand gave a one-armed shrug. "Just doesn't feel worth the effort, y'know?"

His eyes drifted towards the road. "Huh. I guess that's one way to look at it…"

The crosswalk indicator on the other side of the street turned white, and we began strolling along. I was still flipping the ring and catching it with my hand.

All of a sudden, silver flashed in front of my eyes.

_The sound of a quickly-approaching horn was heard, and I turned my head to its source. Unfortunately, I wasn't fast enough to react, and the runaway truck bulldozed right into me, sending me tumbling into the intersection. The ring in my hands was blasted off to the ground, and quickly crushed by a passing car, destroying the container for my soul and consequently ending my life._

I came back in reality just in time to catch the honk of the horn and quickly jumped backwards, narrowly avoiding being isekai'd a second time. I heard Kyosuke shout in surprise, scrambling in the opposite direction as well.

However… while I was able to avoid my foreseen fate, my ring-ified Soul Gem wasn't as lucky. It bounced off the hood and the windshield of the truck in quick succession, the vehicle's momentum sending it flying into the middle of the intersection - which was about to get swarmed with cars.

_Oh, SHIT!_

I motored for the ring's landing zone the instant I spotted it, paying no heed to Kyosuke's cry of "wait, Audrey, don't!" I jerked to the right, then to the left, and back again to avoid oncoming traffic, my enhanced body and reaction time working wonders at preventing me from becoming roadkill. I snatched the ring up as I slid past it, turning on my heel in the process and beginning to make my way back to the boy who was currently a step away from freaking out. I lost count of how many times I felt the wind from a passing vehicle buffet my dark clothes, and the constant beeping of horns was ignored in favor of the sound of my heart thudding away in my eardrums.

Miraculously, I somehow managed to make it back to the sidewalk free of injuries. At least on the surface; I was going to need a big breather after that harrowing experience. My ring was as far down on my finger as it could go, rubbing against the webbing connecting it to my middle and pinky fingers.

Kyosuke and I stared at each other for a second, until he broke the silence. "Audrey?"

"Yeah?"

"Please," he breathed out, "don't ever do that again. The last thing I want is to go back to the hospital the day of my discharge because of a heart attack."

"Yessir."

* * *

I was left to my own devices after we arrived at our destination with no further incident. Now that I was able to turn my thoughts towards other things, I found that they kept going back to the fiasco earlier, for good reason.

The vision hadn't been enough. It had warned me of the immediate danger, sure, but it hadn't automatically guaranteed that I would completely avoid what it had shown. It was up to me to stop the bad future, and I hadn't been up to code.

More importantly, this event was a great asset in the world's struggle to get a point through my thick skull: my power wasn't infallible. Like anything in the world used by humans, it was in no way perfect, and was dependent on its user to make the most of what it had to offer. As much as I wanted it to be, getting a glimpse of the future wasn't the same as pressing the insta-win button.

It had already happened once against Kyoko, and now it had happened again. The message was clear for me to see: I needed to stop treating future sight as an unbreakable crutch. However, even if the writing on the wall was big, bolded, and underlined, actually getting it to sink in was another matter entirely. As much as it pains me to admit, it would take a bit more than that to completely drive the point home.

My attention was redirected away from my self-reflection when I detected an unfamiliar magic signature. Now that I could recognize everyone else's pattern fairly quickly, finding a different one could only mean I'd picked up the trail of prey. Thus, I changed course, following the breadcrumbs while holding my Soul Gem as tight as I could manage without causing myself unnecessary pain by constricting my… 'heart,' as it was.

This particular witch or familiar apparently liked to move very erratically, leading me on a path that looped around itself, doubled back, and went in circles more times than I could count. Nightfall had already come by the time I finally managed to track it down.

And to add insult to injury, when I did finally manage to corner the location of the labyrinth, it was too late.

A burst of magic energy surged from inside the maze, and the witch's presence disappeared. Moments later, the labyrinth collapsed, and Kyoko landed back on the ground. In her hand was a newly-obtained Grief Seed, which she held up to inspect for a second before snorting.

"Heh. Too slow, yankee."

I groaned. "Man, you really _are _a killstealer. I could've let it slide if it was just a one-time thing, but twice? See if I ever party up with you again, ya damn griefer."

"Like I'd even want a newbie like ya in my squad," she fired back while she turned around to face me. "Ya'd only drag me down."

I looked away with a 'hmph.' "Yeah, right. And what happens when that attitude leaves you friendless, huh? Whaddaya gonna do if me n' the girls stick you in an endless stun-lock chain? Lemme guess: 'get out of it?'"

She barked out a mocking laugh. "Ya say that like it has a chance 'a happenin' in the first place!"

"Hey, I'm just saying," I responded with a helpless shrug. "You never know what might go down in reality."

As expected, she gave no fucks. "Sure, keep tellin' yerself that."

I glared at her for a bit before I remembered something else. "What are you even doing out here, hunting witches? Don't you still have a round in your side?"

"Pulled it out yesterday so my healin' factor could get it over with." She rubbed the previously-injured area a bit. "I was fed up with the slow-n'-steady act."

"I wouldn't diss the tortoise if I were you," I cautioned. "Confidence is nice, but the last thing you want is to get in over your head."

"Heard it all before, Audie. Never had it happen." She strolled right past me, rubbing her superiority in my face as much as she could. Suddenly, though, she stopped and held up a finger. "Oh, but speakin' 'a yesterday… I saw that Pinko girl all alone on my way back 'n figured we'd have a little chat. Find out what her deal was, hangin' around with idiots like ya 'n carryin' Kyubey like a damn plushie."

That caught my attention, and I found myself wanting to know more. "...and?"

However, the redhead seemed to have a change of heart. "Actually, y'know what? Ya don't need to hear it. It'd probably just confuse ya." She held up a hand in farewell, before leaping away with a "ciao!"

I was left feeling irritated, cheated, and frustrated at the little shit's antics, before I sighed and continued on my way.

The way she'd phrased her supposed encounter with Madoka was… certainly strange and cause for suspicion. I didn't think it was too pressing of an issue, but the way Kyoko had gone about delivering it was raising all kinds of red 'foreshadowing' flags in my head, and that wasn't doing my stress levels any favors.

In the end, though, I decided to file those thoughts away until they became relevant again. Worrying about them no when I had so little to go off of would only lead to speculation and assumptions, and if there was one thing this anime had taught me in general, it's that you should never, _ever_ assume when it comes to stuff like this.

I decided to start heading home after I was done poking around in my mindscape. Getting beaten to the punch by what could be considered my 'rival' at the moment had killed all the witch-hunting motivation I had for the day, not to mention it was starting to get cold. While my trusty hoodie never failed to do its duty on my upper body, my head (or face, to be more accurate) wasn't quite the same story. Particularly my ears and nose. I swear, some days, I would really want nothing more than a nice pair of earmuffs. But that's neither here nor there.

To my surprise, however, I wasn't done with my main cast check-up yet. The next person on the list I crossed paths with was taking the exact same route that I had just a little while earlier.

"Oi, Saya!" I called out. "Bit late for a stroll, isn't it?"

"Said the pot to the kettle," she returned with a flat expression. "What are _you _doing out at this time of day, Audrey?"

That was an easy block. "Going home. What about you?"

Her face soured as her subject change was nullified, and she averted her eyes. "...I'm just visiting a friend." An oh-so-faint blush adorned her cheeks at the admittance.

"A friend, huh?" My eyes narrowed, and I leaned forward with a smirk. "They wouldn't happen to play the violin, would they?"

The barb triggered an outrage - eyes squeezed shut, fists waving about, and completely red. "And what makes you think I'm going to see Kyosu-!" Her hands ceased their wild motions to instead slap themselves over her mouth in a vain attempt to stop herself from spilling the beans. Alas, she was too late, and I was able to effortlessly complete the name she had stopped herself from speaking.

My smirk widened into a shit-eating grin. "Aaaah! I never said a name, did I?"

The prodding sent her right back into rage mode. "What is it with you and your insistence about me and Kyosuke?! How many times do I need to tell everyone that he's just a good friend?!"

My hands came up in a surrendering gesture. "Hey, you can say it as many times as you want. But your actions so far tell a very different story." My expression went deadpan. "I mean, c'mon, do you expect us to ignore the fact that you literally made your wish because of him? Hell, even _Madoka _can see it, and she's supposed to be the unrealistically dense protagonist!"

However, in a spectacular display of character growth, Sayaka refused to take the bait this time. "Okay, you know what? No. I'm not gonna put up with any more of this." She started moving again, striding right past me. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have somewhere to be."

I couldn't resist a parting shot with an impish smile. "Make sure to take the necessary precautions, and don't get too loud!"

"_I can't heeear youuuuu!_"

I had to laugh as I turned around and kept walking.

_Man, she's just way too easy sometimes._

I found myself comparing my interactions with her to my interactions with Kyoko. The difference was almost like night and day - with the redhead, it was either equal footing, or I was on the defensive trying to deal with her constant jabs. But with Sayaka, it was like I never stepped off the high ground and could snipe at her with impunity. Sure, she occasionally fired back with stuff that nailed me dead center, but those instances were rarities and sporadic in appearance.

It was during this introspection that I realized a crucial detail, though.

_Wait a second… Sayaka's going to visit Kyosuke at nightfall, and Kyoko's on the prowl…_

My eyes widened as I came to a conclusion.

_...oh, fucking hell. The bridge scene's about to happen. _

_**Shit**__._

Connecting the dots left me in a bit of a frazzled state as I frantically tried to process a course of action. It was definitely in my best interests to be there in order to ensure nothing went seriously wrong, so skipping it was out. And… as much as I hated to admit it, this was probably the best opportunity I had at revealing the true nature of Soul Gems to the rest of the cast. But it went without saying that I had to approach this event with the utmost care, as this was a very delicate subject matter. The slightest mistake could cause things to take a turn for the catastrophic.

_What to do, what to do…_

I thought it would be prudent to discreetly tail Sayaka and Kyoko just to make sure I didn't get the wrong bridge. However, I soon had the better idea of predicting their route and instead monitoring their most likely point of entry into the bridge area, then going from there to get the right bridge. I also decided that maybe giving Madoka advance warning instead of letting Kyubey notify her of the danger would be in order. Mami, though…

_...she deserves to know. There's a very real chance that she'll take it about as well as she did in Timeline 3, but… argh, is this really the right thing to do? She's been on the mend, but it hasn't even been a week since Charlotte screwed her over. And now her old friend's back, and is trying to kill one of her new friends…_

I soon realized this debate was pointless, though. Even if I didn't bring her along, she'd find out from either Sayaka or Madoka pretty soon anyway. There was no stopping the reveal. So in the end, I decided it was better to just rip the band-aid off and deal with it sooner rather than later.

With that in mind, I grabbed my phone and sent out a message.

'**Head for the bridges at the spot I've marked. Something big's about to happen.**'

It didn't take long to receive two affirmatives, and I was well on my way by that point. The bridges weren't that far, so all it took was a quick jog and I was able to arrive at my stakeout spot. After that, it was time to play the waiting game.

A while later, and two heads of red and blue emerged, heading for the central bridge. When they reached it, I decided it might be time to move out, and left my cover. An explanation for why I was there was easily concocted; bastard that it was, Kyubey was quite the convenient source for excuse material.

I made my entrance with an "and just what do you two clowns think you're doing?"

"Endin' this little farce" was Kyoko's fuming response. "I've had it up to here with this rookie's crap. Try n' stop me if ya wanna. I'll put ya in the dirt just as well."

She was acting much more aggressive than when I'd seen her just a good couple minutes ago. Going by her expression, it also seemed like she was a few wrong looks away from blowing her top.

I shot Sayaka a sideways glance. "She's not normally this pissed. What the hell did you do?"

"I, uh…" Her eyes briefly wandered all over the place. "I might've gotten worked up a bit and, ah, said some things I shouldn't have."

My fingers came up to rub the bridge of my nose. "Why am I not surprised…" A helpless sigh came next. "Well, it's not like I actually expected her to listen. Besides, this is you we're talking about."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"You don't need me to tell you that."

Kyoko hit her breaking point. "Alright, fine! If ya won't make the first move, I'll do it for ya!"

She moved her spear back in preparation to attack, but instead found it blasted out of her hand by a bright yellow projectile. The booming report of a musket shot filled our ears next, heralding the dropping in of two more players.

"My apologies for not clarifying this earlier, Kyoko," Mami's voice sounded as she strode up the bridge, a smoking rifle barrel resting on her shoulder. "But these girls are under my protection. If you're planning on harming them in any way, you're going to have to go through me first."

Madoka was a few steps behind her, Kyubey hot on her heels. "Sayaka! Audrey! Are you okay?!"

"Madoka?! What are you doing here? Can't you see how dangerous this is?!" Blue Bull obviously wasn't very keen on the possibility of a non-combatant getting in the line of fire. I sympathized with her, but in this specific case, there wasn't really anything I could do to alleviate her concerns.

"Well, ain't that just a _heartwarmin' _reunion," Kyoko spat out, turning our attention back to her as she retrieved her lance and brandished it again. If I'd looked closer, I would've seen her gaze briefly focus on Kyubey. "Almost makes me feel sorry to break it up!"

Sayaka's eyebrows raised, and her eyelids fell to half-mast. "Wow. I knew you were bitter, but I didn't think you were jealous."

My palm met my face with a _smack _and a groan as steam started pouring out of the redhead's ears. "Time and place, Sayaka. For god's sake, do _any _of you know what tact even is?"

"I believe the answer is no," came a new voice from behind Kyoko, causing the veteran to whirl around. "Barring certain exceptions."

She wasn't too happy about being used as a curtain. "Christ, Homerun! Quit doin' that!"

The transfer student didn't give any notion that she cared. "Kyoko Sakura, did I not tell you to leave Sayaka Miki to me?"

"Well, ex_cuuuuse_ me for tryin' to lighten the load!" The lack of respect she was getting likely wasn't doing her anger any favors.

"Your assistance is not necessary," Homura rebuffed. "I can handle her on my own."

"Uhh…" I raised a hand, holding it up in Mami's direction. "You do realize she's not the only one you're up against, right? We're standing right here."

The black-haired girl was unfazed. "I would much rather prefer that we didn't come to blows, but if you force my hand, I will not back down."

Neither of us noticed Madoka's gaze worriedly swapping between Homura and I.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Mami folded her arms. "I may owe you for saving my life, but that doesn't mean that I will keep you out of my sights. Do you really believe that you can win against all three of us?"

Kyoko cut in with her two cents. "I don't give a shit about yer numbers. Right now, all I wanna do is shove my spear so far up her ass that it'll come outta that idiot head 'a hers!" She jabbed the weapon at Sayaka to emphasize her point.

My Soul Gem found its way into my open hand. "I dunno, Kyoka-Cola. Might be a bit hard to do that if your own head's already stuck on it."

Madoka flinched.

I heard a resigned breath escape the bull next to me. "This mess is my fault," Sayaka added, her own gem coming out. "And that means I have a duty to clean it up. If it's a fight you want, then it's a fight you'll get!"

Madoka hit her breaking point, and my ability triggered again, showing me the immediate future.

_A Soul Gem was snatched out of the hands of its wielder, the thief running to the side of the bridge._

_"I'm sorry!"_

_The vital jewel was thrown off the side, saved from shattering by the cloth covering of a passing transport truck._

When I came back to myself, I relaxed slightly. Once Sayaka went offline, no fights would be breaking out.

And those lowered defenses caused by my interpretation of the vision was exactly what Madoka needed to grab my Soul Gem right out of my hand.

"_I'm sorry!_"

My brain blue-screened, unable to process the impossible reality of the action that left me (and everyone else) in utter shock. Its frantic attempts to reboot itself deprived my body of the brainpower it needed to move, rooting my feet to the ground as the pinker raised her hands and dashed to the side before hurling the off-white egg over the railing.

Homura was already gone by the time I managed to find my voice again. "You-... you actually just did that."

Madoka's eyes met mine, conviction and unshed tears staring at floored disbelief. "Yes, I did. I don't want anyone to die. Not now."

_I… wow, the irony stings. I was expecting souls to get thrown, but I wasn't expecting it to be __**my**_ _soul._

I took in the expressions of everyone else, now that their attention was locked on me.

"...ohhh, this is _not _gonna end well."

My connection was severed, and everything went black.

* * *

In all honesty, my first, and so far only out-of-body experience really wasn't all that bad. Having no method of moving on my own power was terrifying beyond belief, sure, but that wasn't the only thing there. Of course, there was also the fact that I was not only bodiless, but _brainless _as well, which opens the door for a fuck-ton of brand new avenues of psychological horror, but I'd rather not dwell on that.

Anyway, even though my little soul stone had no body to speak of, it could still 'feel' things, for lack of a better term. Like the cloth covering of the truck that had saved it from suffering a more destructive fate. From what I remember, it was actually rather pleasant. Like being cocooned in a heavy blanket after waking up on a cold winter morning. You know, the kind of comfort that just drains away any motivation you have of actually getting up and starting the day, forcing you to stay wrapped up in a warmth that you can't help but enjoy for as long as you can.

That wasn't the only thing the jewel brushed up against, though. There was also a period of time that had it reside in the security of Homura's grasp. This feeling was noticeably colder than the previous one, though I had no idea as to why. It almost reminded me of an early Spring day; chilly, but with warmer horizons not too far off.

Mind you, I wasn't actually able to process all of this as it happened, since, y'know… no brain. That being said, my vague recollections of these particular sequences should be taken with a grain of salt.

The first thing I felt when my rescuer returned my power core to my vessel was a deep chill that cut straight to the bone, heedless of the jacket I always wore. Thinking on it later, it made sense to say that the absence of heat was thanks to the fact that my heart had stopped when my gem left its maximum range of connection, preventing my blood from circulating and keeping my body in working order. Simply put, death had already started to shut off my personal thermostat before Homura pulled the restart lever on the generator, so to speak.

I was met with the stern expression of the time traveler when I opened my eyes, wordlessly asking if I was good. She got her answer when I sat up straight and scanned my surroundings.

The first thing that caught my eye was Kyoko's spear, forcefully stabbed into the now-cracked concrete ground. The girl herself was standing next to it, staring down at the point of impact with clenched fists. Close scrutiny would reveal that she was shaking slightly. If I had to guess, it seemed like she was even angrier than she'd been before Madoka threw souls.

Looking at what the spear itself was stuck in provided a reasonable guess as to why the redhead was so steamed. A Kyubey drone lay dead, impaled with extreme prejudice on the end of the weapon.

_Huh, I don't remember her reaction being that violent… I'd tick up the Kyubey Owned Count, but something tells me that'd cause a severe case of Mood Whiplash._

The reason for Kyoko's extreme response took the scenic route before hitting me, giving me time to finish my sweep.

"Ah! Audrey!"

The next thing I spotted were Madoka and Sayaka rushing over, having noticed that I was now back in the land of the living. The blue bull skidded into a kneeling position next to me and leaned in. "You okay?"

I blinked. "Uhh, yeah. Well, discounting how I feel like I'm freezing, but I'll live."

The closeness allowed me to get a good look at her expression. There was no denying that it was haunted, which gave me the idea that she was using me as a distraction in order to put off dealing with what she'd undoubtedly just been told.

If my hunch was correct, I had a feeling the method was working when she gave a small nod. "Good enough for me." She moved to my other side, motioning to Madoka. "C'mon, help me get her back up."

I would have protested, but honestly, I doubt it would've changed anything as they took hold of my arms and hauled me to my feet in an admittedly well-executed joint effort.

"...could've done that on my own, but the gesture's appreciated." My vision flicked back between them, Homura, and Kyoko, before focusing back on the dead Incubator. "Did someone get the little bastard to spill the beans while I was out?"

"Kyoko did," Sayaka answered. "She grabbed him after you collapsed and we figured out that…" She took a moment to gulp. "That you were dead." Her head twisted to look at the lancer. "She told Kyubey to tell us everything. About Soul Gems, and Magical Girls, and… Witches…" Her voice became shakier and more strained. "And he did."

The reasoning behind Kyoko's reaction finally decided to get around to hitting me.

_...oh, that's right. I told her to ask him about everything that I didn't reveal the next time she saw him, back at the arcade. Which means… he didn't leave anything out._

I understood then that everyone here now knew the _full _truth about Soul Gems, what they were, what they could do, and what they become. That alone was worthy of an "oh, shit." I also picked up on something else.

_Wait… where's Mami?_

Quickly swiveling my field of vision around, I was thankfully able to quickly discover the blonde standing a fair bit away. Unfortunately though, she wasn't in very good shape. She looked frozen, dead on her feet, with wide unfocused eyes and a tiny, teeth-displaying frown. If I had to pick a word to describe her in that moment, it would unquestionably be "shattered."

However, I wasn't able to prioritize observing her for much longer.

A rage-filled yell was the only warning we received before Kyoko kicked the deceased drone's head clean off, sending it flying away as a blur. After this act of beating a dead horse, she continued to breathe heavily, body visibly heaving up and down with each pair of inhales and exhales, before turning to us.

"The hell're y'all starin' at, huh?"

Nobody said a word as she ripped her lance out of the ground. "I thought we were here to fight, not gawk like a buncha dumbass tourists." She flicked the tip, sending the mangled carcass flying off the bridge and into the highway below, before pointing it at us once again. "Who cares if we're all gonna turn into witches?! That ain't gonna stop me from stompin' all 'a ya!"

The redhead was becoming progressively more unhinged as she carried on until Homura cut in. "Kyoko Sakura, ranting will help nothing, and your current state is clearly not fit for combat. I suggest that you calm down-"

"Calm _down_? _Calm DOWN?_" I could already tell that this wasn't going to be pretty - the eye twitch and mad smile said it all. "I just found out that the little shit that made my dad go nuts and burn everythin' I loved to ash _also _happened to turn me into a tickin' time bomb that's fit to blow at the drop of a hat, and ya want me to _calm the fuck DOWN?!_"

Alas, let it be known that Homura Akemi ranks among the single most tenacious and stubborn people in the history of literally the entire world. "You're acting very irrationally. If-"

Par for the course, though, the spearwoman wasn't having it. "_Bullshit! _YOU try actin' rationally when ya find out that the one thing ya gave up yer _entire_ family for was nothin' but a fuckin' _LIE _the entire god damn time!" She jabbed the lance at us once more. "I'm sick 'n tired 'a bastards like you stringin' me along! I ain't nobody's puppet, damn it! Not _yers_," she directed the point at me, "not _hers_," she swiped in the direction of where she'd flung the dead Kyubey, "not the _rat's_…" Lasty, she shoved it at Mami. "And _especially _not _yers_, Tomoe!"

Point clearly emphasized, she went back to Homura. "I'm _done _with bein' told what to do! I made a vow a long time ago that I wasn't gonna live for anyone but myself, and if all you scum think ya can boss me around without me doin' anythin' about it, _then ya've got another fuckin' thing comin'!_"

The powers that be apparently decided that the conclusion of her rant was the signal for my ability to trigger itself _again_, briefly blinding me before auto-focusing on things to come.

_There was no warning at all. The only thing that could have prepared us for the sound of a gunshot echoing across the night sky was a set of visual cues that we were too engrossed in the present conflict to notice._

_Kyoko never had a chance to respond, the light fading from her eyes as her body limply collapsed to the ground, ironically like a puppet with its strings cut. The jagged shards of her shattered Soul Gem hit the floor along with her, spilling across the bridge as if they were crystallized clumps of blood._

_Mami found herself the center of attention, and turned to face the rest of us, summoning a fresh musket. We suddenly found ourselves bound in wraps of yellow, effectively rendering us helpless for what would come next. _

"_T-this… it's for the best, isn't it? Why suffer when we can end all of it right here and now?"_

_She lifted the loaded rifle up, paying no heed to our protests as she took unsteady aim with wild, tear-streaked eyes. _

"_Don't worry," she reassured between hiccuped sobs. "I'll make it all go away. The pain. The sadness. The loneliness."_

_**Click!**_

"_Everything."_

_**BLAM!**_

The crack of thunder flung me back into my real self. Panicking, I looked back and forth between Kyoko and Mami - who was already raising one of her muskets.

_Too far. I won't make it in time to tackle. Which means-_

That was all my body needed to break away from Madoka and Sayaka, sprinting forward as fast as it could go. Before my brain could catch up, it was already diving, twisting itself sideways in order to provide as much coverage as possible.

The impact of the bullet was the first thing I felt, turning the momentum of my jump into some unholy abomination that caused me to hit the deck in a disorganized heap of limbs. My cry of pain was low-pitched and brief, but it sure as hell got the point across.

Homura and Kyoko's heads snapped to me, while Madoka and Sayaka's eyes widened in horror. Mami's expression actually lost a bit of the glazed quality it'd gained as she realized what had just happened.

"W-what-… Audrey…?"

Nobody dared even breathe for a moment, bringing about the closest thing you could get to silence at around 50 feet above a busy highway.

Said 'silence' was broken by the sound of a rifle clattering to the ground and Mami stumbling back a few steps. "N-no, that's… that's not-..." Her legs suddenly lost all their strength, and she crumpled to her knees, hands coming up to clutch the sides of her head. "I… I-I just… I wanted to… only…"

She cracked, raising her head and releasing a scream charged with a million different conflicting emotions for all the stars to hear.

A scream that was cut off when Homura delivered a merciless chop to the back of her neck, sending her off into what I predicted would be either a dreamless or nightmare-filled sleep.

That's when the pain came back in full force, and I groaned, applying pressure to the wound in an attempt to staunch the bleeding as much as I could. The removal of the immediate danger also galvanized Sayaka into action, causing her to transform and rush over before placing a hand over my newly red-painted one.

I muttered out a choked thank-you as a warm blue light began to stitch the injury back together, before looking back at the comatose blonde.

_...ahh, damn it. And here we go again._

Mistakenly thinking it would be a good idea to do so, I let my head drop, giving me a minor headache when it hit the ground a little too hard.

_Fuckin'-! Ugh. Well, at least nobody died. That's a good thing, right?_

My eyes cracked open again, taking a peek at Blue Bull's harried expression. My free hand then came up to rest on my face with another groan.

_I'm gonna need a shit-ton of compensation when this is over…_

* * *

**A/N: Thus ends chapter 14, a.k.a "The Part Where Pretty Much Everyone Fucks Up Somehow." I guess being meguca really **_**is**_ **suffering, eh?**

**Yeah, turns out future vision isn't actually that broken if it's this inconsistent. And plot-dependent. Sucks to be Audrey, right?**

**Man, I keep talking about how Sayaka's the dedicated punching bag, but after what just happened, I think Mami might've stolen the title for herself. Then again, considering how much the internet loves to meme on you-know-what, maybe she always **_**was**_**.**

**Also, Kyosuke. I seriously doubt he will still be relevant after this chapter.**

**In the event that you're wondering why Madoka still decided to Throw Souls despite Sayaka being much more stable in this timeline, pay attention to Audrey's meeting with Kyoko before the fight (which has a very obscure Handsome Jack reference), and Madoka's responses to some of Audrey's dialogue. Sometimes, a threat made in jest can be taken far more seriously than intended.**

**Speaking of Kyoko, she gets to be very aNgErY here. Discovering that you've had the wool pulled over your eyes for so long about such a sensitive subject probably wouldn't leave you too happy, either. I wonder what I'll have happen to her in the future…**

**Anyway, uh, I might need to start coming up with more plot threads. We're technically at the halfway point of the anime, and most of the stuff past this point is entirely influenced by the rest of the canonical deaths in the series. Well, not counting the whole Hitomi debacle. But now that everyone's still here, I need to fill the remaining weeks prior to Walpy's arrival with new stuff that'll pass you guys' muster. No pressure, right? Ha ha… haaaa…**

**...well, I guess I'll see you next time.**


	15. Is That So Wrong?

For whatever reason, Kyoko had decided against chasing us down while we made a tactical retreat with an unconscious Mami. It didn't exactly make a whole lot of sense to me, considering just how unbelievably angry she'd been, but maybe realizing that I'd literally taken a bullet for her put her in a state of shell-shock long enough for us to make our getaway. Of course, that explanation had its fair share of holes too, but I instead chose to focus on the road ahead of me and the weight I was carrying rather than on a question I couldn't answer.

We slowed down once we were sure we'd put enough distance behind us to throw our would-be antagonist(s) off the trail. Sayaka and I carefully lowered our load, slipping her out of the carry we'd improvised before sitting her down against a building, at last giving our arms time to rest and recover. I took a moment to lean against the wall of concrete myself, puffing out a tired breath and raising my hand to my forehead.

"Holy hell, I'm beat. That was like speedrunning a freakin' marathon with a bag full of rocks." I glanced at the recuperating blue bull. "You holding up alright?"

"I should be asking you that," she heaved between inhales. "You're the one who got shot."

The hand came down to rest on the brand-new hole in my jacket. "Well, either my nervous system's gone haywire or your healing ability's amazing. If it weren't for this little hole, I'd have a hard time believing I'd even taken a bullet." Despite everything, I managed a chuckle. "Seriously, I knew you were speccing into paladin, but I thought you'd prioritize tanking, not supporting."

I was met with solemn silence. "...right, not a good time."

_Okay… great. What do I do now? Mami's broken, Kyoko's pissed, Homura's… well, Homura, Sayaka's…_

I took another peek at said girl's face. I got a whole lot of morose, but nothing that could actually become immediately dangerous, to my admittant shock.

_Huh, she seems like she's taking this a lot better than I thought she would. A surprise to be sure, but a welcome one._

My vision drifted over to Madoka, who then finally decided to voice her thoughts with a downcast look. "Audrey, I… I-I'm so sorry… because of me, you…"

A fond sigh left my mouth. "Don't worry about that. I mean, if anything, I should be the one apologizing."

"For what?" Sayaka piped up. "I don't remember you doing anything worthy of an apology."

I shook my head. "For not telling you sooner about what really happens when you make a contract."

Her eyes widened in understanding. "Oh… that."

"Yeah…" I murmured. "Even if you wouldn't have believed me, I probably still should've said something. Something that… I dunno, would've made this whole train wreck go over better." I looked down at the lifeless blonde. "Made her reaction less violent."

Madoka wasn't giving up that easily. "Even still…"

I stopped her with my hand. "That's enough of that, now. The reveal would've happened sooner or later. All you did was shorten the timeframe. Besides, did you really expect this all to happen when you threw me off the bridge?"

"N-no…" She swapped between looking at me and off to the side. "I just wanted to stop you from… doing something drastic."

Her words took my mind back to what just happened.

"_I don't want anyone to die."_

I pondered that for a moment. "...y'know, Kyoko told me earlier that she had a little chat with you yesterday. Did she tell you anything that might've influenced you into pulling that stunt?"

She started avoiding meeting my eyes, and went quiet. It took a bit before she was able to work up the will to open her mouth.

"She said that you were… unpredictable," she began. "And how that made you dangerous. She couldn't figure out what you were like or what you were after." She turned upward slightly. "Then she mentioned the threats, and how she got the feeling that you were the kind of person to actually go and make good on them if it came to it, even if it seemed like you couldn't…"

Finally, she turned back to me. "The last thing she told me before she left… was to be careful around you, because you couldn't be trusted not to do crazy things. And… I don't want to say I believed her, but I couldn't stop thinking about it." Back to the floor her gaze went. "I had a talk with my mom that night, and she told me that sometimes, it's better to do the wrong thing for the right reasons. So… I guess I thought if you didn't have a way to… you know, then…" She trailed off.

I was left silent while I processed that, nearly tuning out the low "I'm sorry" she once again offered.

_The more things change, the more they stay the same. Honestly, I can't blame her. She only wants the best for everyone, and that includes people that I'm not on friendly terms with. _

I blew out a breath. "Well, what's done is done. We've all dug our graves. The only thing left for us is to lie in 'em."

Sayaka put on a smile that didn't reach her eyes. "I hope they're shallow. I don't wanna have to claw my way through six feet of dirt to get back to the surface." Her hand came up to hold her forehead. "Ah, geez. The zombie life's gonna be weird, I can already tell."

"Ehh, I dunno…" I responded. "I mean, yeah, our bodies are technically dead, but they only show it if our Gem connection's cut. I'm pretty sure if we got you an x-ray right now, you'd be the picture of health."

She gave a chuckle devoid of humor. "At least I'll be able to get through my check-ups without causing a mass panic. And I guess I could hold the world record for 'best possum player.' Small victories, huh?"

I directed a finger gun and a wink at her. "See? _Now _you're talking. I bet there's quite a few outside-the-box uses for that little trait." I adopted a thinking pose, and my eyes turned upward. "For example… you could be the best death scene victim actor there ever was. Hard to top a performance where you actually die, am I right?"

The laugh was a bit more genuine this time, but not by much. Another round of silence fell.

"...hey, Madoka? Audrey?"

The pinker perked up. "What is it, Sayaka?"

She looked away for a second, as if she was trying to decide exactly how to put her thoughts into words. When she did, her forlorn gaze came back to us.

"Thank you. For sticking by me," she began. "I know I'm not really… the best person the world can offer. I'm reckless, I'm stubborn, and I get into fights a lot. I'm not all that smart, and I don't really understand how the world works. And…"

Her arms slowly raised up to weakly hug herself. "I'm scared. More than I've ever been in my entire life. I… I don't wanna turn into a witch. I never wanted to hurt anyone - especially not you. But now… if I end up in a bad spot, and none of you happen to be around, then…" Close scrutiny of her body would reveal that she had started shivering. "Just thinking about it makes me want to go down to the docks, tie a weight to my ankle and jump off the pier. At least then I wouldn't put any more people in danger."

I had to bite back a quip about suicide never being the answer when she continued. "But I can't. I may not be the quickest girl on the uptake, but I'm not stupid. I know that if I went and offed myself… all I'd be doing would just be tossing a heavier load on your shoulders. And I know that's not something either of you would do if you were in my shoes."

The next time she opened her eyes, they had gained a sharpness to them. "So I won't. It doesn't matter what odds we go up against, or how terrified I am, because I've made my decision. You both chose not to leave me hanging when I stepped into this crazy, screwed-up world. Returning the favor and staying at your side's the least I can do."

A tiny grin appeared on her face. "I mean, if I didn't, I'd just be wasting my wish. I can't help heal anyone if I'm not around, can I?"

I blew out a breath, arms folded. "...y'know, normally I'd ask you if you were really willing to risk dying for that, but now that you know the truth… I bet it almost sounds like the lesser of two evils."

"Right?" She managed a single laugh. "Man, and to think I was all fired up about this not even three days ago. Now it just feels like I made the single biggest mistake of my life when I signed on Kyubey's dotted line." She lowered herself into a squat, wrapping her arms around her knees. "Freakin' rat. Who even cares about your stupid entropy, huh? It's not like any of us even have a chance of living to see it pay off…"

"Yep, that's the issue in a nutshell," I huffed. "Dying for the greater good's all fine and dandy, but usually you're doing it for a cause that's a bit more… short-term. Not to mention one you actually believe in. And something tells me that the little devil hasn't really given you any appealing reasons to buy into its whole 'become a witch, save the universe' gig."

A sigh left her mouth before she stood back up. "Either way, like you said, we can't do anything to change it now. The only thing we can do is… keep fighting, I guess." She stretched her arms up above and behind her head a bit, then turned to me. "We should probably start heading home now. I think we're all gonna need a bit to let this sink in."

"My thoughts exactly." I knelt down next to Mami's unconscious form, taking note of the somewhat strained impression her sleeping face gave off. "Whoof… we'll probably be better off if I handle her again. 'Course, it's not like we have a choice anyhow." A mild groan escaped my throat, and my fingers came up to pinch the bridge of my nose. "Great. Duct-taping that glass heart of hers back together _again's _gonna be a trip and a half. Honestly, I'd probably be better off shooting for something like a blowtorch or superglue. If only I had the luxury…"

I took notice of a few imperfections on her uniform, and set about fixing them to give my hands something to do. "But, well, if I didn't, I'd be a pretty crappy excuse for a buddy, wouldn't I? Not to mention that I already labeled myself as her personal therapist, and I'd prefer not to go back on my word."

Spotting no other flaws, I flashed my comrades a two-fingered salute. "Don't you worry, I'll figure something out. I mean, I pulled it off once. Who's to say I can't go two-for-two?" Even I could tell that my smile was paper-thin, but hey, I tried.

I then grabbed my patient by the waist and hoisted her up, slinging her over my shoulder. She was still pretty heavy, but compared to last time, it felt more manageable. "We really should get going now, though. We don't want your parents issuing curfews."

"Yeah." Sayaka started walking, then stopped and turned sideways to look back at me. "Take care of yourself, all right? Don't overdo it." She briefly glanced at the hole in my jacket, then my luggage. "And… good luck." With a nod, she made her exit.

I went about leaving myself, but was halted by an unsteady voice. "U-um… Audrey?"

I looked back, and saw a head of pink hair timidly approaching. "Yeah?"

"Can…" She was unable to finish, but tried again. "Can I go with you?"

I briefly wondered if her home was on the way back to mine or vice versa, before deciding that it didn't matter. "You don't need to ask. C'mon."

She fell into step behind me as I began walking. For the most part, she stayed quiet as we traversed the nighttime streets, cars and weirded-out bystanders alike occasionally passing by. Sometimes when I looked back to check on her, I got the impression she wanted to say something, but thought better of it and stayed quiet.

The third time that happened, I had to stop ignoring it. "Something on your mind?"

"Huh?" Her eyes briefly peeled themselves off the ground before going back. "Oh, uh… n-no…"

She really needed to work on those deflections. "If there is, just say it. It won't do any good if you keep it bottled up."

Madoka kept silent. I started to wonder if she wasn't going to take my advice before I heard her voice again. "I… I don't understand how you can just… accept everything that happened tonight."

I turned to focus on her while she continued. "I threw your soul off the bridge, you got shot, Mami broke down, and on top of everything, you're… you're going to…" She was unable to finish the sentence. "I just don't get how you can handle all of it without cracking."

I considered how to answer that. "...when you get pushed down as many times and as often as I have, you eventually start to learn how to land in a way that doesn't hurt as much."

"What do you mean?"

My gaze fell to the floor. "Ever since my teachers stopped sugarcoating how the world really worked, every lesson I've learned and every lecture I've endured had one constant underlying message: 'don't try to change it.'" Vague, hazy memories floated up from the depths of my brain. "Even before that, back during my elementary school days, it was being beaten into me by the people who ran my life. They could feed me all the bullshit they liked about how I could be whatever I wanted when I grew up, but what they did when I acted outside of how society wanted me to said otherwise."

I blew out a breath. "Eventually, I realized I had no choice but to accept it. I mean, what could I really do, anyway? I'm just a kid. Hell, this 'vacation' wasn't even my decision in the first place. I only went along with it because I had no real choice."

"So…" She began to put the pieces together. "You just gave up trying to fight it?"

"Yep," I confirmed. "After a particularly nasty incident, I came to the conclusion that just keeping my head down and learning how to roll with the punches would be for the best. If I didn't draw attention to myself, I wouldn't cause trouble for anyone else. But, well…" My mood wouldn't stop swirling down the drain. "Just like how there's no such thing as a free lunch, swallowing that bitter pill came with a price."

The gloom also started affecting my conversation partner, making for one hell of a combo with the existing vibe. "...what was it?"

A lot of other people probably would've hesitated. Me…? "I… completely lost any personal motivation to do anything for myself. All of it was replaced by an artificial fabrication implanted by whoever was telling me what I should do next to get ahead in life." If I didn't know better, I'd say Mami got a bit heavier then. "All of my old goals were thrown to the side, and I just couldn't be bothered to find any new ones because I was so caught up in being a puppet. Study these subjects, do this project, keep yourself in shape, pass this class with a B average or better… it never ended. The fact that my brain decided to erase any information I'd learned the moment it stopped being potentially relevant was just insult to injury."

I stopped at a crosswalk, hitting the button and waiting. "I became so much of an empty husk that eventually, my only sources of enjoyment ended up coming from screens. Force-feeding dopamine into my brain with little white lies of progression and attachment was the only method I had left to make me feel good about myself." The light on the other end blinked, and I plodded on. "In hindsight, trying to make a few friends probably would've been a good idea, but I, eh… I've never really been all that good at dealing with other people. Not to mention the one time I did, it was torn to shreds by Kyubey in probably the worst way imaginable."

"Yeah…" I was almost convinced that Madoka'd managed to hit rock bottom on the emotional scale. Almost. "You really did like her, and then you ended up having to…" What sounded like a sniff reached my ears.

"Oh, c'mon, don't do that." Another phony grin taped itself to my face. "You're gonna set me off, and we won't get anywhere." It fell off pretty quickly. "But… that's basically me in a nutshell. Pretty sad excuse for a human being, aren't I?" I didn't let her answer. "Honestly, if it weren't for recent events, I'd liken my life to some kind of never-ending series of trainwrecks. Completely unable to stop itself from being railroaded into crash after crash. In fact, it might still be that way, given what's coming."

By the time I noticed I'd let that last bit slip out, the damage was already done. "What's coming?"

My free hand came up to my face and I helplessly sighed, figuring that since the cat was out of the bag now, I might as well go all in. "...about two weeks from now, Mitakihara's going to become the target of the most powerful witch we'll probably ever see."

Madoka's eyes widened. "W-what?"

"A giant jester hanging from a gear that us in the business call Walpurgisnacht," I elaborated. "Packing enough destructive force to wipe entire cities off the map. All without even needing a labyrinth of its own."

"How do you-"

"Vision," I cut in. "Although Homura was the one who gave me the actual deadline."

Her eyebrows flew up. "Homura did?"

"Yeah." My grip on Mami faltered for a moment, needing another quick readjustment. "Don't know how or why she knows when it'll come, or if she's even telling the truth, but I don't think she'd lie about something that big." I shook my head. "We can worry about where she gets her info from after we deal with it… if we can."

We found ourselves staying quiet for a while after that. Thinking about what would happen in the future wasn't really something I was fond of doing, since it had a larger-than-zero chance of tainting my gem with more despair than it needed. Even if I did manage to keep everyone healthy until Walpurgisnacht's arrival, something told me that it just wouldn't be enough. The witch was the stuff of legends for a reason, and no matter how I looked at it, I seriously doubted that only the five of us could feasibly take it down.

At least, not without Madoka's help. But that would cause Homura to abandon this timeline, assuming the pinker didn't make another wish that rewrote the world like she did in canon, and I had no idea what that would mean for whatever was behind my whole situation here.

Speaking of wishes…

"Hey…" Madoka raised her head. "Maybe I could-"

"No," I quickly denied. "We both know that we'd only be trading one immovable object for another if you made a contract yourself."

Her bout of silence directly after gave me the impression that I might have been a bit too brutal in shutting her down, and I made to apologize after puffing out a frustrated breath. "...sorry. I know you just wanna help, but…" The frustration grew stronger as I found myself unable to find the best words to complete the sentence.

_Gah, damn it, why is this so hard?_

Eventually, I settled for something that just got the job done. "Look, we've already made our choices. We don't have any other options at this point save for going down swinging. You, though… you still have a chance to live a life as close as you can get to whatever 'normal' is now. We just… don't want you to throw that away for a lost cause like ours."

However, she grabbed my arm in response with a denial of her own. "Don't say that, Audrey. I can't… I won't accept anyone saying that about themselves. Especially not the people important to me." A sudden steel appeared behind her gaze. "I know that none of you want it to end like this. And… and I believe you can change it. After all, isn't that what your special power's for?"

I found myself unable to reply for a moment while I processed that. In time, a genuine grin grew onto my face. "Wow. Now when did you decide to go and grow a spine, huh?" Leaning in slightly, I removed a hand from its carrying position and used it to affectionately muss up Madoka's hair for a moment. "Good on you, pinky."

For her part, she took the tomfoolery gracefully, offering no resistance until I had to move Mami back into position. A solemn smile crept onto her own expression. "I'm just starting to get tired of everyone thinking they're not worth it. All I want to do is help them realize that as long as they're alive, there's still hope. Is that so wrong?"

"Not in the least. Praying for stuff to work out's never a bad thing," I affirmed, before good-naturedly rolling my eyes. "Of course, actually getting involved to make sure it'll work out yourself's even better, but I don't think you're ready for that quite yet. Stick to those baby steps for now."

I successfully managed to get a laugh out of her with that. A tiny one, sure, but again, baby steps. "Right. Maybe tomorrow I'll try giving you some moral support. That helps, doesn't it?"

To this, I released a fond sigh. "Once again, you remind me that you are _way _too pure for this cruel world."

That was the end of the important conversations. From there, it was either silence or small talk, which we enjoyed despite the lingering atmosphere.

I waited until Madoka eventually left my company before letting any trace of happiness slip from my mask, a faraway sinking feeling settling in my gut.

_I just hope that you won't be around to see when everything comes crashing down around me…_

* * *

**A/N: Kept you waiting, huh?**

**Truthfully, the only things I can say are 'P5R' and 'FF7R' in regards to the huge delay. It got better after I finished them both, but with the whole quarantine situation, a lot of my motivation was still gone. Plus I also started a rewrite of one of my older stories, and I just went blaah. But I finished this one!**

**As for why this chapter is so short, I think we all needed a cooldown period after the blast that was the last chapter. Not to mention that I'm gonna have to do a **_**lot **_**of thinking on how exactly I'm going to handle the next one, since… well, I'm sure you can tell why, and I didn't want to make you wait longer for potentially an entire month or more.**

**But hey, at least we've got more suffering, since that's what all meguca fans always want more of, right? We finally get some insight as to why Audrey is the way she is, and why Meduka decided to throw souls (which you should not do. Do not throw souls). Surprisingly, Sayaka also manages to at least show a pretense of staying cool. Whether or not she's actually okay is something I actually haven't decided yet, but that can wait until after I figure out how to deal with Mami.**

**Speaking of which, like I said, the next chapter might take a while. Our little blonde sharpshooter's not exactly in the best place right now, and I haven't gotten very far on puzzling together how exactly poor Audrey's going to salvage and repair what's left of her. Although, once I manage to get past that, progress might accelerate a little since I already have an idea for what's going to happen immediately after. As a tiny apology for taking so long, here's a hint - it doesn't involve anything related to Hitomi or Kyosuke.**

**See you next time.**


	16. You Only Live Once

I rubbed my eyes for the third time in the last minute, and let loose a quiet yawn. Adjusting myself on the uncomfortable wooden desk chair, I pulled out my phone, idly musing that a seat cushion might not be such a bad investment.

_Six-thirty… bleh. _

I sighed, switching to pinching the bridge of my nose.

_It'll probably take at least another hour._

I set the device down on the neighboring desk, and resumed my previous pastime. Up and down Mami's Soul Gem went, repeatedly being tossed into the air only to fall back into my waiting palm.

_Man… I can't believe I pulled an all-nighter for this. Makes me wonder if I could've avoided it if I'd been this paranoid the whole time._

Staying up for an extra seven hours probably wasn't the best idea considering what had happened last night, but I wasn't taking any chances on this. I had no idea what the girl currently out of commission on my bed would do when she finally opened her eyes, and I didn't want to risk having everything go south if she decided to continue where she left off when she was last awake.

Briefly stopping my solo game of catch, I inspected the jewel for any lingering impurities. Thankfully finding none, I turned my attention to my other hand, which removed a trio of Grief Seeds from one of my jacket pockets. Glancing over at the table, the other three seeds that I'd decided to, eh, "appropriate" from Mami still hadn't moved an inch from where I'd set them down hours prior.

_...it'll be fine. You'll get through this. She'll get through this. You've done it once, and you can do it again._

Another sigh was expelled, and I once again covered my face after stuffing the seeds back into storage. "God damn it…"

_Fuckin' Kyubey. Fuckin' entropy. Fuckin'… ugh._

Sliding the appendage off, I set the gem down on the table and picked up my phone again, busying myself by scrolling back and forth through my home screen. Clumps of apps flicked by, blurred by my increasing lack of focus and care. After about a minute of swiping, I hit the sleep button and rubbed my eyes yet again.

_What the hell… Christ, am I really that worried about her?_

I turned my attention to the bed and took a moment to sweep over the blonde, yet again finding nothing out of the ordinary. Exactly like the last… fifty-something times I'd done so (likely more) since I'd dropped her there. A defeated groan bubbled up from my throat.

_...I don't believe this._

"Nnnh…"

_Oh, shit-!_

Mami's sudden indication of her imminent rousing briefly sent my brain spinning. I froze up as it did so, holding stock-still while she blearily opened her eyes and began to sit up. Thankfully, it managed to calm itself down before it could do anything too terrible.

"Hey, you. You're finally awake."

Okay, I lied.

_Todd Howard, you magnificent bastard, you've done it again._

In retrospect, there were probably worse things out there that Mami could've woken up to, but in my sleep-deprived state, a cheap Skyrim reference might as well have been no different than the barrel of a gun. Thankfully, the generic nature of the statement itself resulted in it having no more impact than that of a standard 'oh, you're up' greeting.

When she registered that I was in the same room as her, and also holding her Soul Gem, she went silent. We stared at each other for a little bit, before her gaze fell and dropped down to her legs, noticeably lingering on the hole in my jacket for a bit.

Awkwardly glancing away, I decided to probe. "How, ah… how you doin'?"

She didn't answer.

"...right, stupid question." I scratched the back of my head in shame. "So, I, guess that means you don't need any refreshers on what happened?"

More silence.

I took that as a resounding yes. "Didn't think so." But with that cleared up, I decided that we might as well get on with it. "Anyway, I'm going to assume that you fully understand the position you're in. Much as I'm sure you would love to have me just step aside and let you drop off the face of the planet, we both know that I can't do that."

Standing up, I grabbed the chair and took it with me, setting it down next to the bed before plopping back in and lifting an informative pointer finger. "So, here's what's gonna happen. You and I are going to stay in this room, and we are going to talk. We will keep talking until you convince me that your first action upon leaving this room will _not _be anything remotely close to 'shattering every Soul Gem you know of.' If things go well, we might even get to address and deal with whatever you have that makes you believe that doing so would be a good idea. Do you think you can do that?"

I paused for a moment, rethinking that last bit. "Don't answer that, actually. We're going to do this regardless of whether or not you think you can. Now, with that out of the way…" I leaned in, staring into her soul (except not really, because her soul was on the table behind me). "What seems to be the issue, Mami?"

Her eyes flicked up for a moment, before going down again. "I…"

She left it there. I blinked, anticipating an elaboration, but got none. When she continued to remain quiet, I prodded. "You…?"

Unfortunately, I received no answer. And it didn't seem like she would be willing to provide one in the immediate future.

_...I've been waiting for this moment for damn near half a day. I can deal with another hour or two._

With that, I slouched back in my seat with a sigh. "Alright. Take as much time as you need. Neither of us are going anywhere."

You know, it's funny. All my life, I had never not been a wired-up bundle of nerves. You'd never guess it just by looking at me, but staying in a single spot for any more than three minutes might as well have been impossible if I didn't occupy myself with anything. And yet… for whatever reason, my body was content with the idea of holding still, right there in that chair, for however long it needed to.

If I'd taken the time to notice it, I probably would've realized something else a little sooner.

For a while, the only sounds to be heard were that of our breathing, and the faint ambience of the world beyond my window. I won't wax poetic and say that it was any more than it was, but nonetheless, it was… nice.

"...why…" my ears suddenly picked up. "Why did you have to…" Sniffling, Mami lifted her head, liquid collecting at the edges of her sclera. "Why did I have to hit you? Why did I have to cause you more pain? Why…?"

When I finished processing that, my mouth realized this was a golden opportunity.

"Mami," I spoke in a dead serious tone. "Allow me to enlighten you on the very essence of our job."

It was at this moment when my brain realized exactly what my mouth was going to do.

_Wait… __**no! **__NO, YOU FOOL! You'll completely destroy the mood! DO! NOT! SAY IT!_

Unfortunately, my mouth didn't listen.

"For you see, my dear veteran…"

It said it.

"_**Being meguca is suffering.**_"

The sheer out-of-left-field nature of the statement combined with its intentionally poor grammar left Mami bamboozled, for lack of a better term. It looked like she couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry at the absurdity of it all… so eventually, she simply settled on both.

A broken chuckle left her mouth as tears began dripping down her face. "That's… that is so _you_, Audrey…" She made a single attempt to wipe away the streams, giving up when it only stopped the flow for a brief moment.

"I'm here all week, everybody," I proclaimed, throwing my arms out. "Don't be shy! C'mon over and get your fix of the world's best medicine!" Even if it was at my expense, having a smile on her face was objectively better than having a frown, for obvious reasons.

But, even then, humor likely wasn't the best way to deal with this situation, so I deemed it necessary to shoo out the clowns. "In all seriousness, though… that's a loaded question." I hunched over, resting my head on my thumbs, and my elbows on my knees. "I'd say it was a spur-of-the-moment decision, and I didn't really have any time to think about it, and that's true. But there's also a bit more to it than that."

I tilted my head down a bit, and closed my eyes in contemplation. "How do I word this…?" One of my fingers idly tapped against my cheek as I hemmed and hawed over how I should go about explaining this.

Eventually, my eyes opened. "I suppose one way to put it is… because I value life." My hands left my head, dropping down to between my legs. "See, I was indoctrinated into Scouting at the youngest age possible, and ever since then, I've been conditioned to be a paragon of morality." A spiteful chuckle left my mouth. "Or, at least that's what I should be. But you and the others already know that I'm not exactly a knight in shining armor."

I puffed out a wad of air. "The unit leaders did get a few things to stick, though. A proper set of core values being one of them. Y'know, the classics, like the golden rule and what-have-you." My eyes slipped off to the side as I adopted a sneaky tone of voice. "Of course, most of those were actually hammered in via stories, but the public doesn't need to know something that trivial."

That was off-topic, though. "Anyway, point being, like I said, one of those values was to prioritize the preservation of life. So, when I got a quick glimpse of you breaking poor Kyoka-Cola's heart, well…" I inwardly snickered at the intentional phrasing. "I wasn't really much of a fan of letting it happen."

Mami… did not take this as well as she could've, going by how she hung her head. "...I really am worthless. No matter what I try, I always end up spreading pain. It happened with Sayaka, it happened with Kyoko, and now… even you." She once again unsuccessfully attempted to dry her tears. "I thought I could change. Because of you, I honestly believed I could do better. That I could be someone you all could rely on without having to hide behind a mask. But now… now I see that I was just trading one shortcoming for another."

A defeated sob was hiccuped out of her lungs. "I tried, Audrey. I really did. I thought I could end our suffering. I… I..." She resorted to covering her eyes with both hands. "God, I'm just so _weak…_ I can't believe I ever convinced myself that I was worthy of being a teacher. Kyoko…" If I had to liken this to something, I'd say it looked quite similar to the collapse of a house of cards. "I-I'm so sorry… it's my fault…"

To this display, I offered a tired sigh and a muttering of "teenagers…" under my breath. Looking back at the table prompted me to get up and move over to it for the express purpose of grabbing a seed and using it to suck away the corruption on Mami's gem that hadn't been there five minutes prior. I then decided it would probably make things more convenient if I took them with me back to my seat, and did so.

_Can't let her stay like this. I've got seeds, but not too many. _

Sitting down, I shot an appraising look at my crumbling charge.

_Guess it's time to bring out the ol' armor piercer._

"So that's it, then? You're giving up?"

The question caught her attention, causing her to lift her eyes up off her hands and turn them to me. "Huh?"

I leaned back and crossed one leg over the other. "It seems to me, Mami, that you've either conveniently forgotten or are intentionally blocking out the whole point of our last session."

Her expression blanked, displaying that she was in need of a refresher, and I obliged.

"You _can't _give up. Not now." I shook my head. "You lost that option the moment you saved all of us. Remember what I said the last time we did this little song and dance?" She didn't, going by her reaction. "If you go down now, we go down with you. Me, Madoka, Sayaka, hell, even Kyoko eventually, I'm sure. The moment you choose to lie down and fade away, you doom us to inevitably suffer the exact same fate."

The girl took a moment to process my words, then looked back at me . "But… what am I to do, then?"

I blew out another collection of air molecules. "...in the end, the only thing you can really do is keep going."

"Even if it hurts like nothing else?" She sniffed.

"Especially if it hurts." The chair creaked as I shifted my weight again, leaning back in. "You may think that we've all condemned ourselves to eternal torment or whatever other hell you've cooked up in that noggin of yours, but the thing is, you can't know that for sure." I held up a fist. "The future's not ironclad. My power's very existence proves that it's just as malleable as everything else in this world. And that means that as long as you still walk the earth, there's a chance that everything can change."

I reached out, resting the same hand on her shoulder. "But the moment you give up hope, that's it. You lose that chance. You'll die, and you'll never get to experience what it'll feel like when that change does come. It might even come the very next day, and you won't be around to see it." I stared harder into her sockets. "You only live once, Mami. Do you really want to let go of your only shot at real happiness?"

She averted her eyes for a moment as I let go of her, then moved them back. "...what happens if I break again? What if I end up just causing you more pain?"

"Bitch, I've been dealing with Common Core bullshit for about half my life," I retorted with a flat look. "Whatever you think you can dish out pales in comparison to what I've already gone through."

It looked like she really wanted to lightly chuckle there for a tiny moment, but her depressed expression wasn't having it. "And the others?"

I snorted. "I find your lack of faith disturbing, 'senpai.' Do you honestly think they'd stop caring about you after everything you've done for them? They won't care if you happen to slip up somewhere. If anything, they'd make it a priority to help you back up." My gaze drifted to the wall. "In fact, if I hadn't told them to head home and keep up appearances, I have a feeling they'd be right here with us."

Mami took some more time to absorb everything and let it sit for a while, distantly staring down at her lap while she attempted to sort herself out. The room quieted again while she did so, and I found myself doing a bit of reflecting.

_You know, by all accounts, I really shouldn't have gotten this far._

I had no plan or strategy or anything going into just about everything I'd experienced so far. All of my decisions were made on the fly and based on nothing more than second-hand knowledge and what I remembered of the show.

_How the fuck have I managed not to irreparably screw anything up yet?_

Was it sheer luck? Divine favor? Some kind of weird fate or destiny? Were my visions hard-carrying me? Or did I just happen to blindly stumble my way into saying and doing exactly the right things at exactly the right times to ensure that nobody bit the dust?

_Well, whatever it is, it's a lifesaver. Literally._

It would take me little longer to realize that this was not the first time I'd had this conversation with myself. Quite fitting, considering Mami's predicament. I guess we both needed a few things hammered in.

Speaking of which, the little blonde came to a decision around the time I wrapped up my own talk.

"...all right," she nodded. "It's clear that you won't change your stance on the matter. You haven't led me astray yet, and I doubt you ever will, so…" At last, she made an attempt at a real smile. The result was tiny, yes, but it was a smile nonetheless. "I'll trust that you're right. And either way, I have to repay you somehow for all the trouble you've gone through for my sake."

I reciprocated with a grin. "You can pay me back by getting out there and living. The more you do that, the more you stick it to that rat bastard incubator. And I've found that I very much love to ruin his day."

The smile fell at the mention of the white devil. "That's right… Kyubey." One of her hands came up to trace a drill. "I… still can't believe he was keeping all that from us. To think that the creature who ended up saving my life only did so to turn me into a monster…"

"Now you know why I make a point to kill it every time I see it," I sighed. "But there's nothing we can do about it now. Remind me - what was it you said about your wish a while ago?" I thought back to that moment, which actually wasn't that far back - only a week and a couple days. "Something about not regretting it because you're alive, and that's better than being dead?"

She let out a solitary laugh. "Yes, I suppose I did say something to that effect, didn't I?" Twisting her body to the side allowed her legs to drape off the edge of the bed. "I better keep surviving, then. It wouldn't reflect well on me if I were to not practice what I preach."

I reached out to give her shoulder a few good pats. "That's what I like to hear! Now, I believe these belong to you?" My other hand came up to reveal her Soul Gem and the three seeds I'd nicked from her earlier.

"Ah, thank you!" She gingerly scooped them up, returning them to their proper pockets while I leaned back in my seat again. "It certainly wouldn't do for me to collapse right after I left the building."

"Actually, uh…" I held up a finger as my stomach conveniently rumbled right then. "Care to stick around a little longer? Neither of us have had breakfast, and the all-nighter I spent looking after you has kept me painfully aware of the fact that I haven't eaten in about twelve hours…"

She blinked, before rising off the mattress. "Well, that won't do at all! It's never a good idea to skip the most important meal of the day. Where's the cafeteria?"

* * *

Soon enough, I found myself at the door to the hotel, waving goodbye to my patient. I'll admit, I was nowhere near certain that she wouldn't end up regressing, but for now, I'd gladly take what I could get.

_Now that I think about it, I might actually be getting better at the whole therapy thing. No tears this time! From me, at least._

Saying that after only my second session ever was definitely me getting ahead of myself, and not crying was a bit of a gray area, but I liked to think I deserved the chance to boast to myself. It wasn't often that I was given the option to fan the tiny flames of my self-esteem (and ego), after all.

When I made to go back inside, I thought I felt something plink at my sixth sense. Stopping, I turned around and scanned the area outside the hotel again, looking for anything that might be out of place.

_...nothing. Really? I could've sworn…_

I shrugged and continued on, re-entering the hotel.

I didn't even make it past the reception desk before I about-faced and strode back towards the door.

_Can't take any chances. It might actually be something._

Stepping out once again, I appraised the area for a third time. Nothing immediately jumped out at me, and I nearly convinced myself that it really was nothing before I registered a flash of red and light blue out of the corner of my eye.

Snapping my head in that direction, my vision sharpened to the point where I could clearly pick out the object. What I found made me start in its direction, slowly at first, then escalating into something between a walk and a light jog.

Kyoko stood alone, parked at the edge of an intersection, one hand in her pocket and the other carrying a brown paper bag, staring at what I believed to be a retreating Mami.

I slowed to a halt a little bit before the sidewalk ended, staring at the lone wolf on the opposite side of the street. All of a sudden, her head turned slightly towards me, and her pupils locked on mine.

'_How much longer are ya gonna stare at me like that, huh?_'

I held my hands up to declare my peaceful intentions. '_Sheesh. Touchy today, aren't we?_' My eyes drifted off to the side. '_Not that I can really blame you, though._'

'_Hmph._' Her gaze switched back to her former teacher, now just a tiny blip of barely-discernible yellow and beige. She stayed like that up to the point where Mami took a left turn and disappeared behind a building, whereupon she simply settled for staring at that spot.

'_...wasn't expectin' to see her lookin' like that after what happened on the bridge,_' I heard right as I was preparing to step back. She once again flipped back to giving me a sidelong look. '_How in the hell'd ya get her to go from losin' her damn mind to…_' She paused, trying to find the most fitting descriptor. '_I dunno, a normal person?_'

A smirk crept onto my face almost unnoticeable. '_Well, well… do my ears deceive me, or did I just detect a hint of concern there, Kyoka-Cola?_'

The frown on her mug intensified by about two degrees. '_Answer the fuckin' question._'

I physically flinched and nearly took a step back at the biting retort. '_Whoa, okay. Someone's pissed._' I checked the spot she's been staring at just a moment ago for a while before I decided to give her what she wanted. '_...I sat her down and set her straight. Said I wouldn't let her go until I was convinced she wouldn't try to kill all of us and then herself again the moment she left my room._' I shot Kyoko a glance. '_Turns out, talking things through isn't always a lost cause. You should try it sometime._'

I got another grunt in response before she went silent again.

I was about to make my second attempt at leaving when I heard her mental call. '_Hey. Get over here._'

A twinge of annoyance pinged in the back of my brain. '_What for?_'

'_I'll tell ya when ya do it._' Her free hand came up, almost taunting me as she beckoned with a pointer finger. '_Now move yer ass._'

My internal debate only lasted for about seven seconds before curiosity overtook it. Taking care to look both ways, I decided to simply ignore the crosswalk a few meters away and motor across the street from where I was. Thankfully, I did not become victim to any unseen speedsters and made it to Kyoko's side safely.

"Alright," I put out verbally after approaching her, noting that the bag she was carrying was full of red apples. "What gives?"

She took her time answering. "...that Kaname shortie tipped me off that yer also the one responsible fer Tomoe's…" She stopped, seemingly reconsidering something. "For Mami's recovery a week back. That right?"

"Yeah…?" I answered cautiously. "Why, where is this going?"

Kyoko didn't respond right away, appearing to further argue something in her head. Eventually, she came to a decision and walked away a few steps, before turning back to me and flicking her head in that direction. "C'mon. I want the world to start makin' sense again, and yer the only person I know that I can talk to without gettin' the urge to crack skulls."

I took a moment to process that before laughing almost involuntarily. "Umm, are you _sure _about that? 'Cause, uh…"

The glare came back. "Shut up n' follow me."

"Yes, ma'am."

The redhead started chowing down on her snacks as we set off, adding the sound of crunching fruit to the already-busy set of white noise the city constantly produced. Neither of us spoke until she offered me one once we entered the park. "Wanna bite?"

I hesitantly took the apple, then inspected it before looking back with a raised eyebrow. "So all you wanted was a scapegoat, huh?" My hands occupied themselves with tossing the treat while I continued. "Well, one, you could've just asked, and two, no. I'd rather not give myself a criminal record until after college, and even then, it's gotta be for something bigger than petty shoplifting." A slightly sinister grin grew on my face. "Gotta make it worth it, you understand?"

I held the fruit out to return it to its previous owner. "Besides, I get the feeling you need this more than I do."

She gave me an aggravated look before swiping it off my hand and taking an aggressive bite, grumbling almost inaudibly. Being me, I couldn't resist a parting shot.

"Make sure you eat all the red away, 'kay? I don't want any fingerprint evidence." I had to cover my bases, after all.

Her head snapped back to mine. "Didn't I tell ya to shut yer trap?"

"You did," I nodded. "But that wouldn't be very fun, now would it?"

She growled, the sound coming out slightly garbled thanks to the food in her mouth as her vision turned forwards again. "Lousy god damn stupid yankee…"

"Y'know, you could've just asked to chat with Madoka if you didn't wanna get ribbed." She had already proved to be a safe conversation partner for Kyoko. "Hell, she could probably do a better job at it than I ever could."

"Eh…" The redhead finally decided to swallow and clear her mouth of obstructions. "The lil' pinko's alright, but I doubt she'd really be able to help." She took a moment to kick at a tiny stray rock, sending it bouncing down the path. "Much as I hate to say it, yer the only one who really gets it around here. And…" She blew out a breath, like she couldn't believe she was going to say something. "When ya ain't pissin' me off, yer pretty legit."

I blinked. "Excuse me, what? Genuine praise from _you, _of all people?" I turned my eyes to the sky, glancing around. "Okay, where the hell are the flying pigs?"

"Nowhere." Another juicy crunch rang out. "Izzat really so hard to believe?"

My hand came up for some neck scratches. "Well, not really, but after last night, I didn't think you'd be in a talking mood. Seriously, it looked like you were just a half step away from straight-up bursting into flames outta sheer rage."

She elected not to respond to that for the time being, chewing a little slower.

Eventually, Kyoko stopped at a bench and dropped onto the wood, setting the bag next to her before hunching forward, contemplatively staring at the grass. I decided I might as well take a rest myself and plopped down on the other end, draping one arm on the back.

Once she'd ripped away most of the apple, she sighed. "Man, this crap… I knew the world was nuts, but I didn't think it was batshit insane." She slumped back, turning her gaze upward. "What the hell am I even supposed to do now?"

"Well, don't ask me." I moved my hands up and clasped them behind my head. "I'm not you."

"Yeah…" The street urchin reached up to pinch a stray strand of hair and rearrange it. "Gotta say, it… still doesn't feel real, y'know? Our Soul Gems're really our actual souls, 'n…" The part about witches was left unsaid.

"I know," I murmured. "I didn't want to believe it when I first found out, but… this was reality, not some cheap cartoon from the 90s. I knew there was a catch. That's why I pried so much at Coobs in the first place way back when. I just…" My legs suddenly became very interesting to look at. "Didn't expect that the price we had to pay would be so high."

She sighed, resting a rand on her forehead. "...lookin' back, it seems so obvious that it hurts. He's always goin' on about contracts 'n shit. 'Sign yer name here, give up yer soul, 'n get anythin' ya want in return.' A word-for-word copy 'a the classic deal with the god damn devil." A humorless laugh escaped her. "Ya were right about one thing. Dad really was dead on the money all along. Fucker might as well be Satan under a different name 'n face."

I let out a closed-mouth chuckle of my own. "Now you understand why I treat it like I do. Wrecking its bodies might not change anything, but hell if it doesn't feel cathartic. Makes for great stress relief." My smile died as quick as it had appeared. "Even so, though… I can't say I didn't get what I signed up for."

Her own grin died just as fast. "...wish I could say the same."

_Right, that…_

I took a good look at her clouded expression before shrugging slightly. "Suppose I can't really blame you for feeling cheated. You didn't exactly get a lot of mileage out of what you wanted, after all."

The only response I received was the tightening of her grip on the mutilated apple that she proceeded to take another angry bite out of. The resultant silence left the gears in my brain free to start turning.

_We're not going to accomplish anything at this rate. What to do…_

The obvious answer to that was to address the underlying issue that had caused her to actively request my help. Unfortunately, I had little to go off of on that subject, and the only reason she'd given me was that she 'wanted the world to start making sense again.'

Regardless, I had no choice but to work with what I had. I went over what she'd said so far, combing over everything with a magnifying glass and attempting to pick it apart to discern her motives. Coming to a tentative conclusion after a period of deliberation, whereupon Kyoko had almost completely obliterated her snack, I used it as a springboard to determine what to do next.

Finally, I turned to the redhead once she'd gulped down her latest mouthful. "Hey… mind if I ask you something?"

She briefly raised an eyebrow before shrugging. "Shoot."

I experienced a brief moment of hesitation, before telling myself that I might as well start somewhere and pushing forward.

"If you could go back to that moment - right before you made your contract - would you change your wish?"

She blinked. "What kinda stupid question is that? Of course I'd change it."

"Okay," I nodded slowly. "What would you change it to, then?"

A smirk popped into existence on her face. "Easy. I'd…" It faltered as she begun the process of realization. "I'd…" Soon enough, it slid off completely. "Huh, I… don't actually know."

"Really?" I folded my arms. "And why's that?"

She put her free hand to her chin, staring at the apple. "I dunno, I just… guess I never really gave it much thought. I mean, I knew since the beginnin' that I couldn't take anythin' back, ever. So why waste time thinkin' about how shit coulda been different? There's no point."

I gestured towards her. "Well, there you have it, then."

"Hey," she cut in. "Just 'cause I never thought about it doesn't mean I ain't got an answer. I might not have one now, but I do know the wish I got granted was total trash."

"And you're probably right about that," I acquiesced. "But it's like you said - there's no take-backs with this kind of thing. You got screwed over, sure, but that wasn't the end for you, was it? You learned your lesson and kept going."

One more bite, and the apple would be done for. "I did, yeah. But I still got stiffed."

It was time for a different approach, then. "All right, say you had made a different wish. What do you think would've happened? What would change?"

She had to contemplate that for a bit before answering. "...fer one, I probably wouldn't be such a cripple now." A sigh left her before she rotated her head towards mine slightly. "This is just between us, 'kay? I find out that ya ran yer mouth off to somebody else, I stick ya up on a cross, got it?"

"I thought this was already like that, but okay," I acknowledged with a raised eyebrow. "Go ahead."

"Mami told ya 'bout how I stopped usin' illusions, right?" I nodded. "Well… that ain't the full picture. The truth behind why I stopped was… because I lost that power." She hung her head. "After my dad burned everythin' down, I started havin' issues with my magic. Things stopped workin' properly, and eventually, it just… shut down. It was only personal stuff, though. My spear and the barriers I figured out how to make on my own were all fine."

The apple once again became her focus. "I asked Kyubey about it, and he said it was 'cause I'd 'rejected' my wish. Somethin' about a subconscious wall that blocked me from usin' any kinda skill that my wish granted me or some other weird brain shit." Her hand brought the apple closer to her face, but she refrained from finishing it off. "I didn't really understand what he was goin' on about, so I just decided to accept that I was gonna hafta live without my illusions from then on."

I shot her a flat look. "So you decided to let go of the fact that you wouldn't be able to use what you got from your wish instead of letting go of the thing that was stopping you from using it in the first place. Did I hear that correctly?"

She rolled her eyes in exasperation. "Well, sor-_ry_ fer not wantin' to come to terms with that yet. We can't all be 'mature adults' like you." Her hand began twisting the apple around. "Then again, though, I did get a few things outta the whole shitstorm. I had to learn real quick how to make the best 'a what I had left to survive, and I ended up gettin' pretty damn good at it." A smirk grew on her mug. "I'm the only person I know who can use a snake-spear properly. That ain't somethin' ya can say 'bout just anyone."

"You're the only person I know who even uses a snake-spear in the first place, Kyoko."

Her response to that was a middle finger from her free hand. "But anyway, yeah. If I hadn't made the stupid-ass wish that I did, I doubt I'd have such a hard time makin' ends meet nowadays." At last, she finished off the apple, tossing the remaining inedible bits into the nearest trash can with uncanny accuracy.

"You say that," I squinted at the redhead, "but from what I've seen, you already might as well be a real life SNK boss. The way you are now, having anything more in your skillset would just make you flat-out busted." Leaning in a little more, I squinted harder. "Something's not adding up there, Kyoka-Cola. What aren't you telling me?"

"Not all witches roll over 'n die as easy as the ones here do." She folded her own arms and looked away. "Some of 'em don't know when to give up, 'n they usually end up ruinin' my day one way or another. Kinda reminds me of a few people I know."

I grinned. "I think you'd be better-liked if you were more direct with your compliments, but thanks anyway." Pushing my luck there probably wouldn't end well, though, so I decided to quit while I was ahead. "Even so, I have to wonder if you really would be more powerful if you'd made a different wish."

The statement piqued her interest. "What makes ya say that?"

"Well…" There was probably a saying for this, but for the life of me, I couldn't remember what it was. "If you did still have whatever power your wish gave you, I doubt you would've worked on improving your skills as much as you have now." I leaned back and waved my hand around. "Something, something, something, crutch. Maybe. Possibly."

"Uhh…"

I threw my hands up in mild frustration. "Look, I don't know. There's, what, like a million different outcomes that could've happened depending on what you'd wished for? All I do is spoil myself on what happens a page or so ahead. I don't screw around with alternate timelines or the past or whatever the hell you wanna call that." The hands came back down to slap onto my legs accompanied with an equally frustrated sigh. "In the end, it's like you said. There's no way we can accurately guess what might've gone down if you'd done something different, and it couldn't happen now either way, so there's no point dwelling on it."

"Then what the fuck was all that shit about 'what d'ya think woulda happened' for?!"

Back up one hand went to pinch the bridge of my nose. "No god damn idea. I was probably thinking I could somehow lead it into one of those 'it's better that things happened this way' bits, but looking at it now, it probably wouldn't be very convincing."

"Fer Chrissakes, Audie…" One of Kyoko's hand's was lifted up to her forehead. "How in the hell'd ya even manage to get Mami back on her feet with this kinda bullshit?"

"You'll be the first to know when I figure that out for myself," I replied.

She scoffed. "I'm really startin' to wonder why I ever thought comin' to you was a good idea."

"Beats me," I shrugged. "Maybe because I happened to be the best person suited to diverting your attention away from how you had your world shattered into billions of pieces from the millions it already was last night?"

The look she gave me most likely translated to '_are you actually fucking serious right now?_'

"What, am I wrong?"

She kept it up for a bit longer, then dropped it. "Nah, not really…"

The situation brought a sense of deja vu, of which the reason why came quickly. "Aaaaand we're right back where we started."

"You suck at this, ya know that?" A semblance of a mocking smile crept into her countenance.

"I know, I know," I grumbled. "Rub it in, why don't ya."

We went silent after that. I was left to stew in my feelings of failure, while Kyoko appeared to be heavily contemplating something. What, I couldn't discern, but luckily, the need to do so was soon rendered unneeded.

"Actually, ya know what?" Her eyes narrowed slightly. "Now that I think about it… this crap about Soul Gems 'n Grief Seeds 'n shit doesn't really change anything 'bout the bigger picture."

My eyebrows shot up at that. "Oh, yeah?"

"Well, I mean," she paused for a moment, getting her points in order. "This life's already crazy dangerous, right? We've got somethin' around a thousand 'n one assorted ways to die horribly. What's one more on that mile-long list?" Her eyes deadened a tiny bit for a brief moment. "Honestly, turnin' into a witch's probably downright peaceful compared to how a few other gals somewhere in the world went out."

"Oh, I don't know about that." Despite the context, I felt a smile coming on. "From what Kyubey tells me, the process itself hurts like nothing else."

"So? Who gives a shit about what that rat bastard says?" The sense of devil-may-care humor in the air was infectious. "How I wanna die ain't his business so long as he gets what he wants, right?"

"That's the thing, though," I lifted a finger. "If your gem shatters before it turns into a seed, he _doesn't _get what he wants. So, what you wanna do is make sure you break it before it goes totally black, you understand?"

She nodded slowly. "Alright… how d'ya think yer gonna pull it off?"

I rubbed my chin in thought. "Hm. Ideally, I'd want it to be one of those 'out with a bang' deals. Do not go gently into that good night and all that jazz." The redhead's own death in canon sprung to mind then. "I hear that there's a way to overcharge a move to the point of suicide. That's what I'd go for."

"Classic kamikaze, eh?" She mulled over that for a moment, then smirked. "That sounds badass, actually. I'd take that over layin' down 'n dyin' like a total bitch any day."

At that point, I couldn't help it and started chuckling. Soon enough, it turned into full-blown laughter, causing a domino effect and giving Kyoko her own fit of snickering-turned-guffaws. It didn't last all that long, but felt therapeutic nonetheless.

"Whoooo…" It was almost like she was airing out some stress along with that breath. "Hah… ah, man, that felt good."

"Having yourself a giggle usually gets that dope flowing," I agreed.

The redhead glanced down at her bag, then fished out another apple, staring at it with an unreadable expression on her face before raising it up to her mouth.

"Ya don't make any god damn sense, ya know that?" Another crunch sounded out. "Ya act all tough slingin' out death threats like nobody's business, then a second later yer just jokin' around 'n laughin' at anythin' 'n everythin', 'n after that yer takin' a fuckin' bullet fer the girl that tried to kill ya. Twice." She appraised me closely, trying to discern my deepest secrets. "I don't getcha at all. Just what the hell's yer deal, anyway?"

I leaned on my knees, gazing out at the grass and collecting my thoughts. Once everything seemed in order, I went forward.

"I've only ever seen one person actually die right before my eyes because of all… this." It may have been a lie, but it didn't make my next line any less real. "Frankly, that was more than enough for me. If anyone else I knew bit it, especially now that I have this power, I… I don't know what would happen, but I do know that it wouldn't be pretty."

It took her a few moments to come up with a response to that. "...well, ya don't hafta worry 'bout me. I ain't goin' down just yet. Not to you, or a witch, or anythin' else that makes the mistake 'a tryin' me."

"See, I'd love to really believe that, but…" The memory of the vision came back. "What I saw last night, that made me jump, and some stuff before that… it gave me a bit of a reality check." I pulled out my little egg. "All it takes is one good hit. One lucky shot to this thing, even from something like a trash mob familiar, and… that's it. Game over."

Realizing where I was going with this, all she could do was let out a subdued "yeah…"

"I prefer not to think about it, 'cause, y'know, it's unimaginably horrifying, but…" I sighed. "Whenever it reminds you that it's still there, and always will be in the back of your mind for the rest of your days, it… it hits hard."

Trying to rub away the anxiety did nothing. "I can try to comfort myself by saying that the chances of something actually hitting the gem are next to none, but even then, a one percent chance is still infinitely more terrifying than a zero percent chance, simply because it can happen in the first place."

The redhead brought out her own Soul Gem with her free hand, staring at it with hardened eyes. "...just watch me, then. I ain't lettin anythin' even come close to this thing. It'll be as clean on the outside as I keep it on the inside."

I shot her my own '_are you serious_' look before letting out a small chuckle. "Figures you'd take that as a challenge."

She turned to me with a competitive glint in her gaze. "That goes fer you too, y'know. I better not see any cracks or nothin' the next time we see each other."

"Oh, yeah?" I raised an eyebrow. "Or what?"

"Or..." She stopped, floundering as she realized that a conventional motivational threat wouldn't really work here. However, she adapted quickly. "Or I'll drag yer ass back from hell just to send ya there myself."

I leaned backwards. "Whoa-ho, okay. Going that far, huh? Alright, I can dig it." I looked off to the side before going back to her. "Just… really, be careful, got it? I know you're good, and you're not an idiot, but still…"

"Yeah, I know." Her tone had shifted to a more resigned inflection as she took another bite of her apple. "Like I said, same goes fer you."

We quietly sat there for a little longer before Kyoko piped up again.

"Hey…" I looked up, at her… surprisingly vulnerable expression? "Thanks. Fer puttin' up with me, I mean. I kinda just dragged ya here 'n didn't really give ya a choice, 'n ya didn't gimme that much grief fer it. Hell, ya actually played along. So…" She briefly looked at me, then away again. "Yeah."

If she'd been any less serious about that, I probably would've sniped at her about it. "Well, it's what I'm here for." I unconsciously started scratching the back of my neck. "Ah… you ever need an ear to bend, or something like that… call me, 'kay?"

That got a fish-eyed stare out of the redhead for a moment, before she hung her head and face-palmed. "Ugh, what am I doin'... gettin' attached never ends well."

"Hey, if you wanna wallow in trauma for the rest of your excruciatingly lonely days, then go ahead," I shot back. "It'll make it that much sweeter when you inevitably find yourself unable to live with your own failure, and it leads you back to me."

Her grin was devoid of malice. "Fuck you."

Neither was mine. "Still not my type."

* * *

**A/N: Leave it to me to fit all these shitty memes into a chapter focused on nothing but therapy.**

**Also, new cover art. Made it myself through hours of Adobe Illustrator. Trash, ain't it?**

**I'm honestly still in disbelief over how I was able to fit in 'being meguca is suffering' as an actual piece of dialogue in a serious (ha, right) conversation. I'm actually kinda starting to think that this was always a crackfic hiding under a Team Rocket disguise, and I'm only now starting to see the truth.**

**Now that I look at this chapter… I think I stiffed Mami again. Kyoko ended up getting the bigger end of the stick in terms of chapter focus, but damn it, her dynamic with Audrey practically writes itself! Partially because it's built almost entirely off snark-to-snark combat, which I absolutely **_**live **_**for. Even still, I can't help but feel kinda bad for the blonde. Poor girl's got it rough.**

**Speaking of which, this was the thing I was referring to last chapter, in case you were wondering. The idea of Kyoko going to Audrey in order to get some help sorting things out came to me one day between the releases of chapters 14 and 15, I brought it up to my partner in crime for this story (once again, shoutouts to DestructionDragon360 - this wouldn't be where it is without you), and we came up with some preliminary dialogue. Fast forward to now, and… well, here's the results. I doubt this'll be her last session with the neighborhood temp-therapist, since some issues that were brought up were left unresolved, but nothing's set in stone.**

**Also, uh… I forgot a tiny little detail about Kyoko's past when I wrote chapter 13, concerning how she lost her illusions. The explanation provided in this chapter was my way of retroactively fixing the mistake I made when I had Mami tell the group that Kyoko not using Rosso Phantasma anymore was her own choice, and not one forced upon her via the rejection of her wish. So, there ya go.**

**Anyway, up next… I think it's high time I put our resident classical music enthusiast up on center stage. At the moment, she's basically the only member of the main cast who hasn't had a one-on-one conversation with Audrey yet (which is kinda sad - hell, even **_**Homura **_**got one before her!), and with you-know-what coming up, I bet she'll have plenty of reasons to schedule an appointment.**

**Well, see you in… I dunno, a month? Month and a half? Two months? **

**Eh, whatever, it'll happen when it happens. Peace!**


	17. I've Got Bigger Things to Worry About

Thanks to the sizable sleep debt I'd accrued from yesterday's all-nighter, I completely missed the morning of June 13th. Instead, the first things I saw upon opening my eyes were the glaring rays of the afternoon sun. Shining directly into my pupils.

_Ack-! Gah, damn it, right in the retinas! Fuckin' piece of shit bastard giant ball of-_

It took a little longer for me to calm down from that little episode than I'd care to admit. "One more reason to board up that stupid window. Forget Coobie, how am I supposed to even wake up safely if that's the very first thing I'm gonna see?!"

I grumbled a bit more, then sighed and checked my phone's clock. "1:39… good god, I crashed _hard_. I don't remember getting punished anywhere near this harshly the last time I stayed up that long." I'd even gone to sleep earlier than usual since the mental fatigue had hit me a little harder than I'd anticipated.

_Sheesh, I'm out of practice. There used to be a time where I could spend the entire night binging anime, then go to school in the morning and still have enough energy for a few rounds on 2Fort when I got back home._

That was incredibly unhealthy and I knew it, but I really hadn't been able to help it at that age. Man, sophomore years were just the worst.

Thinking about my previous school years caused my brain to flow to related topics - including a certain bullheaded student with blue hair and a taste for the classics.

_I haven't seen or heard from her once since the bridge. It hasn't been that long, but…_

I was worried. On more levels than one. I had no idea when my sense of obligation had been replaced with a real, personal protective instinct (nor would I fully realize it for a little while longer), but at some point in this ludicrous story, I had honestly, genuinely begun to care for these girls. Their repeated acts of dumbassery typical of their age notwithstanding, of course.

I had expected Sayaka in particular to be the biggest offender in that category, and to a degree, I had been correct, but… thinking on it, I found that she really hadn't been as much of a bitch to deal with as I'd first thought. If anything, Mami and Kyoko were deadlocked for the spot of "most difficult girl," simply because of the effort I had to put into making sure they didn't fall to pieces. Or, well, with Kyoko the effort went more towards keeping myself from losing my composure (and sanity).

Mami was also deadlocked with Homura for the title of "most anxiety-inducing". Striking a partnership with the time traveler had not lessened that feeling whatsoever, in part thanks to how she could theoretically disregard me entirely at any point and put a bullet in my Soul Gem if she decided I wasn't worth the risk. Whether or not she was actually liable to do that was another matter, but I got the distinct feeling that I would end up staring down the barrel of her Beretta 92 once again if I made even one false move, no matter how much I buttered her up.

And I knew for a fact that she wouldn't make the same mistakes twice.

But in any case, Sayaka's condition took priority in this moment. Thus, I decided that today was a prime day to pay a little visit to Mitakihara Middle School.

_**Grooowl…**_

...as soon as I stuffed some lunch in this greedy belly of mine.

* * *

About an hour or two later, I hit pause on "It Doesn't Matter" of Sonic Adventure fame and looked up. And up. But only twice, because it wasn't quite that tall.

_Wow…_

I'd probably passed this spot a couple times on my many walks around the city, but now that I had an actual reason to approach it, I was kind of seriously impressed.

_Now that's one place I wouldn't complain about being stuck in for seven hours a day, five days a week._

That was almost certainly a lie (a gilded prison was still a prison after all), but the point stood regardless.

Mitakihara Middle School overall sort of looked like a cross between a chapel and a standard one-building school campus. It had no shortage of tower-looking structures, and made me feel like an ant in comparison to its majesty.

_Nothing new there, I suppose. Buildings like these never fail to rub my own insignificance in my face._

Perhaps it would've been more apt to liken it to a castle. From what I'd heard of the Japanese school system, some of the faculty sure loved to parade themselves around like royalty, shoving their school's carefully-manicured image down the throats of anyone whose lips were even the slightest bit parted.

That was likely just the Persona 5 fan in me speaking, but then again, part of that game was a huge commentary on some of the system's faults, and I didn't doubt that it had hit the nail on the head with its depictions.

None of this changed the fact that I doubted I'd ever truly feel at home in any place like this. Or anywhere that had even the tiniest connection to corporate politics of any kind (or at least just the scummy, corrupt kind).

_Maybe Marx really was onto something when he wrote that manifesto. Then again, his way of doing things just ends up with the government getting enough power that it stops caring about keeping up the act that everything isn't totally fucked, so there's no real change all told. At least with Capitalism, you have the privilege to lie and pretend that everything's fine._

...huh. Now where had that thought come from?

_Bleh. All this stress must be playing havoc with my brain._

My train of thought was thankfully derailed by the ringing of the final bell of the day. From my place at the campus's front entrance, I could already see students walking out the doors in groups, by themselves, and everything in between.

It took a few minutes and more than a few funny looks from the kids, but soon enough, I managed to pick out a familiar shock of pink hair. The girl attached to it spotted me fairly quickly, no doubt thanks to the obvious contrast of my black jacket against the sea of beige-and-white uniforms.

_...man, I really do stick out like a sore thumb._

"Audrey?" My focus snapped back to the person in front of me. "What are you doing here?"

I shrugged. "Well, I had some free time, and I was wondering how you and the bull were holding up after you-know-what." I paused for a moment, realizing that there was a conspicuous lack of Sayaka in the immediate area. "Speaking of which, uh… where is she?"

"Hitomi grabbed her when class ended," Madoka answered. "She said she wanted to talk to her about something."

It took a second for things to click.

_Oh… shit, that's right. Today's when she gives Saya her ultimatum._

The new recruit would be forced to either confess to Kyosuke, or do nothing and let Hitomi have him. The final straw in a series of hard knocks that would send her careening into a downward spiral, at the bottom of which lied the birth of Oktavia von Seckendorff.

_Fuck._

Effort was exerted to keep my expression disconnected from my thoughts. "Huh… any idea why?"

The pinker shook her head. "Not a clue."

"Yeah, didn't think so." An awkward silence descended as I tried to find a new conversation topic. "Uh… how've you been?"

A frown settled on her face. "Not the best. Everything Kyubey told us that night, it… it was a lot to take in. I don't think it's really hit me yet." She sighed. "Honestly, I've just been running on autopilot for the most part these last couple days. I think Sayaka is, too."

My interest was piqued. "How do you figure?"

"It seems like she's just…" She stopped, trying to find a way to put it into words. "Like she's not all there. She's paid even less attention in class than she normally does, and I've had to shake her out of staring at nothing more than a few times." Her arms folded themselves. "She's good at hiding it, but I get the feeling that she's just going through the motions."

Textbook signs that she had a lot on her mind if I'd ever seen them. "Hm…"

"More importantly, though," she switched gears, a smile coming back to her face. "I saw Mami at lunch today! She told me all about how you helped her!"

Now that was news. "She's gone back to school already? Wow. I would've thought she'd be taking her frustrations out on some poor witch right about now." It only occurred to me after I finished that sentence that the action fit Kyoko much more than it did Mami, but after what the blonde pulled the first time I'd counseled her, it didn't exactly seem out of the question. Regardless, I nodded to myself. "That's good, then. Companionship with you's probably what she needs the most right about now."

"Really?" Madoka's eyebrows climbed up, before she sheepishly looked away. "I probably should've walked home with her today, then."

"Eh, I wouldn't worry about it," I waved off. "Mami might not be the most stable person around, but she's not made of glass." Even if she did give off that impression. "Crippling loneliness and self-worth issues aside, she's been in the contractor business for a good few years by now. She can handle a trip home on her own just fine."

"You do have a point there." Her embarrassment was evident in her suitably chastised expression.

All of a sudden, I detected a magic signature. Quickly recognizing who it belonged to, I scanned the crowd again, and quickly caught sight of a head of silky black hair.

An idea hit me then, and I grinned, glancing at Madoka. "Besides, if you want someone to walk home with, you already have a willing volunteer." At the same time, I telepathically pinged the stalker. '_Oi, Dio Brando. Your morality pet needs a convenient buddy to escort her to the comforts of her abode. Why don't you be a pal and get that edgy ass of yours over here?_'

The response was immediate. '_Why don't you do it yourself?_'

_Not jumping at the chance to do literally anything with the pinko? Who are you and what have you done with Homura?_

'_I still have business here,_' was what I actually sent. '_C'mon, please? We're in this together, aren't we?_'

I could hear the exasperated eye roll and accompanying groan in her inflection when she admitted defeat and changed course towards us. '_Fine._'

Madoka hadn't been silent while I'd been calling. "Yeah, I know. Sayaka's been there for me for as long as I can remember. She told us herself that that hasn't changed, even after she became a Magical Girl." Her smile, while fond, was also somewhat sad. "...she's one of the best friends I could ever ask for, honestly."

My grin widened. "Who said I was talking about Saya?"

"Huh? What do you…" She trailed off as she tried to follow my eyes, and quickly found what I had been looking at right when it - or rather, she - emerged from the crowd with a signature flip of her hair. "Homura?"

"Hello." As usual, her expression was a stone mask of cold, hard indifference.

I flashed a two-fingered salute. "Good to see you too, Homu. I have here one friend-shaped Madoka, fully prepped for transport to her residence at no extra charge." I made a show of zipping down and reaching inside my jacket. "If you'll give me a moment to find the paperwork, we can get you squared away and-"

"That won't be necessary." She cut me off, briskly moving up to her package in order to gently take hold of her and begin leading her away. It was faint, but there were signs of irritation to be found on her face. "Goodbye."

Madoka was left floundering at the sudden turn of events. "W-what? Homura, why-?"

My jacket zipper went back up as I sighed. "Kids these days. Can't even be bothered to pay for honest work. What is the world coming to?" I shrugged, then sent them off with a wave. "Meh, whatever. That's the economy's problem, not mine. Have fun, you two!"

She may have been getting better, but the unfortunate pinker was still nowhere near assertive enough to even think of going against Homura in that situation. As such, she quickly accepted her fate and began meekly walking alongside her self-appointed guardian before I lost sight of the pair in the crowd.

_Don't say I never did anything for you, Hameru. Now go put on those moves! I want sparks flying, you hear me?_

Never in my life did I think I'd ever end up playing the role of wingman (wingwoman? Who knew), and for a time-traveling Magical Girl of all things. Then again, never in my life did I think I'd ever get hit with a heavy dose of Isekai Protagonist syndrome, and look where was I now.

I didn't have to wait that much longer for my objective to appear, thankfully. Hitomi also ended up coming out at one point, whereupon I decided to make myself scarce. The kelp-head wasn't who I was here for, after all.

I did flip her the bird on a whim after I left her line of sight, though. Sure, she had no idea just how severely her actions could impact the blue bull, and she was incredibly professional about it, but it was the principle of the matter. Not to mention that she hardly gave Sayaka a reasonable amount of time to process and consider the choice.

And she thought girls couldn't love girls. Like it was still the bloody 20th century or something.

_Fuck outta here with that traditionalist bullshit._

Granted, that probably said more about her upbringing and parents than it did about her, but I wasn't exactly in a mindset to give a rat's ass about that. But anyway…

At last, I spied a solitary girl with a mop of blue sky sitting on her head exit the huge building. As she approached, I noticed that her head was tilted down slightly, and her gaze was… pensive, if I had to put a word to it.

_Deep breath… hoo, all right. Back to work. Would be nice to have a break from all this therapy, but oh well. Teens will be teens._

Madoka's earlier words were proven true when it took Sayaka until she was right in front of me to realize that I was even here. "Eh?"

I smirked. "Finally. Was wondering if I needed to pull out a neon sign or something." It softened into a smile. "You doin' all right?"

Her mind, still processing the fact that I was standing here, took a while to come up with a reply. When it did, though… "Uh, yeah, actually. All things considered, I feel pretty fine."

"You sure about that?" My eyes narrowed. "From what I just saw, you don't seem all that fine to me."

For an instant, she looked like she was going to snap back, before thinking better of it. "Yeah, I guess I was giving off that kinda vibe," she admitted. "But you don't have to worry, really. I was just… thinking."

"That alone gives me more than enough reason to worry," was my deadpan response.

"Hey, I can have good ideas!" There was the comeback. Unfortunately, she failed to keep her momentum. "...sometimes!"

I scrutinized her, then relented. "I suppose I can believe that, if only because you haven't been held back a year yet."

The bull slumped over, unwilling to continue fighting a battle she knew she'd already lost. And yet, she was unable to resist one last attempt to save her pride. "Come on, my grades aren't _that _bad…"

"Saya, from what I hear, you getting a C-plus in anything is considered a miracle." My flat stare continued to bore holes in her head. "I'm sure you know exactly what kind of impression that gives off."

I decided to keep the bit about not knowing whether to be more disappointed in her or in her parents for letting her get away with it to myself.

Either way, she got the message loud and clear. At this point, the only thing she had left to offer was a put-out groan. "I hate when you're right."

"Do better, then." Practice made perfect, after all. "Unless you have an eidetic memory, the only way you're passing those classes is by studying."

However, with that wrapped up, it was time to switch gears. "If it's not too nosy, though… can I ask what you were thinking about?"

She stared off for a moment. "...a lot of things."

"Like what?"

"Well, y'know…" Her hand went up to do a bit of scratching. "Stuff. Witches. Us. Those kindsa things."

"Ah, gotcha." I nodded sagely. "Yep, that's about what I'd expect."

"Uh-huh." She nodded back. "I mean, when you find out that your life's been turned into some unholy mixture of Soylent Green and Pretty Cure, it's basically impossible not to start questioning a few things."

The wacky description made me burst out laughing. "Oh-, oh lord, why is that so accurate?! Freakin' Christ, girl!"

"I know, right?!" Giggles ran freely from her lungs. "It's nuts! It's like something out of a fever dream or acid trip!"

We calmed down pretty quickly, and I decided to probe a bit more. "Seriously, though. Is there anything on your mind that you wanna talk about?" I gave her a once-over. "Any residual trauma? Regrets? New developments, maybe?"

"Audrey, relax." She shook her head. "I'm okay. I know being the local counselor's your thing and all, but you really don't have to worry about me. You remember how I gave you my word, right? That I was gonna stick around until the very end?"

A sigh left my mouth. "Yeah, I know, but… it's a little hard for me to take things entirely at face value, especially when it comes to stuff like this."

For a moment, Sayaka was uncharacteristically quiet. "...that's fair."

Wincing at how I'd unintentionally shifted the mood into depressing territory, I continued to push. "So you're sure there's nothing I need to lose sleep over? You're completely, totally, one hundred percent issue-free?"

"Not _entirely, _ya dink," she snorted. "But for the most part, yeah."

"Reeeeally?" I leaned in. "Not even any… relationship problems, let's say?"

I got a blank stare from Sayaka for a few seconds while she processed the question. Then she was sent into hysterics. Doubled over, gasping for air, a hint of tears, the works.

"Hah, ah, oh, oh man, you and Hitomi both!" She stumbled, nearly losing her balance when she bent a little too far. "That's _hilarious!_"

Caught completely flat-footed, I tried coming up with some kind of smart response. Unfortunately, the situation had knocked me off my game, and I was forced to go with a more simplistic route of interrogation. "What, what's so hilarious about that?"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she wheezed out, rubbing at her eyes. "It's just… you're all still totally sold on the idea that I'm actually into Kyosuke! It's- ahah, this is gold!"

You can bet that statement drew my attention like a kleptomaniac to anything shiny. This specific reaction - laughing like a madman - usually meant either very good things, or very bad things.

Context suggested that this situation was leaning towards good things, but I had to be sure. Assuming everything was fine when it really wasn't was a mistake I was in no way willing to make under any circumstances. "And… you're saying that despite abundant evidence on the contrary, you're _not _actually into him? Is that right?"

"You big dummy, I never was!" Finally managing to stand up straight, she shot me a look with an almost unnoticeable dose of smugness.

I blinked, then squinted. "You'll have to excuse me for finding that a _little_ hard to believe, what with all the in-no-way-subtle hints you've been broadcasting."

The smugness disappeared. "Right, yeah, I guess I should explain that. Ah..." Her brow furrowed, and her pointer finger came up to tap on her temples. "How do I put this…?"

"Oh, before you do that," I cut in when a thought hit me. "We should probably get moving. I assume you'd want to get home before the sun goes down, correct?"

"Eh?" Briefly looking around, she discovered that the courtyard was just about empty. She then took out her phone to check the time, whereupon her other hand moved to cover her face with a "d'oh!"

We left the school pretty quickly after that.

About a block later, Sayaka seemed to at last get an idea for how she wanted to go about her explanation.

"All right, so…" She blew out a breath, committing to her plan. "To start off, well… to be completely honest, I… kinda-sorta forgot Kyosuke even existed up until today."

If this had been a cartoon, my eyes would've bugged out at that moment. "Excuse me, you _**what?**_"

"Or," she reconsidered, "maybe it'd be more accurate to say that I was too busy thinking about Mami and the others to bother with a little crush."

I tried my best to properly convey that she wasn't making as much sense as she thought she was through the glance I shot her. "So you _were _into him?"

She fired back with a little glare of her own. "Shut up, I was getting to that. Now…"

Remembering where she left off, she continued. "This morning, while I was walking to school, I happened to see him again, and when I did, I ended up realizing how… _not important_ he was." She stopped for a moment, recalling something else. "I mean, yeah, he was kinda the whole reason I made my wish, but… after the incident, I ended up totally putting him off to the side in favor of you all."

Her vision turned upward towards the sky. "Finding out that I'd basically sold my soul for the power to heal any wound and that I'd turn into a monster if I pushed myself too far…" She trailed off. "It put things into perspective for me, y'know? I knew forming a contract was going to put me in danger, sure, but I don't think it set in until we discovered the truth about it all, and Mami…"

"Shot me," I finished.

"...yeah." Back down her eyes went, this time to the ground. "When I got home that night, my head was spinning so fast that I hardly slept a wink. I just couldn't stop thinking about it all." A rueful smile appeared on her face. "It was the same when I went to school the next day. I kept wondering if Mami was going to be okay, or if you were going to be okay… hell, I'm pretty sure I even thought about Kyoko once or twice."

There was someone missing there. "What, no love for Homu?"

"Ehh…" she looked off to the side. "I get the feeling she can take care of herself."

I let out a snort. "And we can't?"

"That's not what I meant and you know it," she snipped back immediately. "Besides, I… really don't know what to think about her. It's like she swaps sides at the drop of a hat." Her arms folded themselves in contemplation. "First she was chasing Kyubey, then she nearly killed you, then she saved Mami, then she saved _me_, and not even a week later she's apparently after my head. There's someone who needs to learn a thing or two about loyalty."

She wasn't entirely wrong, but then again… "I don't know about that. Remember what happened when she saved you? I'm pretty sure I heard Madoka trying to make a wish right before she dropped in."

"Huh, now that you mention it, yeah," the bull muttered, before her face scrunched up. "Wait. When Madoka threw your gem off, she was the one who went to get it… and that means that she…" Her eyes widened. "Oh… **oh.**"

I couldn't stop a slightly-smug smile from stretching across my mouth. "Something you'd like to share with the class, miss Miki?"

"H-Homura, she-" The reveal had evidently not been one she'd seen coming. "She _knew. _She knew all this time, what was really going on." Her hand came up to support her head. "She wasn't trying to stop competition. She never was. She was just trying to…" I thought I could see tiny droplets of sweat building on her forehead. "Oh, jeez."

"Yyyyyyep." An old memory conveniently resurfaced. "Remember what I said about her the first time we met, back at Mami's house? You know, how everyone has their reasons?"

"I do now." She let out a shaky breath. "Holy smokes, I- I think I'm gonna need a minute."

I let her be for a bit, giving her time to parse through and digest the secret she'd uncovered. It was understandably huge for her, given her general impression of the mystery girl and her prior opinions. Especially because of the aforementioned attempt at removing her from the land of the living.

"Okay…" she sighed out, signaling she was ready again. "I think I'm good now. Uh, where was I before Homura took over?"

My mind came back to a certain line. "I heard you mention something about never actually being into Kyosuke in the first place? What's up with that?"

"Right, yeah, that." Snapping her fingers, she dove back in. "So, I told you how I realized that he was never that big of a deal? Well, it kinda made me take a step back and really think about how I'd been feeling about him." She shamefully reached up to scratch the back of her head. "Turns out… looking back, I found out that what I'd been dealing with all this time wasn't actually love, or at least not the kind of love you'd think. It was more like… like I wanted to see him play his violin, just like he did when I first saw him." Her smile became serene and faraway. "I wanted him to be happy, and reach his dreams. I wanted to see him share his music with the world."

Coming back to herself, she looked down again. "I guess little me couldn't quite understand all of that, so she just decided to see it as a crush." A rueful chuckle escaped her. "Honestly, I can't blame her. Nobody could ever be mature enough to wrap their head around what it really was at that age."

A small "heh" was my reaction. "I'd say it's still a miracle that you managed to see it before high school. Fourteen-year-old girls aren't exactly known for their insight in matters of the heart."

"Oi," she snipped back in a clipped tone. "I don't wanna hear that bull coming from the girl who's brought Mami home _twice _now and still hasn't made an honest woman of her yet." Her next action was a savage grin. "For _shame, _Audrey."

_...the fuck?_

I gave her a look. "Now where did that come from?"

"The part that can't believe how you haven't realized it yet!" She threw her arms out. "I mean, seriously! I thought you had to be a boy to be that dense!"

My eyes involuntarily widened as they darted off to the side thanks to that last bit, while a shocked "uhh…" slipped out of my mouth. I wisely chose to block it out and instead opted to focus on the general statement after doing a bit of thinking. "You're… not implying that Mami's into me, are you?"

"With how she was gushing about you at lunch today?" The grin had only intensified in the time it had stayed on her face. "I'd be more surprised if she wasn't. I could've even set myself up to make off with an easy thousand yen if Madoka hadn't been smart enough not to take the bet I offered." She smugly tapped the side of her head. "I'll have you know that my gay-dar is top of the line, fresh out of the factory. Nobody, guy or girl, has ever been able to hide from it. Not even Hitomi."

I latched onto the subject change like a lifeline. The fact that it was also out of left field made it that much easier. "Wait, Hitomi? The one you told me was always going on and on about proper relationships and forbidden love and all that crap?" I side-eyed her. "I'm gonna have to call shenanigans on that one, chief."

"Audrey, Audrey, Audrey," Sayaka chided, shaking her head. "People like her only go that far when they're desperate to hide a part of themselves. Don't tell me that you still haven't picked that lesson up from all the stories you've read?" She leaned in close. "Listen - I know Hitomi. When you see her as often as I have for as long as I have, you start picking up on a few things. Like how much she stares at other girls, for one, not to mention the compliments that she hands out like tissue packs."

The grin finally dropped, turning into a frown. "If it hadn't been for how she grew up, I'm positive she would've started dating some lucky woman already, but nope. She just had to have the single most old-fashioned pair of rich parents in the whole freakin' country, and got hit with expectations to match." A distasteful scoff escaped her. "Now she's stuck inside an armored closet about as thick as an army bunker and trying way too hard to convince herself that she actually loves Kyosuke enough to date him." Her head dropped. "It just breaks my heart, knowing that she can do so much better than him, but that she can't see it because she's too busy pretending that side of herself doesn't exist."

It took a moment for her to realize what had just come out of her mouth. "U-uh, I mean, not that I have anything against either of them, but… I can't exactly give 'em the green light if Hitomi's still in denial." She tried to give a smile, but failed spectacularly. "If she wasn't and she still wanted him, I'd say go right ahead, but the way she is now? It's not gonna do either of them any good."

The description was enough to make me suck in a breath through my teeth despite still being occupied with the idea that Hitomi was actually quite likely to be a repressed lesbian. "Oooh. Can't imagine what it's been like to watch that whole mess play out all these years."

"Not fun," the bull admitted. "Not in the least."

An uncomfortable silence descended in the wake of that conversation. I got the hint that this was probably a bit of a sore subject for Sayaka, given how much she'd spilled about her opinion on the whole matter. With that in mind, I figured it would be best if I opted to steer the next topic away from anything that might end up looping back to this one.

Surprisingly, the girl was a step ahead of me, lifting some fingers to her forehead. "Ahh, what am I doing, getting all depressed like this? I've got bigger things to worry about." She turned to me, a smile back on her expression. "While I'm on that, I was thinking about getting back into the swing of things tonight, see if I can't find some unlucky witch to blow off some steam with. Wanna come along?"

"Just gimme a time and I'll be there," I replied. "Your place again, right?"

"Yep."

Glancing at the sky, I noted how it was becoming more and more orange. My phone revealed that it was quite late in the afternoon. "...you don't think I can just hang around until then? 'S not like I have anything better to do."

Her head whipped around to stare at me in momentary shock. "W-what? Uh…" She stopped, letting the gears turn in her noggin. "I guess that'd be fine…? I mean, if you really want to?"

"Y'know, you could've just said 'yes.'" I smirked. "A lot quicker and easier than whatever that was."

She gawked at the snipe, then attempted to fire back, but came up with no ammunition thanks to how she was still on the back foot from what I'd just asked. Folding her arms and puffing her cheeks out, she could only silently fume as I reveled in another victory.

_The more things change, the more they stay the same indeed. Heh._

* * *

**A/N: Turns out, being Sayaka **_**isn't **_**suffering. Who would've guessed?**

**But anyway, here it is. About 3,000 words of pure, concentrated blue bull, with an additional 2K for context and stuffing in a sighting of the rare and elusive Homu-Homu. And you know what the best part is? There's gonna be more of everyone's favorite paladin in the next chapter. Because I got them **_**plans, **_**baby, oh yeah.**

**Oh, and there's also a bit more ship-teasing in there too, because y'all can't seem to get enough of the damn things. Of course, whether or not I'll end up cashing in on all of it by the time this is over is another story, but it's still anyone's guess at this point.**

**...man, no lie, I'm just over here sweating, wondering how many people are gonna scream 'bullshit' at this turn of events. I know there's at least one, because that person may or may not end up confronting Audrey over it at a later date. And even if they don't, you can bet their ass that it's all they'll be thinking about for a while once they find out. But that's a problem for future me.**

**Sheesh, I'm running out of stuff to put here. Anyway though, I guess I'll see all of you in another two months or something. Or… month and a half. Whatever.**

**Bye.**


	18. Where Am I Willing to Draw the Line?

"Why don't you just get some curtains?"

I froze. The snack bar in my hand stopped its journey to my mouth along with it. "..._curtains_."

"Yeah, curtains," Sayaka repeated, hooking a thumb towards the pieces of cloth hung over her room's one window. "I mean, the only reason they exist is to keep the sun out. Sounds like the perfect solution to your morning problems."

I stared at the drapes, before slowly closing my eyes and raising my other hand to cover them. "Oooooohh my _god…_"

My admission caused the blue bull to erupt into laughter. "Are you seriously telling me that you _never _thought of that in the three-something weeks you've been here?! Come on, Audrey!"

"For your information, planks would serve the exact same purpose," I shot back in a huff.

Her giggles showed no signs of stopping. "Sure, if you lived in the Broken Arms Hotel, maybe. Around here, though, the only thing boarding up your window'll get you is a big fat fine and a boot to your butt."

I could only groan at how I'd dug my own grave, the defeat made worse by the god-tier reference she'd managed to sneak in while nailing my coffin. "Bloody hell. Complaining to you was a mistake."

"What was it you told me a little while ago?" She obnoxiously rubbed her chin with a finger, a smug grin on her face. "Something about 'doing better'? Methinks the lady needeth taking of her own advice."

The bar in my hand was set down on the desk while I slumped further, unable to stop myself from letting out a defeated low-pitched whine. "Respect is gone. Motivation is crippled. Stagnation is inevitable. Game over, man. Game over."

"Now now, Private Erryn," she faux-consoled while giving me something between a pat and a slap on the back. "None of that. Your parents didn't raise no quitter, did they?"

Now that was where I drew the line. "Bitch please, I'm a First Class compared to you at the bare minimum."

"Sure you are, _private_." The shit-eating grin on her face seemed like it rivaled that of Kyoko's. "Sure you are."

The sound of Sayaka's alarm going off right after, telling us (but mostly her) that it was time to stop the bulli and actually go patrol, almost felt like divine intervention. Or, well, it would, if it didn't also remind us of our reality.

You could practically feel the mood drop as our eyes were cut off from our smiles. Sighing, I stood up. "Alright, newbie. You heard the robotic overlord - we're Oscar Mike."

"If you start calling me Ramirez, I will stab you," was her snappy retort as she moved for the door.

The name made me blink. "Do you have _any_ parental restrictions on the media you're allowed to consume?"

She stopped. "...no comment."

I silently gave her the kind of stare you give someone when they've let slip something that doesn't imply very nice things, but you're not going to pry because that wouldn't lead to anything comfortable and the situation is bad enough as it is. For her part, she decided not to acknowledge the topic further and opened the door leading to the rest of her home.

Before I actually left, however, I took the time to address a little something and sent off a text to Mami.

'**Going on a hunt with Sayaka. Thought you should know just in case you wanted to join in.**'

The reply came just as we stepped out into the evening.

'**Thank you for the offer, but I don't think I've come to terms with everything yet. I'm sorry.**'

_...right. Sayaka's only killed a single witch so far. But Mami's… damn._

She'd thought she was helping, and she was. Then Kyubey just had to go and paint it like she was a serial killer in all but name, when it was really just countless acts of mercy.

I really hated that rat bastard sometimes.

'**That's completely fine. Take as long as you need to piece yourself back together. We can wait. Don't worry - no matter what happens, we're never leaving you behind.**'

She'd get there when she got there. You couldn't rush therapy.

A surprise question pulled me away from those thoughts. "You don't think we should take Madoka, should we?"

"Probably not," I mused after sticking my phone back in my pocket. "I don't think it would do her much good to watch us fight after all the recent reveals. Not to mention that it might also piss off Homura, and that's something I try to avoid doing like the plague."

"Right…" She trailed off, giving me a brief spike of regret thanks to what I'd mentioned. "Y'know, speaking of Homura, I… I really should thank her. She saved my life, and Mami's, even after how I'd treated her like a villain."

A wavering noise left my lips as I folded my arms. "Well, going by what you told me about what happened the day you met her, I can't honestly say I blame you for believing that she was a villain. Her diplomacy skills leave a whole lot to be desired." My mind went back to a recent memory, and I found myself lightly chuckling. "Like, she literally pulled a gun on me the first time we saw each other. Not exactly a shining example of a first impression, if you catch my drift."

I paused again. "Then again, I did kinda beat the tar out of her before she did that. Hm." Another thought came back. "But she also wasn't very forthcoming about her reasons…"

"Y'know what," Sayaka cut in, "let's just say that was a failure to communicate on both sides. Either way, that doesn't make what I did okay."

That got a sigh out of me. "I suppose it doesn't."

Her assertion also led my thoughts to a supremely uncomfortable topic.

_It may be keeping them alive, but… am I really in the right for using my foreknowledge about them to keep the girls from getting themselves killed? It's practically a textbook example of manipulation._

At what point did my actions stop being a benevolent effort, and became a denial of their will to think for themselves? They weren't just characters anymore; I was dealing with living, breathing humans. I was prepared to go a long way to ensure my survival, and I liked to think that I wouldn't shy away from staining my hands if I needed to, but… would it really be worth treating them like puppets?

_Where am I willing to draw the line?_

And therein lied the problem.

_I have no idea..._

* * *

My introspection kept me stuck in a bit of a rut for the remainder of our journey. There was a reason I preferred to avoid thinking about things of that nature, especially ones that I had no definable stance on or answer to. They had a practically guaranteed shot of leaving me with a lasting pit in my stomach and killing whatever good mood I may have had at that time.

A voice in the back of my head warned me that not thoroughly considering it was going to bite me in the ass at a later date, but at this point, I'd become a little too adept at tuning it out. Now it was just one more item on the increasingly shaky house of straw I'd built myself.

It wasn't a question of whether or not it would survive a good knock, because it wouldn't. It was a question of when the knock would come, and if it was before or after the prospective grand finale of my bizarre adventure. Of course, with my luck, the chances of it happening after the fall of Whatevernacht were about as high as a snowball's chances of escaping hell from the seventh circle.

What made that worse was that I had next to no idea what the cause of it could even be. Everyone knew the full truth about Soul Gems and witches now (and I was continually surprised at how well they were dealing with that). We all knew everyone else's backstories to some extent, save mine and Homura's… wait.

_Could that be the straw that breaks the camel's back?_

Homura outing herself as a Rule 63'd Phil Connors, and by extension her many, _many _failures at getting through this month and a half would cause quite a stir with everyone else. The fact that I was allegedly a completely new element in this loop would do nothing to help the substantial hit to morale that the reveal would undoubtedly deal. After all, if the (arguably) single most dangerous person out of all of us had tried to pull this caper off almost one hundred separate times and still hadn't succeeded, then… what chance did we really have?

...well, a not-insignificant one obviously, given how we would all be going up against Whataburgernacht at once, assuming I could get everyone on the same page, but that wasn't the point.

"Ground control to Major Erryn? You in there, space cadet?"

Thank god I had someone to take my mind off heavy stuff like this.

"No," I replied, resisting the urge to address my rather sudden meteoric rise in rank. "I'm out on a spacewalk and floating in a most peculiar way. Check back in half an hour."

Sayaka snorted. "Alright, then. If you wanted to hang back and let me play hard-carry, you could've just said so."

The sheer audacity of that statement got a laugh out of me. "_You?_ Play _team carry?_ Uhh, are you sure you haven't totally lost it yet?"

"Oh, so the newbie isn't allowed to clutch, is that it?" A roll of the eyes accompanied her retort. "Let's see you say that to my face when something decides to give you the Black Knight treatment and I'm the only one around who can stick your limbs back on."

I raised a finger and opened my mouth to counter… and then lowered and closed them when I realized that she had a point. "Damn it."

"Yeah, that's right," she hammered in. "I'm the white mage, and don't you forget it."

_I thought you were the Paladin?_

My only real recourse was to turn away and pout at the abundantly clear fact that I'd lost this match hard. "Y'know, I would say that it was better when you couldn't step up to me-"

"You just did, though," she interjected.

"Kindly shut up until I'm done, please and thank you," I immediately countered, "but that would also mean it was better when you were ignorant of everything, and, well…"

Looking back, this was one of my more egregious cases of dope-slappable behavior. I could say that foot-in-mouth syndrome is extremely contagious, but there are times when even it can't measure up to some of the things we say and do.

In any case, my comment of poor taste caused the mood to drop faster than Mami's sanity after getting witch-bombed. (See, there I go again!) Sayaka's eyes went along with it, falling to the floor. "Yeah…"

_Oh, look at that! Another bright red flag that you're actually the scum of the earth! Fan-fucking-tastic job there, Audrey!_

I couldn't resist the urge to cover my own eyes with a hand. "Ah, balls. Sorry, I- ugh."

"No, it's… it's fine." It wasn't. "You're right about that. Not being in the dark about it all is a good thing." My ears managed to catch a gulp there. "Even… even if that knowledge kinda ruins everything forever."

_And to think I had the audacity to admonish her for a lack of tact. Am I ever going to stop being such a hypocrite?_

"I know that, it's just-" I cut myself off, trying to find a way to better articulate my point before I shoved my other lower limb into my oral cavity. "I can't stop thinking about how I handled everything. I still don't really believe how nobody called me out for keeping it a secret."

One of her arms drifted up to rub the other. "Well… you were, uh, sorta dead for a little while there. Coming back to life right after we thought we'd lost you did a pretty good job of pushing that off to make sure you were okay." The rubbing stopped, her hand's grip now too tight to allow it. "And then Kyoko snapped, and Mami…"

The road became my focal point. "Yeah… if I'm being honest, I don't think I'm over the fact that I only got a bullet in my side for how badly I screwed that whole mess up yet. Feels like I got a slap on the wrist instead of the lashings I should've received."

"Whoa, whoa whoa!" Evidently, the blueberry did not agree. "Audrey, that's… you can't blame yourself for something like that. It was completely out of your hands!"

My eyes narrowed. "I can _see the future,_ Sayaka. If anything, this is on my head more than anyone else's."

Some of the wind left her sails. "That- that's true, but… you can't control everything. You were only trying to help. It's not your fault that it didn't pan out."

"So you're telling me that it was okay to hide the truth?" I almost spat out. "To deliberately obscure vital information from you?" My next words were delivered with a vitriol I barely knew I could muster. "To be **Kyubey?**"

I could've sworn her irises shrunk a little. "W-what? Audrey, I- I didn't say that-!"

"But you implied it," I cut in. "So do you really believe that I can't be held accountable for all that?"

Try as she might, Sayaka could not find anything to counter with, and she knew it all too well, a despondent frown stretching across her expression as her head fell once again.

The sight caused my steam to leak, resulting in a sigh and a loss of energy in my posture. "...damn it." I turned back to the road ahead, noting the steadying intensity of the strobelight my Soul Gem was emitting. "Let's just go kill this stupid thing already."

The bull said nothing in return.

I knew that I was being irrational. From an objective point of view, Sayaka was right - I couldn't blame myself for doing what I thought was the right thing, especially since everyone was still alive and… not well, but not spiraling. I hoped. But there was a difference between knowing and understanding, and it would take more than just the blueberry's efforts to get me past that point.

Resource collection came before that, though. For now, keeping a good stock of Grief Seeds in case of emergency was the most reliable way to stave off witchification. It obviously wasn't the best way, but the best way required the services of a licensed therapist who could raise their suspension of disbelief to levels that a chronic heroin addict would go "like, holy shit, dude" at, and those kinds of people were in exceedingly short supply. And the _better _best way involved the wish of a certain someone, and that was reserved for "Waluiginacht's shit-stomping everyone, we're all about to die and Homura's given up", which I'm sure I don't need to go into further detail on.

Ergo, the thing sitting inside the labyrinth that Sayaka and I were now standing in front of the entrance to needed to make like Krillin and get owned.

First order of business… "You've got your spare seeds, right?"

She wordlessly held up two in response.

"Good." A pair of flashes, and we were ready. "Here we go."

We hopped in, crossing the barrier between real and unreal once more.

Black and white greeted us when we stepped in. White in the sky, black on the ground, and practically no other colors to be seen anywhere. Examining our surroundings led to the discovery that we were standing on some kind of giant statue, and when I say 'giant' I mean the 'arms over half as wide as an interstate highway' kind of giant. Seriously, the thing was _huge. _This also conveniently gave us a lot of room to move around on, which was a blessing when I remembered the witch this labyrinth belonged to.

_Right, we're going up against the praying tree-grower. Ugh… that crap's gonna be a pain in the ass to dodge._

Speaking of which, squinting and gazing to the end of the arm we stood on the shoulder of revealed the tiny kneeling shadow of the witch, the distance between us nearly rendering her invisible. Before her, gripped in the hand of the massive statue's arm, was a similarly massive, stylized, blood red torch-esque object.

Further confirmation of our foe, not that it was needed anymore, was given when I looked back at Sayaka and discovered that she now appeared as little more than a silhouette with a faint blue outline and visible eyes. A quick glance down at my arm told me I'd been given the same treatment, except my faint outline was more of a silver color. A little unnecessary, considering that it was all but indistinguishable against the white sky, but I wasn't really in a position to question the aesthetic choices of eldritch abominations birthed from the souls of the innocent.

_Yep, this is Rio Jesus Girl's labyrinth all right. Okay…_

At the moment, our only real course of action was to advance.

"You wanna take point, or…?"

"Yeah," the bull answered while starting forward. "I'll go first."

I nodded, moving to follow. "Right."

It didn't take long until the first few familiars took notice of our presence. Tendrils of inky blackness capped by the shadowy heads of what looked like rabid dogs sprung out of the ground, streaking towards us with nary an attempt to mask their intent of tearing us to pieces.

They were also fast. Faster than most of the things I'd fought so far. Sayaka and I only had a scant few seconds to react to their appearance before they came into striking range.

Luckily, a few seconds was all we needed to prepare.

We met their charge head-on, smashing into their lines like a wrecking ball. For all the speed, maneuverability, and advantage in numbers that they possessed, they really weren't that tough in any other way. One mildly strong swing of either of our blades was enough to completely sever a tendril, and their tendency to group together often meant that a single swing meant the end of multiple foes.

Our defenses were nothing to scoff at, too. When our weapons weren't cutting, they were blocking, deflecting, and stopping. Hardly any of the many, many heads that attempted to bite or gnaw on our flesh actually succeeded, and even when they did, Sayaka was quick to patch up the nigh-insignificant results of the endeavor.

I have to say, for a pair of relative newbies to this crapsack job, we sure as hell looked the part of bona-fide badasses.

It didn't take long for us to clean up the leftovers of the first wave. Once the last familiar went down, I took a moment of respite, swinging my sword up and over my shoulders to hover an inch off my back, not unlike the inexplicable method used by countless video game characters to keep their giant weapons sheathed.

_Figuring out how to pull that trick off was so totally worth it. Eat your Buster Sword out, Cloud Strife._

"You holding up alright?" I asked, stretching a bit.

"Fine," she assured me while rolling her sword-arm backwards. "What about you?"

Looking down, I appraised the cross-shaped gem sewn into my chest. Despite the rest of us being completely cloaked in black, our souls were as colorful as ever. "Good to go." Eyes going back up, I found the far-off form of the witch again. "Still got a lot of ground to cover."

"Yeah." Puffing out a breath, she marched once more. "Just gotta keep moving forward."

_...never would've expected her to grow up as fast as she did. There's no way she's really this stable… is there?_

The question burned away in the back of my mind as we cleaved ourselves an ink-stained path across the massive arm towards our quarry, granting no quarter to the countless number of drooling shadow tentacle hounds we felled. The first wave proved to be the start of a pattern in which we would tear our way through the obstacles and wreak havoc while suffering only minor to superfluous injuries, which Sayaka continued to prove watchful for in healing whenever our own natural recovery factor wasn't quite fast enough.

By the time we finally approached our target, we looked no worse for wear, with the journey being surprisingly cheap in terms of gem corruption cost. At a glance, in fact, you could be forgiven for thinking that it hadn't cost any grief at all. Or, at least for me. It was a bit more noticeable on Sayaka, owing to how she had to actually use her powers on occasion. One-and-done familiars like these weren't exactly vision-worthy, after all.

Except for that one ambush. But even then, all that was needed for that was a quick three-second-long flash.

That lack of cost was about to change, though. From what I remembered of the bull's fight with this witch in particular, it wasn't one to be taken lightly. The frankly ridiculous rate at which it could spawn tree wood would make actually getting within striking distance a complete chore, and if either one of us was caught and bound within in the growth itself, we'd be incapacitated until the other broke us out. If _both_ of us were caught… well, I'm sure you know what that would mean.

"There she is," I muttered as we walked up to the praying silhouette. The red torch gripped in the hand of the titan that served as our battleground towered over us, and I would say it cast a shadow over the field if not for how said ground was already black as night.

"Huh. That's really the witch?" There was something resembling disappointment in Sayaka's tone. "I thought it'd be… I dunno, bigger?"

My finger came up. "Big things come in small packages. You know that, right, miss Shonen?"

"Yeah, yeah, I know," she affirmed. "It just… it kinda takes away from the gravity of the whole thing, y'know? Messes with the sense of scale that it should have and stuff like that." Her hands lazily waved around, gesticulating in an attempt to provide a vague illustration of her point. "I mean, these are supposed to be the big boss fights, right? So why are we getting _this,_" she motioned to the witch, "instead of…" she paused, before indicating the big red torch our foe was kneeling to, "I dunno, _that?_"

The mini-rant earned a flat stare from me. "Because the universe loves to subvert expectations and laugh at our subsequent misfortune." One hand pulled my blade out while the other pointed at the witch. "Now please stop trying to jinx us and help me stab the damn thing."

The passing of two seconds had me dodging a sudden thrust from a pole of wood erupting from our enemy that I'd seen in a vision. A third second saw me flying backward from another pole of wood that had anticipated my trajectory and nailed me in the gut.

Sayaka managed to react to her own shaft in the nick of time, splitting it down the middle and dashing forward. She was met by many more shafts, stopping her in her tracks and sending her in the opposite direction when she was forced to block.

Upon our recovery from the unwanted airtime, we regrouped and braced ourselves.

'_Okay,_' I heard in my mind, '_Poison Ivy. Except she only does trees and it's on steroids._' We made to run in opposite directions to dodge a log grown at us. '_Any ideas?_'

'_Well…_' Leaping onto a larger, more squarish extension that had attempted to bludgeon me, I shot forward. Spikes of wood were sent in kind, aiming to pierce and pin my flesh. '_Trying to turtle or play defensively in any way will get us nowhere. She'll just keep pushing us back and we'll never be able to do any meaningful damage._' The sheer number of natural needles proved too much to effectively guard against, and I dropped off my platform. '_Our only real option is an all-out assault. It's our cutting power versus her growth speed. Whichever is higher will determine who walks away from this fight._'

A blue missile screamed over my head, colliding with a hastily-spawned spire that was diced up in short order, at the cost of the missile's momentum. '_Gotcha. I've been meaning to work on my chainsaw impression._'

The witch attempted to strike as Sayaka was falling, only to find her weapons neutralized by a stream of silver energy slashes. Dashing to her projected landing point, I wound up and notified her of what I was about to do, adjusting my grip to face the edges of my sword away from the enemy.

'_Batter up!_'

She curled up in response, while I waited as she continued to fall, until-

_Now!_

I swung the blade, the flat of it making contact with the soles of my partner's footwear. In that instant, her legs sprang out, the combination of forces launching her towards the witch like a bullet from one of Homura's armaments, blades in hand.

Our enemy countered the same way it did before, this time using a much thicker spire. It was turned to sawdust even quicker than the last, posing no threat whatsoever to the unstoppable whirlwind of steel that Sayaka had become. It was chewed up so quickly, in fact, that the witch was left defenseless- and the blue bull was all too willing to take advantage of that.

Two falchions impaled the prostrating silhouette, nailing it to the ground. The girl responsible smirked. "Hah! Eat that, you stupid-"

She choked on the rest of her insult when the witch returned the favor, two wooden stakes punching right through her torso before what might as well have been a blocky oaken fist _slammed_ into her chest hard enough to send her rocketing upward. The sight was enough to elicit an involuntary wince on my part.

Thankfully, it didn't stop me from vetoing the enemy's attempt to capitalize on Sayaka's beaten form. A smart application of laser blade tended to be very effective against that kind of thing. Unfortunately, it left me unable to soften her landing, and it wasn't a pretty sight.

I deigned to make a fighting tactical retreat, and moved to support my ally. Picking her up off the ground when I had the chance, I assessed the damage, and felt my expression twist into a grimace.

"Ooh." Yep, she'd definitely been stabbed. "That, uh, looks pretty painful."

She coughed up red in response. "_No shit._"

I blinked as her wounds began to glow blue. "Well. I see someone's pissed."

"What gave you the idea, Sherlock?" Steadying herself on her own as her flesh knitted itself back together, she spat out a globule of blood, wiping her mouth to clear the rest off.

"Call it a hunch." Any trace that she'd been injured was now gone. "Now, how about we go get even?"

A new sword flared to life in her hands. "_With pleasure._"

Sayaka exploded into motion, zipping towards her repeat offender. I brought up the rear at a more sedate pace, taking care to keep my eyes on the prize while mitigating the number of attacks coming our way as best I could. We were often forced to avoid the larger bars of branch grown in our direction, the witch attempting to divide us and place us in a disadvantageous position so it could pick us off easier. Easier, of course, being a relative term, or perhaps even straight-up incorrect considering that it just let us attack from different sides.

Regardless, the fight continued at an unfortunately neutral pace. Despite our best efforts, we couldn't quite manage to break through everything our foe could muster up to defend itself at any given moment, and it couldn't quite manage to slip anything worthwhile past our own defenses. This was a decidedly bad thing - not just because the damn thing wasn't dying, but also because of the slow, steady drain our Soul Gems were suffering owing to the magic we were expending to continue our efforts.

_Damn it, we're at a stalemate. We've got seeds, but today's hunt will be considered a failure if we don't end with a net gain to our stock._

My battle buddy was evidently of the same mind. '_This isn't working. It grows wood faster than we can cut it._' As if to prove her point, another of her many charges was stopped and pushed back. '_We're gonna need a better plan._'

'_One of us could try jumping over it so we can attack from both sides?_' Splitting its attention hadn't really made much of a difference so far, but maybe hitting it from opposite ends could change that? '_...mmm, nah, probably not. It'd definitely try to stop us from crossing it up, and whoever went would have barely any room to move._'

'_Ugh,_' was the dissatisfied response I got. '_Any other ideas?_'

A groan left my lips as I was forced to retreat again. '_Other than "keep hitting it as hard as you can", not really. We don't exactly have a lot of options to pull from._'

'_Oh, for the love of…!_' Leaping up out of the path of another big rod, Sayaka attempted to slip a pair of thrown swords into the witch's guard, only for them to bury themselves in a protective plank shield. '_Let us in, you second-rate shadow puppet!_'

I made the decision to emulate her strategy, jumping to get a better angle of attack and firing off a lance of light at our target. Alas, it met not silhouette, but wood, drilling into a larger log-shaped growth and fraying it like the end of an old rope. Sad, but expected.

What was not expected was when the frayed tendrils, for lack of a better word, kept going and assaulted me.

_...okay, now that's just evil._

The need to defend myself overpowered my surprise in no time, and I proceeded to do so. Undaunted by my attempts to repel them, though, they wrapped themselves around me and yanked me in. More witch-growth came into view, and by now it was obvious that I was about to be given the cocoon treatment.

'_AUDREY!_' Much to poor Sayaka's horror.

All of a sudden, however, the sounds of several explosions going off all at once rang out. The wooden wires restraining my form subsequently became all too easy to splinter with brute strength, and I blasted my way out of the would-be prison, dropping to the ground and wondering what the hell had just happened.

The answer came in the form of a voice behind me. "You have to overload it. Give it something that it can't ignore, then strike while its efforts are focused elsewhere." The voice's source walked into my field of view, turning purple eyes onto me as she flipped those unrealistically perfect black locks of hers. "Either that, or simply hit it hard enough."

"Right, yeah, of course," I groused as my own eyes rolled. "It's totally not like that's exactly what we've been trying to do for the past, I don't know, _five minutes?_"

She kept staring that dead stare of hers. "Try harder, then."

I felt some part of my face twitch before the resident blueberry landed next to us to remind us that yes, she was still here. "Wait, transf- Homura?!"

The stare was focused on her now. "Hello."

For a moment, Sayaka was at a loss for words, looking to me, then my savior, then back again. Then she noticed another wood barb heading towards her, and turned to split it in half. "Never mind, now's not the time. I'm guessing you're here to help?"

"Not necessarily," was the reply. "I'm just here to make sure nobody gets killed."

I stepped in front, batting away the offending intrusive branches so the bull could give Homura a look. "...isn't that kinda the same thing, though?"

She elected not to respond verbally, instead attempting to bore a hole into Sayaka's soul with her stare. For my part, I kept up the denial zone, refusing to let any of the witch's attacks through.

This continued until my fellow swordie shook her head with an exasperated breath. "Ah, whatever. As long as you're not trying to kill me, you can do what you want."

"Like, say, dodge," I noted.

She blinked, turning her head in my direction and causing her to completely miss the moment when Homura suddenly wasn't standing next to her anymore. "What?"

"DOOODGE!" About-facing, I grabbed the Sayaka and jumped, narrowly avoiding a particularly massive lump of aggressive wood.

The black-haired girl received an unamused half-glare when I touched down next to her, my package taking a bit to stumble and regain her footing. "I didn't see a whole lot of helping going on there, Homu."

"There was no need to," she stated airily. "You didn't get hurt, did you?"

"Not the point, damn it…" Pinching the bridge of my nose, I let out a sigh. "Well, either way, we still have to kill this thing."

Sayaka, now recovered, stepped up. "You didn't happen to come up with any better ideas in the last thirty seconds, right?"

I took a moment to think, considering Homura's little tip. "Actually… I think I might have something." I began walking forward, tensing up. "When I give you a signal, run straight for the witch."

The paladin's reply was slightly uneasy. "...what kind of signal? What are you gonna do?"

My head twisted, shooting her a grin. "You'll see. Now get ready."

She hesitated briefly, before nodding and slowly advancing, Homura doing the same.

I hunched forward, legs bent, and took a deep breath.

_And here, we… __**go.**_

Taking off, I blew past both my comrades towards the enemy, weapon trailing behind me.

Airborne roots shot forth, intending to skewer me and perhaps serve me up for lunch. This time, I didn't bother trying to block, focusing instead on avoiding the hits, and keeping my speed up.

When the witch once again tried to hit me with another one of its big logs, I made my move. Crouching down for a second, I sprang into the air, transitioning my horizontal momentum into a more vertical sort. As I did so, I lifted my sword up over my head, letting it split and release the energy blade. Then I extended it.

And extended it again.

And extended it some more.

By the time I deemed it large enough, it was a veritable beacon, shining bright silver over all its ridiculous length for all of the three-odd people in the labyrinth to see.

Then, when I felt myself losing altitude, I brought it down. Hard.

The witch, as to be expected of one so stubborn in its refusal to give up the ghost, was quick to set up a multilayered shield of bark. I could've sworn the false world we were inside shook as the gigantic sword impacted it.

Unsurprisingly, the barrier was holding. More and more reinforcement was piled on as fast as the witch could create it, which was pretty fast, mind you. We were once again locked in a stalemate, only this time the drain on my magic reserves was very pronounced and about ten times as dangerous.

Or, we would be locked in a stalemate, if it weren't for the fact that I wasn't alone.

'_Go!_'

In an instant, our enemy found itself besieged on two more fronts. From one end came swords, and the other, bullets.

To the fallen contractor's credit, it did try to defend itself from the three-pronged assault with more shields when it realized where it was getting hit from, and actually succeeded. For all of five seconds.

A rocket-propelled grenade obliterated one shield. The second was destroyed by a blade thrown especially hard.

The final shield, holding my Unstoppable Giant Fuck-You Laser Sword of Doom back continued to resist for a few more moments, before finally snapping under all the force.

And Elsa Maria was no more.

The labyrinth was already beginning to fade when I touched ground again, warping and twisting back into the landscape of the entrance's surroundings. Powering down my weapon and slinging it on my back again, I was soon joined by my comrades, Sayaka holding up the fruits of our labor.

"Woo, boy!" They - or at least Sayaka - also happened to be pretty pumped. "What a way to bring that move back! That was _awesome, _Audrey!"

"I think you meant 'costly'," I corrected, 'but awesome works too, I guess." They were technically both correct.

Homura was decidedly less enthusiastic. "You left yourself open, but I suppose that doesn't matter now. In any case, the seed is yours."

It was then that another new arrival announced her presence. "Sayaka! Audrey! Are you okay?!"

"What the-?" Turning around, I was greeted by the visage of none other than… "_Madoka?_"

_Why in the world is she…_

My thoughts were cut off when I noticed the local time traveler's expression take on a hint of fond tiredness.

'_...oh, now I get it,_' I broadcast to her. '_You couldn't say no, could you?_'

A sigh echoed in my head. '_Denying her when she gets like this never works. All I can do for the moment is make sure no harm comes to her. Physical or mental._'

_Yep, called it._

'_Well, for what it's worth, I think you're doing a bang-up job._' Ignoring the fact that this was her… 96th loop? 97th...? Look, the point is, she was trying her best. '_Really. I wouldn't trust anyone else with her safety._'

I thought I saw her eyes widen for an instant as she glanced at me, before she turned away. When she did, I got the faint feeling of an air of sadness falling around her.

To this, I shook my head, and put my focus back on Madoka. I wouldn't be solving that issue with any rousing speech. Not until I took care of my own, anyway. A hypocrite I might have been, but even I could tell that attempting to tackle that particular problem while suffering from it myself was likely not the best idea.

(This was ignoring the fact that I had basically done exactly that when dealing with Mami's situation, but I never claimed to have an eidetic memory. Or even a competent one.)

I was about to interject in the conversation concerning something about safety and a certain blueberry's notorious lack of caution when my ears informed me of a noise coming from a little ways up.

It sounded like… a slow clap?

"Well, aren't you three just the _perfect _little dream team?"

Everyone stopped in their tracks, attention swiveling to the source of what we'd just heard. Right on time to catch the landing of one fiery lancer.

"Hope ya don't mind if I crash this party ya got goin' here," Kyoko called. "But I got some unfinished business I need to take care of."

Her spear was raised, coming up to point at Sayaka. "With her in particular."

* * *

**A/N: I think I'll call it here. You've gone long enough without an update, and today's a bit of a special day.**

**On this date, exactly 365 days ago, I published the very first chapter of DMMA. In the months since, I've procrastinated to an embarrassing degree and still managed to push out seventeen more. **

**I've written fics before, but this one is a bit more special to me. This is the first story of mine that I've actually taken 'seriously', at least in comparison to what I'd published before, and pursued doggedly. Of course, as you all know, that six-day update schedule didn't last very long, and I sincerely apologize to anyone who expected it to stick.**

**For those of you who have stayed with this story for this past year… the only thing I can really say is 'thank you'. This project may have been started purely to sate my self-interest, and it still is, but knowing that there are people out there who read what I write, and not just that, but **_**enjoy it… **_**well, it's a very unique feeling. I hope you're willing to keep going and see this through to the end, because I know I am.**

**Looking back on the earlier chapters of this story, however, has given me the impression that they need more. Sure, everyone knows that the first few chapters of any given fanfiction are expected to be rough, but even still, I feel like I need to improve them, especially some of the dialogue and plot progression. (Binging stuff written by authors who actually know what they're doing tends to do that.) So, it is my pleasure to announce my plan to provide rewrites of earlier chapters with each new chapter of DMMA that I publish in the future, until such a time that I deem them up-to-code. If all goes well, by the time you've finished this chapter, chapter 2 will be sporting an entirely new introductory scene - one which contains an actual description of Audrey's appearance outside of just her preferred clothing.**

**Now I know you're probably getting tired of me praising the same person over and over again, but I cannot stress enough that this story wouldn't be where it is if not for the invaluable counsel of DestructionDragon360. Without her, this tale would be completely unrecognizable, and likely worse off for it. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that this is just as much her work as it is mine - though that might just be my nonexistent self esteem talking there. Regardless, hats off to you, DD, and everyone else who has taken valuable time out of their schedule to grant me the gift of constructive criticism.**

**But anyway, that's the end of this chapter. Next time, we'll get to see just what Kyoko happens to want with our beloved blueberry, and perhaps some more insight on Audrey's apparent agency conflict.**

**Until then!**


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